


Wherever You Are

by jkerr



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Adorable Pups, Alpha Clarke Griffin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Babies, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Clexa endgame? Travel this journey with me. xo, Denial, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, G!P Clarke Griffin, Gen, Jealous Clarke Griffin, Jealous Lexa (The 100), Lovers once more?, Major Character Death BUT Reincarnation, Mating, More than 1 story arc, Mountain Men (The 100) - Freeform, Omega Lexa (The 100), Pining Clarke Griffin, Pining Lexa (The 100), Pining Wolves, Prophesy, Pup Clarke, Pup Lexa, Reapers, Reincarnation, Rutting, Sad Lexa (The 100), Selfless Clarke Griffin, Shy clarke, Slow burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa (Partly?), Smut, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Underage Sex, Wars, lots and lots of flashbacks, prime alpha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 143,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21732283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jkerr/pseuds/jkerr
Summary: When Skaikru landed, war brought together 12 proud, clashing Clans. But two pups, Clarke and Lexa, born from the leaders of the opposing camps met in the woods when Lexa was lost and Clarke came to the rescue. They became instant best friends. And innocently and unwittingly ended the war together in the same day they met.Years later, the pups became childhood sweethearts. Their souls, bound by the Fates. But when Clarke unintentionally revealed herself to be the much-awaited Prime Alpha, the second prophecy—the Great War—was bound to happen soon. When the War was thought to have finally ended, they lost the Prime Alpha. But life had to go on, and everyone had to live with the loss.Fast forward almost 8 years later, they met a pup—the spitting image of the one they lost. Death was not the end after all.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin, Anya/Raven Reyes, Becca/Gustus (The 100), Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Costia/Lexa (The 100), Indra/Nyko (The 100), Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 479
Kudos: 799





	1. I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is my second fanfic. But my first ABO. AND I've got some human-wolf traits/practices/beliefs here that are original and aren't similar to those from other ABO fics.  
>  Warn you, there's more than 1 story arc, so there will be flashbacks (majority of which is chronological in order.)  
>  FYI: You'll notice the first 20 chapters are very brief because I updated daily before, and when my updates took longer I opted to write them longer.
> 
> This fic contains one underage smut. There will be a synopsis in the chapter summary for this so you can skip reading the chapter if you don't want to.  
>  And also, there's a big age gap (13 years) between two important characters, and it's been arranged in that way for the plot. (Had to find a good balance for this)   
>  So if any of these things bother you, thanks for stopping by! (Not saying in a sarcastic way. Sarcasm is _not_ my strongest suit.)
> 
> This is not betaed too, and I'm doing my best to revise as many mistakes as I can find.
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> Update 12/16/19:  
>  So there is this song that I loved as a teenager.  
>  Halfway through writing this story, I was reminded of the song especially as they share the same title.  
>  And hearing it now again, I realize how fitting it is to my story. So I just wanted to share it with you guys... for the feels.
> 
> [Wherever You Are](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okCxpFcH_HQ) by South Border
> 
> Update: Newbie ALERT--I just got myself a Tumblr acc: https://jdkerr.tumblr.com/  
>  I'm on insta too: @ailaikjkerr  
>  Any questions, in need to talk to someone, rant or banter, etc. feel free

-i-

Nights like this had always been something she craved. The moon was full yet partially hidden behind a soft short stroke of dark bluish grey cloud, moving ever so slowly across it. And the skies, though not fully adorned with its usual twinklers, were still as beautiful as ever with the little stars that did grace the night. The cool breeze was gentle. And the night… the perfect set-up for a brief forlorn remembrance.

“I miss you, my love…” Lexa whispered into the night. Hoping wherever she was, whether it’d be by Skaikru belief, Grounder superstition, or the old world’s religious beliefs, no matter how many there were, she could only hope that she hears her. That she heard her every second of every day.

With a trembling sigh, just as Lexa had done in the nights before for 15 long years, she backed away from her balcony and turned to move to her bed. Only to stop in her tracks when she caught her mate already staring back at her, with that knowing look she had on for the past 11 years they had been together. And just like most nights, without uttering a single word, her mate just pulled away the fur covers to allow Lexa to get into bed with her.

They do not snuggle. They barely touch each other. They simply live out the roles as mates; as an Omega and as an Alpha. Only this one was simply her mate. _She is not her. She is not her Alpha._

And her mate knew it.

As soon as the light struck their bedroom, Lexa’s primary lifetime role begins.

“Heda, may we come in?” A voice from behind closed double doors ended the night’s silence as it always had ever since she became the commander at 13.

Suppressing a groan, Lexa sat up to shake off the last of her body’s protests at ending its slumber. “Enter.”

And with that, her day has officially begun. Her bedchamber and bath maids flurried in her room; preparing their baths, their clothes; making the mates look presentable before they were faced with their daily duties.

Over the years, the dullness still hadn’t numbed them. She and her mate just had to silently go through one of the most mundane parts of their day. However, everything else was just enough to give them a reason to wake up the next day and do almost the same things all over again.

For Lexa, it’s when she trained, sparred, and spent time with her family, friends, and her people that brightened her days. She had constant support from them, owing to the fact that they had all been close together growing up. _And that they suffered the same loss together._

_Is everyone else going through the same things I do?_

_Do they miss her every single second like I do?_

_Are they even still in pain like I am?_

Lexa’s usual morning musings were cut off when her mate cleared her throat.

“Lex, I will come by and check on you in the afternoon before I leave. Will you be here or at Marcus’s?”

“I’ll probably be at Marcus’s, Cos. I need to visit now. They keep insisting I’ve been avoiding them,” Lexa answered with a playful roll of her eyes.

Costia sighed. “I know. And you did not hear it from me but it was Anya feeding them those ideas.”

As if she didn’t expect it, Lexa scoffed. “I knew it. I’ve been telling her to stop listening to Raven and her odd conspiracy theories. And now, she’s thinking like her mate.”

Costia laughed at that one. “That’s cause it’s probably how it should be, mates eventually thinking alike.”

And just like that, the awkwardness between them for the day has started. But before it grew worse, Costia cleared her throat again. “So, 2 weeks… I’m sure you’ll miss me and will want a gift on my return. What will it be?” Costia raised her eyebrows to tease her Omega.

“Ugh… Just you in one piece is more than enough for me, please,” Lexa answered honestly. After all, 11 years of being mates, 11 years of friendship, Lexa did grow to love her. She just wonders sometimes if it’s the same kind of love any other mates shared. _But she’s positive it’s not._

“Alright, I promise.” Costia smiled shyly before she got up from the table after finishing the last bite of her breakfast. “I will go make sure the scouts are ready as well. I’ll see you later?”

Lexa nodded and watched as Costia made her way out the door.

_It’s just not the same dreadful feeling when it was **her** who was saying goodbye._


	2. Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally visits her family and hears unexpected news.

-ii-

“Heda has finally graced us with her presence!” Marcus announced when he opened the door to a Lexa shaking her head in amused disapproval.

“I blame Anya, and in turn, Raven for always feeding you false information,” Lexa announced as well, hearing a loud gasp and an unintelligible grumbling at the same time somewhere in the room before the others erupted into uninhibited laughter.

“Always a joy to have you join us, Lex,” Marcus said as soon as his laughter died down.

“And why are we seeing less and less of you, my dear?” Abby came forward giving Lexa a warm embrace. Lexa’s muscle memory immediately caused her to hug Abby back in a similar fashion.

“The usual, just busy.” Lexa shrugged.

“Busy enough to see less of your mother too?” Becca followed and hugged her daughter as well.

Lexa playfully rolled her eyes. “You saw me yesterday, Nomon.”

“Well, _I_ didn’t, so it was me you were trying to avoid then?” Her father, Gustus, walked towards them and wrapped an arm across his mate's back before giving his daughter a brief nod.

“Ugh, I haven’t even been here for 5 minutes and already I’m being interrogated. Will you feed me first before I start answering questions? Once I am full, I will start admitting who it was I’ve been avoiding.” Lexa tried to shove her way out of her family’s crowding towards the dining table.

They all just laughed at her attempt at being indignant. It was a pleasure having this within the confines of Kane's home, or anywhere else they were all gathered together. It's the only ever time Lexa would allow herself to be seen as herself and not as the leader of their nation.

After dinner, they all enjoyed some friendly banter; talks about the future; talks about family, pups, and friends, anything that did not involve the coalition. Times like this were always meant for them to get away from duty for a while and focus on family.

“There’s actually something we’ve been meaning to discuss with everyone and now that we’re all here together, I think it’s best to just let you all know,” Abby announced a bit hesitantly as she shared a look with her husband.

Everyone remained silent, waiting for whatever news they were going to say. The suspense grew thicker by the second. It wasn’t always that the Skaikru leaders had an announcement to make during family gatherings.

“We’ve heard from Shenan’s brother 2 days ago, and apparently, Shenan’s youngest child has been ill for a couple of days now. So he and Aryan are going to be here in a day or two to have their son examined.”

Abby looked around, obviously expecting the immediate question that came to mind so she answered before they could even ask, “I don’t know if she will join them which is why I wanted to warn everyone just in case.”

And with that, a flurry of emotional outbursts and questions were flung all over the room. Directing them at Abby and Jake even though deep down they knew the Griffins were just as answerless as they were.

Before the pheromones could really suffocate everyone, Lincoln, Maya, Monty, and Luna silently walked to the windows and opened them.

Lexa’s clearing of the throat instantly stopped everyone. Heda’s commanding presence still has that effect on them too. No matter how much of a family member Lexa was.

“Abby, this was 2 days ago, why are we only just told?” Lexa calmly began her own inquisitions but deep down she was just as frantic as everyone else.

“At first we realized she might not even be with them. And then denial set in on us,” Jake paused looking guilty, “we didn’t want to think anything of it and expect, until after we see them. _Until after we see her_. But we realized it would be unfair to all of you that we were anticipating this while you are just left speechless if she actually did show up.” Both Griffins had their heads down.

“We’re sorry,” Abby added.

Nobody said a word. All of them were letting the possibility of seeing her again sink in. It was all too quiet but the pheromones of mixed emotions were still continuously pumped out, reminding them that the lack of sound did not mean the absence of others.

It was clear that gears were running in their heads. They’re just unsure how to acknowledge and approach this news.

“We all knew that we were just blinded by our grief, emotions, and the coincidences. I mean, we allowed ourselves to consider and believe with all our being, the most impossible thing to happen just so we don’t fall into despair. But look how that ended. At least we did the right thing and let her go. And besides, she might not even look like her anymore,” Octavia nonchalantly chimed in, trying to rein in the spike of her excitement and bury it for now.

“And what do we do then... If she still looks like her?” Lexa questioned in a whisper but everyone was just silent.

Nobody knew how they will be once they were faced with her again. They were just as speechless, enraged, and emotional the first time. The whole city was fogging with random pheromones because of the mixed emotions evoked by the memory of the loss of one very dear to all of them.

“Tell me, what do we do if she still looks like _Clarke?”_ Lexa softly clarified her previous question, not just for everyone but for herself too; to tether herself to her family and friends, and not fall into an unknown path once more.

But nobody answered. Nobody just knew.


	3. The Old and New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before the beginning.

-iii-

* * *

**24 years ago**

* * *

A loud thump on the table was Gustus’s show of exasperation at the news.

“What do you mean they can’t be found? Surely, two old fools whose homes are being terrorized should be here by now!” Gustus roared at the newly-arrived, trembling scouts.

“Gustus, calm down. The Elders come when they know they are needed. It is pointless to seek them out,” Sakar kom Trishanakru _[Glowing Forest]_ spoke from where he sat.

The round table of twelve clan chiefs ranted their own frustrations at the turn of events. They'd hoped the Elders would come to their aid.

A group of newcomers they called Skaikru _[Sky people]_ landed in a ginormous metal contraption that had effectively burned down several villages of not just Trikru _[Tree people]_ but the other clans' villages as well.

Clans have never banded before. The only form of unity they had was the mother tongue they shared.

There were trade routes, but there was also pride.

When the old world ended almost a century ago because of nuclear war, only one group of human species had survived. As the human-wolves were first exposed to the radiation, it had only taken them a few minutes to succumb to the burning pain before their bodies instantly adapted to the irradiated environment, allowing them to roam earth freely.

But they watched pure humans cry out in pain, begging for help. They witnessed the world burning and crumbling down to pieces.

The last inhabitants of earth had to start over and work without the technology they were used to. In the beginning, only a few animals and plants survived, and it became a survival of the fittest. The fragile and ill were left to die. Some groups succumbed to cannibalism. And almost all of them settled into numerous civil wars to fight for the last remaining resources.

Until three decades later, vegetation started to bloom again. And as the animals that had gone into hiding were subjected to the natural selection processes, they eventually repopulated with proper domestication and constant monitoring. 

Once the last of their desperation died, the clans banded to themselves and discussed rules that will allow them to stop the butchery with other clans.

_Overkill of the animals was prohibited._

_If blood was drawn, they may wage war against each other._

_Trade routes were established. Alliances may be forged—if they were willing._

But the hurt in their ego for all their losses remained. The families and friends they lost to the constant wars, the desperation, the greed, and the pain were all deeply rooted within their inner wolves that they had been kept on their toes for decades to come.

The pride they had kept them apart. And they never truly banded together until the day Skaikru invited themselves unwelcomingly into their lands.

As soon as the clans saw the falling ship of Skaikru, they did not know what to think of it. They simply gazed in amazement at this form of sorcery before their very eyes.

 _"Have the gods come down to visit us?"_ Was the question they all heard from co-spectators to their left and right.

But the gods they thought that graced them that night, shot balls of fire into their homes. A total of 7 villages were burned to the ground, and hundreds of acres of land from around the clans were subjected to wildfire. A total of 274 lives were lost that night.

When the sun rose, the Sky people braced themselves, opened the doors, and spread out in joy and amazement as they breathed in true air. But minutes later, hundreds of arrows fell upon them as warriors from every direction surged forward.

It had taken the Sky people a few minutes before they realized what was going on and retreated back into the Ark. A single lever that would close all doors was pushed up, and those who were not able to make it back in were the latest victims of their attacker's swords.

The warriors waited them out, knowing at one point they would exit again.

It took two days before the Sky people finalized their plan. Their guards were all sent up to the top where no one from the ground could see them, and then all at once, Molotov cocktails were thrown where the warriors camped. And as soon as the rugged warriors started fleeing, the guards shot everyone with their guns.

Once they had cleared the coast, they quickly set up fences and towers around the Ark that electrocuted any intruder. And if they could even somehow pass through that, they would have alarmed the sentinels, having bullets kill them instead.

The technological weapon of the Sky people frustrated the clans and for months, their numbers had diminished significantly. And seeing as several villages retreated, the Sky people extended a second outer fence that allowed them access to better resources, much to the frustration of Gustus as the Sky people did settle within his territory.

It was clear to the clans how powerful their enemy was, and now, how wrong they might have been at starting a war against them as soon as they got out without so much as a declaration of war.

“I really believe it is high time that we begin a truce with them. I know we do not trust each other but it is our best hope,” The clan chief of Floukru _[Boat people]_ voiced out.

It got everyone thinking. And though Gustus still wanted blood, he, too, had to think about this other path that he had never considered before.

“Gustus! Gustus!” a frantic voice from outside the chiefs’ main tent called.

“Let her in,” Gustus announced when he heard his Omega.

“Gustus, it’s Lexa! She’s missing!” Becca wailed to her husband.

His anger seeped out again; an Alpha's red eyes glowed as he growled, loud and mighty.


	4. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beggining.

-iv-

* * *

**24 years ago**

* * *

“Are you sure about this, Bellamy?” Clarke drawled as she walked behind Raven and Octavia.

As a six-year-old pup, Clarke Griffin had always been a cautious child despite her constant sparks of curiosity. She enjoyed adventures too that’s why she instantly agreed to tag along with her friends. But as the Alpha that she was and a highborn, being the daughter of both the Chief of Medicine and the Chief of Engineering, she was constantly looked after by everyone around her. It was always instilled in her mind how important she was, especially now that her father became the leader of their people when Jaha was deemed incapable to take up leadership due to his bloodlust.

When the second fence went up, the council had already agreed that the bloodshed should cease to exist. The second fence alone was heavily debated, trying to decide how much land they should take as they had already taken a lot from the original fence.

But Jaha wanted more, wanted more blood for the people they lost on that first day they stepped on land. He was the one that raised the lever, leaving more than 200 of their people outside to fend for themselves, if they were not yet killed on the first onslaught. During this retreat, his ego had been badly bruised.

It was not obvious at first until the Chief of Arms, Marcus Kane, firmly held his ground when he deliberately announced in one of the council’s meetings that he will no longer bring in grounders for Jaha’s personal enjoyment. It surprised everyone as they had thought the prisoners were simply there for interrogation purposes or that the prisoners had trespassed into their forcibly-acquired-territory.

Arguments were raised and it was discovered that the prisoners were, in fact, captives for the sole purpose of Jaha’s hidden taste for torture.

After the council reviewed past military activities, it was made clear that their advances were not because of grounder hostility but their own. From there, a quick motion was declared that Jaha was unfit and unworthy of leadership. The whole 2000 Arkers voted and Jake Griffin won by a landslide.

In the 2 months that Jake was the leader, he had halted any military advances and simply retreated them back to their fences, much to Marcus’s relief. Despite Marcus being a soldier himself, he did not want to waste life especially after they landed and saw how different earth was to what they had learned from books when they were still in space. How destroyed and fragile the world was now. Majority believed the same, and they were all glad to be rid of Jaha as the main decision-maker.

Jake placed their prisoners under the care of Abby’s team and released them as soon as they were better. He also kept things quiet within their walls, wanting to show the grounders that they were trying not to be hostile anymore. And all their other means for peace were slowly underway when the grounders, too, had stopped any advancement. For two months, they were simply two oppositions at an unofficial cease-fire.

“We can do whatever the hell we want, Princess,” the twelve-year-old smugly answered from the head of the trek.

“Don’t worry Clarkey, we’ve been here many times before,” Octavia answered in front of her, as she, too, continued on with their little hike.

“Also, my dad’s men patrol here, Clarke, we're still very close to the second fence,” Miller added beside her.

“I guess…” Clarke mumbled as she fixed her backpack’s straps, trying to ease the tension on her shoulders.

It had been months since they landed and they were already growing accustomed to their environment. But Clarke and Octavia, being the youngest of the group, were still too enamored of the world around them. They were always the ones to get left behind whenever their teacher took them for a short field trip in class. Octavia enjoyed the insects and animals they see while Clarke always enjoyed the trees, rivers, and other landscapes she would draw when she got home.

This was what got Clarke to take a slower pace and end up at the back of the trek. Her sight was on an eagle soaring in the sky when she thought she was still walking behind her friends. She halted when she suddenly heard a soft cry from somewhere. She snapped her head back to her front and realized her friends were gone. She was about to call for them when she heard the crying again.

Fearing that something happened to her friends, she immediately ran and followed the sobbing sound. When it stopped, she started calling out to her friends. A small voice called back and asked for help. Although Clarke could not hear the words, she knew this person was hurt.

She continued running but as soon as she saw the river, she hesitated. They were warned about the creatures found within bodies of water. Creatures that were never in their books before. A _mutation_ is what her teacher had called it, from when the nuclear war happened.

But from where she stood, the crying was clearer. She knew she was closer, so Clarke pep talked herself into doing it.

“C’mon Clarke, you’re an Alpha. You are strong and brave just like daddy.” But before she crossed it, she put a stick down to test its depth. She wasn’t stupid enough to jump in immediately, especially because she didn't know how to swim.

Relieved how shallow it actually was, she still regretted the moment she jumped in. The extremely low temperature had an alarming effect on the thermoreceptors of her skin. _Stupid Clarke!_

Her teeth chattered but then she heard the child cry out louder this time, and she waded faster across. When she got out, she steadily weaved around the trees as the voice got nearer and nearer. She stopped when she was faced with a little girl sitting on the ground with her head to her hands and her knees pulled up to make herself smaller.

The brown-haired girl continued crying, apparently not noticing Clarke’s arrival. So Clarke squatted down in front of her and comforted her with her hand on the girl’s head.

“There, there, you are safe,” Clarke cooed, just as how her mother or father would whenever she cried.

The girl snapped her head up and looked into Clarke’s eyes before realizing the feeling of security enveloping around her. She immediately wrapped her small arms around Clarke’s neck, making the blonde fall slightly backward before regaining her balance.

“What’s your name?” Clarke asked as she continued to move her left hand up and down the girl’s head.

“Wexa,” the girl answered from her neck, muffling her voice a little.

“You’re okay, Wexa. Where are your parents?” Clarke asked when the girl moved slightly away from her and Clarke stood up.

“I dunno. Nomon _[mother]_ was at home, and Nontu _[father]_ was with his fwiends,” Wexa answered.

“It’s okay, Wexa, we’ll find them.” Clarke helped her up.

Clarke looked around. She knew now that she lost her friends and that she was also in big trouble. But she realized if she could sniff their way back, then they’ll be alright.

“What’s your name?” Wexa looked up at Clarke while she wiped her snot through her sleeves.

“Oh, I’m Clarke Gwiffin.”

“Klork, do you know how to go home?” Wexa asked with hopeful eyes, looking at Clarke like she was her protector.

Clarke, being the Alpha that she was, felt the need to protect the little brown-haired girl who she knew from scent was an Omega. She knew she cannot fail her new friend and that she will protect her at all costs. So she puffed out her chest before she answered, “I can sniff us back home, Wexa. Don’t you worry. I will protect you and keep you safe at all times.”

Wexa beamed at Clarke’s response and hugged her tightly around her waist, making Clarke feel more proud and protective of the little girl.

“Which station are you from?” Clarke asked.

“What’s a ‘tation?” Wexa’s brow furrowed, pulling away from Clarke’s waist.

“You know, are you from the farm station? Or Hydwa? Alpha? Mecha?” Clarke continued at every little shake of Wexa’s head.

“Then where are you from?” Clarke’s brows were now furrowed too.

“I’m fwom Polis, my nontu is the chief of Twiku,” Wexa answered.

It took a while for Clarke to assimilate Wexa’s response, and then it clicked in her head. “Are you a Gwounder?”

Wexa’s cute nose scrunched at the question, “What’s a gwounder?”

“You know, people who were born on Earth?” Clarke stomped her right foot as if to emphasize her question.

“I was not born here!” Wexa answered with as much righteous indignation her little being could muster. “I was born from my nomon.”

“What’s a nomon?” Clarke asked, still utterly confused about their whole conversation but very much determined to get to the bottom of things.

“My nomon, my mother.” Wexa scrunched her eyebrows, getting very confused now too.

“Your mother’s name is Nomon?” Clarke had heard her say that word earlier but she had to clarify.

“No, my mother is Becca. Mother is nomon.” Wexa was now looking at Clarke like she’s a branwoda _[fool]_. “You don’t have a nomon, Klork?” Wexa tilted her head.

It all made sense to Clarke then. _Wexa is a gwounder._

“Wexa, we are friends now, right?”

Wexa nodded.

“Okay, don’t be scared but I think my people and your people are fighting.” Clarke waited, gauging for Wexa’s response.

When she heard no answer, she continued, “Like boom boom boom.” Clarke made a firing gun action with her hands. “And kill. But my daddy is the weader now so we don’t want to fight with you anymore. So, now, we can be friends.”

Wexa was still confused but when she heard the word ‘friends’ she immediately lit up. “I want to be fwiends with you too, Klork!” Wexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and swung it around.

“Good.” Clarke smiled and looked at her reassuringly. “Now, I promise I will bring you back to your nomon. Let me just sniff you first and then we’ll get you home.”

After Clarke took a good amount of time sniffing Wexa’s head and the scent gland on her neck, they began their walk back to Wexa’s home. It was fairly easy for Clarke. From a young age, she was found to be a strong Alpha from her scent, strength, speed, growl, and other perks of a grown Alpha. Although they weren’t that powerful yet, they were for Clarke’s age. She was only two when everyone found out just how special she was.

She couldn’t fully manipulate her pheromones yet as that only happened when they presented at 15—when their full capabilities were unleashed. But as the years passed by, Clarke’s inherent Alpha strength had only gotten stronger, making her a spectacle to her people and even to her doctor-mother, who constantly monitored her and her Alpha’s development.

It was why, unbeknownst to her, she was always looked after. And why they had always tried to be a good role model to her even when she wasn't watching, so when she was older, she wouldn't get blinded by her power and abuse it.

Along the way back to Wexa’s home, they conversed animatedly. Worries of Clarke’s later punishment were out the window as she now had a grounder friend that could answer questions her parents and teachers couldn’t.

Clarke was glad she found Wexa and that they were friends now. She hoped, with her daddy as the leader, she could maintain this friendship. She just had so many questions for Wexa. And so far, she loved Wexa's company; Clarke felt so safe and happy with her.

They made stops along the way when Wexa got tired or hungry. Clarke offered all the food and water she brought on this hike to Wexa. She wanted to make sure the younger girl was comfortable and safe.

When it got darker, Clarke was beginning to realize how worried her parents must be, but she wasn’t too fazed about it. _She had to keep Wexa safe._

“Wexa, how’d you get lost out here anyway?”

“Ai sen in som, _[I hear something,]”_ a voice from out of nowhere said.

“What was that?” Clarke whispered, not understanding the language at all.

“Odon der! Ai ai op emo, _[Over there! I see them,]”_ another voice called.

“Hir! Hir! Hir! _[Here! Here! Here!]_ ” Clarke was surprised when Wexa started calling out for them.

Now faced with strangers, Clarke was beginning to understand what she had walked herself into. She feared that the fighting that happened between their people will put her in danger even if her daddy wanted peace.

In that moment of fear, she felt Wexa’s hand around hers. “Don’t worry, I will tell my nomon to bring you home too,” Wexa whispered and Clarke felt utter relief.

The people that found them carried them back to the grounders' territory. Although Clarke was terrified at first, she saw that Wexa was carried in the same fashion that she was, and she decided then that she was not being mistreated for being who she was.

In just a few minutes later, Clarke was surprised to see the numerous tents pitched everywhere. She was thrilled at the prospect that she was seeing, for the first time, a true grounder settlement.

 _People who were born on earth!_ _Maybe I can make some more friends!_ Clarke was very giddy at the idea.

Suddenly, she was brought inside a large tent and put down alongside Wexa. And a woman barged through a couple of large men and women with scary tattoos and clothes.

“LEXA!”

_Lexa?_

The lady scooped Lexa up and a large man walked towards them and hugged the two.

_They must be Lexa’s parents._

“Thank spirits!” Lexa’s mother exclaimed.

Clarke was fascinated with them and just continued to look up, waiting for Lexa to ask her parents to take her home.

“En chon ste disha strikon? _[And who is this little one?]”_ Lexa’s father looked down at Clarke and crouched to her level.

Clarke looked up at Lexa, wordlessly asking what her father was saying. Lexa was quick to understand and answered, “Nontu, that is Klork, she found me and took me home.”

Lexa tried to wiggle out of her mother’s arms to put her down. When she was on her feet, she immediately ran to Clarke’s side and hugged her waist.

Lexa’s mother crouched down this time too and cooed at the two with Lexa’s father.

“Os, gon dei de oso ouyon kiln yu our sonraun, strikon. _[Well, for that we owe you our life, little one.]_ ” Lexa’s father reached out for Clarke’s head to ruffle her golden locks, making Lexa giggle.

However, Clarke could only look down at Lexa to ask again what her father was saying.

“My nontu said, he owes you his life.”

That confused Lexa’s parents. The other people that were around them began to mumble. And one of them asked, “Is she wearing Skaikru clothes?”

Gasps traveled around the room, and pheromones were gradually emitted. Clarke was starting to get anxious but Lexa’s strong hold around her waist grounded her.

“Silence!” Lexa’s father roared, making Clarke back a few steps away from him but Lexa still followed with her firm hold on her.

“Pwease don’t hurt her, she’s my fwiend!” Lexa pleaded as tears danced in her eyes.

Clarke, although frightened as well, was brought back to Alpha mode when Lexa sobbed onto her jacket. With her hold tightening around Lexa, Clarke began stroking her hair.

“Lexa is my friend and I promised to bring her back home to her nomon. So, can I go home now too?” Clarke’s voice was quiet, obviously more terrified than she had ever been since she was brought inside.

That warmed Lexa’s mother’s heart, and she engulfed both girls in a warm hug. “Hush now, we’ll get you home, we promise.” Lexa’s mother looked up at her mate, seemingly glaring at him.

That seemed to calm both girls down, especially with Lexa’s mom releasing soothing pheromones. “My name is Becca, I am Lexa’s mother. What’s your name?” Becca asked as she stroked golden locks.

“My name is Clarke Gwiffin. My daddy is our weader now, and he said he wants peace. So I thought Lexa and I can be friends now.” Clarke shuddered throughout her answer.

At the name the girl said, the grounders understood that Clarke Griffin was the daughter of this man they called Jake Griffin. The man who had freed their grounder prisoners as soon as he became the Skaikru chief. The man, most of the clan chiefs had mentioned in their war meetings, they needed to talk peace with to end the bloodshed.

Gustus moved closer on his knees before the two girls and his mate. “Well, Clarke kom Skaikru _[of the Sky people]_ , perhaps you can help us end this war.” With that, Clarke immediately nodded her head enthusiastically. Gustus, happy with the pup’s gleeful response, ruffled her hair once more.

“When we end this war, does that mean Lexa and I can still be friends? Can I make more friends with other gwounders too?” Clarke seriously asked a caught-off-guard Gustus.

But before she could get answers, he started laughing, holding his stomach in, looking like a grounder Santa Claus.

The other scary people started laughing too, very much pleased with the pup’s proud announcement at ending a serious war so she could make friends.

“Yes, child. You can make as many friends as you want. I hope we can make as many friends as we want too,” Gustus answered.

Clarke nodded once again, and looked down at Lexa, grinning at her. “Lexa, we can be best friends. And I will always protect you. I will always be your Alpha.”

Lexa beamed at the suggestion, nodding happily too before she wrapped her arms around Clarke again. She answered before she buried her face into Clarke’s chest, “I will always be your Omega too!”

Lexa’s parents and the clan chiefs looked on admiringly at the pups. How innocent their declarations were but how large the meaning was behind it.

They could mean it however pups their age may mean it, but to Lexa’s parents, it felt different. It was as if, at that moment, they saw a glimpse of the future of the two being together as mates; their guts telling them how two pups that can unify two oppositions can do greater things together.


	5. Second Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How pups end it.

-v-

* * *

**24 years ago**

* * *

“How do you like our food, Clarke kom Skaikru?” Becca asked after she took her own bite.

Gustus, Becca, Lexa, and Clarke were all seated in a big table eating dinner, with Lexa and Clarke seated with books on their chairs to keep them level with the table.

Clarke finished her chewing and swallowed before answering, “I love it! At the Ark, we only ate food that is icky and has no taste. But when we landed, our cooks found uhmm… spices and other stuff that make our food taste better.” Clarke quickly put the spoonful of food into her mouth, missing the taste now.

The parents chuckled when a man cleared his throat. “Chief, Skaikru chief is on his way along with his army.”

At that, Clarke stilled. _Why is daddy bringing an army?_

Gustus cleared his throat and stood before kissing his mate and walking towards Lexa to kiss her head. “No more wandering off again, little one, okay? You don’t want nomon, nontu, and Clarke getting upset now, do you?”

Lexa nodded vehemently and much more so when Clarke was mentioned. “I pwomise, nontu.” Lexa made a toothy grin at her father.

Content with his daughter’s response, Gustus stood up and made his way towards the exit. But before he left he turned back to Clarke and said, “Clarke, take your time eating, I know how much you love our food. I will just go check how your father is.”

Clarke happily nodded at Gustus’s offer and started digging in again.

“How old are you, Lexa?” Clarke asked a few minutes later.

Lexa raised three fingers to her and her mother chuckled. “Ai hod in _[My love]_ , it is actually four fingers now.” Becca leaned forward over the table to straighten one tiny curled finger to show Clarke her correct age.

Lexa giggled as her mother corrected her.

“Oh, that’s cool! I’m 6! See?” Clarke raised her two hands to indicate 6 little fingers as if to prove her point.

A happy bicker between the three of them went on for a good half hour before another guard entered the tent to tell them that they were needed outside. By this time, Clarke and Lexa were enjoying a caramel lollipop as they followed Becca out of their tent.

Clarke didn’t notice that her father’s army was spread out before the grounders’ army. She was holding Lexa’s hands and enjoying their childish topics while being led to the front of the army where the clan chiefs were all poised for battle should it come to it.

“CLARKE!” She heard a voice coming from her right.

When she looked up, she saw her mother being held back by her father. That was when Clarke noticed all the armies around them.

“Hi, mommy!” Clarke shouted back, truly unaware of what’s going on. She was convinced that everyone had become friends already. _Just like her and Lexa._

The Sky people relaxed, seeing Clarke unafraid and unharmed. Her mother seemed confused, realizing her daughter was not at all in any danger as they had feared.

“As promised, your daughter is safe. We took the measure of sending our messenger to inform you of her safety in our camp. And when we return her, the clan leaders and I would want to discuss with you in good faith,” Gustus shouted at Jake.

Jake quickly responded, “I have no intention of starting another battle. The army behind me is for when you break our trust.” Jake walked some more steps forward. “Clarke, come here.”

Clarke, still holding Lexa’s hand, walked forward too. Lexa tried to follow when her mother held on to her shoulders, unintentionally letting Clarke’s hand go. When Clarke noticed what had happened, she turned back to Lexa and then turned back to her father. “Daddy, can Lexa come too?”

The Sky people were surprised, however, the grounders were no longer fazed after witnessing and hearing about the same things that had happened earlier that evening.

Jake was quick to snap out of it. “No, sweetheart, she has to stay with her family. You need to come home with us.” Jake continued walking forward.

“No! I want to stay here. Their food is better.” Clarke raised the lollipop from her mouth and waved it in the air before she continued, “I want to sleepover and go home tomorrow." Clarke turned to her mother, hoping she could overrule her father. "Is that okay, mommy?” 

The Sky people were even more left speechless now. They were so confused and amused at the same time. Everything had always been about defending, killing, and mourning. And here was a little pup, asking her leader parents to sleepover at the enemy’s camp.

Gustus unintentionally let out a brief chuckle and it caught Clarke’s attention. “Mr. Gustus, you said we are all friends now right? Can you tell my mommy and daddy that I can stay with you tonight? I want to spend more time with Lexa.”

Before anyone else could react, Lexa walked closer to her father and added, “Yes, pwease nontu, I pwomise I will behave now. I want my Alpha to sleep here tonight.” Lexa looked at her father with an adorable pout and puppy dog eyes, as she held out her little hands, gently pulling at his coat.

The grounders started to relax their stances and chuckled at the two adorable, unwitting pups. They laughed even louder when they heard Jake scoff in the middle of the two armies, as he put his hands on his hips and looked back at his people, completely at a loss as to what was going on.

Abby walked towards her mate, giggling as she went. But Jake became more bemused when Abby walked past him and over to their little pup.

The grounders knew better than to draw their weapons especially when Becca seemed calm and carefree as the Skai woman headed their direction.

Abby smiled at her pup, unfazed, too, by the company she was now very much closer to. “Come here, you. Do you have any idea what you put my heart through?” Abby said as she picked up her pup and pecked on her chubby cheek down to her neck, making Clarke squeal.

“Stop it, mommy!!” Clarke giggled and hugged her mother’s neck. “I’m sorry mommy, I heard Lexa crying and I just wanted to keep her safe. Are you mad?” Clarke moved back a little, tilting her head as she looked at her mother straight in the eyes.

Abby couldn’t stay angry anymore. She was just relieved to the core that her daughter was safe in her arms now.

“I was earlier, but I’m just happy you’re safe, baby,” she answered with one last kiss to her daughter’s cheek before she faced Becca.

“Thank you for taking care of my daughter.” Abby gently smiled at the woman she assumed to be Lexa’s mother.

“Your daughter saved mine. It is we who should be thanking you.” Becca smiled back.

“I think our husbands are going to have a long discussion tonight, may we join you and your daughter? It seems they don’t want to be away from each other for a while,” Abby said while looking down at Lexa who was now standing in front of her and looking up as if patiently waiting for her to put Clarke down.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Becca responded with a knowing smirk.

Their audience were all gobsmacked at the turn of events. But all of them realized one thing, _it seems we’re having a truce now after all._


	6. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The young lovers of Polis

-vi-

* * *

**23 years ago**

* * *

The truce was set in stone. It had been a full year since the two pups stopped the war. Slowly, the grounders and Sky people grew on each other.

The Sky people realized that the grounders were wonderful people. So raw and powerful yet so peaceful and happy too.

And the grounders were, as usual, amazed by the knowledge and technology the Sky people possessed. They had always compared the Sky people to the Maunon _[mountain people]_ but they eventually realized how kind-hearted most of them actually were; even more kind than some of their own people.

Later on, the grounders found out more about the Sky people. How they survived in space. How their wolf genes were deliberately mixed with pure humans in the Ark. And now how generations later, there were no pure humans left. Because after a couple of decades in space, they realized that solar radiation was severely affecting humans. So they chose to expose themselves and offered to mix their genes so that their future generations may live.

The Sky people also learned about how the grounders survived. How bloody it had been, and how bloodier it got when they arrived. They were saddened by the events that took place but both sides were all-forgiving and ready to let go.

They also found out who the Maunon were. They deduced that they were probably humans who did not have the wolf genes if they remained underground.

The Sky people willingly offered their help to the grounders in their fight against the Maunon. They knew it wasn’t their battle but they also knew it wasn’t a fair fight as, apparently, the Maunon still have almost the same technology as the Sky people have, and they have been kidnapping grounders for decades.

In their new integration, the grounders offered their knowledge to the non-earth born people. While the Sky people offered their advanced medicinal and technological knowledge. Both sides also offered to exchange military training practices, much to Marcus’s delight.

But even with these exchanges, they learned to respect each group’s culture and beliefs. The Skaikru were the ones who were more interested in learning, understanding, and immersing themselves into Grounder tradition.

The collaboration of the clans against Skaikru for months had also brought about an unexpected, genuine camaraderie. And the twelve existing clans decided to form a coalition. Although some were difficult and egotistical, most of them were sincere in their newfound friendship.

When a leader was called upon, they had decided—much like the Skaikru’s practice—to pick a strong Omega and their Alpha instead of bloodshed. The Omega would take the lead as they were more collected than their mate.

A pair of powerful Omega and Alpha would balance each other’s opposing natures. But as they were mates, and they were one, their decisions were likely to be wise and true. After days of long deliberation, Nyko and his alpha, Indra, were chosen to lead their coalition.

And as they already have their established central market, Polis, prior to the formation of the coalition, they decided to make it their capital as a nation.

“Clarke!!!!” Five-year-old Lexa weaved through the crowd as soon as she saw where the Sky people got off their trucks.

She was ready by the front line of waiting grounders who were just as excited as the little pup in welcoming the Sky people into Polis. The clan chiefs or their ambassadors were amongst the crowd too, observing with enamored gaze at the little pup that had unwittingly caused this friendship with the Sky people.

“Lexa!!” Clarke ran as soon as her father put her down from their truck.

They met halfway and engulfed each other into a much-awaited embrace. It had been months since they last saw each other and now Clarke was going to live a lot closer to Lexa.

They were both happy at the news. They kept bothering their parents, asking them when’s the day they would finally be together again. Clarke had kept track with the calendar at their home. While Lexa had to count moons, to which she usually lost track of and her mother or father had to kindly remind her how many moons had gone by.

“Clarke! I know how to count now because I was waiting for you so I counted the moons.” Lexa dragged her away from everyone else, not concerned at all where they were going as if she was just on a lovely, romantic stroll around town with her mate.

Everyone found it too amusing not to react, cooing at the young pups who looked like tiny adults just minding their own business.

“That’s really cool, Lexa! Way cooler than what I did…” Their tiny voices were fading into the crowd.

Both Jake and Gustus laughed when they each nodded to a respective guard, silently ordering them to follow their pups, and realizing they had done the same.

“Gotta make sure our little lovers don’t get lost,” Jake said as soon as he stopped laughing.

“Oh, how true that sounds. Every day, Lexa would sing around about her Alpha coming here to live with her.” Gustus shook his head as he continued to chuckle.

The omega mothers were still giggling at their husbands’ comments. They, too, were well aware of how excited their daughters were at meeting their Alpha/Omega again.

“As long as we do not instill any ideas in them and let this flow naturally, I am fine with my daughter ‘living with her Alpha’,” Becca quoted as she put her two cents in.

To that, the parents and the people around them laughed even more.


	7. I’m not her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being the bigger person.

-vii-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“Lex?” Costia waved her hand in front of Lexa to get her out of her thoughts.

“Hey Cos, have you eaten yet?” Lexa asked, getting up from the couch after her internal deliberation of how she should be should she see _her_ again.

“Yes, I stopped by Tarma’s today. You know how I’ll miss her lamb stew now that I’ll be away for a fortnight.”

“Oh, yes. Right,” Lexa answered.

Costia, noticing everyone else thinking quietly, was unnerved by the sight. “Is there something wrong?”

“We were just thinking about this news Abby shared. Shenan’s son is unwell and they’re coming over to seek treatment from Abby,” Lexa answered.

At first, Costia didn’t realize the implication but after a beat, the idea came in a rush. “Oh…That-that’s some news.”

The look on their faces was a mix of confusion, worry, and sadness. Costia understood how they must feel. She didn’t know her, she didn’t share long term memories with her but she knew and respected her very much.

_Clarke saved her life after all._

“I know it is not my place to say this... but I think it’s best you allow her into your life for who she is, and not who you feel she is. The kid deserves her own identity. And perhaps having her back here will help close the wounds. Just… separate her from the Clarke you knew, and get to know her. It will be a painful journey, I am sure, but I believe it will help you towards the end,” Costia ended, dreadfully waiting for the blast of pheromones she was sure coming her way.

But it did not come, and Costia could see that her advice was fuelling the gears inside their heads.

Abby was the first to speak. “Thank you, my dear. That made a lot of sense.” 

“So much sense,” Jake added.

After saying her goodbyes—and receiving warm appreciative hugs from everyone—Costia held the door open, knowing her mate was going to follow her outside.

“Cos, thank you for that. You have no idea how much it helped everyone, including me,” Lexa spoke as they walked towards the waiting scouts.

“It was my honor, Lex.” Costia lightly held Lexa’s hand in an attempt to stop them from walking. “I know I will never be Clarke, although I won’t even dare to try to be her in anyone’s life. I need you to know that I respect her and you so much. I respect your bond, _your love_.

"So… I will be me—loving and supporting you to the best of my abilities—as you continue to love her.” Costia smiled at her gently. “I will _never_ make you stop loving Clarke. And even though I said back there that meeting that kid might help close wounds, you are always allowed to move on at your own pace or even not move on at all. Whichever makes you happy to the end of your days, I am with you all the way. Believe that.” Costia smiled shyly as she ended her spiel. Even her eyes genuinely smiled at her mate.

Lexa could feel Costia’s speech straight to her heart. It cut through like a sharp sword into her soul. And all of a sudden, Lexa’s mind began to clear—it had never been this clear since the day she lost Clarke.

Someone, her mate no less, had reminded her of the love she shared with Clarke. Had reminded her of selfless love, and how Clarke used to say that that kind of love makes the world go ‘round.

When she was 13, it made no sense to her. And now, 15 years later, it did.

She had never been happier to have Costia as her mate until today.

 _She’s not here anymore. It’s time to move forward and turn in the same direction as the world has._ She decided with conviction after all this time.

Lexa’s only response was her slowly inching forward, planting a chaste kiss on Costia’s lips, not even minding that there were scouts standing by just a few feet from them.

“Thank you, Alpha. I hope you fulfill my wish and come back home in one piece,” Lexa whispered against her lips.

Costia could only nod, her eyes still closed. Her Alpha reeled at the feeling of willing acceptance from her mate of 11 years.

When she opened her eyes, her lips turned upwards immediately, smiling like a lovesick fool.

“Take care, Heda,” Lexa whispered.

Lexa watched as her mate rode the night away. Guilt began to wash over her when she realized something once more.

_It’s just not the same dreadful feeling when it was Clarke saying goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding more soon!  
> 


	8. It was you and me against the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An innocent game, a discovery of a lifetime.

-viii-

* * *

**22 years ago**

* * *

“Why can’t I play with you guys?” Lexa pouted at Bellamy.

“Because you’re small, you might hurt yourself,” answered the 14-year-old boy.

“But why can Octavia play then?” She continued questioning while pointing at the dark-haired girl who was holding up a wooden toy gun, pretending to shoot an enemy hiding in the tree opposite hers.

“What’s going on?” Echo jogged towards them, wondering why Bellamy hasn’t joined the game yet.

“Lexa wants to join but she can’t,” the arrogant boy answered before grunting. Apparently annoyed that the six-year-old was following him around as he tried to play.

“Maybe next time, Lexa. There are rules in this game, and it’s your first time. So, you can’t play yet,” Echo answered, pulling Bellamy away, much to his relief.

Lexa was about to argue again when she saw Clarke bursting out of the bushes holding her own gun, laughing as she and Emori continued chasing Raven. Lexa saw Anya who was closer to her, trying to hide from Luna while she held her toy gun on top of her wooden shield.

“Anya! Can I joi—” She stopped when she had unintentionally ratted out Anya's location and Luna surged forward air shooting Anya in the face, effectively taking her out of the game.

Anya growled lowly but it still surprised Lexa. “Thanks for that, Lexa!”

Lexa—hurt and rejected the entire time she stood there—started crying, and ran towards where her parents were close by, talking with the other leaders as some observed the little game.

She was embarrassed that no one wanted her to join when she only wanted to so she could be close to her Alpha. So she could protect her Alpha as her Alpha had continuously protected her. So she could laugh with her Alpha as they chased somebody else away. _So she could be the reason Clarke was laughing._

But as soon as Clarke heard Lexa crying, she immediately stopped in her tracks and looked around for her. She saw the little brunette running towards her parents, and Clarke’s first instinct was to get to her and comfort her best friend.

Clarke was faster than anyone else so she was quickly by Lexa’s side before the brunette could even reach her mother and father. “Hey... why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Lexa was surprised to see Clarke when she glanced up, and immediately, just as always, she hugged her in the waist.

Clarke’s usual response was to stroke Lexa’s head and purr softly—something she had learned to do just a few months ago and found to be an effective means of calming another person, especially Lexa.

“They won’t let me play with you because I’m too small. I just want to play with you, Klark.” Lexa wiped her tears with her sleeves as she shuddered.

“Come on, and here, take my gun.” Clarke handed her her toy weapon and grabbed hold of Lexa’s other hand, interlacing their fingers and leading her to where their friends were.

Lexa was excited to be accepted into the game by her Alpha, and she started giggling, trying to keep up with Clarke’s pace.

Suddenly, Clarke stopped and stood on a rock that protruded from the ground, fingers still entangled with Lexa’s. With a steady puff of her chest, Clarke announced, “I, the Great Alpha Clarke Griffin and my Great Omega Lexa kom Trikru, successors to Indra and Nyko kom Trikru, hereby announce that you disgraceful goufas _[children]_ are our sworn enemy. Your weapons cannot penetrate our pelts. Our pheromones are your weakness. Your minds are nothing compared to—” Clarke’s moving speech was cut off by Raven suddenly charging towards them.

“Oh, yeah?! We’ll see about that, oh great Alpha!” Raven screamed as she ran, causing Clarke and Lexa to panic and run away from them, squealing as they went. “No one insults my IQ, just wait ‘til I catch you!”

“Lexa, protect us! Use your gun! Waaah!” Clarke ordered as she led the way for Lexa, with the brunette just laughing and shrieking when the rest of their friends followed Raven’s lead.

“I, Octavia Blake kom Skaikru, will end the reign of Clarke and Lexa. And you will all be mine to dictate as wonkru!” Octavia announced as she chased after the two shrieking best friends.

“Oh no you don’t, world domination is my goal!” Murphy ran past Octavia, making her huff.

“I will catch them for you, Octavia! And we can lead together!” Lincoln jogged faster, closing in on Clarke and Lexa first.

“Fools in love are always the first to go down!” Anya bumped Lincoln out of the lead.

“Go, Anya! Win for us, babe!” Raven yelled as she stopped, doubling over to catch her breath.

Anya stopped dead in her tracks to turn around and glare at Raven. “You are only a 10-year-old goufa. Why do you always speak of mating with me!” thirteen-year-old Anya yelled back indignantly at Raven.

“I didn’t say I was going to mate you, that’s your own admission,” Raven quipped, a smirk forming on her face, making the older girl blush furiously.

The adults were very much amused at the new game they played. They all stopped to hear Clarke’s declarations, and it made all of them laugh heartily, continuously doing so after the other declarations that followed hers.

“It appears the pups we thought that ended a war aren’t that innocent at all. Look at them waging wars as soon as they took over you, Hedas,” Abby commented as she shook her head, laughing at the pups’ silly new chase game.

Nyko and Indra just laughed and nodded as they agreed.

But Becca and Gustus were happier at the thought of Clarke trying to cheer up their daughter. Her shrieking with delight was music to their ears.

They had worried earlier when they noticed their little pup trying to get in on the game. And their hearts broke as soon as they saw her crying and running towards them. But before they tried anything—knowing how this might turn out—Clarke came to their daughter’s rescue.

And not only did Clarke include her on the fun, they felt that Clarke’s declaration of her and Lexa being a powerful pair would be deeply planted in their daughter’s heart. It convinced them how safe and happy Lexa must feel now that she had Clarke by her side—and seemingly will be by her side for the years to come.

All the pups had successfully made a full circle, returning back to where they first started running when all of a sudden, Lexa fell down from exhaustion as their friends got closer with Bellamy now on the lead. Clarke panicked, and her first instinct was to protect Lexa.

Throughout the thrill of the chase, Clarke’s constant thought was to keep Lexa away from harm. The idea of it being a game became blurry in the mind of the little Alpha, and it was now about keeping Lexa from the enemies.

So when Lexa fell, and Clarke saw that she was too tired to run, Clarke moved around her trying to shield her from the enemies coming close. And then a visceral growl vibrated in Clarke’s chest and escaped her mouth—a growl as loud as a presented Alpha’s—and suddenly, all her friends were on their knees with their necks exposed.

It surprised Clarke and frightened her too. So as she turned around to look at Lexa for help, she noticed that behind them, the adults were also on their knees and exposing their necks.

 _Mom, Dad, Gustus, Becca, Clan leaders, Hedas Nyko and Indra_ …


	9. The lull before the storm

-ix-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

Lexa was still pacing in her throne room when her previous Heda—the Alpha predecessor—and now adviser walked through the doors. Indra halted in her tracks as she smelt the nervous pheromones around the room and knew instantly why Lexa was pacing.

“Lexa, they have not arrived yet. I will come right away as soon as they have,” Indra offered to comfort Lexa.

“Forgive me, Indra. I just cannot help myself. My Omega is anticipating this too much. Why is that?” Lexa asked—the one thing that had always bothered her ever since she let that child go 7 years ago.

Indra deeply sighed before she responded, “I cannot answer you, Lexa. The Elders would know but you know we never seek them. We simply wait for them when they know they are truly needed.”

Lexa knew this already, and she just couldn't wait anymore for the Elders to show up. The last time they did was 15 years ago. _Who knew if they were still even alive?_

For generations, the Elders told them of the prophecy of the arrival of the Prime Alpha. The Alpha that would save their species from complete annihilation. They had all considered it to be lore, as no one had ever heard nor seen of such an Alpha. An Alpha that could kill another wolf just from the pure strength of its mind and spirit. With pheromones so strong it could affect thousands in a single sweep.

It wasn’t until the great war—fifteen years past—that they had truly believed in the power of the Prime Alpha. When they saw with their very eyes, how one single Alpha wolf brought a thousand human-wolves to their knees as she let out the most visceral, excruciating growl. And the entire enemy before her convulsed as foams bubbled from their mouths and death came for them—effectively ending a great war in less than a day.

When the great war ended, the Elders disappeared.

With a deep breath, Lexa took the reins of her nerves and faced Indra. “What did you come here for, Indra?”

Indra shook off her own reveries before she continued, “Raven is asking for you to visit her laboratory today. It was something about the radio tower and a breakthrough her team has made.”

“Very good. I’ve been waiting for news on that, maybe it is a success now. It will finally help us reach everyone, even the most remote of our people.” Lexa started walking towards the elevator with Indra closely behind her. “Raven said, we might even make contact with others outside the coalition, and better monitor the Maunon from now on.”

A couple of hours later, Lexa walked out of Raven’s lab. It was an interesting discussion as Raven’s team had improved not only their means of communication but their defense against the Maunon as well.

She had barely closed the door when Indra suddenly called out to her, “Heda! We must go to the hospital. They are here.”

Lexa was sure Indra could see the panic in her eyes as the Alpha continued to walk towards her. She softly grabbed Lexa by the elbow and subtly led her to the small hospital of Polis.

Throughout their walk to their destination, Lexa was internally panicking. She was trying to soothe out her anxiety and at the same time calm her raging Omega. Her inner Omega that was yelling for her to run and see her again.

Lexa didn’t even notice that they had already arrived in the emergency room. She was still too wrapped up in her internal debates.

It wasn’t until she heard a greeting from a familiar voice that snapped her out of it.

“Hello, Heda.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, how was it so far?  
> \----  
> There will be more to come.


	10. Hello, Heda.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're here.

-x-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

_"Hello, Heda.”_

Lexa’s head snapped up to that familiar voice. She scanned around, seeing her people on the hospital beds bowing in her direction. She continued her search until her eyes landed to her left side where a family is still bowing their heads to her.

When she walked towards them—looking for the person she’d been anxious to see since hearing about her probable arrival yesterday—disappointment washed over her.

But as she has already mastered the art of schooling her expression, she instantly turned her look of disappointment to her usual stoic mask.

“Hello to you too, Shenan.”

“Heda, it is an honor to be in your presence once again,” Shenan’s Beta mate, Aryan chimed in.

“Thank you, Aryan.” Lexa nodded before shifting her attention to the little boy on the hospital bed.

“And who might you be, strikon _[little one_ _]_?” Lexa asked the boy with short brown hair and mesmerizing hazel eyes.

“I am Kalel, Heda,” the young boy answered reverently.

“That’s a beautiful name, Kalel. How are you feeling today?”

“I feel weak, Heda. I cannot keep my food down. Nomon said Dr. Griffin will heal my stomach.” The little boy’s attention turned to Abby, seemingly asking for confirmation.

“Yes, don’t you worry, Kalel. We’ll take care of you. You only need to drink some medicine for a few days and then drink lots and lots of water that’s mixed with something we call oral rehydration salt. It will help you feel stronger again. While the medicine will flush out the tiny things in your body that’s making you sick.”

The boy seemed content at the explanation, weakly nodding his head before stopping and dropping his head back onto the pillow obviously feeling dizzy.

Abby nodded to Dr. Jackson and he began the administration of fluids into his system while Shenan, Aryan, and Lexa stepped back to let the doctor and nurses do their work.

It was only then that Lexa had noticed her family and friends gathering around the corner just behind her. She hadn't even noticed Raven making it inside just after her and Indra. But she understood what they came here for too, and understood what the defeated looks on their faces meant as well.

Suddenly, the doors to the room burst open and gasps escaped their mouths.

A young blonde girl stepped through the double doors and as if she was primarily driven by her sense of smell, she instantly walked towards her target without so much as a glance at the rest of the room.

The girl reached Kalel’s bed in seconds and held his hand as she cooed, “Hey there, strik bro _[little brother]_. I came as soon as I found out but I am here now. I’m right here.”

The girl started purring and the boy raised his head to look at her.

“Clarke?”

“Yes, I’m here. I haven’t stopped on my journey for hours, I’m sorry if I smell awful,” Clarke answered.

The little boy softly giggled. “It’s okay, I’m too weak to smell right anyway.”

And with that, Clarke let out a hearty laugh before she stopped when realization of her brother being alright set in and the realization that they were not alone hit her nostrils. She looked towards the clustered source of pheromones that were shooting all over the room and blinked before her brows started to furrow.

She saw her mother and father soon after and turned to the little boy, asking permission before she went over to where they were. “Let me go say hi to nomon and nontu, okay?”

When the little boy nodded slowly this time, Clarke made her way to her parents. “Nomon, nontu.” She nodded respectively before she was engulfed in both her parents’ arms.

A minute later, her father’s nose scrunched up and pulled away from the reunion, observing her from a foot’s distance. “You do smell, little one.”

Clarke groaned. “Stop it, nontu. Jero reached me just this morning about Kalel being sick. I escaped Seda _[teacher]_ and I’m still not sure she knows where I am right now,” Clarke sheepishly admitted.

“You what? You know it takes a while to reach the mountain. We cannot let her worry that you had gone missing,” Aryan answered worriedly.

“I can help with that!” A voice from the group of people piped up.

The owner of the voice moved forward and extended her hand towards Clarke. “Hey, I’m Raven. I’m not sure if you remember me, you were still a little pup the last time I saw you.”

Clarke, hesitant, just looked at the extended hand before her, then the owner of the hand, then her parents, and then back to Raven again before extending her own hand, taking Raven’s. “Hello, I am Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru _[of the Shallow Valley]._ ”

As soon as she said her name, Clarke felt a sudden burst of pheromones close to where she stood. And looking up, she saw Heda Lexa.

 _Heda Lexa who had tears streaming down her face_. _Heda Lexa who suddenly surrendered herself to the pheromones she was releasing. Heda Lexa who has now sunk to the floor._

Clarke’s reaction was immediate. She marched towards the sobbing leader, knelt before her, and stroked her head as she softly purred.

“ _Heda…_ ” Clarke whispered.

Lexa’s reaction was instant too. She dove to Clarke’s torso and hugged her waist as she continued to whimper softly in Clarke’s welcoming stance.

Clarke continued stroking Lexa’s head and steadied her purring. And slowly, she lifted her head up to confirm the source of pheromones that were still being pumped out. She saw the pained expression on their onlookers’ faces.

Clarke felt for them. She knew that all of this that was happening still was because of her.

_Because she existed._

“I’m sorry…” Clarke whispered to no one in particular.

_Forgive me._


	11. Prophesied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who Clarke was and what she was meant to face.

-xi-

* * *

**22 years ago**

* * *

When Clarke turned to look for help because of what she had unintentionally done to her friends, she realized the depth of her mistake when she saw all the adults around them have knelt before her with the ultimate show of submission.

 _Mom, Dad, Gustus, Becca, Clan leaders, Hedas Nyko and Indra_ …

But things took a surprising turn when as soon as Clarke started backing away and distance herself to free them from her spell, Lexa stood up and took a 360-degree turn, eyes scrutinizing each person around them.

It confused Clarke why Lexa was unaffected but she thought it was probably because she was trying to protect the Omega, to begin with.

When Lexa sensed the magnitude of Clarke’s distress, in addition to the pheromones surrounding them, she promptly followed where Clarke was still slowly backing away.

“Shh, you’re okay, Klark.” Unconsciously, Lexa had started releasing soothing pheromones, instantly calming the Alpha before her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Clarke said to everyone, especially to the adults.

“Klark, don’t worry... Nobody is mad at you.” Lexa continued soothing her best friend as she embraced her by the waist and stroked her back.

Lexa’s proximity drastically calmed Clarke and everyone under her uncontrollable hold was released.

The young pups continued to stay that way, with Clarke seemingly hiding—afraid to look up as soon as everyone was relieved—thinking of how much trouble she was in. Lexa, on the other hand, was doing her best to do one of the things she loved the most, _being there_ _with and for_ her Alpha.

Clarke’s parents were quick to comfort their little pup, holding her and Lexa in place. It wasn’t until Nyko and Indra made their presence known with the clearing of their throats that the Griffin parents noticed the other grounders bowing their heads in reverence around them.

They were immediately confused but before they could even muster their questions, Heda Nyko spoke up, “It is an honor to finally have you with us, Clarke, Prime Alpha.” And with that, Nyko and Indra followed their fellow grounders, bowing their heads too.

Clarke had no idea why everyone had surrounded them, let alone why they bowed their heads and called her Prime Alpha. All the pup could ever do was look at her mother and tilt her head in question. But all her mother could do in response was letting out a gasp as she stared back at her daughter.

“The prophecy?” Abby finally spoke, turning her attention to Becca, who immediately raised her head, sensing Abby’s question was directed to her.

“Yes, the one I told you about many months ago when you asked me what could possibly destroy the reapers,” Becca answered softly, trying not to aggravate the alarmed parents any further.

“That… That can’t be real now. There is science behind everything. The reapers must be just some sort of mutation due to earth’s atmosphere. They must’ve exposed themselves to areas with high levels of radiation. And… and Clarke’s just a pup, a strong Alpha pup, but perfectly normal. And we’ve been monitoring her development over the years. There’s no such thing as…“ Abby had gone full hard-science doctor on the grounders now, something she had never done unless there were diseases and health disorders involved.

There was an unspoken rule about respecting the others’ beliefs but even though Abby was cooperative months ago after that horrific day, it was obvious that she was just an anxious mother and fortunately, the grounders foresaw that.

“Clarke will never be alone, Abby. This only means that she will be much more protected than she already was. She will be trained to protect herself foremost with the hopes that she will be our salvation too.” Indra—the ever so stoic Alpha—had for the first time in almost everyone’s eyes, gone gentle and reassuring on the Griffin parents.

Gustus spoke up when the little pup’s parents became pensive, “Abby, Jake, you both saw what that Reaper had done to that village. We need not remind ourselves of the gore and frighten the pups but you saw one of them in broad daylight—something that has never happened before. You both saw what it could do, imagine what a pack of them is capable of.”

* * *

**-10 months ago-**

“Please, Heda, I can feel my mate dying. I cannot take it. My pups are with her too,” an Omega grounder continuously begged in anguish even as Heda Indra and Nyko, and the rest of the cavalry, were now mounted on their horses, ready to head on to the village a half a day away from Polis by horseback.

The Omega, along with three of her traveling companions who were in Polis to trade, had sought out the Hedas earlier when the latter three dropped on their knees one by one, feeling the pain of their dying mates.

“Hedas, we’ll come with you but we can take the rover instead if it’s too urgent. The others can follow if Sinclair can get the trucks to start,” Jake offered.

“We shall ride with you Jake, you do not know what dangers you might find there,” Gustus counteroffered.

“Of course.” Jake nodded before he looked at his Omega. “Honey, we’ll be back home soon, okay? Please take care of yourself and Clarke.” Jake soothe a visibly distressed Abby.

“Jake, I’m afraid Abby is needed there too. If people are dying, we all know she’s the best healer in the coalition. I will watch over Clarke for the both of you. Please,” Becca pleaded.

Abby was already determined to join her mate anyway so she was the first to get in the rover. “Jake, even if Becca never reasoned with you, I still would’ve gotten in anyway. And trust me, I am doing this for Clarke too,” Abby rationalized quickly before she continued, “now get in, people are dying.”

After an hour-long drive, Jake, Abby, Gustus, Marcus, Indra, Nyko, and four other Skaikru and grounder guards cramped inside the rover. And as soon as they made it into the village and stepped out, they were mortified by the foul smell that crossed their nostrils and the image before them.

What looked like hundreds of bodies were actually just a village occupied by 40 grounders. Hundreds of them because bodies were torn into pieces; arms, legs, torsos littered the village entrance, their center, and even on top of roofs. Blood watered the ground and painted the houses red. What disgusted them most were the heads of the original occupants just haphazardly laid out everywhere.

They were not eaten alive. No. They were simply attacked and butchered.

The new help that arrived were beginning to feel faint. It was only Abby that was able to hold her composure together owing to her line of work. But everyone—everyone was filled with resentment and anger to whomever it was that committed such heinous acts, punishable by death by a thousand cuts, being treated back to health, and cut again for another thousand.

“Keep your guards up. I can sense something,” Indra suddenly whispered, drawing her Alpha out in the process.

And immediately, everyone followed, eyes shifting according to presentation; red, blue, and yellow of different shades emerged as they positioned to get each other’s backs—forming a circle to have a clear sight of every angle.

It was eerily quiet but they knew they weren’t alone. The grounders did not know what to expect, much less the Skaikru. So when a Skaikru guard lowered his gun slightly, he was being pounced on. And before anyone could turn around to look at their fallen fellow, the agonizing call for help had become a gurgling sound.

They saw then that the guard’s throat was ripped off by a large wolf almost as tall as Gustus.

They knew the wolf was like them, and it was an Alpha. But none of their people ever had the ability to shift. It was only in legends that they descended from the wolves. But there had been studies and beliefs that a wolf fully broken off its humanity can become a shifter on its own accord. But that was just it, a legend, a folktale. None of the Skaikru knew it was possible until today.

But this wolf was not like the wolves they knew of. This wolf was horrid in appearance. Its muscles buff and showing in some parts more than others. Its bone structure making it look like a mutation of an ape, with its hind legs shorter than its front, widely-spread legs. And its face held the most gruesome look. The corners of its mouth reached too close to its ears, giving it the appearance of a Glasgow smile—it held the most sinister and appalling characteristic in all its abnormal features.

And now this beast was looking at its latest victims like it had a fun, disturbing plan for them.

And if it wasn’t for Jake’s quick thinking, they would've been dead then. He quickly fired at the monster to catch its attention and raced towards the rover where it followed him. Once Jake was inside, he managed to drive over the beast, and for good measure he drove back and forth several times, hoping the heavy bumps wouldn’t tip the rover off. Which seemed to be the only thing big enough to better their odds.

And when Jake got off, he quickly shot the beast to its head as many times as he ran over it.

They were all truly speechless. No questions were asked—not yet. They all busied themselves into looking for survivors and keeping their inner wolves out with their heightened senses for any more unwanted surprises.

Only a few people were still alive in the village... and they all arrived in a rover just over an hour ago. It was a cold-blooded massacre and they weren’t able to take anyone back with them. 

Even as soon as they were within the safety of the rover, they were still all too quiet; each one assimilating what they had just witnessed.

When they arrived in Polis, their earlier horrific encounter was initially forgotten. Clarke was thrilled to have her parents back and she was met with the same enthusiasm.

After a brief reunion, Nyko made the announcement that reapers can now walk in the sun. The gasps and pheromones that traveled around the grounders were suffocating, to say the least. While the Sky people remained confused, even more for those that joined the rescue operation.

When the children left to play, Skaikru was told to stay and then were told stories of the reapers.

The reapers first appeared more than 80 years ago, and they used to hunt in packs. And by hunt, they killed and ate the occupants of whatever non-shifter settlements they would come across with. Back then, there were a lot of them but they were easier to kill. But over decades, they hunted less and less but they were, unfortunately, unbelievably, getting stronger and stranger looking too.

The grounders realized early on that their manic behavior closely resembled that of a rabid animal—its apparent weaknesses were light and water too. It could not handle being exposed to light. They became more uncoordinated and agitated and thus, easier to kill.

But for the last 30 years, there had been no more sightings of them, and the grounders believed that they had long since perished.

However, Skaikru had never heard of such creatures before. But because it was their leaders that had witnessed the product of the massacre and the beast responsible, all of Skaikru believed the stories.

And they all worked better at fortifying with the grounders, their arms, training, and rescue.

A few days into their new strategic collaboration, Abby voiced out her main concern.

“Becca, the monster we saw, it was powerful on its own. How are we supposed to face packs of them?” Abby asked as she and Becca stood by the corner looking at their little pups and their friends being taught on what to do should an attack take place where they were.

It took a moment before Becca responded.

“There's this pair of Elders that have always told us of this prophecy of a powerful Alpha that could wipe them off the face of the planet. We call this Alpha, the Prime Alpha. It was said that he or she is so great and magnificent that they could kill another wolf with their mind.” Becca slowly looked to gauge Abby’s reaction.

Abby was only quiet so Becca continued, “None of our ancestors thought we could actually shift until the reapers arrived 80 winters ago. When the remaining survivors of Praimfaya _[nuclear apocalypse]_ fought left and right for resources, the reapers came and killed many. And even if our ancestors did everything they could to strike back against the reapers, it still was not enough.

"But as they slowly disappeared, the Elders arrived and fervently gave us hope that the Prime Alpha will save us from extinction when the Great War came. Not much is said of this Great War but the Elders made it clear that we will all be annihilated unless the Prime Alpha stepped into its role. And be our salvation.”

Abby was still quiet but it was obvious that gears were whirring in her head. So when she spoke, Becca could only hope that Abby was at least considering what she was told without contempt. “And these Elders, are they trustworthy if you were a Skaikru?”

Becca was surprised at Abby’s question. Abby really was trying. “I would likely think this is all just a terrible joke but only because I grew up within the safe confines of the Ark where no other mystical beings haunted us in our dreams and every waking moment.

"If you were a grounder, Abby, would you believe what your elders tell you about the strong, terrible monsters they had to hunt down before they became the prey themselves?” Becca gently turned the tables for Abby to finally see.

“Yes. Yes, I believe I would.” Abby looked Becca in the eyes when she continued, “Thank you for helping us prepare physically and mentally for this.”

“Abby, please, I could say the same things to you. We truly do need each other to survive this.”

“Let’s just hope this Prime Alpha has been born then. If the first reaper we’ve seen in 30 years is any indication that bad things are coming,” Abby commented as she turned to check on her daughter again.

“I would hope so too. But we will know it when the Prime arrived. The Elders may hopefully make an appearance once again when he or she does.” Becca returned her attention to their pups too, who were now paired off to start sparring.

Becca smiled when she saw Lexa blush and dip her head down slightly in an attempt to hide her grin when Clarke put her arms over her shoulders to hug her from behind, placing her chin over Lexa’s head as they listened to their Seda for the instructions.


	12. Once in a Blue Moon flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When love officially bloomed.

-xii-

* * *

**Almost 17 years ago**

* * *

“Did I really have to come with you guys?” Clarke asked the Alphas around her as she kicked some pebbles on the ground.

“This is tradition to them, Clarke. If we want to impress our Omegas, we gotta do it right!” Bellamy hissed when he grabbed a weak branch causing it to break and also, his near fall.

“I’m only 13 and I haven’t even presented yet, all of you here have so I don’t really get why I had to be here.” Clarke huffed a breath as she looked up to see how everyone else was doing.

“Because this is the only time, ugh!” Anya paused to catch her breath as she remained ridiculously hanging from a big branch without any directly below her.

_How did she even end up hanging in there anyway?_

“This is the only time those flowers bloom. If you want to wait another 4 years, suit yourself!” Anya continued as she finally managed to hang a leg over the branch and pull herself to sit on it.

“I still can’t believe you’re doing this for Raven. I thought you said ‘Fools in love are always the first to go down’?” Clarke paused, air-quoting Anya’s words from a couple of years ago. “I’d be careful if I were you then. You’ll probably be the first to fall.” Clarke sniggered when Anya glared at her.

“Jok yu!” Was Anya’s only, as usual, response.

“Alright guys, please. I need my concentration here. Stop making me laugh,” Murphy yelled out from another tree.

“I am so glad, Maya’s a Beta,” Jasper said from beside Clarke.

“Ain’t that the truth,” Monty agreed as they did their weird handshake. “I mean I’m glad Harp’s a Beta too but how do you think they would feel that the Alphas are working their ass off for the Omegas they are courting, and here we are just eating nuts?” He wondered before both their eyes widened and they shared a look.

It was too comical for Clarke not to react, so she laughed out loud when both boys scrambled to find other trees that had a Blue Moon flower up top without another Alpha claiming it yet.

“Lincoln, can you tell me again how the story went?” Clarke asked as she sat down and looked up at Lincoln getting closer to his flower.

“Just the quick version, okay, Clarke? Before I fall to my death and Octavia will have to hunt you down.” Lincoln groaned as he pulled himself up to the last branch before he can reach his flower.

“Mhmm,” she hummed in response.

“The first wolves always loved the full moon and sang to her each time she appeared. When she graced them again a second time within the same month, they were even happier and felt more at peace than the first time. But as the second full moon—or the blue moon as they called her—does not come too often, the blue moon made a promise to the wolves. That the next time she comes back, beautiful blue flowers will appear on top of the Lycan trees. And if a wolf worked hard to get a flower to gift to their mates, then their mates will be with them forever and thus bring forth the same happiness the blue moon brought to the wolves. Only now it happens every day that they are with their mates, and they will no longer have to wait for the blue moon again to feel the same type of joy and serenity.” Lincoln ended, rolling the stem of his Blue Moon flower.

Clarke was too engrossed with the story that she hadn’t fully internalized that Lincoln had already reached his flower.

“Beautiful, Lincoln,” Clarke called from below. But she meant it in three ways: The Story. The Flower. And Lincoln up there dearly holding his flower as he retold the story.

“Wait. You said wolves, so you mean it’s any of us? Like even Betas and Omegas can get up there and gift them to their mates no matter their presentation?” Jasper asked, still trying to get up to his first branch.

“Yes,” Lincoln answered from where he still sat.

“Then why did you say something about the tradition of presented Alphas reaching up to get the flower for their Omegas?!” Monty continued Jasper’s line of questioning, surprisingly, already on his third branch.

“I’m not really sure. But I think the story got twisted, and the Alphas generations before us started making a contest out of it to show off their strength and attract Omegas.”

Anya suddenly jumped out from her last branch on her descent with her blue flower held in her mouth. “Don’t you want to get one for Lexa?” Anya asked when she removed the stem from her mouth.

Clarke simply bowed her head to cover her cheeks that were heating up. And to escape the curious gaze of Anya, Clarke stood up and walked towards Jasper. “Do you need a boost, Jaz?”

“I don’t think helping’s allowed, Clarke, but thanks.” Jasper tried again to swing his legs up the branch so he can finally start on his ascent towards the other branches.

“That does look difficult,” Clarke commented, seeing now how very far apart the branches were from each other that even with their speed and strength, it would still make it difficult for them to climb. It truly was meant to put hard work into proving a wolf’s love.

_Maybe…_

* * *

Later that evening, they arrived in Polis with the bonfire still much alive. It was the annual ‘Harvest Day’ celebration for the grounders, for the spirits to gift them a bountiful harvest in every aspect: for agriculture, for hunt, for forage, for mates, for children, for health, for strength, for fortune, and more.

The group of friends spread out to present their promise gifts to their ‘future mates’, and it delighted them all.

When they finished their meals, they gathered around the large bonfire with Clarke seeking out Lexa. When she found her sitting on one of the logs, Clarke crept up behind the Omega and surprised her. As Lexa turned to face Clarke, she glared at the Alpha and walked away, leaving a very much dumbfounded Clarke.

“See, I told you to get a flower,” Anya answered her unvoiced question from one of the logs.

Suddenly, Keenan, a presented Omega grounder sat beside her and started talking to her. Clarke, being the polite and oblivious teenager that she was, unwittingly welcomed Keenan’s flirting. They talked for less than 20 minutes or so before Clarke started looking around for Lexa again.

Lexa was delighted when she noticed—from the distance she put between herself and Clarke—that the Alpha seemed to be searching for something. _Perhaps looking for her._ She forced herself to stop crying and made her way within the Alpha’s sights.

As soon as Clarke saw her—saw the sad, glossy eyes on her—Clarke bolted to Lexa, leaving a stunned Keenan behind.

Upon reaching her best friend, Clarke suddenly removed something from underneath her sweater and presented her Blue Moon flower to the Omega.

Because of her surprise, Lexa could only stare at the flower and Clarke’s eyes, before staring at the flower again. She was completely thrown off as she had already accepted earlier that Clarke did not come to her when everyone else was receiving their Blue Moon flowers.

When Clarke pushed her flower furthermore into Lexa’s hands, it then became real to Lexa. She immediately flung herself into her best friend’s arms. _Into the arms of her Alpha._

And because it felt like the time was right, Clarke and Lexa met their lips halfway and kissed for the very first time.

Hope sparked in their young hearts that with the Blue Moon flower and their love fully cemented on Harvest Day, it signified that they would be _together forever._

_Does forever never really end?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blue moon flowers = blue stargazers 😍  
> \---  
> I just wanted to remind you guys that this is a slow burn fic, so any confusion is very normal at this point. I've been putting bits of clues in almost, if not all, chapters that'll eventually lead to what happened and why things are currently happening the way they are.  
> You aren't missing a lot. It's just that when we do finally get to the chapter that told everything, you'll realize the tidbits from the previous chapters are now making sense.
> 
> Someone from Chapter 10's comment box has kindly explained what the gist of the story is if you wanna go there. And she/he is quite right on the money.  
> And again, thank you for reading, and keeping track of the story. <3  
> Hope you enjoyed the bonus chapter today!


	13. Hard work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another grueling day.

-xiii-

* * *

**16 years ago**

* * *

“I really think this is a cheat. Just like how you cheated climbing up the Lycan tree last year.” Anya huffed, picking up the sword that Clarke had successfully disarmed her of just seconds ago.

“I do not cheat, Anya.” Clarke seethed. She always found it annoying when people complained and merited her skills to being the Prime Alpha. She knew she had advantages over everyone, but she wanted it to be seen as her own hard work and not something she was ‘unfairly’ born as. Especially with all the training she had to overcome almost every single day for the past six years.

During that day of the festival, while everyone was distracted and betting on Jasper and Monty as they raced to their flowers, Clarke had slowly backed away and found a tree nearby that still had its Blue Moon flower up top. Quickly, Clarke drew her Alpha and claws out, and jumped the 60-ft-tall tree and hooked herself on the topmost bark—effectively reaching her flower in seconds. During her descent, she still had her Alpha out and made a quick drop towards the ground without taking any form of friction from the tree beside her to facilitate a slower but less painful drop. She’s dropped herself from much greater heights before; she knew she wouldn’t be hurt at all. She quickly hid her flower underneath her large sweater and made her way back to the group. _They hadn’t even noticed she left._

“And yes, I let my Alpha out when I took my flower but there wasn’t any rule about letting your wolf out to get one,” Clarke added as she also continued with her futile strikes.

The General quickly commented on Clarke’s mistake, “Do not let your enemies get under your skin. Otherwise, you’d be dead in a second.”

“Sorry, General,” Clarke mumbled, returning to her fighting stance.

“Actually, you did cheat. Did you forget what Lincoln told you? He said, as long as the wolf ‘worked hard’ but you basically just jumped up like a hare and dropped down like a cat. You took the easy route, so your flower didn't count.” As soon as Anya said her last words, Clarke stilled. And it was what Anya wanted before she tackled Clarke to the ground.

Getting up, and pointing her sparring sword onto Clarke’s neck, she muttered, "Dead again, Prime Alpha.”

* * *

The skies shifted to its soft orange and pink hues, signifying the end of yet another fatigue-inducing day for Clarke. She sighed as she gingerly removed her leather armor.

Her day of full physical training was nothing compared to her mental and emotional trainings. Though the last two had their positive, significant advantages at the end of the day, she had always dreaded them. They were terrible; mind-numbing and soul-sucking, respectively.

Some days she questions if being the Prime Alpha was the best thing or the worst thing to ever happen to her.

Most days she just questions her Sedas’ sanities.

Since that day the grounders declared her as Prime Alpha—without much resistance from her parents—Clarke’s life drastically changed.

She was constantly hovered over, Sedas and Chiefs making sure that every decision she made—no matter how big or how little—was being appraised; molding her into not just a strong, wise, and controlled Alpha but as a cunning, selfish, and ruthless one as well.

It was utterly confusing and overwhelming for an 8-year-old, how precise but contradicting their prerequisites were. And Clarke’s constant musings had bothered her for years.

_How do you protect others when you have to be ruthless?_

_How do you serve when you have to be selfish?_

_How can you be all those mean things and be able to save everyone from annihilation?_

_But dad said it’s selfless love that makes the world go ‘round?_

Two days after being discovered, the two Elders arrived and confirmed the grounders' speculations.

When the Elders made Clarke do exercises that Skaikru and a few grounders had thought to be nonsensical, they were only left dumbfounded when Clarke suddenly shifted into a white wolf as tall as her human height.

And then it all made sense. Clarke was officially declared across the coalition to be the much-awaited Prime Alpha. But they also realized that her presence would mean that the Prophesied Great War was just on the horizon too.

After Clarke’s shift, the Elders trained their attention on Lexa. They sensed Clarke’s bond to the young Omega and immediately announced that she was the ideal _partner_ of the Alpha. Proving so when after telling Clarke to release dominant pheromones, everyone once again submitted to her, including the Elders, but Lexa was the only one left standing still.

The Elders could only say that Lexa was a powerful Omega, more powerful than her mother, and more powerful than Nyko. And it wasn’t just because of Lexa's bond to Clarke but also because of her inner wolf that gave her the ability to resist the Prime Alpha and manipulate her pheromones as well.

And all of them, except for the young pups, had one thought in their minds. _They were going to be powerful mates together_.

Clarke was trained to think back on past events often, to realize her mistakes or spot loopholes, and mentally fix them. So should the need arise if history repeated itself, she will have been ready with her mentally stored solutions.

But her thoughts now shifted from her early years of being Prime Alpha back to what Anya had told her earlier about cheating her way to get her Blue Moon flower. This disturbed her deeply because even though the technicalities were a little muddled until she could talk to Lincoln again, she still wanted everything to be true for her and her Omega.

 _They were each other’s joy and serenity. Th_ _e Blue Moon meant for them to be together forever._

Her assertiveness settled her worries aside and she continued her way back to Polis from the training grounds with the sole aim of seeing her girlfriend first.

All her aching muscles and weary mind dissipated into thin air when she heard Lexa call out to her.

 _“My love!_ ”


	14. Alpha and Omega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another tough day and it gets as steamy as 3x7  
> ALERT: Underage, amateur smut, but smut nonetheless. If you don't want to read this chapter, here is a synopsis:
> 
> 15 years ago:  
> Clarke's in the outskirts of Polis going thru her Emotional training. Of all her trainings this takes a lot of toll on her but Lexa is always present for this as she could help calm Clarke easily. Her Sedas were with her also along with several Omega warriors to surround Clarke with soothing pheromones if everything went south. Her emotional training consists mainly of mental simulations (An example of this is the first part of Chapter 27). 
> 
> They were in their final week of the training before they were both brought back to Polis for Clarke’s 15th birthday in a little over a fortnight. For today's simulation, Clarke had to overcome Lexa dying in her arms. And it took a lot of toll on her so when the simulation was over and she succeeded, she still stormed off to their favorite spot where Clarke could easily calm with Lexa by her side. Only this time, Clarke was too worked up and anxious to lose her girlfriend, so they made love for the first time. After that, they returned to camp all sweet and sappy. Ending with a VJ Day kiss.

-xiv-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

Clarke’s 15th birthday was fast approaching and the whole coalition was getting ready to celebrate. Natal days were never celebrated at this magnitude but it wasn’t just because of Clarke’s role in their society but also because it was the day she was to present. Her presentation would mean that she can have her powers to the maximum capacity and all her years’ worth of physical, mental, and emotional training were going to be put to the test in controlling the young, tremendously powerful, Alpha within her.

The event was fast approaching, and in two weeks Clarke was going to be in more pressure than she already was.

Since the beginning, she was only thrown into physical training here, mental training there, and when she had more time, she was paraded throughout the coalition so she’ll have perspectives on every clans' lives and the lands she was born to protect.

The only positive thing about all her hard work was that she got to spend a lot of time with Lexa during her Emotional trainings—where her emotions were being played like a fiddle—with Lexa as both her trigger and comforter.

They were nearing the end of their emotional training before they were to be brought back to Polis for the preparation of Clarke’s 15th birthday in a little over a fortnight.

“Thank you, Seda.” Clarke curtly nodded and stomped towards the forest where they knew Clarke would calm faster during very difficult and excruciating simulations.

Her Seda, Lexa, and the Omega warriors and soldiers—that were there to help keep things in order should the activities go south and Clarke was under too much stimulation—each took deep heavy breaths.

“I’ll see you all back at the camp?” Lexa called back as she, too, made her way to Clarke’s direction.

When Lexa reached Clarke’s usual spot, she took her seat right next to her Alpha as she purred soothingly and laid her head on Clarke’s slumped shoulder.

“This is always the hardest thing to do for me—keeping my cool when I think you are in your dying breaths. I know this is all a simulation but how can you ever keep calm when the person you love almost all your life is saying her final goodbyes to you?” Clarke asked defeatedly, her voice cracking from the start.

“I’m sorry, my love. I knew what I signed up for and I loathe being the one to cause you pain. But as we’ve been told several times, if you can keep yourself in check amidst me being in trouble, then you can handle anything else. I only ever want you to be stronger and ready for what’s to come,” Lexa answered, continuously releasing small doses of soothing pheromones.

“You’re only 13 and already, you’re wiser than Seda himself,” Clarke quipped, earning her a smack on her forearm.

“Don’t let him hear you say that! He will only make your next activities even harder,” Lexa reprimanded her girlfriend seriously.

“Isn’t that what you wanted though? For me to go through the hardest simulations and overcome them?” Clarke posed her body as if she’s about to crawl to her Omega. And she did. Clarke slowly confined Lexa within her arms and slowly lowered Lexa's upper body onto the large rock they were perched on.

“Clarke, stop before we get caught again.” Lexa playfully pushed her girlfriend off as she leaned closer and closer towards her face with Clarke’s sights already set on pink plump lips.

“Didn’t you just tell them we’ll meet them at the camp? That means we are alone here. For however long we want.” Clarke’s voice dropped an octave—her husky voice casting its usual spell on Lexa's body. Spell that the Omega always reciprocated to the Alpha. Spell that neither of them thought could be more than just butterflies in their stomachs.

And in that trance, Clarke’s lips met Lexa’s. Their kiss was sweet and gentle, and a few minutes in, Lexa let out a whimper. A whimper that stirred something in Clarke as she stilled for a minute.

Lexa, sensing Clarke’s hesitance, started pulling away to see what had bothered Clarke. When all of a sudden, Clarke chased her lips and positioned herself in between Lexa’s legs.

Lexa hadn’t thought of anything of it for a moment but as Clarke started pushing her core against hers, Lexa started seeing stars. This feeling of urgency was not new to her, but it was the first time that Clarke had actually allowed their bodies to grind against each other. Many times before, their kisses were fired by passion but Clarke was always able to pull back to lighter kisses before slowly ending their heavy make-out sessions.

But now, it was different. Clarke was grinding her core onto Lexa’s, and on instinct, Lexa wrapped her legs around Clarke’s waist, facilitating her Alpha better. Lexa’s action made Clarke all the more greedy and started nipping at Lexa’s jaw, down her neck, before reaching the area they had always promised each other will be reserved only for the other, and lightly bit there just enough for teeth marks to show without breaking skin. Lexa moaned at the Alpha’s act of marking and started dragging a hand from Clarke’s face, feeling her way down over Clarke’s shirt to her valley of breast, toned abs, before reaching to cup Clarke’s hard bulge, making the Alpha howl in excitement.

“Clarke, please…” Lexa pleaded, not really knowing what she was begging for.

“Lexa, I need you, love. I can’t wait anymore. Please,” Clarke begged as well.

All Lexa could do was nod. She understood then what both their bodies were asking for. What both their inner Alpha and Omega have been asking for for years but they were too shy to do anything about.

Once Clarke had Lexa’s approval, she started shedding her clothes before she went over to help her Omega take the last of hers. When they were both naked, each of them took long appreciative glances at the other's body. And then Clarke began kissing Lexa from her mound up to her mouth, earning her another sexy moan from the Omega.

Clarke continued her grinding, enjoying the feeling of Lexa’s wet folds soaking her alphahood. But in one of her upward trust, she had unintentionally slipped in slightly into Lexa’s entrance, making Lexa arc her body, and Clarke finally realizing what she needed to do. Waiting for her Omega to gently lay back down, Clarke looked Lexa in the eyes, silently asking for permission.

“Please, take me, Clarke,” was all Lexa could say.

Gently, Clarke continued pushing her alphahood into Lexa’s tight, soaked walls. It was only then that Lexa realized how big her Alpha was. As she was curious, she pushed herself up on her elbows and looked down to see Clarke enter her slowly and confirmed just how thick Clarke was. And it was very arousing, seeing Clarke and her being joined as one and she whimpered once more. When she looked up, Clarke was staring down at her. The blue in her eyes was engulfed by her large black pupils.

Despite the heaviness of what they were engaging in, Clarke just slowly leaned forward to kiss Lexa’s plump lips softly.

“Lay down, my love. I want you as comfortable as you can be throughout this,” Clarke whispered against her lips when she pulled back.

Lexa laid down and watched as her Alpha brought her left hand down between them and caressed something of Lexa’s private parts, making her moan once more but essentially, pleasured and distracted. Clarke was then able to bottom her out.

Clarke stopped her ministrations and stilled for a moment. Lexa looked up at her Alpha and was about to ask why she stopped when Clarke explained, “I need you to get used to me, baby. It’ll hurt the first time so we need you to get comfortable with me first before I continue.”

When Lexa nodded, Clarke started pulling and pushing, keeping a slow, gentle rhythm. Lexa was very much enjoying the feeling of Clarke’s alphahood moving inside her. Lexa kept moaning and moaning and it spurred Clarke on but she kept control of the Prime Alpha trying to get out and pound at the writhing Omega and claim her.

It felt like a half-hour had passed and Clarke continued to gently thrust in and out of Lexa as she’s pressed on her, trying to catching Lexa’s lips after successfully leaving nipping and sucking marks on Lexa’s breasts and neck. When Clarke caught plump lips, she started kissing the Omega deeper—their tongues gracefully dancing in their mouths.

After a while, Clarke pulled back to whisper against plump lips once more, “I’m going to be a little rougher this time, okay?” She asked as she continually but gently pounded into the Omega. Clarke never stopped her thrusts ever since she started moving, and though they were new to this, they thoroughly enjoyed doing it and learning first-hand as they go.

When Lexa once again nodded her approval, Clarke immediately pulled Lexa off the rock they were laid on and gently placed Lexa on the grass, never breaking their cores’ contact. As soon as Lexa’s back hit soft ticklish green sprouts, Clarke started pounding harshly into her Omega, never stopping even as Lexa moaned loudly out of pain and pleasure at the same time.

Lexa was loving Clarke’s rougher thrusts and started vocally encouraging the Alpha, “Yes, Clarke. Like that. Please, take me. Yes. Faster! Harder! Please!”

And then she stilled—feeling another unfamiliar warmth and convulsion that jolted throughout her body. Lexa’s mind was high up in the clouds, unable to process whatever else was going on but faintly realizing that Clarke was still pounding into her.

When she came down from her high, she was vaguely aware that Clarke had bitten her again at the mating mark but still no blood was drawn which only frustrated the Omega.

Suddenly, Lexa could feel it again, that warmth blossoming in her stomach. She was anticipating it, and when she felt warm spurts within her, she realized that it was Clarke’s turn to feel that high and it made her succumb to her own overwhelming high, both of them yelling the other’s name.

When they both calmed down, they were vaguely aware that it was already dark and realized they had both been there for hours.

Knowing her Omega was still exhausted and perhaps sore, Clarke collected their things and gently dressed her Omega herself before she put her own clothes on. Lexa was even more at bliss at her Alpha’s aftercare of their lovemaking.

On their walk back to camp, they were too in love and overwhelmed to talk about anything else but then Clarke suddenly realized something that she wanted to tell her Omega.

“I’ve always wanted to do that, you know? You have no idea how dirty my mind could get ever since I was eleven.” Clarke paused and blushed but the darkness around them hid it; still, Lexa knew that it was there. “I think my desires overcame my reason because of today’s simulation. I— I just knew I wanted everything with you before anything might happen to either of us and it would be too late.”

Lexa stopped walking at that. “Clarke, nothing will ever happen to you. I will have to die first before something happened to you.”

“And I would have to die first too if something were ever to happen to you,” Clarke countered.

“Then we must make a compromise, and we’ll just have to keep ourselves safe so no one has to die!” Lexa reasoned and Clarke could only giggle, earning her a jab to her stomach.

“I’m sorry, love. I promise I’ll take better care of myself. I won’t throw myself into something I know I can’t handle on my own. I promise to take measures and clear my mind before I drive myself into danger head-on. I love you, Lexa, and our people. But my mind will always fight for you first. So, I promise, I’ll take care of myself so you won’t do anything drastic.” Clarke ended her sweet vows in a self-satisfied smile, earning her—yet again—another jab to her stomach.

“And I promise to live for you and love you, now and forever, Clarke. I will always be yours,” Lexa promised as she tiptoed a little to kiss her Alpha sweetly.

When Lexa pulled away, her expression became serious, as if something just came to her. “I have a question though, how did you know what to do at the beginning of our… first time?” Lexa asked bashfully, looking away from her Alpha.

“It’s a rather weird story but Octavia and Raven… They kind of share experiences and tips with each other. It was a very disturbing discussion over breakfast and I managed to block them out most of the time but I guess some stuck to my subconscious." Clarke paused and smirked down at her girlfriend before she continued, "I guess it’s a good thing for you then.”

She was able to move quickly this time and jumped out of Lexa’s incoming jab. It was Clarke’s turn to surprise the Omega when she lunged herself instead towards Lexa’s lips, holding her as she dipped her girl like in the old movies she saw in the Ark—or that famous Sailor’s Kiss from the Old World.

_And just like then, denoting a monumental day for the young couple too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I might not be posting for a few days, that's why I posted 2 today. I've already written (but unedited) the next few chapters, so over the weekend I'll be working on that and writing the ones after.  
> Thanks for the patience.  
> Have a good weekend! 🦝🦁
> 
> P.S. What did you think about this chapter? It's the first time I've ever written a steamy scene and underage at that too. 🙈  
> Had to give CLexa a chance. 😶
> 
> Update: About a few months after I wrote this chapter, I was finally fully in the mindset how they were supposed to be just 13 and 15. Back then, i had that thing about “oh i want them to be each other’s firsts” that i trivialized the fact their ages were so so young. There’s no reasonable excuse. 
> 
> This chapter continues to haunt me, and now I’ve decided to do something about it. I wanted to redo the whole thing. Maybe no visuals just a narration: “They did it. The end”. I dont know. 
> 
> But let me just say: To each his own but I am not condoning underage sex. I stuck to that rule myself in high school. And I’m sorry if this chapter has offended anyone. There’s no excuse for it other than my own pettiness.


	15. Clarke 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, Clarke... 2.0

-xv-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

What seemed like hours was actually just less than 5 minutes. And just as Clarke was about to subtly release another brief wave of soothing pheromones, Lexa abruptly stood up and exhaled before muttering, “Forgive me. It was very wrong of me to act that way. Clarke, thank you for the comfort but I am alright now. Shenan and Aryan, it was all a pleasure to see you despite the circumstances. I do hope your stay in Polis will be relaxing and worthwhile. Kalel, do get better soon. And then we can show you around and let you enjoy whatever Polis has that Louwoda Kliron doesn’t.” And with that, Lexa was out of the hospital in seconds.

It left the family stunned. But the clearing of Raven’s throat brought them back to the present. “So, do you still need me to contact your Seda?” Raven asked as she offered her hand to Clarke, helping her up from the floor where she's still kneeled.

“Yes, please, Miss Reyes,” Clarke answered as she gathered her wits.

“Please, none of those formalities. It’s just Raven, Clarke 2.0.” Clarke snapped her head back to Raven with furrowed brows.

“Ignore her and her unfiltered brain. Hi, my name is Octavia Blake. It’s nice to see you again, Clarke.” The lean, beautiful Omega stood beside Raven and just as Raven did earlier, proffered her hand to the blonde teenager.

“Hello, Ms. Blake or do you also prefer Octavia?” Clarke asked as she shook her hand.

“Octavia works too but if you should be formal, it’s Mrs. Lincoln. And that,” Octavia said, pointing to a tall bald Alpha behind her, “is my mate and husband, Lincoln kom Trikru.”

Clarke beamed at the couple before realizing the relieved sighs that traveled around them.

One by one, Clarke and her brother were introduced to Raven and Octavia’s friends. Shenan and Aryan knew all of them already but were glad to catch up nonetheless. When Clarke was introduced lastly to Abby and Jake, the couple was barely able to pull themselves together but they did. And it was visibly one of the hardest things they ever had to do.

“Hello, my dear. It is wonderful to see you again.” Jake held out his hand, trying to suppress the agony his inner Alpha was begging to wail out.

“You—you look great, sweetheart. How are you?” Abby continued as she choked down a sob, she had been crying ever since Clarke stepped foot into the room and spoke to her brother, willing herself to hold it together and not scare the young Alpha away, just as they had 7 years ago.

“I feel great, Dr. Griffin. And thank you for taking care of my brother just as you did with me before. It is also really nice to see you again, Chancellor Griffin.” Clarke answered both Griffins enthusiastically before realization set in. “I—I hope my presence here isn’t too much for you. If it is, I can always head out and receive news about my brother’s recovery elsewhere instead as I have a few friends here with me who will be more than happy to be messengers.”

“Oh no, of course, please. We— You are welcome here Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru,” Jake quickly answered to reassure the considerate young Alpha.

Just as Clarke was about to respond the doors to the Emergency room opened with two newcomers. One was a young handsome Alpha with long black braided hair and lean body. He showed a friendly, childlike expression but his scent told a different story. _This was a strong Alpha._

The second one was a gorgeous Omega with strawberry blonde wavy hair, bright blue eyes, and a slender body. And just as the friendly Alpha with her, the Omega showed a kind and sweet disposition too.

“Clarke! We’re sorry it took us long. We could not find where the hospital was as we left the stables,” the Alpha explained as he walked towards Clarke.

The Omega, however, took a different route and walked towards Kalel. “Hello there, little Kalel. How do you feel?” The Omega asked as she poured soothing pheromones, knowing Kalel had always favored her above any of his sister’s friends.

“I feel better now, Kiya. I missed you!” The little pup’s enthusiastic response got a soft hearty giggle from the Omega.

“I missed you, too. I was also so worried when we heard the news. But your sister distracted me from my own worries when I focused on trying to calm her down throughout our journey, especially as Atlan was entirely no use at all,” Kiya admitted as she slowly turned her head towards Clarke’s direction, earning her a scowl from the young Alpha and a scoff from Atlan, making her giggle once more.

After making sure the pup was better, Kiya and Atlan were introduced to everyone else. The young group of friends was quick to blend in with the older group of friends. With the latter learning that Kiya and Atlan were among others that were currently training in the mountains of Blue Cliff with Clarke. It was where Clarke has been training with an old Seda, who hand-chose her students to take to the mountains. Clarke has been there for three years and had just returned to them 4 months ago, after a visit to her family before leaving again when she heard of Kalel’s condition.

After a couple of hours of catch up, Kiya became pensive and finally voiced her worries, “I think I must return to the mountain. Seda will train us to death when we return. At least when I get there, she’ll know what happened and the blow of your punishment won’t be as horrible.”

“You mean our punishment won’t be as horrible because you already took on most of Seda’s anger? Do you really think, _we, the Alphas,_ will ever allow that?” Atlan rebutted, pointing to Clarke and himself as he countered.

At Atlan’s objection, Kiya only blushed, making the rest of their new acquaintance coo at the sweet pups.

“He’s right, Ki. Besides, Raven will help us contact Seda so we won’t have to travel immediately or send a messenger,” Clarke added.

Together, the three of them said their quick goodbyes to Clarke’s family and made their brief trek to Raven’s laboratory.

The young pups marveled at all the types of machinery, and gadgetries that mesmerized them and twisted their illusion. Raven’s laboratory was big and it was obviously an important place in Polis, considering the many technologies the pups knew to be Skaikru weapons and perhaps where Polis military defense was created or enhanced too.

Raven showed them around for a while before they were brought towards a wall filled with monitors. Raven quickly tweaked some buttons that caused changes to the intensity and frequency of buzzing sounds. They soon realized that Raven was fixing a radio.

“There we are! Blue Cliff rep do you copy? Over.” Raven tried and soon enough they heard back a response.

“This is Blue Cliff, we copy you, Polis. Is there anything we can help you with? Over,” the voice from the other side replied.

“Yes, we need to send out a message to Seda…” Raven drifted and looked at the three pups behind her, silently asking the name of their teacher.

“Aeia,” Clarke supplied.

“Aeia. Please let her know three of her warriors are safe here in Polis. And that they left due to an emergency in Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru’s family. Over,” Raven continued.

“We copy, Polis. We are now locally radioing the closest village to Seda Aeia’s training camp. Over,” the voice confirmed back.

When they finished, the three pups were relieved to their cores. And Raven offered to take them to her favorite shop in the market where ice cream was sold.

“Trust me. This is like nothing you’ve ever tasted before. The lady that owns the shop loved giving us treats growing up and eventually, she came to me and my Seda about building her this machine called a ‘freezer’ where food can be cooled and stored. Where ice cream can stay frozen until it reaches our hungry mouths.” Raven was practically drooling already as she led the warrior pups to the shop.

When they arrived there, they were faced with Heda herself, stuffing her mouth with the cold, sweet treat.

“Heda.” Clarke was the first to bow her head to Lexa and soon enough, her friends followed her.

“At ease,” Lexa responded as she stood from where she was sat across an old lady.

“Hello, little ones. Have you come for a treat?” The lovely old lady asked, wiping something off from the corner of her eye.

“Hi, Helena. These are Clarke, Kiya, and Atlan. They just arrived from Blue Cliff to check in on Clarke’s little brother,” Raven introduced as she walked closer to Helena and hugged her while subtly whispering something to Lexa’s direction. A quick nod was her response.

“Come on, now. Don’t be shy. Take your pick. I’m told by Raven here you can take as much as you want.” Helena pointed to a big metal box behind her and the pups followed.

When Clarke tried to subtly turn her attention to where Lexa was, she was greeted by Raven with no Heda in sight.

Clarke sighed deeply, realizing how bad her judgment was when she just delivered herself into Polis without notice, knowing how the last time she was here went.


	16. She’s still like her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's POV of Clarke 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of living up to the story's title. Readers are asking where Clarke Griffin is.  
> Well, I can promise you though that wherever she is, you'll find out soon enough. 😅

-xvi-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“Nan, this is such a cruel thing the fates are playing.” Lexa sobbed in the old woman’s arms.

Nan Helena was hers and Clarke’s primary caretaker when both their parents had no choice but to leave Polis for whatever reason related to the coalition. But the young pups had always enjoyed being in the care of the loving Beta who always made special treats for the two and their friends. She didn’t have her own pups and caring for these little ones was her favorite thing to do whenever she can.

When Clarke was subjected to her training when she was 8, Lexa was deeply saddened and she would run to Helena whenever Clarke had to leave in the mornings for her daily training. Lexa was always only able to see Clarke in the morning as she was too tired—already asleep in her parents' arms—by the time they arrived home. So Lexa would get up an hour earlier than she normally does before finding herself knocking at the Griffins' door just so she could watch Clarke prepare for her day. And just _be_ with her Alpha.

When Clarke would leave, after kissing her forehead to reassure her that they’ll play again as soon as the weekends came, Lexa would drag herself to Helena’s shop to be distracted while waiting for Clarke to come home.

And just as she was a pup, Lexa was back in Helena’s arms once again as soon as she left the hospital.

“Hush my darling girl. Shhh…” Helena continuously pumped out soothing pheromones to the deeply distressed Heda.

“And— and everything about this Clarke... was my Clarke’s! The same blonde locks! The same husky voice! The same lips, nose, chin, cheeks! The same perfect blue eyes! The same energy! The same... the same…” Lexa stuttered as she sobbed further, “even the same mole above her lip.”

“There... there… why don’t you lie down for a moment? It will help.” Helena slowly assisted Lexa towards her bed, behind the curtains, at the back of her shop.

When they got there, Lexa immediately dropped on furs and curled into a fetal position as Helena sat by her side and continued to stroke her hair, humming one of Lexa and Clarke’s favorite melody.

Lexa’s nap was over two hours later and when she woke up she felt a little bit lighter. But as soon as the sleep-laden confusion wore off, she was haunted once again by golden hair, bright blue eyes, and all things Clarke.

She must have sat there for some time while she tried to replay the events of the early afternoon, trying to let her head wrap around the facts. _If they really were facts? Did those things really happen? Or was I just seeing what my mind was anticipating to see?_

A clearing of a throat dragged Lexa out of her reveries and looked up to see Helena standing by the curtain-makeshift-door.

“Are you feeling better dear, even just a little?” Helena asked as she gauged Lexa’s expression.

“At first…” Lexa nodded. “But did that really happen?”

Helena solemnly nodded as she walked over and sat beside her. “I haven’t seen her yet but everyone is already talking about it. That the child that resembled Clarke is back in the city. That she is still a true likeness to Clarke.”

Lexa scoffed. “Wait ‘til you see her, it’s not just her appearance, Nan. I wasn’t joking about the energy being similar too.”

Helena could only sigh sadly. She didn't want to offer her opinion. True as it was quite possible in Grounder belief, but to actually see it first-hand could still raise doubts even to the most diehard believers. They have, after all, considered reincarnation before—even Skaikru believed in it immediately—but the child had been under enough pressure before already. They just couldn't traumatize the pup once again.

“Why don’t we get some ice cream and eat to our heart’s desires?” Helena offered with a wink before standing up and waiting for Lexa by the curtains.

It worked as Lexa responded with a shy smile.

When they sat on one of the tables, hands cool and pale from the cold dessert, Lexa started speaking up again. “She’s beautiful, Nan. She looks just like Clarke when,” Lexa paused and took a deep shuddering breath, “when we lost her. If I’m not mistaken, they’re the same age too.”

Helena only nodded, knowing her young one, she must not be finished yet.

“So you can imagine my surprise. I will have lost her 15 years in a little less than a month from now, and here comes this young Alpha back as if to haunt us of what we’ve lost.” Lexa's voice faded towards the end as she stared at her half-finished treat.

It was quiet for the briefest moment. Lexa started with her treat again when the door to Helena’s shop opened. And immediately, they spotted the one person they were talking about just seconds ago. Both of them stiffened as Raven came forward first and waited for the teenagers to follow inside.

As soon as they were all in, the blonde Alpha pup was the first to bow her head with reverence in greeting before the rest of her company followed. That was enough time for Lexa to school her features and see—from the corner of her eyes—that Helena stilled and her eyes became glossy. Quickly, though, Helena too adjusted her expression and as soon as she did, Lexa ordered the pups to be at ease.

Lexa was relieved that Helena and Raven were quick to make exchanges—if only to dissipate whatever tension was forming in the little shop.

She was even more glad when Raven came over to embrace Helena and quickly whispered to her, “Brought them to the radio to talk to their Seda. She and her family didn’t seem too unsettled about earlier today, just happy to meet again and catch up with everyone. We’ve got you, Lex.” Raven subtly winked, away from the sights of the pups with them.

Lexa just quickly nodded at her friend and was in utter relief that her earlier display of emotion didn’t cause too much attention and trouble to the witnesses in the hospital.

When Helena brought the pups towards the freezer, she noticed the beautiful Omega— _Kiya,_ _she thinks—_ gently placing her hand on the small of Clarke’s back, and it enraged her in an instant. She was sure Raven noticed too as she didn’t react when Lexa removed herself without bidding her goodbyes.

Lexa strode towards her stable, as quickly as she could, and got on her black steed with no time to waste. She already had a destination in mind and she was driven by muscle memory to take herself there.

Nearly an hour later, she finally reached the large rock where she and Clarke shared many memories together. The fondest of all was when they first made love.

Lexa would so often visit this place to escape, but in most cases to simply _be_ with her Alpha in memories.

As soon as she took Clarke’s usual seat, she started bawling out. She knew from experience that the location of this special place allowed for anyone to be as loud as they want, to let their actions be as vulgar as they can be, and still remain hidden. A continuous blast of pheromones could be the only way one can be discovered in this place.

 _It was how she and Clarke were discovered one time, by Clarke’s Seda, on one of their heavy make-out sessions after one of Clarke’s emotion-draining training_ _._

Despite the tears and her shoulders trembling, Lexa smiled fondly at the memory.

“I miss you, my love, wherever you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is this song that I loved as a teenager.  
> Halfway through writing this story, I was reminded of the song especially as they share the same title.  
> And hearing it now again, I realize how fitting it is to my story. So I just wanted to share it with you guys.
> 
> Wherever You Are by South Border:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okCxpFcH_HQ


	17. White Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just one of those happy days before they knew what hit them.

-xvii-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

“Finally! Welcome home you two!” Octavia ran excitedly to their direction, with Clarke and Lexa barely off their horses.

“Thank Spirits, you have no idea how annoying these creatures can be.” Anya strode calmly towards them as she rolled her eyes, and Raven just beside her.

“Excuse me?! Plural? Who’s this other creature you’re talking about? Because I have been a respectable woman in their absence.” Raven asked indignantly as if to challenge Anya, slapping the Alpha’s abdomen with the back of her hand.

Anya rolled her eyes. Feeding fuel to the fire, she answered, “The lovely Omega I was with last night, she was too weak to contain her excitement because of Clarke’s arrival. I had to help.” Anya ended with a shrug.

And just like that, two angry Omegas rained praimfaya on both Anya and Clarke.

“The hell, Anya?!” Clarke yelled as she and Anya started running away from their aggressive-pheromone-blasting girlfriends.

“I was joking! I’m sorry!” Anya caved, though it was not sure to whom it was addressed to.

Their friends and parents were very much entertained at the turn of events. Because it truly was terrifying and intimidating when Raven, Octavia, or Lexa was angry; especially Lexa as she’s the most powerful Omega in Polis—and perhaps even the entire coalition—and her pheromones can make even the Alphas submit to her when she truly wanted to.

When they realized just how powerful Lexa was seven years ago, they had given it time. But when she turned eight, she was slowly trained to control her Omega just as Clarke was trained to control her Alpha. Lexa’s training, however, was not just about controlling her Omega but also learning to affect Alphas out of control. As she got older, she was taught how to manipulate her pheromones properly when it was found out that she can actually start doing so before even fully presenting as an Omega, just like Clarke. Lexa was just glad because these sets of training, on top of the physical ones she was undertaking, were in sync with Clarke’s Physical and Mental training. So her own training allowed for her to be distracted until the weeks she will have with Clarke on the Emotional training and the latter vacations they were eventually granted.

But despite her level-headed nature, Lexa was a jealous person too. And even though they had just finally made love two days ago—moving their relationship to the next level—it was jealousy she always had trouble with. Many times during her simulations, she would get very angry with Clarke despite Clarke actually being miles away from her and not to mention, innocent too. So when simulations stressed Lexa so much despite the weeks that had already gone by, when they did meet, Clarke was instantly either blasted with pheromones or sniffed all over.

Lexa knew she was being terribly irrational and that Clarke would never intentionally hurt her like that but she just couldn’t help it. And to make matters worse, because of her Omega's strength, it also meant that she was highly driven by the powerful charges within her. And being a jealous, albeit loving person, her fundamental nature just gets amplified.

But young, madly-in-love Clarke was loving the possessiveness of her girlfriend. It makes her all the more protective of her, showing ways to make her girlfriend feel secured. And in general, just showering the love of her life all that she could give.

So now, Clarke was running away from the love of her life because she’s still coming up with ways to calm and convince her she would never do what Anya was suggesting.

Raven and Lexa were very much hot on their tails when an idea popped in Clarke’s head. But before she went with the plan, she turned to Anya. “If this works on your girlfriend too, you owe me big time!”

Anya’s confused expression was unanswered when Clarke shifted as she ran. Her white wolf suddenly bursting out of her clothes, shredding it to pieces.

The other three that were running with her halted with a cartoonish screech. You were either 'Clarke' or a 'grotesque reaper' to be able to shift, so the onlookers only marveled once more at the white wolf.

Clarke never shows off her white wolf, and not everyone has seen it more than twice—even her own family and friends. She only had to shift when she was on her training so there were only a few very much used to witnessing Clarke turn.

And now, here was a magnificent white wolf running in circles around family and friends, and for all of Polis to see.

After Clarke’s lap around them, she slowly strutted to Lexa and bowed her head to her. Peeking through wolf lashes, she tried to gauge her girlfriend’s reaction. _Even with her wolf form's telepathic ability, she can just hear soft whispers in her girlfriend's head but still can't fully comprehend them._

And slowly, when they’re face to face, Clarke nuzzled her large wolf head to the side of Lexa’s small face before curling around Lexa’s body—trying to be cute—and brushing her fur against her.

And immediately, Clarke knew she was forgiven when Lexa wrapped her arms around her wolf head. Clarke could only wag her tail and stick her tongue out in utter joy. It was an adorable scene for everyone around them. They cooed and _aww'd_ from the overload of cuteness.

Octavia was already shrieking in delight, running towards them to give the wolf a big hug herself. And immediately, she was followed by the others. _Clarke’s large wolf was just a total puppy._

Before they could reach them, Lexa released Clarke with a chuckle, and Clarke bounced around when she saw people running cheerfully towards her.

But before she could try and get chased, she turned towards Anya to get back at her. And to truly and completely annoy the older Alpha, Clarke licked her whole face. Clarke’s wolf tongue was large enough to cover the entire face of Anya. And then she was off when a warrior-screeching Anya ran after her first, making them all gasp for air as they doubled over and laughed heartily.

The entire day was spent with them playing with Clarke’s wolf form. The children squealed in utter excitement when Clarke would chase them or let them ride on her back. The adults, too, very much enjoyed being chased by Clarke and vice versa. No prophecies, no wars, no problems, no stoical facets weighing them down.

They even played a game that whosoever got a hold of Clarke first will win a prize of bragging rights. Everyone was excited to participate. They thought it should be a game in one of their festivals if Clarke would ever allow it.

In the end, Raven won by tricking Clarke into thinking she was about to hurt Lexa. When Clarke saw Raven holding a stick and walking sneakily behind Lexa as if to hit her, Clarke immediately ran to her direction—falling into her trap. As soon as Clarke was close, Raven dropped the stick and raised her hand in surrender, and Clarke halted, only to be lunged at by Raven.

In all fairness, Raven did win. And the others were amazed and amused by her methods. Even Lexa shook her head at her friend but was deep down reeling at the idea that her Alpha would always come for her. Only to quickly realize, Clarke had so much to learn from her training still.

_There was an apparent danger, yes. But by Raven? Her own best friend? How would Clarke react if she was a stranger instead?_

She was supposed to be in control of her wolf and not be too concerned by anything other than her own safety.

_They promised each other just days ago._

And with that thought in mind, she was sure to have a serious discussion with her girlfriend soon.


	18. Makes the world go ‘round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And another day before they knew what hit them.

-xviii-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

“Man! That was _the_ best day ever! Can we do that again someday, Clarke?” Jasper asked as he perched on the stone and dropped his feet to the cold, refreshing water.

“Of course. Perhaps at my birthday celebration, we can all play a-” Clarke offered but cut herself short before continuing, “actually I think before my birthday works better. I don’t know how strong my wolf will be when I present, I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Clarke continued to nuzzle herself into the crook of Lexa’s neck, lightly pressing her lips on her scent gland there.

Lexa was wrapped around the Alpha's arms as she perched on a stone a little lower than hers while Clarke sat behind her. She was just deciding on whether or not to climb up the waterfall and jump from there.

The pool at the bottom was deep, and they _had_ jumped there once. But it was back when they had, unwittingly, gotten high from the cookies Monty and Jasper baked with Jobi nuts. They were truly lucky that Clarke’s metabolism was faster than any regular wolf, and she snapped out of it just in time to see her friends drowning with wide smiles to their faces. Clarke was very much exhausted after that, what with all her friends drowning together at the same time, and she could only rescue them three at a time.

Her musings were cut short when she felt sweet lips on her neck and moaned slightly when memories of the last time she felt Clarke’s lips there were brought to the surface. This moan was not missed at all by their friends and immediately, they received 15 pairs of eyes trained on them.

“Oh my god! You did it, didn’t you?!” Raven exclaimed beside Anya, halting her actions at starting a fire.

Lexa and Clarke furiously blushed but even though their backs were turned to them, their pheromones made it quite obvious.

“They totally did!” Luna answered as she was closest to Lexa and Clarke and was, therefore, the first to smell the wave of defensive pheromones coming off the two.

They started teasing the youngest couple. And although they knew it was all in light fun, Clarke didn’t want to subject her Omega into further embarrassment, so she moved to Lexa’s side, placed an arm below Lexa’s legs and the other arm on her back and carried Lexa bridal style towards the forest where they could be hidden from their friends for a while and compose themselves.

“Look at Griffin carrying her bride away to the woods!” Finn whistled at them while the others laughed, halting Clarke on her tracks to think twice about her rather stupid idea.

“Is that where you did it the first time, in the woods?!” Murphy continued Finn’s line of joking.

Which to Clarke and Lexa was right on the money so another wave of pheromones unintentionally gusted towards everyone—all at the same time—so when it hit them, they dropped down, doubled over, and guffawed at their obvious friends.

Without thinking, Clarke turned back around and roared at them. It was sudden and intimidating indeed. But as soon as Raven’s cooing was out, they were still a laughing stock. “Aww... look at our babies, two of our youngest, finally engaging in passionate lovemaking. You guys are so cute, I can’t believe how adorable this actually is.”

And with that, Clarke stomped off towards the edge of the forest so that they’re far enough from their friends but still very visible so they wouldn’t be suspected of doing anything blackmail material.

As soon as Clarke has settled both of them under the shade of a large tree, Lexa promptly took the opportunity to voice out her concerns.

“Clarke, yesterday when we played and Raven tricked you into her trap…” Lexa started as she looked at her Alpha, trying to see if Clarke knew where Lexa was going with this.

“Yeah.” Clarke huffed. “If you ask me, I think people often forget the word ‘evil’ or ‘diabolical’ before ‘genius’ when referring to that Omega.” Clarke huffed again as she scowled at Raven from a distance.

Lexa giggled. "Aww," she cooed at her Alpha, stroking her back as she leaned her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Anyway, what I wanted to say was, what were you thinking then? As you saw her attempting to hit me?” Lexa tried to look at Clarke in as much as the angle, she was positioned in, allowed her.

She could see Clarke’s eyes becoming serious and realizing something, her brows very much furrowed.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered.

“My love, you know my stance on this and all our Sedas’ too. Please, Clarke, I will only be safe as soon as you’ve cleared your mind and took control,” Lexa reprimanded only to soften near the end, “you know this…”

“I know,” Clarke answered softly once more. “It was different… I mean, I know I’ve been successful in almost all of my training modules but I guess it’s because I’m aware they’re simulations. Even those that Seda made feel so real, but because I see Seda and the familiar faces I’ve spent with years on my training, I guess it was just an overlooked factor. Yesterday, we were outside training grounds, and Sedas out of sight. We were just… out. I guess that’s why I lost control of my mind because things were real.”

Lexa was surprised by the response. She had thought it was simply because Clarke wasn’t thinking. But it totally made sense now. They were out in the world. _Of course, Clarke’s guard was up._

“I see…” Lexa pulled her head off Clarke’s shoulder, making the Alpha still, nervous pheromones emitted.

Lexa just raised her hand to Clarke’s other side of the head and pulled to make Clarke look at her. “We’ll work on that, my love. We’ll let the Sedas know, and we can take up far more difficult simulations for you.”

Clarke’s response made Lexa laugh loudly. She couldn’t contain her frustrated groan at the suggestion but she knew Lexa was right, so she just sighed deeply before she looked back at her Omega.

When Lexa calmed down, she slowly leaned her head forward and gave her Alpha the sweetest kiss. They were at it for a couple of seconds before they broke off when they heard asynchronous wolf whistles.

Ignoring their friends, they just stared into each other’s eyes with blissful grins on their faces. Lexa settled her head back on Clarke’s shoulder, with Clarke putting an arm over Lexa’s waist to keep her snuggled to her.

“I know I promised you that I’ll look after myself first. I’m sorry I broke that, my love. I just can’t help it when you always come first in my mind. I just know and feel that... love like ours, _selfless love_ , makes the world go ‘round,” Clarke declared gently as she purred to relax her Omega in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know people want to know the story of the past. And that some are really anticipating it.  
> I promise you, I'm just as excited to finally share it when we come to it.  
> And since next week I'll be busy at home for the holidays, I'll try to be posting twice so by the end of this week, y'all will get some answers. ;)


	19. You are not her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk alone again after 7 years.

-xix-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“Heda?” A voice brought Lexa back to reality.

_Where am I?_

_Oh. Right._

Lexa quickly brought her hands up to wipe her face before it registered to her that someone had called her attention.

When she turned around she felt like the air was punched out of her lungs. It felt difficult to simply breathe.

“What are you doing here?” She asked the newcomer with an unintentional harshness to her tone as she rose to her feet in a defensive stance.

“I— I’m sorry, I did not mean to upset you, _Heda,_ ” the person said with reverence.

Lexa sighed loudly and turned away from her. She knew what the girl really meant. It wasn’t about her intrusion at Lexa’s current need for solitude she was apologizing for.

“Your brother is ill, Clarke.” Lexa’s voice cracked at the end. It hadn’t registered to her before how painful that name sounded coming from her lips while addressing it to another person with the same name. _The same face. The same eyes. The same hair. The same aura. The same everything._

“When I told you to never return to Polis seven years ago, I did not mean it. You were just a seven-year-old child, and that order was made during an emotional outburst. If it was anyone’s fault, it was mine,” Lexa admitted though she didn’t literally apologize to the child. Clarke was still her people and she was their commander. She would not cave in to just anyone. _She is not family. She is not her Clarke._

“Of course, Heda. And I thank you for allowing me to be here. But if it is too much, I would easily understand if you want me out of Polis,” Clarke responded, still waiting for Heda to look back at her in their exchange.

“And I will let you know if that’s the case, but as it is not, you and your family are welcome in Polis for as long as you need,” Lexa offered, still looking away from her but feeling more comfortable in her stoic features. _She mustn’t be seen affected._

“That is great news, Heda. Thank you.” Clarke continued to speak to her with reverence, and Lexa didn’t understand why but it irked her.

And it irritated her more when she realized something. She turned around to look at Clarke’s still peaceful expression and gauged her reaction to her question. “How did you know I was here?”

Clarke was obviously caught off guard at that but her response was calm and true, “I wanted to speak privately with you, Heda. To apologize. And I saw you ride away. I apologize for interrupting your want for time alone.”

Lexa strutted towards Clarke, emanating intimidation to the young Alpha. “Did you follow me this whole time? I would’ve heard you before reaching this spot if you had.”

Again, Clarke’s response was quick, feeling the intimidation seep through her pores. “No, Heda. I walked here. I felt pheromones bouncing all over the area until I could locate the source. And it led me here.”

Lexa stared down at Clarke, looking into her eyes trying to see how true they were, only for memories to come rushing. _Too many memories at the same time_. Memories of the time when she was young and staring deeply into the same azure eyes. Even with the darkness that surrounded them, the moonlight and Lexa’s extraordinary senses allowed for her to see the same blue eyes of the one she loved. And all of a sudden, she felt the same pain in her chest again, the very throbbing pain whenever she thinks of the love she lost.

Lexa started backing away, gasping for air, almost tripping as she went.

Clarke was quick to respond and tried assisting her, only to be pushed away by the suffocating Omega.

“No! You have done more than enough. Do not ever come back here again. This place is sacred to me and Clarke. You are a different one. And as such you are desecrating her memory. Go back to your family and stay away from me in the time you will be in Polis.” Lexa ordered. Her chest continued to throb; her heart beating fast; her lungs taking more oxygen than needed. Her mind, frantic; her Omega, raging once more at her indifference to the girl, but she had to.

Her entire being was fighting against the words she released but she had to.

 _This is not Clarke. Clarke is gone. This is just a sick joke of Fate._ _Clarke is waiting for me wherever we were supposed to meet once my time here has ended. This girl is holding me back from being with Clarke, wherever she is._

Lexa was slowly realizing that her mantra from before will be her mind's constant companion again. And she kept at it until she calmed down and regained her composure, and once she did, she also realized what she had just caused.

She opened her eyes and saw defiant tears dancing on Clarke’s eyelids and never dropping. Her beautiful blue eyes glistened brilliantly under the night starry sky. Any other night, this would have been a serene and beautiful moment for them—were it not for the pheromones slowly coming off the young Alpha. And full realization struck Lexa. _Pain._

_She’s in pain._

_And because of her... again._

Before she could rectify her actions, Clarke bowed to Lexa gracefully and whispered her apologies once more. “Of course, Heda. I would never dream of hurting you or insulting the late Prime Alpha. I shall take measures as requested,” Clarke promised solemnly.

And Lexa could only notice that the dancing tears have finally succumbed to their fate and ran down soft, flushed cheeks. _Defiance, dead._

Lexa sucked a breath, remembering the one person whose defiance exceeds all. And the same defiance, _dead._

When Clarke didn’t hear a response, she quickly excused herself and bowed one last time.

And Lexa was alone again.

She felt _broken_.

_As broken as the day she helplessly watched Clarke drop dead._

_But she couldn't understand why._


	20. The Bearers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! :)

-xx-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

“I knew my suggestion was helpful!” Raven smugly paraded herself around the busy crowd of food handlers.

“Yes, yes, Raven. What would we do without you?” Abby gibed at the Omega.

“Yes. How can we ever repay such a brilliant mind,” Jake added with a chuckle.

Raven grinned. _She saw the opportunity_. “Why, since you’ve wondered that yourselves, let me tell you then. Jake, sir, you being in my debt and being our Chancellor and previous Chief of Engineering, why don’t we come over here to discuss a few projects that I have been working on but needing Sinclair’s approval which is obviously overrated.” Raven playfully rolled her eyes as she dragged Jake away, placing a hand over one shoulder—seeing as she can’t reach to have her whole arm around both shoulders—in her usual ‘I have a proposition for you’ gesture.

The people around them just chuckled at the typical ‘Raven Reyes Schemes’. But it was true though.

When the leaders planned out Clarke’s natal day celebration, it was a month before the event. They hadn't realized that they should have started hunting, fishing, and foraging more than a month before it, as thousands of people will be in attendance. They _were_ intending for the whole coalition to celebrate.

They all quickly delegated tasks—Skaikru offered to use tech and machines to fish and store the catch safely to keep them fresh while the grounders took charge of the hunt. Overkill was exempted for now, as this was only considered a one-time event. An event where everyone could gather and meet everybody else. Men, women, the elderly, and children can officially socialize in a large event that has never been done before.

The entire coalition was excited. And Polis would be crowded with 2000 Arkadians and more than 14000 grounders. But after their calculations, the food they would’ve managed to collect in a month for a one-day-event would only feed 7000.

But as luck was on their side—or as Raven corrected them more than once, ‘as a Genius was on their side’—Raven suggested they send out messengers at every direction, to every Clan and villages, and inform them to hunt along the way, or before they left, and bring their contribution to Polis for the event. To which everyone heeded and a week later, they received updates from the scouts that most villages had already started hunting and storing their meat.

Now, a week and a day before Clarke’s birthday, they estimated that they will have food that would cover every single person 3 meals for 3 days. So they sent out a last wave of messengers once more to let everyone know that because of their contribution, the event will likely be extended and they can truly enjoy the festivities—very much to everyone’s delight.

As Raven dragged Jake out of the preparation area, Clarke and Lexa arrived to offer their help.

“Can you give us a job that won’t require us to stop holding hands?” Clarke asked all of a sudden, making them burst into a fit of laugher once more.

Shaking her head, Becca pointed to one of the tables, showing them what they needed to do. The young lovers quickly moved over and started chopping vegetables as one. The others just gawked at the sight. They really were serious about not being separated.

Before they could react, Octavia and Lincoln breezed through together, hands interlocking as well. Seeing what the other couple was doing, they immediately followed and chopped vegetables on their table in the same fashion. The two pairs weren’t even finding themselves ridiculous. They were too in love to care.

When some of their friends arrived, all but Anya laughed at the silliness as the Alpha grunted at the ridiculous couples.

Raven, too, had returned after her project pitches with Jake and found the scene hilarious but adorable, nonetheless.

“The fuck is this table?! The Siamese-Twins-Table?” The Sky people laughed at the Omega’s joke but the grounders were confused. Once Abby explained it to them, they, too, joined in on the laughter.

“Babe, let’s be Siamese Twins together, too,” Raven said, trying to bedazzle Anya with the fluttering of her eyelashes.

Which had unexpectedly worked because Anya was quick to stand beside Lexa and proffered her hand to Raven. And once again, the adults just shook their heads at the usual quirkiness of this group of pups.

It didn’t seem like hours had passed, owing to the fact that the young friends were very much enjoying each other’s company—that they hadn’t realized they finished the tasks at hand far quicker than they should have—when they were greeted by unexpected guests.

Despite knowing they invited the whole coalition, they had forgotten about the two enigmatic but important individuals to their society. The last time they saw this pair was nearly 7 years ago, when they came to meet Clarke and confirmed that she was the long-awaited, prophesied Prime Alpha.

Now, seven years later, they appear once more. And they look like they haven’t aged one bit.

_Perhaps they hadn’t._

“Hello again, Prime Alpha.” The Elder Woman—as they called her—greeted Clarke right before her and Lexa. They didn't even notice them come near, to begin with.

Clarke, as gobsmacked as everyone else, managed to gather her wits and responded quickly with a bow, “Hello, Elders.”

“Please Clarke, you do not bow to us. It is we who are your servants,” Elder Man answered.

When Clarke pulled her head back up, both Elders simply smiled at her solemnly.

“You’ve come for the celebration?” Lexa asked to be rid of the silence. “Not that you weren’t invited of course. We are excited to have you join us.”

Quickly, their smiles died down and when they did, the energy around them felt ominous.

“Sadly, we cannot celebrate,” was their only response.

Even that short answer still felt... heavy.

“We understand the excitement and euphoria in these preparations for your natal day, dear Prime, but we’ve come bearing bad news,” the Elder Woman shed light upon the ominous atmosphere.

Wary pheromones traveled everywhere, just smothering everyone despite the open space they were in.

 _“Clarke, the day you were born in the skies, the Universe decided that you will never be mated. But it also decided that the sun will rise again,_ ” Elder Man announced.

If they thought they couldn’t hear crickets in broad daylight, they thought they could now.

“I’m sorry, what?” Clarke whispered, asking for everyone else.

“May the Spirits be with you, Clarke.”

Clarke quickly tried to respond, to get some answers but the Elders were quicker. They suddenly shifted into two large grey wolves and ran in opposite directions. Clarke was about to shift herself but was halted by Nyko.

“We do not seek them out, Clarke. You cannot find them even if you live all your days doing so,” Nyko justified. “The best we could do now is to decipher their message.”

But Clarke was frustrated even more and was about to fight back, a steady growl already taking place.

She was almost about to make Nyko submit, to remind him that she was more powerful than he was. She was just a few seconds from doing so. _But then nothing._

The stimuli that surrounded Clarke the past few minutes were enough justification for her to be outraged. But she felt powerless despite the well-known, perpetual power residing within her; she felt vulnerable despite how it was surging by the minute.

Her Alpha demanded answers, demanded punishment for being told she couldn’t be with Lexa. Her Alpha knew what powers they held; it had been tested and proven too many times over the years.

_She could make everyone in proximity submit to her at 8._

_When she learned to draw out her Alpha or shift, a few days later, more potential abilities were unlocked._

_She was physically stronger, faster, and stealthier whenever she let her crimson red-eyed Alpha out._

_But in wolf form, she was mentally powerful. She could ‘see’ the waves and intensity of pheromones, and track the source for as far as 40 miles. She could hear disembodied whispers in a person’s mind, suggesting she had the potential to read thoughts._

_At 11, when she shifted, she could take down larger mutated creatures, release much greater growls and crippling pheromones._

_When she was 12, she learned to aim and contain her pheromone blasts._

She could do unimaginable things. She could literally feel the power every cell in her body has. And yet here she was, held back after being told she will not be mated, that she will not be with Lexa.

_No, she will never want to be without Lexa._

_So, she **couldn’t** be with Lexa?_

_Did Lexa not want her?_

Clarke has long stopped her struggle against Nyko. She was vaguely aware that Lexa was in front of her, holding her tight, head resting on her chest while purring and soothing her.

Clarke responded by embracing her back. She couldn’t voice out her worries—dreadful of Lexa’s answer.

_She knows Lexa loves her. She knows they promised each other everything. She knows she can’t be wrong._

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think?


	21. Hibernation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm a little late (or well it's pretty late where I'm from). I got dragged to go out.  
> Anyway, enjoy today's chapter!

-xxi-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

“This is only making my head pound, Heda. My Alpha is being difficult right now. I don’t want to be kept reminded of that warning. I really need everyone to stop repeating it, _please_.” Clarke groaned—barely containing the pheromone she was close to blasting out to everyone—as she massaged her temples with her knuckles from where she sat.

Lexa remained steadfast beside her Alpha, releasing soothing pheromones ceaselessly ever since Nyko held Clarke back just hours ago.

“Honey, we just think… something is up. I don’t want to say it out loud because I don’t want to consider its possibility just yet. But why would they say, ‘May the Spirits be with you?’” Jake answered gently as he walked towards Clarke’s table, offering his daughter a glass of water.

“Great! Can't you all analyze that instead? I know it may pertain to the Great War but it could be something else.” Clarke offered, silently thanking her sire as she took the glass of water, and chugged it in a second.

“I think we all know it’s about the war. Shouldn’t we start discussing strategic plans now? We’ve planned those for years, we should be ready.” Marcus suggested, looking around the other leaders before his eyes landed on Clarke, who was now laying her head on crossed arms on the table.

All of a sudden, a messenger came and bowed before them, seeking out the ambassador of Azgeda _[Ice Nation]_. When the messenger spotted him, he walked forward and whispered something, catching the attention of everyone else.

The Azgeda ambassador only scrunched his brow and nodded before addressing everyone’s questioning look. “Hedas, the Azgedan party are on their way. They had apparently traveled earlier to be here exactly on the celebration day and are now encamped close to Polis. Some will be arriving soon to drop off their contribution.”

“Yes, thank you for that. I’m told Ingranrona Kru _[Plains Riders]_ , Trishana kru _[Glowing Forest]_ , and Delfikru _[Delphi]_ will be here earlier too as they live farthest,” Indra acknowledged.

“Alright, back to the plans. Shall we call for the war council?” Gustus eyed every leader to confirm approval and they looked to the Hedas before nodding themselves.

“We’ll need to prepare the scouts as well, and have them begin perimeter runs. We need all our warriors and soldiers on their toes. And the villagers be kept aware of what or who might stumble upon their area,” Jake added, nodding to Bellamy, Lincoln, and Miller as they bowed and exited the building to go to their respective scouts and inform the other scout leaders.

Almost all the ambassadors and chiefs had already left the room to do their designated tasks—sending messengers to warn their people and prepare for the meeting—when Anya noticed her Omega shifting from one foot to the other.

“Are you alright?” Anya asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m just—” Raven paused as she glanced at her mentor, Sinclair.

Raven took courage when she saw him nodding slightly at her as if to encourage her to speak. _She’d always been happy just working in the background and sharing her ideas directly with her mentor but speaking out before leaders was something new to her._ It’s why she dragged Jake earlier that day to see his reaction and see if her suggestion would be welcomed.

“If I may, I’d like to discuss something I’d already spoken to Chancellor Jake about earlier today.”

This caught every single attention left in the room. For the first time, they could see Raven was nervous about something, which never really happens so they were very much intrigued.

“So, I was talking to Lexa a few days ago about how it feels like not to be affected by Clarke’s aggressive pheromones.” This perked up Clarke and Lexa who were now intently listening. “And she told me that she still feels it but more of a pinch for the mildest blast and lethargic for the stronger, near-lethal blasts. And it got me thinking, besides Clarke and now apparently the Elders too—which I suspect might be because of reaching some level of transcendence— _but why are reapers capable of shifting_?” Raven started looking around at the fascinated audience, seemingly looking for an answer from them.

“Because they lost touch of their humanity?” Becca answered.

“Yes, and our species is both Human and Wolves. Correct?” Raven queried, this time looking at the doctor in the room.

“Yes,” Abby answered with a nod, very much intrigued where Raven was going with this.

“If reapers can turn off their humanity, can _we_ turn our wolves off?” Raven posed, looking around everyone with an excited expression, only to get confounded responses—except Sinclair and Jake as they had heard of this pitch before.

“Raven, why would we want to get rid of our wolves? We’d probably be burning from the radiation around us.” Maya raised.

“Yes, that’s an excellent question, Maya, I can’t believe you’re settling for Jasper.” Raven sidetracked before she continued, ignoring Jasper’s indignant protest. “So, yes, theoretically that can happen but it can also not. Because I’m not asking to get rid of our wolves, I’m asking to hibernate them.” Raven looked at Abby as if asking for affirmation again. She was thrilled when she noticed Abby thinking pensively, most likely of the possibilities.

“So going back to Lexa’s case, if we hibernate our wolves, we just feel the same things she feels when it came to Clarke’s aggressive pheromones. Therefore, during this war, if Clarke ever did deadly blasts and she didn’t know there were allies around her. At least our people will be safe. _And_ we won’t even be affected by the pheromones of our enemies too. We will be physically weaker—in only our human form—yes, but we’ve got years and years’ worth of training so we are very capable of fighting. Only this time we won’t be incapacitated by stronger or suffocating pheromones anymore.”

Everyone in the room was in total amazement once again by the brilliant Omega.

“Wow, Rae, that’s… Just wow.” Clarke was the first to break the silence. Her eyes still large and glued to her best friend.

“Ho— How? Do you already know how to do this Raven?” Abby asked, still as stunned as the others.

“That’s the thing, I know we have enough data to cover for Clarke and Lexa’s physiology and we’ve got a pretty good understanding of them already. We also already have enough info on Human physiology but we need Reaper data to come up with the formula that’ll allow us to hibernate our wolves and not lose them—like reapers lost their human side. Hibernating our wolves is also probably pretty much the same as animal hibernation. This formula will not affect our human part as we need only to control the decrease of our metabolic rate enough to affect our wolves, and then we may have to shock our brains to officially put them to sleep. Or we may just need an elixir to drink or a vial to inject, I don’t know yet. What I do know is that it is possible but we need that database and we need time.”

“Theoretically, I would have to agree that’s possible but yes, we do need data and time.” Abby nodded, mind already whirring with ideas, methods, and what to do to their bodies to support Raven’s idea.

“And that, folks, is my Omega.” Anya proudly announced as she uncharacteristically held Raven from behind her, nuzzling her face on the crook of the Omega’s neck, making Raven swoon.

They all felt relieved and excited about Raven’s ingenious addition to their tactical plan. It may take a while but it was definitely better than nothing. It was unimaginable, to begin with, but truly clever considering how debilitating and disarming pheromones can be to every single wolf in war, making them vulnerable and easier to kill.

Their joy was cut off short when Clarke cleared her throat. “How, may I ask, do we get reaper data?”

“Duh. Did you really have to ask that, _Prime Alpha?”_ Octavia playfully rolled her eyes, earning glares from Clarke and Lexa.

“Fine. But you do know I can only track them if I know how they smell or how their pheromones looked like?” Clarke countered.

“Actually, honey, I think Jackson still has that reaper’s brain your father killed eight years ago.” Abby offered with a beamed.

“Eww,” was Clarke’s rather quick response along with her disgusted look—which broke off Abby’s pleased expression, scowling at her daughter, making the rest of them chuckle at the mother and daughter’s interaction.

“Love, she means you can sniff the brain,” Lexa paused and scrunched her nose at the idea, “to know how they smell like. Wow. That does sound disgusting.” Lexa shivered and almost retched next to Clarke.

They laughed once more, feeling utter relief at how their new plan was developing quite well.

“Last question, do you need a live reaper or will a dead one suffice?” Clarke asked, suddenly flinching when she realized how smug she sounded.

“Live reaper is preferable, _Oh Great Alpha_.” Raven teased with a smirk, as she did before when they were children, running around and playing chase. “But I suppose a freshly dead one works too. The reaper brain we have here is badly damaged that’s why we can’t work on it. So as long as its brain and the brainstem are still intact. It should be alright.”

“Alright then, can I start sniffing brains tomorrow? My headache is still bothering me.” Clarke asked around her. She knew everyone will be busy while she asked for this time for herself but she truly needed the rest. “May I be excused?”

“Of course, sweetheart. We’ll be home soon. And as Lexa will be with you for sure, she can update us if you feel worse.” Abby cooed as she walked over to Clarke to kiss her forehead.

Clarke saw everyone else nodding their approval, and as soon as they’ve bid her an early goodnight and ‘feel better soon’ wishes, she made her way out the building with Lexa following closely behind her.

Lexa could feel her Alpha was very much distressed and she knew why. She just wanted to talk about it as soon as they were inside the Griffins' home and she’s made Clarke comfortable on her bed.

When they got through the threshold, Clarke quickly shut the door close and pinned Lexa to the wall beside it.

“Do you not want to be my mate, Lexa?” Clarke asked without any preamble.

“Wha— What?!” Lexa was absolutely floored at the question. “Why do you even have to ask that? No one needs to ask that!” Lexa defended the most obvious thing to the entire coalition.

“ _Please_ just answer my question. It’s only a yes or no answer, Lexa.” Clarke leaned her forehead against Lexa’s as she started panting before her, emitting anxious and defensive pheromones too.

 _Please, don’t leave me... Please don’t... Please._ Clarke wordlessly begged. Knowing if it’s true, she wouldn't hold Lexa back.

The answers immediately hit Lexa like a freight train. _Clarke would always choose her. The Alpha will always want her as her mate. But the Elders’ warnings said Clarke wouldn’t be mated. Clarke must be thinking she didn’t want to mate with her._

Before answering Clarke, Lexa wafted her with soothing pheromones, purring and stroking the back of her Alpha’s head simultaneously. After a moment, Clarke’s heart rate and breathing returned to normal, and she was no longer emitting insecure pheromones.

Lexa was about to answer when the door beside them burst open, showing a frantic Bellamy before them.

“Clarke! Reapers! Ton DC! Quick!” Bellamy shouted in between pants.

The young couple were surprised but were quick to calm and assimilate the information, owing to their heavy training and readiness for all things urgent.

Clarke nodded and kissed Lexa on the lips quickly.

“I love you,” Clarke whispered before running out the door with clothes torn to pieces when a beautiful white wolf emerged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll be taking a hiatus probably for the next two weeks for the holidays. But I'll still be posting consecutively for this week.  
> And I can't really promise yet but I'll probably be posting something as a present for the Holidays. We'll see.  
> Thanks once again for your kind comments! :)


	22. Pawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> II

-xxii-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

It was eerily quiet by the time Clarke arrived Ton DC. The sun had already set but it was still twilight. Ton DC’s entrance still had traces of panicked pheromones but they were perfectly her kind. She still had no idea how reaper pheromones were like but she was still on alert as she stealthily moved to where the pheromones were stronger. Her senses completely heightened as she listened, sniffed, and looked around her.

There were no bodies lying around anywhere, or anything resembling the story about her parents facing their first reaper. There was no foul smell, just pheromones strewn all over the place, over-stimulating her senses.

_The villagers must be in their bunker._

It had been part of the defense plan of Polis command to have every village of the coalition dig their own bunker enough for them to hide and await rescue.

Clarke was making her way to where she knew the bunker was for Ton DC but she spotted something else, an intense cluster of pheromones in one area at the far end from where she stood, and it was leading to the woods. And sure enough, when she focused and scented it, the rotten stench immediately reached her muzzle.

Clarke immediately ran that way and followed the new scent she stored in her olfactory memory. It was nothing she’s ever smelt before. Although its glow looked similar to any other wolf’s, its scent was what gave it its distinction. _It smelled like death_ if Clarke had ever witnessed and smelled one before.

Soon enough, she noticed that amidst the smell of death were distressed pheromones. She was sure the villagers took the same path as the reapers did— _as she was as well_. Quickly, she realized something else. Something she was trained for all these years and something Lexa had just recently reprimanded her of. _She’s got to focus and think quickly before acting on impulse._

 _You promised Lexa._ Clarke warned herself.

Immediately, her wolf agreed and puffed a breath. Eyes now focused on the task at hand, and keeping her senses wide open, but still sharp enough to think and act accordingly.

Suddenly, behind a large tree up ahead, she could sense a source of pheromone waiting for her. She let it play out as it is and continued on her pace.

By the time she was close to passing the tree, a reaper lunged at her. It was still up in the air—as if in slow motion—when Clarke simply twisted her body on her last leap to a 180-degree and bit around the reaper’s jugular and carotid, ripping a large part of its neck off, gushing foul-smelling blood on the white coat of her stomach, before successfully landing after a full 360-degree turn. She continued running as soon as she was back on her paws, not bothering to check on her first kill, hearing its heartbeat quicken for a moment and then gradually decreasing to a full stop.

Her second encounter with the monsters, three of them were waiting for her on the trail. Clarke blasted them with her pheromones making them slowly succumb to her will. Clarke wanted to see how she could affect them and was pleased that even her moderate blasts were enough to make them bow to her but only after a bit of a struggle. When she was a lot closer, she knew she was losing time so she simply blasted them with her fatal pheromone—one she had never in her whole life done on another wolf before but was taught, nonetheless, how it theoretically goes.

It was something her mental training was for. If she could aim her more powerful blasts directly to her target’s minds and nowhere else at all, it would not only smother but overheat their brains causing them to seizure until their brain was metaphorically fried.

Clarke was told that there was a fine line between making others submit to her, and by overwhelming their entire being and killing them. This was where her emotional training came in handy. If she simply wanted her enemies to submit to her, she must first let herself feel compassion. Because if she was apathetic for another being or there was simply too much hate within her, without any care for their life at all, it would easily make her kill them even if all she wanted to do was make them submit. Her scent was truly that powerful and that was why she needed to constantly keep herself in check.

She remembered being sick to her stomach the first time she found out about this. Realizing how close she must’ve been to killing her friends and family seven years ago when she unintentionally made them submit. But she was slightly consoled when she was told she couldn’t have killed them because they were important to her. That she loved them, that’s why they were always safe from her. Nevertheless, this made Clarke hate making anyone submit to her, _save for the few exceptions such as now._

As soon as she’s set her aim to killing the three yielding reapers, she did so in a matter of seconds. They dropped dead as she gracefully leaped over their bodies and continued on her run.

After ten minutes of running, she could see she was heading towards an opening of a meadow. The pheromones at the end of the tunnel were heavily clouding, signifying a densely populated area. She realized the people were there but knew instantly they were not alone. The pheromones she smelled were still of distress, pain, and fear.

Quickly, Clarke focused on the disturbing scent and realized there were at least six reapers in the meadow. And once she pounced towards the woods’ exit, she was met with eight disturbing wide smiles that literally reached from ear to ear. They truly were as disturbing as she was told.

In the middle of the wider circle of reapers were the villagers of Ton DC, bruised, bleeding, and frightened to the bones.

Clarke waited for their move, trying to understand what they were planning to do. She focused her mind on the wolves and realized she could hear the voices. More like _a_ voice—it was almost the same for each of the eight minds she tapped into. One voice telling them what to do. And as usual, she could only faintly hear it. But this time it was incomprehensible; they were jumbled words of “ _Alpha. Keep. Stay. Prime. Away. Kill. Body. Bring._ ”

Clarke wanted to study them further but knew she should get it over with. With her already successfully identifying and reading the reapers' minds moments ago, she could easily blast them without the need for a much-focused aim.

When she was about to kill them, she noticed one of the villagers let out a relaxed pheromone which Clarke could only identify as 'relief' for her apparent rescue of them. However, it was short-lived when it obviously pissed off the reapers and the closest one to that villager ripped the man to shreds, making the rest of them cower and cry in fear once more.

This enraged Clarke but she still had to keep her control. However, she could not stop the initial growl that formed in her chest.

This got the reapers’ attention and disfigured grins were directed at her once more.

Clarke immediately aimed but as three of them ran towards the woods at her far end, she could only incapacitate the five before killing them. Clarke quickly darted towards where they exited to when two of them suddenly reappeared at either end of the middle. Apparently, rounding the meadow halfway, and coming out only when Clarke was close to the edge of the woods where they disappeared to.

But Clarke remained level-headed and sharp despite realizing she was being played at, and instantly blasted those two—with her back still to them—before they could get anywhere closer to the circle of villagers.

When her latest kills dropped to the ground, she released a loud growl to the woods in front of her, challenging the last reaper to come out.

And it did, Clarke could see it coming and was on her waiting stance when four new reapers appeared from nowhere and they were coming at different angles towards the rounded villagers. It distracted Clarke for a moment and she was instantly pounced at by the reaper from before.

They fought over physical dominance as they tumbled down towards the center of scampering frightened people.

Clarke managed to push it off and was quickly on her paws once more and charged at the reaper. Now wanting to show who was the more powerful Alpha, she let one strong paw of claws tear its jugular four places and the reaper staggered in an instant.

Clarke’s head was feeling heavy and knew it came primarily from her successive concentration on her lethal blasts; so instead, she dashed a full lap around the villagers in an attempt to get to each new reaper and take them down physically.

The first one, she charged and pushed towards a boulder by the reaper’s periphery, it immediately smashed both living and inanimate objects to parts. Clarke was immediately satisfied when she heard bones crushed, and the agonized howl the wolf released, crying for its coming death.

The second one, Clarke made submit and as soon as it did, she made a strong last leap to facilitate a heavy landing, aiming her strength on her front paws as she landed directly on the reaper’s skull, effectively crushing it with brain matters strewn everywhere.

The third one came at her at the same time, they were literally about to bump heads but the reaper changed plans and rerouted to where the villagers were once again. Clarke gave chase and managed to catch its tail before it reached the closest person just a few feet from them. Clarke was about to make the reaper submit when she heard screams and cries for help.

She saw that the fourth wolf had breached the circle and became rowdy, literally pushing its weight around the group of villagers; stomping its way forward leaving injuries and maybe dead bodies in its wake. Clarke aimed a deadly blast easily and killed the fourth one, almost dropping its weight on what would’ve been its next victim—a girl who looks to be a little older than her—before she was pulled away by two women.

Clarke still had her jaws locked on the third reaper as it fought angrily back, only realizing she had scratches to the side of her body from the reaper trying to break free. So she roughly pulled at the tail, cutting it off, making the reaper whimper before Clarke pounced on it to the ground. As soon as Clarke had the reaper pinned down, she bit hard on its neck and pulled with all her rage, effectively decapitating the reaper and pulling a few of its vertebra with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly always find wars or fighting the hardest to write down.  
> My imagination isn't easy to portray in words when it comes to those.  
> Lemme know what you think?


	23. The Sun will Rise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> III

-xxiii-

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

The sky was dimming when the fight was over. Clarke stayed still, allotting the last of her mental energy to concentrate once more for any more reaper pheromones that came with a heartbeat or jumbled mind. It was a very taxing task, considering the freshly dead reapers that surrounded her, and not to mention, the drying reaper blood on her own coat. After an hour of doing so, she knew she was on the clear and there were none alive left.

Clarke stayed in her wolf form and checked on the villagers as best she could. She could hear their minds much better than the reapers'. The voices were still very faint but it wasn’t jumbled.

She could hear in their minds the panic was still there but the realization that they were alive was enough for Clarke to know that they would be okay.

There were no fatal injuries, and it was a win for Clarke. However, it saddened her when some villagers wept and scooped up the remains of the man they lost earlier when Clarke had just arrived. She stayed with the man's family, showing them her condolences the best she could.

After a while, Clarke stayed in the middle of the crowd as she made sure of everyone’s well-being when a girl—she recognized from earlier as the one who was nearly crushed by the large disfigured wolf—walked close to her.

“Prime Alpha Clarke, thank you for saving my life and my village's people. We will forever be indebted to you.” The brown-haired girl bowed her head to Clarke before she dropped down on her knees.

And just like that, Clarke was instantly surrounded by bowing people as if she was a god. But Clarke wanted to show them that they were wrong, so she ran and leaped atop a large protruding rock and faced the people before she howled to the moon and released soothing pheromones. When that put the villagers at ease, Clarke bowed in their direction, letting them know— _it was she who was serving them._

The villagers erupted with joy, happy pheromones smothering everyone welcomingly. And it made the white wolf smile despite the ghastly irony of dried blood still on her muzzle.

Slowly, the villagers made their way back to their homes. Clarke stayed behind as she knew she had one task left as soon as she’s made sure the last of them were well on their way too.

Clarke was once again approached by the beautiful brunette that she now only realized to be an Alpha. Clarke set her focus on her, knowing she must have more to say.

“Prime Alpha, I owe you my life and my family’s. I have been training hard and I wish someday to be a Polis Guard with the purpose of watching over you and your family. I know you are very much capable of doing so but I would like to offer my life to you when I am ready and have proven myself worthy.” The Alpha bowed her head to Clarke once more.

Clarke was humbled by the girl’s offer, and she could only purr softly and nod her head in her direction.

The Alpha was very pleased by Clarke’s acknowledgment and was beaming heartily at her.

“Costia… Let us go home, Prime Alpha must be tired and needs to go home herself. She is a very busy person.” The woman, Clarke noticed to be one of the women that pulled this Alpha, _Costia_ , out from harm’s way earlier, spoke kindly and bowed her head reverently to Clarke as she gently pulled Costia’s arm.

Costia allowed herself to be dragged away, by perhaps her sire, but not without uttering her farewell to Clarke, “May we meet again, Prime Alpha Clarke.”

And then they were gone.

Clarke shook her head in amusement at the ardent Alpha. She herself was giddy and excited over Costia’s appreciation. This was—after all—Clarke’s first attempt at serving her calling, being a 'reaper slayer'. She remembered fondly the first time Raven dubbed her as that. _Prime Alpha Clarke Griffin, Reaper Slayer._

It was when they played with Clarke’s wolf just days ago. Raven happily announced at the beginning of her bragging rights how the _Genius always gets what she wants. And right now she has captured the famed Reaper Slayer, Prime Alpha Clarke Griffin._

Her wolf can snigger and it did, remembering her evil-genius best friend. And speaking of the evil-genius best friend, Clarke had one job to do now. She ran towards the reapers lying around. She knew she couldn’t take back the ones whose brains she either fried or crushed. So she decided between the one she cut open its jugular veins with her claws or the one she pushed towards a boulder. In the end, she walked towards the bled out reaper as she was sure no bones crushed for this one so its skull should be intact, and therefore, its brain.

Clarke quickly managed to throw that reaper on her back and ran as best she could while carrying it. It was larger than she was, so many times she had to stop and rearrange the literal dead weight on her.

Clarke stopped for a bit outside Ton DC to make sure of the villagers’ safe arrival. Once she’s sensed that they have, she quickly made her way home to Polis.

Her travel back was more than twice as long as she first came. She was exhausted from all the exertion of the day. First, the Elders’ visit; then deciphering their cryptic messages—draining her both mentally and emotionally; her fears of not having and losing Lexa; battling 16 reapers; making sure none were left, and now, carrying one as she ran back home. She was already on her way to bed after the first three things so to say that she was exhausted now would be an understatement.

Clarke slowed her run especially as she realized along the way how thirsty and hungry she was too. But she knew she had to keep going so she simply took a slower pace and walked continuously home. There was about a half-hour left before reaching Polis so she dedicated herself to thinking just that, just how close she was to home, to _Lexa_.

Clarke’s mind was over-fatiguing, she knew she had to keep walking so her muscle memory took the task. She acknowledged now how tiresome it was to keep aiming and blasting strong pheromones continuously. Back in her training, she could only practice it on animals especially since it did not affect them as it did those with wolf genes. But she realized now it takes a toll on her when she actually has an effect on her targets. It somehow held an invisible tie from her wolf to the other wolves, and when she kills, she could feel a portion of its agony.

There was simply much she and her people needed to learn about her telepathic and enhanced pheromone capabilities. Clarke wasn’t too keen to explore those that could be deadly to anyone in her proximity. But at least now she could tell them about all her latest discoveries concerning her deadlier side, and then there’s data that can be analyzed from this reaper she’s carrying to them, and perhaps even—if Raven’s theory about hibernation was correct—she could finally allow to be examined further knowing those that surround her wouldn’t be affected by anymore unknown lethal skills.

Clarke was very giddy, and it was what got her the energy to continue walking home—distracting herself from fatigue, hunger, thirst, and missing her beloved.

By the time Clarke had reached Polis gates, she couldn’t think straight anymore. She just wanted to eat something and sleep where she just ate. Her mind was foggy, and she barely noticed how eerily quiet the city was. She registered that it was nearing dawn. She couldn't even care to think how long it took her to travel back to Polis; her senses were too dampened.

Suddenly, something didn’t feel right. There were noises somewhere but she couldn't pinpoint where. She couldn't even identify the pheromones that she could only see as she looked up the dark starry night. But Clarke simply carried the body on her back and dropped it off by Sinclair's laboratory door.

She had to get food and water so she quickly sniffed the closest source of sustenance which was two buildings after the lab. It was Tarma’s kitchen and luckily she had lamb stew stored inside and Clarke broke a window and poked her head when she spotted a pot directly below her.

After Clarke had finished the entire food, she was becoming aware of her mistake and immediately felt like a selfish idiot. She made a mental note to profusely apologize to Tarma in the morning, fix everything she broke, and compensate more than enough for the food she consumed— _well, stole._

When Clarke was feeling a little more energized, she could finally comprehend the pheromones she saw up in the skies earlier. And it was singular—distress.

Instantly, Clarke panicked and made her way to where the pheromones were. She could only look up the skies for directions and once she reached a wide clearing, she could see dead bodies everywhere.

Clarke couldn’t understand what was going on. She slowly made her way closer and realized it was Skaikru, Clan leaders, and Polis warriors against _Azgeda._ And allied warriors were outnumbered by half against the Ice Nation.

The dead bodies were in the middle of the battleground. Both armies were still on either side but they all looked wounded—as if they had clashed in the middle before each party retreated to their respective sides.

When Clarke arrived, she was still partially hidden in the woods line, utterly confused at how the coalition was falling to pieces. _What provoked Azgeda to have this fight with Nyko and Indra?_ Azgeda was always a helpful and cooperative nation, never once antagonizing the coalition.

Clarke looked around her people’s side and was shocked to see Indra look stricken, sitting next to a body lying still. When Clarke focused, her wolf sucked a breath.

_Nyko._

_What is going on?_

She quickly had to snap out of her stupefied mind and looked around some more. She was relieved to see her loved ones alive, _wounded but breathing_. And her Alpha was relieved to the core to see Lexa walking towards Gustus and the rest of the leaders when her sire, Jake, spoke up.

“Nia, this has to stop! We have been at an impasse for hours. Waging a war against us will not end well for you. More of our allies are on their way and will rally against you for what you have started here tonight,” her father announced from their side.

“Shut it, Skai man. Your bullets are long gone. You are not even a part of this coalition. You have no business in this war with us. You and that pompous child of yours should leave while you have a chance.” Nia paused as a sinister smirk formed on her lips. “But I suppose, my reapers have already torn her to pieces, and they will soon be here dragging her entails around. And once they have, our allies will bow down to Azgeda for having slain the almighty Prime Alpha,” Nia smugly announced, causing the Azgedan army to cheer loudly.

Clarke could barely control her wolf now. She was growling with her teeth clenched, slowly making her presence known as she stepped out of the trees and towards the middle of the battlefield. Her front towards the enemies that had caused great distress to the people of Ton DC, and her people in Polis.

She finally realized why things happened the way they did. The reapers were simply pawns while Azgeda—that seemingly ‘came earlier than expected for the celebration’—marched their whole army forward to the unwitting people of Polis.

The look of the Azgedan warriors and their queen when Clarke stepped forward and stood amongst the dead of both camps in front of them showed how floored they were that their 16 best weapons died at the paws of one wolf. They remained speechless, most of them shaking in their boots, and almost half of them dropped their weapons in surrender.

But Clarke was calming an internal war. She wanted to— _no, she had to_ —be fair but her wolf wanted blood.

Clarke remained where she stood, growling low but dangerously steady at her enemies, willing them to make one move. However, deep down, Clarke had given this pause to allow them to atone for their betrayal one last time.

When Nia saw that Clarke was covered with blood, she realized that the Alpha must’ve been hurt in her fight against the reapers and may have been weakened, especially as it took her a while to return. _Because if the 'Great' Prime Alpha wanted to kill them, she would’ve easily done so already._ So she wanted to provoke her further, hoping Clarke charging towards them would impale herself to their waiting weapons.

“Prime Alpha, once you are dead, I have more soldiers waiting to be turned to reapers and massacre every village that would not bow to me.” Queen Nia strolled nonchalantly by her army’s front line as she continued her taunts, “Did you know, I have been supplying my people to the gods that created the reapers and perfected them as killing machines? I suppose you remember, Nirak kom Azgeda, the reaper your father luckily slew years ago. He was only one of the first subjects of our now very lethal reapers. He was simply a test, but even _he_ butchered an entire village by himself.”

Clarke was gradually showing her rage the more Nia spoke, and it spurred the queen, even more, just waiting for Clarke to attack. And she did. Just not in the way Nia anticipated.

Clarke let out the most visceral, lethal growl she had ever made. She already had their minds targeted the whole time she stood there.

It surprised Nia. Knowing what that meant, she quickly ordered her archers to fire to shut the Alpha down. A few of which did hit Clarke but they were nothing fatal. So even in pain, she still continued on with her deathly song. Everyone started falling on their knees and to the ground, begging for the excruciating pain to be over. But as they started convulsing, three gunshots were heard. And then all of Azgedan warriors’ screams were muffled by gurgling sounds as foams started flowing out of their mouths.

All 1176 Ice nation warriors died in a matter of seconds.

And a beautiful white wolf staggered and fell right after.

Clarke could imagine—more than feel—three gaping holes in her chest and torso. She could see a gun resting by the still hand of the Azgedan queen.

She could hear her Omega crying out, running to her. She barely noticed she had already shifted back to human form; her back to the ones she loved.

She only wished for just this once.

_Let me see their faces, one last time._

But she couldn't move.

Her Alpha wolf was wailing inside. It knew it was over for both of them. It knew it couldn’t be with its Omega anymore.

Clarke’s eyes teared, not for herself. But for her people, _for her Omega._

_“…the Universe decided that you will never be mated,” a haunting voice recalled._

_So this was why?_

_Lexa would have mated with me if I survived this._

_But I won’t, will I?_

She could see a bright twinkle in the distance signifying the rising sun.

And the voice of her love rose above everyone else’s—still desperately calling out her name.

Until it was too dark, and she couldn’t hear Lexa anymore.

_Forgive me, my love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this is how they lost Clarke 1.0.  
> But the story is far from over of course.  
> And like I said the other day, I'll be taking a 2-week hiatus for the holidays.  
> I'll see if I can post the next chapter sometime next week as a bonus chapter for the end of the year.  
> However, by January I won't be posting daily anymore. Perhaps once or twice a week. I've got school stuff but I promise I won't abandon this fic.  
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy your break too. :)


	24. The Wolves within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Movie marathons, desires, and staying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you had a great start to your holidays.  
> I didn't want to start the new years with death and pi- well... there's some pining but at least it's on the lighter side. ;)  
> So here is my holiday gift to you, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> And I wish you in advance - Happy New Year!  
> \- J

-xxiv-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“And then Clarke’s whole butt caught fire!” Atlan laughed breathlessly as he retold the story. “She jumped into the river and when she got out, there were small holes all over her pants, showing bits of white butt cheeks!”

Kalel couldn’t stop giggling either, he was still rather weak but there was now a bit of color to his face. The family was told Kalel needed to stay at least a week more as he came in life-threateningly dehydrated.

Truth be told, Abby thought the Beta pup could actually go home in 4 days at most. But she wanted something more, and the girl who resembled her daughter could give her that. She knew this was wrong on some level. She knew this girl didn’t deserve it. She was trying to heed one of Costia’s advice 2 days ago, in her own way. She needed to heal, if not completely then at least partially. And it seemed easier doing so while faced with someone who was like Clarke in so many ways. _If her Omega could finally accept that this wasn’t her daughter, then perhaps she has healed a little._ However, her stubborn wolf was still convinced this was her pup. But because of all the years she held her wolf back, she has mastered some level of control over her Omega’s theatrics—trying to claim another’s pup.

Jake was different. He looked at this Clarke as her own person and not the Clarke they lost. But he loved her completely just as he loved his pup. He was well aware that this Clarke was not his, but he had a very soft spot for her. So he took as much time with her as he could get before she had to leave again.

Clarke Griffin’s friends were either in between or at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Some of them just loved every minute they had with this young Alpha. Others had their guards up, having the daunting feeling of loving someone they might tragically lose once again. And a few—angry, not really knowing why but they were angry with everything.

_How twisted the fates are. Why they were being taunted and punished like this. Why their other friends are laughing with, and easily warming up, to this young Alpha—the spitting image of their own Clarke._

And to make matters worse, it wasn’t just Clarke’s physical attributes that needlessly compared her to the late Clarke but seven years ago, they noticed similar characteristics and preferences also. Most shocking of all—they had the same birthdays too.

That was why seven years ago, they had considered Clarke was reborn. Reborn a week after her death, _on her very own birthday_. It was all too astounding—and rewarding—to be coincidental at all, and they truly believed it was their Clarke back from the dead. And they loved her substantially, instantly.

But they were too much on the young pup. They were living an illusion, and they had put her on Clarke Griffin’s pedestal, overwhelming her when all she did was tolerate them. When they finally saw how desperate and overbearing they had been, the pup and her parents were long gone.

Clarke could only huff in frustration as everyone in the hospital room who heard the story started chuckling along the black-haired Alpha.

“This reminds me of all those cartoons we watched as children.” Octavia chipped in, looking around at her friends as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

At that, Kalel perked up. “Cartoons?”

“Yes, Kalel. Animated movies or shows that we show on a large screen or television. We can explain better when we show you.” Lincoln smiled at the adorable pup as he bounced his legs to entertain his own, sitting on his lap.

“Really? I can watch movies and cartoons?” Kalel beamed at everyone around him, looking for any confirmation.

“Of course! Monty has the archives. We had several from when we were still at the Ark but over the years, we scavenged more and more! We haven’t even seen all of them yet,” Jasper enthusiastically added. Kalel’s childish grin never waned.

“In fact, we have a film showing every week, strikon. When you're better, we can bring you to the center where everyone gathers around and watches as many movies as they want. Maybe we can even allot a whole day just for pups like you to watch cartoons,” Raven offered as she went over to ruffle Kalel’s brown locks.

The little pup’s excitement was palpable, he was bouncing slightly on the bed. “I have been waiting to watch movies. Clarke told me she watched once when she was here before. About the lion that was a king! Can we watch that too?” Kalel now looked at his sister, little waves of excited pheromones wafting off the little Beta.

Clarke smiled lovingly at her brother. “Of course, you just have to kindly ask them. And I know there are different kinds of movies, maybe we can ask them to show us and then we’ll see which ones are our favorites.”

“Can we watch _all_ of them?!” Kalel’s eyes widened as did his grin.

“Oh we can but it will take many years to watch our collection alone,” Monty answered. “But as your sister said, we can show you the best ones of different genres,” he paused when he saw Kalel tilt his little head in confusion, “uhh genre means kind or type so we can show you cartoons, and then non-cartoons that are funny ones, action, fantasy, and many more.”

Kalel was excited at the promises he was receiving from his visitors. He could only nod and move his sights to the next speaker throughout. They were then talking about favorite movies, and they kindly gave the little pup quick previews so he could agree, just from those, which he preferred, making him all the more thrilled to watch them.

“Star wars will—and forever will—beat all your movies. I mean, we came from space ourselves! Why can’t you guys agree with me?!” Raven pouted as she wriggled beside an impassive Anya.

“I’m really sorry, Rae. Nothing will ever beat superhero movies,” Jasper argued, and Monty nodded in agreement.

“Superhero?” Kalel and Atlan asked simultaneously.

“Yes, it means someone with powers, like they can fly, or they have superhuman strength, speed, or shoot lasers from their eyes, and many more. And they are called superheroes because they save people who are in danger using their gifts. There are lots of movies about different superheroes. We even argue sometimes about who is the best one,” Octavia answered as she bent down from beside Lincoln to pick up the stuffed bear their daughter had dropped.

“How about next week or so we can have a whole day of superhero films and then you can decide who your favorite is.” Abby smiled gently at Kalel as she stood next to Clarke.

Clarke smiled shyly at Abby, and it was reciprocated immediately by the doctor. The Omega within was reeling at the young Alpha’s interaction with her.

The adults surrounding them seemed to have noticed it so the talk about superheroes and cartoons went on, totally distracting and entertaining the pup patient, his parents, and the young warriors.

Abby tapped Clarke gently on her arm, asking her to follow when Abby moved a few steps away from the group’s conversation to have their own private one.

“I know I already asked this but how have you been the past couple of years, my dear?” Abby cooed as if it came naturally to her.

“I’ve been well, Dr. Griffin.” Clarke smiled before she continued, “Not much has changed since the last time you saw me. We had Kalel when I was 9, and I was very excited. In the same year, I also became a second but then Seda Aeia took me in when I turned 12. And I have been in Blue Cliff ever since unless I go home to visit nomon, nontu, and Kalel.” Clarke was about to say more but she noticed the swift shift in the doctor's expression.

Abby realized her slip up and quickly smiled at Clarke to reassure her. However, she knew right away that it was too late, the young Alpha’s brows continued to furrow in concern.

Abby gulped before she spoke, “I’m sure you can tell it’s still not easy for us. I don’t think it will ever get easy. But I hope you will never ever blame yourself for anything.” Abby’s voice was trembling. She cleared her throat and controlled her pheromones before she continued, “And what we did to you, it was out of desperation, and I can absolutely speak for everyone when I say, ‘We are so very sorry for treating you as if you were… Clarke. It was not fair to you.’” Abby looked at Clarke trying to see how her apology was received by the blonde pup.

Clarke smiled kindly at her but allowed Abby to finish, sensing she wasn’t yet.

“You are more than welcome here, Clarke. And we’re trying but I hope, if ever we forget there’s an arbitrary line, that we won’t frighten you again; that you won’t just up and leave again so suddenly. I hope you’ll give us a chance to get to know you too.” Abby ended with glossy but genuinely smiling eyes.

Clarke realized it then, _Lexa never told them about what happened before. What she had said and why she was told to leave._

Before Clarke could reassure her, a guard came into the room and walked to where Raven sat, murmuring something in her ear. Raven nodded every once in a while and when the guard finished and left, Raven turned her attention to Clarke.

“Clarke, Kiya, Atlan, your Seda was on the radio and was asking for Heda Lexa and you three. We should head down to the lab. Heda has been notified already.” Raven explained as she made her way to the door, pulling it open for the young warriors.

Clarke turned back to Abby and smiled at her sweetly. “Thank you, Dr. Griffin. Perhaps we can talk again another time?” Clarke tilted her head at the doctor as she waited for an answer.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Abby responded. By then, Jake was beside his Omega with an arm wrapped around her. Clarke slowly nodded to both of them with the gentle smile still painting her lips.

Shenan and Aryan watched the exchange and smiled themselves. They were happy everyone had these moments with their eldest pup again.

“I’ll be back soon, strik bro.” Clarke moved to kiss the top of her brother’s head before she followed her friends out the door.

* * *

When they arrived in the laboratory, Heda Lexa had still yet to arrive. So they waited before radioing the Seda.

Clarke was anxious to see Lexa again. After their encounter last night, Clarke was determined to respect Lexa’s boundaries and to keep herself as minimal as possible. Today couldn’t be helped but she had already devised her rules of engagement with the commander the moment she woke up this morning.

_Do not speak in Lexa’s presence unless spoken to._

_Keep out of Lexa’s way. If you were to meet on the same path, re-route yourself. If you were about to do the same things, bow out immediately._

_Keep out of Lexa’s line of sight._

_Submit to Lexa at all costs._

Clarke was nervous, to say the least. But she knew she had to control her pheromones. She hasn’t presented yet but she was a remarkably strong Alpha, and she could control her pheromones just as any presented wolf could.

So as she waited for Commander Lexa, she kept to her mantra of engagement rules and at the same time, focused on keeping her pheromones under control. She was having difficulty keeping it in but she managed. However, it made her anxiety manifest itself physically. Despite being able to keep a very neutral scent, her anxiety found itself a different outlet, and her hands started fidgeting.

She knew where her apprehension truly lied. She was asked to, and had to, keep her distance but her wolf would have none of it.

It had always been difficult, early on in her life, to keep herself away from the object of her desires. As soon as they met seven years ago, it felt like her Alpha had awoken. And it never wanted to be separated from the Omega. So when she had to leave, her wolf protested so much she became ill the first few weeks. And now that she has returned and within close proximity to the Omega her wolf craved, it had become increasingly suffocating to always fight her wolf to stay rational.

 _But this stubborn thing within her?_ _The defiant, greedy wolf wants the respectable, mated Omega._

 _Please, just stop!_ Clarke internally reprimanded.

The stubborn, defiant, and greedy Alpha growled back.

 _“Mine,"_ was the silent message accompanied in its growl.

But unfortunately, the wordless growl manifested itself and reverberated out of her chest, causing three startled and curious gazes directed at her.

Clarke almost panicked before catching herself off the brink of that abyss. “Excuse me, I am a little worried as to what Seda wanted to say.” She lied.

Her friends easily believed it. They were just as anxious since their whole escape yesterday morning. But their best friend needed them, so they remained strong through each other.

Raven, though, looked at Clarke dubiously before she shifted to something else. She smirked at Clarke.

When her friends were given permission to roam Raven’s laboratory as they waited for Heda—with the assured promise that they do not touch anything—Raven slowly moved to where Clarke stood, who was still having an internal debate with her wolf.

“So, little Clarke, I notice you still have this adorable crush on Heda,” Raven bluffed.

Utterly caught off guard, and someone else voicing out the main concern of her and her wolf’s inner debate, Clarke’s instant reaction was to blush and stammer a response, “I- N-no. I have no crush on Heda at all. Why would I crush on someone who is already mated? What?”

It didn’t help.

She realized then that no response to that would’ve been the best response.

But it was late, and the Omega before her was smirking again.

“Don’t worry, I had always kept your little secret when you were 7. I will keep it still,” Raven whispered when she noticed Kiya making her way back to Clarke’s side.

“Do you think Seda will ask Heda to punish us on her behalf?” Kiya asked as soon as she reached Clarke’s other side.

“I have no idea what Seda wants,” Clarke answered honestly.

Suddenly, she felt warm hands wrapped around one of hers that was still apparently fidgeting and drumming on her thigh.

“As beautiful as your percussion sounds, you have got to relax. You are starting to worry me too. You never panic, unless something endangers us. But even then, you are quick to recover. And now that you have not _still_ , I’m beginning to lose my confidence in Seda’s forgiving side,” Kiya offered with a warm smile. There was that twinkle in her eyes that always calms Clarke instantly.

Her best friend was easily one of the warmest souls she’s ever met.

And it worked, Clarke calmed significantly even with her guard on her pheromones was still active. But her unease didn’t manifest physically anymore.

This made the blonde Omega giddy.

 _She didn’t even release her soothing pheromones yet,_ she thought.

“And you should really start learning to play the drums. What you played earlier did sound beautiful. Did you have a name for it yet?” Kiya complimented, still reeling at the thought of being Clarke’s rock and breeze, _s_ _upporting and soothing her always._

As Clarke raised an eyebrow questioningly, Heda Lexa was headed their way. Atlan walked quicker to reach them before Heda did.

When Clarke straightened her stance, she noticed in a fleeting glance that Raven was staring at her incredulously. It wasn’t until she shifted her sights to the incoming Heda that she realized where Heda's gaze was on. _On her hands,_ _one_ _of which was still in between Kiya’s._

Quickly, Clarke squeezed one of her friend’s hands to remind her to get back to stance. And she did. All at once, the three young warriors bowed synchronously before the Commander.

When they straightened back, Heda made her way over to the monitors beside Raven.

Lexa had to touch Raven’s forearm to retrieve the other Omega from deep within her thoughts.

When Raven came to, she was quick to gather back her wits. “Sorry, you know how it is when this brilliant brain of mine just suddenly sparks a wildfire when an idea presented itself,” Raven began her self-compliment as she tapped away in her tablet.

And then the monitors came to life, startling everyone but Heda and Raven.

“I’ve just pulled this off today. Now, we can actually see the people we are talking to and not just hear them. And this works both ways and for the whole coalition,” Raven added as she smirked at Heda’s way before she continued to tweak some buttons on the screen of her device. Raven was switching frequencies through there until she reached Blue Cliff’s station and a moment later, the Blue Cliff rep’s face appeared on one of the monitors.

After the salutations for the Commander, Seda Aeia was brought up to the monitor. Aeia scanned over the screen and a look of recognition painted her face and then a scowl. This made the three pups gulp simultaneously. Aeia then turned back to Lexa.

“Heda,” Aeia bowed in reverence once more before she continued, “thank you for agreeing to meet me on such short notice.”

“Of course, Aeia. It is good to hear from you again. I have heard many great things about the outcomes of your training. I was planning to go visit sometime and observe, so perhaps when Costia returns, we will,” Lexa answered back.

Clarke was barely able to hold back her wolf from growling at the mention of its rival. And even with her success in keeping steady, her facial expression had soured completely.

“Oh sha _[yes]_ , please do, Heda. However, I was hoping to offer something quite similar instead.” Seda took a pause, seemingly making sure she had not offended the Commander.

Lexa was only intrigued. “Yes? What is it?”

“The reason I asked for an audience with you was not only to check on my three troublesome warriors.” Aeia looked at the direction of her students, and she could see them stiffening once more. Pleased with their reaction, she continued, “I wanted to ask permission, Heda, if I may come over to Polis with the rest of my students. I wish for them to experience Polis. But most of all to immerse themselves in the training of your students there. I believe they will highly benefit from learning from other Sedas. And lastly, I planned for them to engage in Skaikru technology as we do not have such here in the mountains. Our world is changing, and I will be regretful if I held my students back from whatever opportunity change had to offer.”

Lexa was speechless but her face remained inscrutable. It made perfect sense, and she knew this was a great idea. She had actively offered warriors from all over the coalition a slot in Polis training grounds. And in terms of sharing training courses, she had required every Seda to come to Polis and collaborate but never with their students. They just never had an initiative like that before. What with other issues going on in the Coalition, they were just content with their current arrangements. But it was indeed the perfect time for change.

But something else divided Lexa’s attention. This would mean she’d have to see Clarke all the time. She was already having trouble keeping her Omega in line at the mere thought of Clarke. The Omega within wanted the young Alpha.

 _The child Alpha._ Lexa gritted her teeth at her wolf.

_You are mated. This is not Clarke. Do not be ridiculous. Do not be selfish._

And then she noticed something in the air. She knew it was just slow waves of anxious pheromones, and she could tell it came from Clarke. Nobody else seemed to notice it, even Raven’s attention was directed at her.

She knew the young Alpha’s unease was her own fault. She asked the blonde to stay away and now a decision was to be made about her staying.

 _“Stop fighting.”_ Her Omega purred. _“Say yes.”_

Lexa was still aware that an answer from her was being awaited. Ignoring her Omega, she decided under the guise of her own rational judgment.

“It is high time we let groups of students have intensive training in Polis, Aeia. _Of course_ , you and the rest of your warriors are welcome here. I shall have Indra and Anya coordinate with you when you arrive. Raven,” Lexa paused to nod briefly to her left where Raven stood, “will also coordinate with you regarding Skaikru technology. I expect a breakdown of activities after your meetings with them as this will be essential for future groups.”

“Yes, of course, Heda. We shall do so. Thank you for agreeing to this.” Aeia was seen bowing her head in the monitor.

“If that is all, I must go. I shall expect you in a day or two?” Lexa inquired with a slight tilt of her head.

“Sha, Heda.” Aeia bowed reverently again.

Lexa briefly nodded in return and immediately turned on her heels, not bothering to say proper goodbyes.

As she turned, she unconsciously looked straight into Clarke’s face, who was looking at her in a familiar way. The same look _her Clarke_ gave her every single time. The look she finally understood the meaning of when she first told her Clarke that she loved her right after their first kiss almost two decades ago.

It was acceptance, admiration, and adoration compacted into one gaze.

Lexa quickly shook her head as she continued on her way out.

_She is a pup, Lexa._

_You are a mated adult._

_She is not Clarke._

_"But she is.”_ Her Omega purred once more.

Lexa halted in her tracks just as she was out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you guys thought of this chapter?  
> \---  
> May we meet again in 2020. :]


	25. Of Scents and Shipnames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations, cathartic releases, a little teasing and then bam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2020 everyone. :)

-xxv-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“You know nothing,” an irritated and tired protest that wasn’t enough to depict how truly close she was to losing it.

 _“Stop fighting,”_ a silent thought ran through her being.

It was already past midnight, and Lexa’s tears have long dried up as she sat still against the headboard of her bed—lonesome and dispirited.

She had, at one point of that evening, decided she preferred the nights she was out on the balcony, expressing her heart and thoughts and goodnights to her Clarke, wherever she was.

But for three nights since she’s heard of young Clarke’s return, she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep. And all thanks to her nagging Omega within.

After her confrontation with the young Alpha in her treasured spot, she dragged herself back to her bed in Polis, and all throughout the journey, her Omega growled at her incessantly. She kept quiet, her guilt already eating away at her for hurting the young sweet Alpha.

She was determined not to make things difficult for her again. And that night, she managed to placate her Omega when she decided to go easy on the young Alpha. That no matter what the Alpha did, she would remain calm and sensible.

But it was a rather difficult decision to keep when she saw the beautiful blonde Omega, _Kiya,_ holding Clarke’s hand when she arrived in Raven’s laboratory this afternoon. Her Omega within growled instantly but she was relieved when all she did was look at the scene nonchalantly and walked towards Raven. She commended herself for her control over her wolf and her pheromones. And she was pleased when she realized just how driven she was at making Clarke feel less uneasy in her company.

The years of living in the shoes of a Commander had become close to being her first nature so when business began as soon as she spoke to Aeia, her mind and her wolf were effectively focused on duty. Which allowed her to think, speak, and act sensibly despite the deprivation of sleep and the constant battle she’s been having within herself.

But as soon as she locked eyes with Clarke, as soon as she saw the same warm look her Clarke only reserved for her in the gaze of the young Alpha, she knew then that another battle against her Omega would be waged.

Lexa felt she was close to being irreparably broken again. She knew she'd always been broken. She felt completely destroyed when she ran and screamed for her Clarke that fateful night only to reach her, eyes closed, last breath long escaped, and warm heart beating no more. But the years had been kind, and her role as Heda had helped distract her from the truth of her broken soul.

And here sitting on her bed was a weary and helpless girl receiving the continuous onslaught of her frustrated wolf.

“Please, don’t make me take extreme measures to shut you up. You will not like the repercussions,” she threatened lackadaisically.

A desperate thought crossed her mind just a few hours ago. And though she knew it was truly an extreme, dishonorable solution, it was the best she’s got to keep her Omega in line and stop the wolf from wanting to pursue the indecent road.

 _“Let us be,”_ was the last thought her Omega purred before she was allowed to sleep owing to her exhaustion.

* * *

“Raven also thought we should include teaching them how to drive the rovers, its anatomy, and how to fix it,” Anya mentioned as she scanned over the notes they will be discussing with Seda Aeia soon.

“I agree, although we have yet to agree about these students handling Skaikru arms. Should we start teaching them and our young warriors here how to handle a gun?” Indra asked as she looked around the room, before landing her eyes on Jake and then on Lexa who still had her back to them as she looked out onto her balcony.

“I think we should still keep to our non-projectile weapons except for the bows. The efficiency of the gun and its lethal streak is still something to be wary of for any weapon wielder, in my personal opinion,” Jake answered from his seat as he blindly reached for Abby’s hand resting on the table. “I agree we teach them how to fire guns but I really don’t want them to hold it on a daily basis. Only when necessary.” Jake paused as he looked out the balcony, at the solitary figure standing on it. His thoughts—close to swimming the depths of beautiful long past memories and daydreams of a different life.

“There is beauty when a warrior wields his sword. True power comes from how they become one with their weapon, not from the power and degree of fatality of his arms,” Jake murmured to no one in particular.

Lexa’s expression softened at this. She smiled gently at the Alpha’s sentiments. He was easily one of the gentlest Alphas she’s ever come across with.

_Clarke was so much like him._

Everyone in the room agreed. They also silently agreed to something else. Putting a gun in the hands of someone taking its power for granted was an alarming combination.

Since that night they saw the Ice Queen raise her gun-wielding-hand and directed it at Clarke in her vulnerable, distracted position, they were mortified. They knew what was about to happen. They had yelled for Clarke to move, but all their attempts were futile. Clarke was already locked in on her goal, and she chose to protect them, leaving herself exposed to long-ranged attacks.

When the war was over, when reality finally sunk in on them that not only had they lost their Omega Heda but also their Prime Alpha, they agreed to one thing. Guns were only to be cleaned and kept locked away. Skaikru soldiers only used them to teach the new sets of soldiers, guards, and grounder warriors every now and then. But before they were even allowed to practice shooting it, they were mentally conditioned for weeks—the value of such a weapon. How it must be handled, and how it must be treated as if it were their mate, pups, brothers, sisters, parents, and friends.

Indra became pensive at the words of the Skaikru chief. They lost Nyko in the crossfire, and it was a bullet to his neck that had killed him. She, too, missed her mate very deeply, and every day she longed for the time she would meet him again. If it wasn’t for their daughter, Gaia, she knew she would’ve succumbed to her woe. Gaia was only three when she lost her father, and it pained Indra that she couldn’t even remember him anymore.

Indra cleared her throat when she remembered where she was. “Of course. We all concur then? We’ll show them how the guns work but after that, they’ll have their conditioning before they can start to practice shooting. Teaching them the Rovers and other machines is a necessity and as well as Medical training. These will be taught intensively in between their warrior training. Anything else, we will discuss again once we have collaborated with Seda Aeia.”

Indra looked at the faces around the table and received their nod of approval, before her sights landed on the silhouette behind the breeze-blown curtain where Lexa remained, still looking out into her city below.

All eyes were then on Lexa, concern deeply etched on their faces.

“I am alright,” Lexa responded knowingly.

The Commander moved gracefully away from the balustrade and back to the head chair of the table. It was a lot more comfortable than her throne. She always thought it was made this way so she could have whatever comfort the seat offered in times of planning wars and other dire situations. The throne, on the other hand, was meant to be perceived as power and spartan no matter who it was that sat on it.

As soon as she was seated and rested against the back of the chair, she traveled her gaze around troubled eyes. She sighed before she responded, “I know I look like one of those undead characters in the movies but I assure you, I’m alright.”

When she heard no answer, she sighed deeper as she closed her eyes. “I am trying.”

“Of course, Heda. We’ll give you more updates when there are any,” Anya shooed the large elephant in the room and stood up, waiting for the others to follow. And just as they all got up and pushed their seats back under the table, a guard pushed the double doors open.

“Heda,” the guard began as he bowed to Lexa’s direction. “Seda Aeia and her nine students have arrived. They are in the dining hall at the moment. Her three other students that arrived earlier have also been informed and are on their way.”

“Yes, we will all be there. Thank you,” Lexa answered stoically.

Everyone started piling out of the room and made their way to the dining hall. Abby approached Lexa and the younger Omega was quick to notice so she remained where she stood and waited for everyone else to leave the room. Lexa let out a relieved exhale as soon as the doors closed with only her, Abby, and her nomon left.

Abby grabbed both Lexa’s hands as soon as she reached her. “I know how you feel my dear,” the older Omega cooed.

Lexa’s gaze dropped to their joined hands, nodding her head slowly, _defeatedly_.

 _Nobody knows how I really feel._ She thought but she didn’t want to fight. She was too exhausted.

Abby smiled dejectedly at Lexa’s weary response. She removed one of her hands and placed it below Lexa’s chin, lifting it to meet her gaze before she continued, “Trust me. Even my Omega continues to claim Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru as its own pup. I _know_ how you feel,” Abby reassured gently, her voice slightly trembling and her eyes glistening.

Lexa’s eyes widened at the admission, heart rate spiked, and mouth gasped a lungful of air. She knew they were all melancholic in their own way. She knew of some that were longing for her Clarke too, but she miserably failed to realize just how much agony Jake and Abby must be in. And she felt selfish once again.

“I’m sorry, Abby.” Lexa’s voice trembled as she shakily embraced Abby's waist, her head tucked in the crook of the older Omega’s neck.

And it was a cathartic release for her when she wailed out her sorrows. All the sleepless nights, the hours of vain arguments with her wolf, the weight of her duty, and the pining for what was long lost. All of these were wearing her thin. 

_“I miss her so much.”_

_…_

_“My wolf is such a— a greedy bitch.”_

_…_

_“Why are we being taunted like this?”_

_…_

_“My love… please.”_

_…_

_“Please.”_

_…_

_“I wan— I want to see her again, Abby.”_

_…_

_“And my wolf just keeps urging me that this is our Clarke.”_

_…_

_“Clarke… please.”_

_…_

_“When can I be with you again?”_ A whisper Abby and Becca almost failed to hear even with their proximity to their beautiful, beautiful, sad Omega.

Her throat hurt after she cried her eyes out. She felt comfortable letting it all out in Abby’s embrace and even more so when Becca held her from behind.

Both Omega mothers held her there and cried with her in her outpouring, neither of them releasing soothing pheromones. They knew Lexa needed to let it all out. As soon as she’s calmed, they wafted her with the pheromones she needed.

Abby remained in her position, letting Lexa have as much of her scent as she needed. Whenever Lexa had terrible days, nightmares, or whenever Abby and Jake sensed Lexa was in distress, they would subtly move closer to her.

Earlier on, Abby would hold Lexa every time but as she got older and mated Costia, she and Jake resolved to calm Lexa with their scents, from afar, whenever they can. They knew their combined scent as mates was the very same scent their Clarke had carried for herself. They knew Lexa would take as much as she wanted.

And Lexa knew both Griffins were doing this on purpose for her despite never mentioning it. Lexa was now mated and had a great role that required her to be compassionate, wise, and strong. Lexa was not a pup anymore. 

When Lexa gently removed herself from Abby, the doctor knew Lexa has significantly calmed down, so she inched herself away too.

While Lexa was making herself as presentable as can be, Abby tucked a loose chestnut brown tendril behind her ear as she whispered, “I think the best course of action is to just allow ourselves a little freedom. I’ve already spoken to Clarke and she was very understanding with how we still are, and how we might be towards her. If you continue to shut your wolf down, you might find your sanity hanging by a thread." Abby paused as she smiled warmly. "Just… please it every once in a while. I’m sure even just exchanging pleasantries with her will be enough to last your wolf a couple of days.”

Lexa was processing what Abby had just said. They both could see the gears in her head whirring—an internal conflict must've ensued once more. Becca smiled sadly at her daughter as she gently ran her hand up and down Lexa’s back.

“How, Abby? If I go beyond my control again... how— how do I keep myself in check always?”

_Again?_

Both Becca and Abby frowned at the word.

Lexa noticed right away, so she sighed and pulled herself away to perch on the table as she retold the events of two nights ago, and what happened 7 years ago.

“And the reason, they left so suddenly was because I had told her to leave.” She paused as she scoffed at herself in disgust. “I was upset with a 7-year-old child. I was telling her about my fondest memories of Clarke and then she— she asked me that if I promised Clarke forever, how could I ever mate another?”

She stopped deep in her thoughts and memories. The Omega mothers waited patiently as Lexa struggled with whatever was going on in her head.

“I broke down and yelled pathetically at her.” Lexa gulped before she continued, “And then after a while, just out of nowhere I said to her, ‘Do you remember the last time we spoke when you asked me if I wanted to be your mate or not before you left for Ton DC and never heard my answer?’”

Abby and Becca were utterly speechless. This was one of Lexa’s greatest regrets. _Clarke never hearing out just how much Lexa wanted and loved her. How she will always choose Clarke over and over again. How Clarke would always be her wolf’s mate, her soul mate, and will be her future wife._

But Clarke died without hearing Lexa’s response.

Lexa stared into space and swallowed before she continued, “To say she was surprised is still an understatement especially when I told her, 'I love you, Clarke. I would always choose you. You will always be my mate no matter what the Elders say. You are my Alpha and I am your Omega. Yes, I will mate with you.'”

A single tear fell from Lexa’s eye; her form, still and tired. “And then I snapped out of it, and told Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru to leave and never return.” Lexa winced when Abby and Becca rushed to hug her, feeling unworthy of their affection.

Lexa continued when they broke away, “So, you see, I have to keep myself in check always. I might lose my sanity but I don’t want to hurt that child anymore.”

“Oh my darling, what you are feeling, what you did are all out of our hands. All of these will never be held against you, against all of us.” Becca smiled as she stroke Lexa’s cheek. “Abby is right, just allow your wolf the little pleasures. She was brought back here for a reason. If it was not meant to be, she would’ve still been in Blue cliff right now.

“We are all given this second chance to make things right with Clarke of the Shallow Valley. And Costia was right as well, we may have been given this chance to finally move on and be happy as I am sure is what our Clarke would've wanted for us.”

Lexa nodded, and they were pleased to see it was not a defeated agreement but a genuine understanding of what she was told.

“Do you know how I keep myself in check?” Abby countered the question she was asked earlier.

It grabbed Lexa’s attention, shifting her sights swiftly to the doctor. Lexa nodded enthusiastically, even with her brows furrowed and eyes widened.

“When I catch myself almost falling off from my better judgment, I hold my breath. And then inhale her scent. It reminds me that she is not mine. It kicks my Omega right in the guts but it stops me from acting selfish and stupid. Don’t worry though, our wolves bounce back quickly. This exercise is just a quick wake up call to stop them, and us, from acting rashly.”

Lexa’s eyes remained wide. She remembered the one thing her instincts told her to do—as soon as she met the unconscious young Clarke on the hospital bed seven years ago—was to sniff her scent. It did dishearten her and her wolf, which makes Abby’s little trick indeed effective.

She nodded as the realization of this sunk in. “That… makes perfect sense, Abby. Thank you.”

Abby only smiled in response.

“Why don’t we go on downstairs, I imagine everyone’s waiting for us,” Becca offered as she looked over her daughter, tucking loose curls and fixing her outfit.

* * *

As they waited in the lift, Lexa was noting how lighter she felt. Knowing how Abby truly felt—what she herself was feeling—was an enormous relief to her. She finally understood how she was never alone in this. And having her mother and someone who was already like a mother to her growing up have her back was something she never knew she needed for the past few days. She felt rejuvenated like she could tackle whatever that came her way that was Clarke-of-the-Shallow-Valley related.

The three Omegas were already in the hallway when they heard the friendly ruckus inside. It sounded like young friends reunited once more. When they were by the door, their guests, friends, and family remained oblivious to their arrival.

By the center of the room, the Polis residents were in deep conversation with Seda Aeia, Clarke, and another one of Aeia’s Beta students. While the other young warriors were clustered near one of the corners of the room, close to the door. The door to the dining hall where Lexa, Becca, and Abby stood was in the middle, and their group’s arrival triangulated with the first two groups of people.

Lexa was about to step further into the room to make her presence known but stopped when she heard the group of student warriors to her left.

“I cannot believe ‘Clarkiya’ still did not happen. You made me lose two trinkets, Kiya,” one of the students whined.

“Stop complaining. All of us lost something except for Jero.” Another student huffed exasperatedly, making most of them glare at the young man standing close to Clarke in the other group.

“I thought you were going to tell her, Kiya! Your heat is so close. What are you still waiting for?” A different voice inquired.

Lexa was fuming and though her intention of making herself known was just to walk through the doors, she was too late to stop herself from doing it entirely differently.

 _“MINE!”_ Her Omega roared.

Lexa growled so loud it made everyone in the room submit instantly. Every single Omega, Beta, and Alpha.

Everyone except for Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you had a great start of the year. :]
> 
> There's gonna be lots of angst the next chapters. Too late to realize I might be a bummer to y'all and at the beginning of the year, no less.  
> So sorry about that.
> 
> Anyway, ughh I feel like I'm losing my edge. I really loved my momentum and how I wrote the first chapters.  
> I think it's got something to do with my anxiety for the upcoming new year. Which means I have to start writing technical stuff and less creative stuff as I'm working on my master's thesis at the moment.  
> I'm sorry if I'm disappointing my earlier avid readers. I really love creative writing more but I was also battling a writer's block the past few weeks.  
> I will thrive to do better.  
> But still, fair warning, next chapters are mostly angsty.


	26. Inherent Inclinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When primal instincts take over yearning souls, what really happens?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. So... I kind of miscalculated things. I promised angst in the next few chapters but... ;)
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes as I have lesser time reviewing my writings now. ;(  
> And also, let it be known (lol), that I'll be posting updates randomly because it has to depend on my availability of the week. I have work on top of attending school. But I intend on posting weekly. So, at least there's that.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new one. :)

-xxvi-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

The two left standing in the room were, ironically, floored. Lexa, more mortified than anything and Clarke, astonished.

After their eyes settled on everyone around them, the Omega Heda and the young Alpha warrior locked eyes, and their wolves howled for each other, and they both heard it.

Their eyes grew impossibly larger. The call of their wolves for each other was as clear as any words said in a silent room. And they gulped at the private messages their wolves were sending for the other.

Lexa was lost in her wolf’s urging and those blue eyes staring back at her. After her talk with Abby and Becca, she felt her walls crumble down a little. So here, now, she was letting her Omega take the lead. Lexa took one step after the other until she stood in front of the young beautiful blonde whose Alpha wolf was still howling a song to her Omega.

Both of them were lost in the trance. Nobody around heard what was going on, but the adults knew. Those who knew Lexa and Clarke Griffin knew.

Clarke was close to bringing her hand up and caress the taller woman’s prominent cheekbones when Murphy’s voice ruined the bubble.

Murphy witnessed everything. But as he had stepped away to grab a glass of water just before Lexa enveloped everyone with her pheromones, he was the only other person in the room who could move freely. When he turned around as soon as he heard Lexa growl and noticed he was outside the pheromone’s range, he, too, was mesmerized by what he saw. He knew no words were exchanged, no growls nor purrs, while the two stared deeply into each other’s eyes as they got closer. But he knew what that was about. It was something primal; it was two inner wolves enchanting the other.

Murphy wasn’t even surprised Clarke didn’t submit to Lexa’s pheromones. This scene before him was too much like the ones he saw growing up when their Clarke was still alive and Lexa was still so in love and happy. And he knew all his friends thought the same.

“Heda, forgive us for not noticing your arrival,” Murphy announced as he, too, got on his knees to stop whatever was happening, backing up his friend, knowing Lexa would regret doing anything rash when she wasn’t in control.

This effectively snapped Lexa and Clarke out of their shared daze. Clarke was quick to notice that Murphy got down on his knees in a show of respect for the Commander, and she followed. She kneeled before Lexa and exposed her neck without so much of a fight from her Alpha.

“Please, rise,” Lexa announced a moment after she stopped pushing her pheromones. She remained stoic despite knowing she really messed up but mentally thanked her friend for the save.

Slowly, everyone started to get up and nod at Heda. She saw the looks on her family’s faces, and they remained neutral. She _knew_ they understood.

To save herself from the haze she was trapped in earlier, she turned to Clarke’s right where the elderly Beta stood. “I see this one is a strong Alpha, Aeia. You must be proud.”

Heda turned her gaze to Clarke who gulped at the commendation and lowered her gaze, remembering her rules when engaging with the commander.

 _“MY Commander.”_ The Alpha within swooned.

Clarke clenched her jaw at this but continued to steady her breathing and neutralize her scent.

“Heda, thank you for receiving us. And we apologize for not having realized your arrival earlier.” Aeia bowed ever so slowly before resuming, “As for Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru. She truly is a remarkable Alpha.” Aeia turned to look at Clarke with a proud glint in her light grey eyes before looking back at Lexa. “Dare I say, as strong as her namesake.”

Gasps traveled around the room, and pheromones began to build. The Polis residents were anxious about Lexa’s response and were already quick to turn to their wits for a solution for every way Lexa might respond.

But the Blue Cliff warriors were only surprised and curious. They all knew who Clarke Griffin was, who she was to prominent people of Polis, and most of all, they have heard of the rumors—of how their friend, Clarke was the spitting image of the late Prime Alpha. But because they’ve all known each other from when they were younger, that they’ve gotten used to their friend Clarke, and as they have never seen Clarke Griffin’s image before, they hadn’t thought twice of the rumors. Their friend didn’t care to talk about it so they followed suit and ignored the gossips.

Lexa, however, was fuming. _Oh, was she seeing red_. But as she noticed in her periphery how the young blonde Alpha exposed her neck while her eyes remained low, that doing so so willingly, she was quick to remember her promise of keeping the Alpha at ease.

“Perhaps, Aeia. But we shall see proof of it on the training grounds.” Lexa looked straight into the old Seda’s eyes as if to warn and threaten her at the same time. “If you please follow Indra, she and the others will discuss with you regarding the sets of training for your warriors. And for the meantime, they will be brought to their place of residence for the duration of your stay before they are given a tour around the city to be oriented.”

Lexa looked around the faces in the room and nodded once before she made her way out the doors; her mind, already frantic over the things that just happened.

 _She made everyone,_ everyone, _including her own parents submit to her._

_Her wolf called out to Clarke’s, and Clarke’s alpha called out to hers._

They were entranced. _It was… familiar._

_Why does it feel like… like Clarke’s wolf?_

_“You know why,”_ a thought whispered within her.

And just like that, Lexa’s walls were up again; her Omega, wailing at the rebellion once more.

* * *

The afternoon meeting of the Sedas and those in charge of the training was smooth and not much was changed in their planned modules. And Seda Aeia was very pleased and grateful for the initiatives of the heads of Polis.

The young warriors also had a great time around the city. They loved that they each had their own rooms in the building they were to live in. Clarke, Kiya, and Atlan all had moved into their rooms the night before so they ran around, carrying their Seda’s things to her room and helping their friends get settled in.

When they were through, Maya and Jasper had both taken the duty of touring their young visitors around the city, making sure to emphasize where the training grounds, hospital, and Raven’s laboratory were at. It was evident that the young warriors brought excitement in all the streets of Polis. And it most definitely didn’t go unnoticed to them when the residents had their eyes trained in on one of their own who seemed oblivious to the attention.

“You’ve been here 3 days and still, people look at you like it’s the first time,” Jero whispered to Clarke beside him, lowering his head a little to get closer to the Alpha. His head was filled with the rush of excitement but he was more awe-filled at the people’s reception of Clarke.

“I know,” Clarke whispered back, her head still facing forward as she followed the trail of the tour at the back, ignoring the prolonged glances and smiles thrown her way. “I have only been in the hospital the entire time and Raven’s laboratory and a shop in the market. Not a lot has seen me, so you can understand why they’re acting this way.”

Jero nodded as he continued to look around him. The city was bigger than any other, and the warm welcome from its settlers was a beautiful experience too. But it was this bigger phenomenon his attention was set upon the entire time.

“So you really are still a true likeness then?” Jero knew it was a stupid question to ask but despite the rhetorical nature of it, it still seemed too surreal.

“Yes.” Clarke clenched her jaw before taking a shaky exhale. “You have no idea how my presence here is affecting them. I can only imagine how they feel.”

“Hey.” Jero stopped as he grabbed Clarke’s wrist to stop her on her tracks too. “Don’t blame yourself for things that are out of your control. If anything, I would say you are doing them a favor.” Jero was interrupted by Clarke’s scoffing and stopped her again when she was about to take another step forward to catch up to everyone else.

“Wait. Wait. What I was trying to say was, have you not noticed the peaceful expressions the people around us have when they look at you? You told me earlier today before I even got to say my Hellos to you how they were all trying with you. If you weren’t welcome here, you would so easily be asked to leave.

"You’re right; I also think they might be trying to make things right with you. And seeing you and Heda earlier, I just know that saying ‘your presence in her life again is very much welcomed’ is quite the understatement.” Jero smirked when the blonde before him was turning pink.

The blonde gradually, furiously blushed as she remembered how Lexa’s wolf swooned at her Alpha’s calling. And seeing as her friend’s smugness seemed like it wouldn’t waver one bit, she resorted to changing the topic before she was caught by anyone else. Enough people knew already. She was already losing a lot of battles against her wolf when it came to the beautiful brunette Omega. She needed to hang on to every bit of resistance. And being exposed was the last thing she wanted.

Clarke cleared her throat before she continued, “I am glad you kept your promise and not tell Seda about our leaving. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have made it outside Blue cliff if you had.”

Jero’s smirk was still in place as he teased, “Changing the topic I see. Fine, I will humor you.” He grinned before he threw a tilt of his head to the left, indicating for them to continue walking, noticing how far their friends had gone already.

“Seda found out as soon as you went missing,” Jero responded, his brows furrowed as he thought deeply. “I know because the entire morning she stood atop a hillock looking out at the direction you went. And by lunchtime, she did not even acknowledge your absence. I just do not know how she realized but knowing Seda, it's best not to overthink it. We all know just how impossible it is to understand what goes on in that head of hers.”

“I know,” Clarke answered with a sigh.

When the tour ended as they reached their building, the warriors were excited to find out that Heda has invited them to dinner at the tower. It was one of the greatest honors to eat alongside the Commander. And they all knew they had much to get through to prove their worth for receiving such an invitation. But it was more than enough incentive for them to be the best batch of warriors in the Commander’s army.

* * *

When dinner came, the dining hall looked festive, and it sparked the eyes of the visitors. The illumination of the room was bright yet soft, and the varieties of food wafted their respective scents towards the noses of eager, hungry pups.

Once bellies were full, laughter and friendly banter filled the room. They had all been on their feet already, trying to make introductions and conversations in the best way possible by going around.

It was obvious to the Polis residents that Clarke was popular among her peers. It may have been due to the obvious fact that the Alpha was a strong one or perhaps because she was gorgeous, kind, and smart. And Aeia was right— _she did take after her namesake_. The only two Clarkes they’ve ever known and both endlessly similar to one another.

And if testing Clarke’s popularity was something they wanted to confirm, they were about to find out now.

“Good evening once again, our lovely guests.” Raven’s voice boomed out effectively, silencing the room. Raven's friends, armed with the knowledge of how the Omega had a megaphone ready at the side—should the annoying weapon be needed—were more than willing to oblige the Omega instantly. “Can we have our young warriors step forward please for the new toasting tradition,” Raven continued as she looked around the new faces in the room.

As soon as everyone was gathered before her in two horizontal lines, the young pups were each given a goblet filled to the brim of a sweet-smelling drink.

“This toast is a rite of passage ordained by myself, Monty, and Jasper.” Raven paused as she nodded an acknowledgment where Monty and Jasper stood with their mates before her eyes landed on the Commander, who was shaking her head in slight amusement at her.

The others just chuckled at the Omega’s usual quirks. Even the corner of Anya’s lips curved upward amusedly.

“...with Heda’s rather half-hearted approval.” She threw a grin at Lexa who sniggered lowly back at her.

“I wish you well in your training with us. May your mind and spirit break through your limitations.”

Raven raised her chalice and everyone followed. “And may your heart speak true.”

When she chugged her sweet drink, the others did so too but the young warriors moaned innocently along the way. _It was the best tasting drink they’ve ever had._ The drink was a soft mix of purple and blue, but they could taste honey, berries, and some herbs to balance out the sweetness of it. And its scent was as fresh as an after-rain forest and as riveting as the best smelling pheromone. They knew they couldn’t truly explain how the drink was but one thing was sure as soon as they’ve finished their cup, it made their wolves feel light, free, and happy like they were floating off the ground.

Seeing the question that was on the young pups’ minds, Raven answered, “That was Canlup Nectar. Made by Monty and Jasper and modified by myself.” A proud smirk formed on the Omega’s face. “Canlup is short for Canis Lupus or simply, ‘Wolf’. So Wolf Nectar is a drink that lowers your inhibitions and allows you a moment to breathe and forget your worries, and go for your true desires, your happiness. You are going to undertake lots of hard obstacles in your training here starting tomorrow so we thought it best to give your wolf a little freedom and joy tonight before you are to face hell.”

The widened eyes and nervous pheromones in front of Raven floored her. She thought they would’ve started cheering and raving on by now but it was the complete opposite of what she had expected. “Don’t worry. Yours is not that high of a dose. We dampened it a little seeing as you’re all still young. And as you’re presented already, your dose wouldn’t affect you very much. But I promise you, the light and happy feeling is safe and worth it.” Raven grinned again, trying to ease up the frowns before her. And it worked, all except for one person.

“Uhh, what happens when you haven’t presented yet but you’ve drunk a whole cup of it?” Clarke asked tentatively. And immediately, everyone remembered that the youngest person in the room was the only unpresented wolf.

“Uhm.” Raven paused, looking at Monty and Jasper who was just as nervous as her. “Shit,” she muttered.

“Well, your birthday is coming up anyway right?” Raven nervous-giggled at the stunned blonde. She could see some of her friends shaking their heads while others face-palmed themselves.

“But uh, you haven’t presented yet, _right_.” Raven muttered another curse under her breath. “You’ll be alright. Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye out on you. You’ll just be a little drunk. Don’t you worry at all.” Raven giggled nervously again, trying to make light of the situation.

They all relaxed when the blonde just tried to stifle a chuckle, but worry easily took over when they realized that response might have been an inebriate’s one already.

Clarke, sensing the nervous pheromones, quickly cleared the air, “I’m alright. I am sure I will be looked after when we came to it.” She was pleased when they seemingly calmed.

True to her word, Raven did keep an eye out on her but also at the same time, took goblet after goblet and chugged them down with ease. Clarke was starting to feel the effects but was told that it was only just the beginning of it.

“What are you muffling your mirth about?” Clarke beamed as she inquired, noticing Raven covering her mouth in the effort of keeping herself from howling.

“I was just thinking which of my friends gets eaten first if we were in World War Z instead of the nuclear-destroyed world we live in.”

Clarke laughed at the Omega’s rather gory musings. She, too, had to cover her mouth as she and Raven continued to giggle.

“So who do you think it is?” Clarke asked, curiosity evident on her face.

Raven put an index finger over her own lips. “Shh... Okay?” She placed an arm over Clarke’s shoulder as she pulled her down conspiratorially and looked to her left and right to check if the coast was clear. “Don’t tell him but I believe it would be Jasper.”

At that, Clarke crunched her eyebrows. “But he looks kind of emaciated?”

Now Raven was howling with joy, it had gathered the attention of almost everyone in the room. Clarke only laughed at Raven’s suggestion of Jasper being chased by a horde of flesh-eating monsters.

“I think you are right, Clarke.” Raven began as she slowly calmed and wiped tears from the corner of her eyes. “But classically, as Zombies eat brains, I suppose I would be the first to go.” She dramatically heaved a sigh before she continued, “My fate would’ve been sealed long ago if we were now living in a zombie-infested world. Even with the classics, Jasper would still be passed over.”

Clarke began laughing heartily at the jabs Jasper didn’t know he was actually receiving at the moment.

_Poor Jasper._

Clarke being this carefree and happy had caught the attention of almost every single person in the room. The Polis residents marveled at the scene, how it looked like it was their Clarke laughing away with Raven the whole time, like a memory playing out right in front of them.

And Lexa obviously did not fare any better. She, too, was mesmerized at the uncanny echo of the past but she was the quickest to remember she was living in the present. _A present where the love of her life has long been turned to ashes._ It squeezed her heart tight, and it clenched even more at the next scene that played out in front of her.

Clarke’s jaunty state broke the last of her friends’ hold of their wolves, and they practically threw themselves at her. Three of the four Omegas and two female betas went over to Clarke and touched her in an overly friendly way as if they were joining in on the fun. But it was obvious to everyone from the aroused pheromones all five students were releasing that they were fighting for the Alpha’s attention.

And Lexa didn’t know where Clarke stood in this. The young Alpha looked like she was enjoying the company of her friends. _O_ _r was she enjoying the attention and the pheromones that surrounded her?_

Lexa felt like she was being suffocated. She only took a cup of the nectar so she was not feeling as high as some of them were. Her Omega wasn’t even thrashing at the sight, and she did not know why. And for the first time, she felt rather dreadful at the lack of response from her wolf. And because of that, her heart breaking at the scene, and the knowledge that it wasn't her place and right to be jealous, distressed pheromones were being pumped out of her at alarmingly large, dense waves. She immediately walked out of the hall and turned to the next corner at the end of the hallway.

Lexa leaned her back against the wall as she gathered back her wits. Just as she has cleared herself of any pheromones, her peripheral view caught sight of a whisk of blonde hair. And suddenly a warm body was draped on hers, pinning her to the wall as a face nuzzled just below her jaw before it rested comfortably on the crook of her neck.

“Hmm…” A relaxed purring vibrated out of the chest of the shorter person.

Lexa remained in her position, astonished at what was happening. Clarke was unabashedly holding her body against hers. And the wolf of the blonde was serenading through the steady, melodic purring. Lexa’s Omega was swooning all over again, pumping out pheromones that suggested a mating call. Before Lexa could put an end to it, Clarke instinctively responded by pushing herself even further onto Lexa’s body. The Omega’s resolve was wearing thin when she felt the bulge pressed against below the junction of her legs, had it been a little higher, she was sure she would’ve opened her legs welcomingly.

The older woman was definitely hanging by a very thin thread. She no longer remembered the reasons why she had avoided this blonde for what felt like an eternity. She kept asking herself why it never came to this, to this sweet, alluring, and sinful feeling of being pressed against the tantalizing Alpha. It was both a rhetorical question and a last attempt to pull herself together. But her wolf and desires were clearly winning when she started moaning as soft lips placed a chaste kiss on her pulse point.

“Why were you distressed back there, _Heda?”_ A muffled question pulled Lexa back to the very brink of her consciousness, effectively bringing back her rationality in a gradual manner.

“Clarke… y— you need to pull back,” Lexa stated with a touch of hesitance.

“Please, tell me, what was bothering you, and I’ll take care of it.” Clarke sluggishly pulled her head off from where it was resting peacefully in the neck of the Omega.

Lexa gulped seeing the beautiful, innocent, sleepy expression on Clarke. She was too adorable to resist, threatening whatever it was that upset the Omega with a look that said ‘Five more minutes please’. The corner of Lexa’s lips lifted a little, and her eyes softened.

“I am alright. But you should get back to the hall or your Seda would be worried.” Lexa suggested as she gently tried to pry away the interlocking fingers wrapped behind her.

Clarke pouted as she slowly shook her head, and before Lexa knew it, the Alpha’s head was resting under her chin this time. The interlocked fingers did break away from each other but as Clarke snuggled against her, the Alpha's arms traveled across her back in a warm embrace.

The Alpha continued her steady purring again, and the bulge remained where it was. Lexa decided to let herself be— _for just a moment_ —and was about to wrap her arms around Clarke in a similar fashion when a person cleared their throat a few feet from them.

Clarke instantly reacted to protect what she was having with the Omega. She turned her head around to look at the intruder and snarled at them while still clung on to the Commander.

The intruder, Anya, simply stared back at the two with an insouciant expression before settling her eyes on Lexa. “Heda, I have some urgent updates for you, if I may have an audience?”

Lexa schooled her expression and nodded before turning her attention to Clarke who was still staring daggers at Anya.

Anya spoke to the other Alpha before Lexa could. “You should go back to the festivities, pup. What you are doing to the Heda right now is inappropriate and is punishable by death. But seeing as you were given the nectar, I will only give you this one pass. Any more, and I will personally see to your punishment.”

Anya’s threat hit to the bone despite the lack of expression on her face. It worked as the young warrior shook her head as if to clear her fogged up mind. Slowly, she pulled away from the Omega, making both their wolves cry out at the slight distance.

It was obvious that Clarke was fighting to resurface from the mist and smoke. But for Lexa, it wasn’t just her wolf that was crying inside, even with her better judgment back, she was whimpering at the distance the blonde was putting between them. She finally had a taste of the forbidden fruit, and she wanted more even without her Omega’s influence.

The older Alpha was beginning to lose her patience so she grabbed hold of the younger Alpha’s arm and led her back to the entryway of the hallway and pointed to the dining hall. Clarke’s gaze just followed the finger and looked back at Anya and then at Lexa. Her emotions were unreadable, what with that sleepy expression on her face, and Anya’s pheromones engulfing the pup’s. But she looked… _defeated._

Clarke took one more second to imprint the beautiful Omega’s face to memory, and unbeknownst to her, her feelings started to show.

_Sad, innocent, blue eyes dancing to sorrow and yearning’s rhythm._

As soon as Clarke’s figure disappeared to the other room, Anya looked back at Lexa who looked just as angry. “What the hell Lexa?!”

Their argument had been going on for almost half an hour but it was far from over especially as they had been going around in circles, never truly defending a point convincingly.

“You can’t hold it against me that I dislike the kid, Lexa. You are my best friend, and that goufa is hurting you. I know that it is neither of your faults but even if you’re the adult, it is understandable why you are the way that you are because you're still mourning. But that child holds no emotional tie for all of us. And she _knows_ what her presence means, and yet she still decided to come over uninvited.” Anya’s voice gradually raised until it was loud enough to hear an echo bouncing against the walls.

But Lexa finally understood why Anya was acting that way.

_This is her, mourning._

“I miss her terribly too, Ahn,” Lexa responded with a slight tremble to her voice.

“Lex…” Anya whimpered as her eyes widened. Her voice cracking too but she remained steadfast where she stood.

Lexa shortened the distance between them, and when she reached her best friend, she immediately engulfed her in a much-needed embrace. They stood there silent, neither of them crying but just comforting each other the best way they knew how for the other.

After a beat, Anya defeated the silence. “I can be your guard dog. Everyone’s right. You need this too, Lex. And I will be there to back you up if I notice things have gone awry,” Anya offered. “But I can’t promise I’ll handle her gently though.” Anya’s smirk fell off her face when her best friend pulled slightly away and smothered her with aggressive pheromones.

“Easy, okay? I was kidding. I just… prefer keeping my guards up around her. So if I’m mean, it’s mostly just how I cope. I’ll be sure Raven explains it to that pup so she wouldn’t take it personally,” the tall blonde offered apologetically.

Lexa nodded and unclenched her jaw, slowly sinking into a relaxed stance again. “Thank you, Anya. And I truly appreciate your offer. I need it.” Lexa fully let go of her best friend and took a step back.

“Agreed. You will be my dog starting tomorrow. Thanks.” Lexa smirked as she gracefully turned around and made her way into the hallway back to where everyone was. She chuckled lowly as she heard the loud snarl behind her.

Her easy expression morphed to a serious one when she looked around and couldn’t find the young blonde Alpha in the crowd, along with two of the Omegas that were all over Clarke earlier.

“Kiya took her back to their place,” Murphy answered her silent, panicked question. “Not to worry though, Raven was adamant to go with them despite her condition so Emori and Echo went with them instead.”

Lexa visibly relaxed at the news. If her Omega could physically show itself, it would be seen sunk to the floor utterly relieved to the bone.

When Lexa saw the smirk on the Alpha’s face, her expression softened even more. “Thank you, Murphy. And for earlier today too.”

The smirk was still firmly on his face but the mirth in his eyes disappeared.

“Don’t think it was all for nothing, Heda. I’m not that generous.”

“Pray tell, what is it you want this time?” Lexa raised an eyebrow in amusement.

Murphy smiled warmly at the brunette. “That you go easy on yourself, Lex. We’re all right here for you.” The Alpha slowly bowed to her and walked away when he saw his mate enter the other entrance to the hall.

“Remember that.” He shouted out in adieu as he looked back at the Omega, with his smirk back on place.

Lexa smiled at the support she had been receiving all day long.

_A morning of cathartic release with her mothers._

_The unconditional support of friends who knew what she needed before she did._

And she became giddy internally when she remembered being pinned to the wall by the Alpha her Omega had been craving that now, her body was too. She was aware that she was gradually pumping out aroused pheromones so she quickly did breathing exercises to calm her erratic heart.

“Ey yo, pups! Time for bed. Y’all need to be up early tomorrow!” Raven drunkenly hollered as she hanged on the side of Anya, an arm over her mate’s shoulder. 

A corner of Lexa’s lips curled a little at the chorus of whines and groans from everywhere in the room. And suddenly, a sad fact dawned on her again.

_Pup._

_She is a pup._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, my chapters are longer now that I won't be posting daily anymore. If you're wondering, it's just because I wanted to make it up to you.  
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
> Please let me know your thoughts, and ideas on how things might go, etc.  
> I already have the lengthy, narrative outline for this story. But I'm really interested to hear your thoughts. :)


	27. Dreaming and living it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She understands why they look at her and they see somebody else.  
> She understands why they look at her and they wail.  
> Her dreams show remnants of somebody else's past.  
> A past that they long for.
> 
> She understands.
> 
> She is her and yet she's not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any mistakes you may come across.  
> Enjoy! ;)

-xxvii-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

_“Keep to your center.” Seda’s normal authoritative voice pierced through her greater state._

_There is peace here. There is calm. She feels nothing in particular, but if anything, she feels light. And she is not alone. Sometimes, memories play out before her. Sometimes, daydreams. Most of the time she is floating in the same position she was poised before entering what she believes is her lucid state._

_Fundamentally, she is meditating but in a much higher power. She does not truly know if it is the same for anybody else that meditates, especially as nobody else has experienced their wolf physically manifest in that realm with them. Like her Alpha is now, just sitting, floating beside her; sometimes just looking back at her. But almost 99% of the time, talking with her. Their thoughts broadcast in their world without lifting their tongues and opening their mouths._

_They debate. They agree. They discuss plans together. They drive hard bargains with each other. They conclude. But even with their constant and lifetime camaraderie, they are each other’s greatest enemies._

_They are the same in almost every aspect except for one that governs them most._

_One is wild more than anything._

_The other is sensible more than anything._

_The sensible is ever conscious. In and out, the sensible has control. It takes the wild’s nature into consideration at all times and allows the wild to seep through its pores in moderation causing it to amplify sensible’s true self in the physical world._

_But the wild is always there, underneath the skin, muscles, and bones, the wild is there just waiting to break out. At times, it angrily concedes and other times it breaks free to save its friend-slash-enemy, the sensible._

_The wild is a primal being. The sensible is an evolved being._

_Both equally passionate, equally wise, and equally compassionate in their own ways._

_They are different yet they are the same._

_They are two beings that need to be one at all times._

_To conquer. To succeed. To survive. To live._

_“You just presented your Blue Moon flower to your Omega. She was stunned but when it dawned on her what it meant, she jumped into your arms and passionately kissed you.” Seda’s voice once again echoed in her inner realm._

_And suddenly, she and her white wolf watched the scene unfold the memory of the first time she and Lexa kissed. She felt something spark in her state, a spark that caused warmth travel across her chest. Erratic heartbeats, she recognized._

_She knew she was losing concentration and will prematurely snap back to reality if she felt anything here. She shouldn’t be affected by the emotions._

_When the warmth disappeared, and she couldn’t recall the emotion that just transpired, she was back to how she was supposed to be._

_She watched what she knew was one of her fondest memories with Lexa. The first time either of them revealed their true feelings. The first time they kissed. The first time they professed to each other their “I love yous”._

_“But then, what you did not know was that someone had pulled back an arrow from behind the trees and aimed it at Lexa’s back.”_

_The wolf beside her growled so loud another spark traveled the warmth from her chest to her neck and then to her head. She was staying still, trying to keep the calm she was in just seconds ago. Her wolf beside her, the wild being, roared mightily as they both watched the new scene playing before them: Lexa who was just happily wrapped in Clarke’s arms gasped and arched her body when an arrow hit her in the back._

_The sensible struggled to keep her control. She stayed still watching as the love of her life was dying in her arms and saying her final goodbyes. Her wolf snarled and wailed louder and louder beside her. The peace was gone. The calm became a calamity. It was loud and their realm felt heavy but she was fighting to keep floating, to not let the emotions overcome her._

_She stayed in that chaos for who knows how long until it was over. Next thing she knew, she was floating easily again. Her wolf beside her was still thrashing and crying but it was muted. She was no longer disturbed._

_She looked at her wolf and told her to calm down and trust her._

_The wolf stopped and stared back at her, understanding flowing through their eyes back and forth. After a moment, they both turned their heads and looked back at the scene before them. The true memory._

_There was no threat at all. Clarke and Lexa were still kissing. When they pulled back, Lexa whispered to her an ‘I love you’ and Clarke reciprocated with equal fervor._

_Slowly, she was dragged out of that realm and opened her eyes to see Seda before her. She could feel her face a little rigid. And she knew what that was. She was crying incessantly, stopped, and had her tears and tear-tracks dry in cold air. And now her cheeks felt taut. The memory of her latest simulation resurfaced in her consciousness and the residual emotions caught up to her. She was still feeling the pain of her loss. She knew it was not real but she had to struggle just to believe it._

_To most people, it was just like waking up sweaty, teary, and terrified after a nightmare. But it was 10 times worse than that for Clarke because a simulation being played out in one of her mind’s deepest, safest corners makes it feel so true. So true, that the things played out to her there had the potential to embellish what was true and be stored as a memory._

_“You did excellent Clarke. Truly remarkable.” Her Seda softly smiled at Clarke’s success._

_They all knew this was one of the hardest training Clarke always had to endure and conquer. Yes, it takes a toll on her a little but the more she conquered them the stronger she was becoming. And Seda knew he had to be that bad guy for Clarke if it meant readying her for whatever was to come._

_“Thank you, Seda.” Clarke curtly nodded and stomped towards the forest where she could calm faster during very difficult and excruciating simulations._

_She heard everyone behind her sigh heavily but she continued on her way to her destination._

_“I’ll see you all back at the camp?” She heard Lexa call out to them and knew her girlfriend was already hot on her tail._

A knock on her door pushed her to the brink of consciousness. After a second passed, she was about to let herself be taken away back to slumber’s arms when her door creaked open.

“Clarke? Hey, time to wake up.”

The blonde raised her head and saw her best friend’s head poking through her door.

“Ki?” Clarke asked hoarsely.

It took a while to get a response. The other person cleared their throat before answering, “Yes, Clarke, you need to get up now. Atlan also just woke up so we’ll be waiting for you two outside.”

“Okay, thanks, Ki.” Clarke stretched and sat up on her bed.

They shared a brief warm smile to each other before Kiya closed the door again, and Clarke was left to her thoughts.

 _Another one?_ She asked to herself.

Every day for almost two weeks she’d been in Polis, she’s been getting brief yet very vivid dreams. Dreams she knew were memories. Memories of a different life. Memories of someone who lived before she did. It was all too impossible, to begin with, but she knew they were all memories.

And like every day for nearly two weeks—and all the other sporadic ones from before she returned to Polis—she just shook her head and aimed to get on with her day. There was nothing she could do. She couldn’t tell them. It’d help no one if she did. It would only hurt them. And that was something she would have to die first before letting it happen.

* * *

She, along with her friends, had proven themselves worthy in Polis’s eyes. They had impressed experienced warriors and soldiers, and the leaders of Polis too. Lexa, Indra, Anya, Octavia, and those among the best fighters had marveled each day at the young warriors’ aptitude and learned skills. And not only that, but they had excelled in the sets of training offered by Skaikru as well. Although it was just the beginning of what would be a couple of months’ worth of study, they already showed great promise—much to their Seda's delight.

The students were currently at the training ground preparing for whatever it was their Sedas had in store for them. Clustered on one side were the five best friends, Clarke, Jero, Atlan, Kiya, and Vannah. While the others were either spread out, stretching or sparring, awaiting for Chief advisor Indra and General Anya’s arrival.

The Commander was not always there to observe or supervise. But today, the other prominent people of Skaikru and Grounders were, as well as a lot of the villagers.

The area around the grounds was hosting more and more onlookers. It was almost as populated as the first few days the young warriors started their training. They had been getting fewer spectators the last week but this turn of events may have been because of one particular reason: Today was Clarke’s fight.

“I wonder how Harvest Day is celebrated here. Do you guys think it is like how we do it back home?” Vannah, the raven-haired, olive-skinned Omega asked as she strapped on her leather greave.

“Yes, but much bigger and livelier,” Jero, the tall, brown-haired Beta answered as he grunted after blocking Atlan’s strike in their warm-up sparring.

“Well, I can’t wait for it. Although, I wish we could stop with the training for once and just help out with the preparations,” Kiya answered as she tied her flaming blonde hair back into a ponytail.

Clarke watched, mesmerized, at the waves of blonde hair that reminded her so much of autumn. She had just finished securing her vambrace and was lost in thought as soon as she set her sights fascinatedly at her best friend’s strawberry blonde locks.

Kiya noticed this and began blushing, effectively complementing her hair. “I’m glad we could spend Harvest Day with your family, Clarke. It was really kind of Dr. Griffin to offer them a place to stay. At least we could see them more often now.”

Clarke smiled at the mention of her family. She was truly grateful that they were offered to stay longer in Polis so they could celebrate Harvest Day and her natal day with her.

She was happier seeing her brother daily, excitedly exploring Polis as he waited for the next movie day. He’s already seen several cartoons a week ago and fantasy films only yesterday. And in a couple of days, they were scheduled to watch superhero films, something Kalel was wagging his tail so much about to see.

Every day, Shenan and Aryan would help prepare the meals for the warriors and dine with them at an outdoor dining area the Heda had ordered built for them. Once in a while throughout the day, Clarke’s family would observe from a distance as she trained, opting not to be seen lest they disturb her.

“Yes, and we’re ecstatic too.” Clarke smiled to herself, recalling the successive days she’s spent with her family. But her smile dwindled to a defeated one, remembering the troubling consecutive days she’s also spent away from the enticing Omega.

When she woke up after that first dinner in the tower, she was mortified as the memory unfolded before her eyes. She wanted to go to Lexa and beg for her forgiveness but the Heda was nowhere to be seen, and she was stuck with her friends under the watchful eyes of her Seda. The next day, Lexa showed up but she couldn’t go anywhere near her as the commander seemed keen to leave whenever she was close. Eventually, Clarke decided it may have been the best course of action at the moment. She realized that each time she and Lexa had intense interactions, they never stopped to talk about it. And after a full day of attempting to respectfully see her, she realized why.

_I_ _t’s hard for Lexa._

She knew the Omega was still mourning, and her presence in the Omega’s daily life must be throwing her off balance. And being the Heda… that just shouldn’t be the case.

Kiya moved behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. The 16-year old Omega had been clingy to Clarke for the last few days, and the Alpha was only beginning to wonder what that was about.

“Ki? Are you alright?” Clarke asked as she slightly turned her head to where Kiya’s was resting.

“Mhmm.” The Omega sighed beside her.

“You two look more like mates right now,” Vannah commented with a smirk directed at the two.

At that suggestion, Clarke’s gaze quickly shifted to Jero; she’s always known her Beta best friend was in love with the Omega behind her. And just as she did, she noticed the sad expression that dawned on his chiseled face. If Clarke wasn’t so in love with a certain brunette Omega, who's been avoiding her lately, she knew she would have an innocent crush on him. What with his handsome features and kind old soul, _who wouldn’t be attracted to him?_

“And here I thought you were it for me, Van.” Clarke pouted at the oldest Omega of the group. “Is there really no chance at all?” Clarke threw in her puppy dog eyes with her pout still in place.

She knew the Omega had a singular taste in people, so Clarke never minded teasing her friend.

“Ugh,” Vannah groaned. “I might give you a chance if you could introduce me to Mr. Kane.” The Omega shifted her sights near the makeshift stage where Marcus Kane stood talking to some attendees. “Have you met him yet?” Vannah asked, eyes still locked on the ruggedly handsome, middle-aged Beta.

“I have but I don’t think you’re his type, Van,” Clarke answered with a slight shake of her head at her friend who only ever gets attracted to much older, matured men.

A clearing of the throat put the young warriors at attention. It was only then that Clarke realized Kiya had been clinging on to her to the last second when she felt her shoulders began to lighten. She blushed at the predicament, of being caught in such an affectionate position by the chief adviser and one of the generals of the coalition. What she dreaded the most was that news of this might reach Heda's ears. She never wanted the brunette Omega to think she was interested in anyone else. _Even if she couldn’t have her._

“Chief Adviser. General.” The pups bowed and acknowledged synchronously.

“At ease,” Anya ordered.

“Clarke, pick a weapon and go on now. I’ll be announcing in a moment,” Indra followed.

Clarke quickly bowed once more and moved to the weapons station. She picked a double-edged short sword and as soon as she did, she saw Bellamy walking forward and grabbing a long sword for himself. Clarke then realized she was to fight with Bellamy Blake.

“Why a short sword, Clarke?” The brown-haired Alpha asked.

Clarke was about to answer the seemingly innocuous question but when she saw the smug look on the older Alpha’s face, she was quick to retort instead. “Because there’s nothing in me that needs to be compensated for,” Clarke answered in an innocent expression, suppressing a smirk when she saw his face fall.

They could hear muffled chuckles outside the ring. Bellamy noticed his friends straight away but Clarke noticed somebody else. One of them was Lexa with a tight-lipped smile, that seemed to be there to stifle a chuckle, as she made her way towards the stage.

Bellamy was furious at the younger Alpha’s comment but before he could respond, Indra’s voice boomed out in the vast, populated ground.

Rules were about to be stated again. Clarke was already well aware of them so she spaced out as her gaze followed the sweet-smelling Omega who has then reached the stage and sat on her sit behind Indra.

“As a lot of you have now just come to observe, I will briefly explain what this activity is about. Every day for 12 days, each of the young warriors will be fighting one of our own as a rite before their day of training is set about. This is to begin the observance of sportsmanship, hard work, dedication, and great skill and will to overcome hardships.” Indra then set her gaze on the two fighters standing by the weapons station. “And as such, the rules are—to not let your wolves out as you fight, keep your pheromones to yourselves, and do not kill. General Anya and I will decide when the fight is over. And again—as it is a form of courage itself—there is no shame in accepting defeat, so tap three times on the ground if you need.”

Indra began walking towards her seat between Lexa and Anya, and the fighters knew that was their cue. Both Bellamy and Clarke stepped forward, weapons readied, and stances positioned.

Gasps traveled around them when Bellamy fell a third time on his ass. However, this time, he was unconscious. The fight only lasted, approximately, seven minutes. Clarke wanted to drag it out and not show off what she could do but Bellamy kept charging at her—an obvious lack of tactic on his part.

He had strength on his side, and it seemed like it was enough for him. He was completely driven by emotion from the beginning. And throughout the fight, he unintentionally cheated as he had been unconsciously wafting off his dominating scent. But seeing as Clarke wasn’t affected at all, and was still handing blow after blow to him, Indra and Anya left them to continue.

Lexa remained stoic where she sat, as did Anya and Indra. But the others, where their mouths remained shut, their eyes had widened a fraction larger—not at their own’s defeat but by the way the blonde Alpha carried herself.

She was agile and graceful. Her strikes, though only a handful summoned, were all clearly strategized well and never missing their designated aims. And the power with which she wielded her sword was carried through with the way she used her own body’s shortcomings and that of her enemy’s. Bellamy was much larger and stronger than she was—without their wolves’ influence—but somehow, Clarke managed to use that against him: unarming him, unbalancing him, knocking him down.

And just before she knocked his daylights out, he had unconsciously blasted a strong wave of his pheromone around him. His eyes grew large, realizing what he had done. And it was even larger when Clarke waltzed towards him, with just a little scrunch to her nose, before jumping onto his knee, pushing herself upward, and smacking the side of Bellamy’s head with the hilt of her sword.

“Woah.” Octavia gulped.

The people around her nodded speechlessly. It was exactly how Clarke carried herself that froze them on their spots, nearly forgetting to breathe.

“If she hadn’t been using her right hand the entire time, I would have thought it was Griffin,” Jasper agreed.

A whimper off the side caught their attention; Abby and Jake were both holding back their tears. But they were quick to recover when Aryan and Shenan made themselves known and pumped soothing pheromones as best they could. Abby and Jake turned to Clarke’s parents and smiled in appreciation at them but the sadness in their eyes still lingered.

Just as Indra started to announce Clarke’s victory, a commotion broke through where the weapons were stationed.

Gaia stepped closer to the area where Clarke and unconscious Bellamy were, her right hand wrapped around a spear that stood taller than her. The dark-skinned Alpha bowed before Clarke and positioned herself.

Clarke was simply confused at the turn of events and raised her sights onto the stage where a mortified Indra stood. Clarke then shifted her sights to behind Indra where Lexa sat, looking equally puzzled at the scene before her. And because of nearly two weeks of indifference from the Omega, Clarke was once again trapped in the state of Lexa. Her wolf called out to the Omega wolf once more, effectively forgetting that there was a new threat in the form of Indra’s daughter.

When Lexa seemed to sense this, her gaze shifted to the Alpha, and Clarke’s wolf immediately howled in joy. Clarke couldn’t hold her smile back, and her face lit up like a puppy admiring its owner.

“Let’s see what you’ve got, Prime Alpha,” Gaia growled as she started charging at Clarke, pointed spear aimed to her heart.

_What?_

Clarke quickly turned her head around to evade the other Alpha advancing on her. Clarke jumped out of her spot and backed away even further until she fell on her ass when she stumbled on Bellamy’s still body. She landed on Bellamy’s other side but her sights were trained on Gaia. Even the hard fall still did not distract her from the fact that someone had just referred to her as the Prime Alpha. On top of that, she was at a loss at the aggression directed towards her. She looked at Indra, and she could finally hear the growls from the sire of her current challenger.

“STAND DOWN, GAIA!” Indra roared.

“Somebody, get her out of there!” Anya ordered.

Clarke could see several warriors making their way to them but something else caught her attention. A hard object sharply smacked to her temple, it was so hard she was sure something made a cracking noise on the side of her head. And next thing she knew, she was dropped to Bellamy’s level, his face just a few inches from hers.

She quickly pulled her hand to where the throbbing pain was, the pounding of which vibrated across her head, to her neck, and then her upper body.

_What is going on?_

_“Fight.”_ Her Alpha growled.

_“Your Omega is worried. Fight.”_

That was enough to pull Clarke slightly away from total disorientation. She focused her sight on Gaia who had just pulled back the end of her spear, suggesting it was the end of that shaft that impacted her.

Clarke quickly tried to sit up as she looked around for her sword but the closest she could find was Bellamy’s. Taking her former opponent’s sword, she swiftly got on her feet and moved away from Bellamy’s body to avoid hurting him in her current impromptu fight.

She didn’t know what happened but the warriors that she saw earlier had stepped away from the field, and it was once again just her and the other fighter.

Clarke tried to get her head to focus but she continued to feel the lightheadedness engulfing what’s left of her consciousness. She managed to evade and block every strike directed at her despite her growing incoordination but she never once struck back. The other Alpha was level-headed, and just as strategic as she was, so to be able to avoid all her attacks was already a win for the blonde Alpha.

“Please don’t disappoint, Prime Alpha. I had such high expectations from you. Come on, make me submit,” Gaia taunted.

“DO. NOT. CALL ME. THAT.” Clarke seethed through gritted teeth. One of the last things she wanted was to further torment these people of what they’ve lost.

Clarke's impassioned response brought a smile on Gaia’s face, and she quickly stationed back to her fighting stance, waiting for the blonde Alpha’s blow.

But it didn’t come. What did come was Lexa locking Gaia’s arms behind her back with a knife threatening the skin on the Alpha’s neck.

“What were you calling her?” A low voice silenced the crowded open area. At first, Lexa thought she must’ve misheard the title that was thrown insensitively around but when the second time confirmed it, she was out of her seat and stomping to the fighters’ way in a heartbeat.

“Heda, I beg you.” Indra dropped to her knees a few feet from them.

Clarke hadn’t even noticed the two leaders making their way towards them. And once her wits caught up to her senses, she noticed the metallic smell of blood. She glanced swiftly to see if Lexa’s knife had broken skin. But it didn’t. And then realization dawned on her when her hand roughly grazed the throbbing spot on her temple and flinched; right then and there, blood oozed out of her head down her chin. Instinctively, she looked up to see the horrified look on Lexa’s face.

“I am alright, Heda. Just a little lightheaded,” Clarke assured to calm the Omega as she put her palm up to stop the bleeding but the swaying of her body clearly said otherwise.

This enraged Lexa further and pushed her hand deeper, breaking beautiful dark skin underneath the sharp dagger.

“She was taunting me, Heda. Take my concentration out of the game and win the fight.” Clarke reassured once more and relaxed at Lexa’s perplexed expression.

Lexa was considering what the blonde had just told her and realized the sense in it. But still, Gaia’s use of words was too personal and insensitive to their families. _She’ll be sure to punish Gaia accordingly._

When Lexa’s hands dropped to her sides, everyone around them relaxed simultaneously.

Lexa swiftly made her way to Clarke, purring and inaudibly cooing at the bleeding Alpha. But instead of reaching to make sure she was alright, Lexa was just right on time to catch her fainted body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mind is a very complex and dynamic thing to understand and depict, so I hope what I tried to portray here, in my ABO fic, made sense.  
> Kind of reminds me of Clarke and Josie's shared mindspace. But the wild and sensible is kind of similar to the Id and Superego.  
> Anywho...  
> What did you guys think of the chapter?  
> Oh, and I'm posting the next on Monday.  
> Til then! :)


	28. Letting go and Hanging on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they let go of the sensible and hang on to the wild, they finally get what they never knew they needed.  
> (The chapter where they finally talk.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please forgive any mistakes.  
> Happy Reading!

-xxviii-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“You cracked her skull, Gaia! Even if it was just a hairline fracture, you still injured her!” Lexa barked out at the kneeling Alpha before her throne.

“Heda, please. That was a fight, the fighters were meant to get hurt,” Indra softly reasoned.

“That’s beside the point, Indra. Clarke was already done with her fight. And your pup took it upon herself to start another match and make inappropriate declarations!” Lexa was still seething and unhinged at the wait she had been put in. Clarke had been unconscious on the hospital bed for almost 6 hours, and she knew it wasn’t her place to stay there holding the blonde’s hand all day long after the first four hours of doing so.

“Heda, I mean you no disrespect. But you’ve already heard my reason for doing what I did. I wanted to draw out the Prime Alpha within her and make you believe. Queen Nia’s children were not amongst the dead 15 years ago, they are still out there. And Clarke’s presence, her very existence, is proof enough that the Great War has yet to come. She’s _her_ , Heda. You being so worried about her is proof enough that your Omega thinks so too.”

“You know nothing, Gaia! You were just a toddler back then. You do not even _know_ Clarke _._ What gives you the right to do as you please?! If she was the Prime Alpha, the Elders would’ve shown up years ago.” Lexa finally stood from her throne and slowly descended towards the still kneeling Gaia. “And you did not need to worry about Roan and Ontari. I have had eyes and ears trained on Azgeda lands and Mount Weather for years. I have strategies and battle plans ready for whenever they show up. And with regards to Clarke again, if you so much as approach her with that mindset once more, I will have you detained in the dungeons for however long it takes to straighten up your act. Do you not realize the distress and confusion you put her on, on top of the injuries you claim to ‘bestow’ upon her?”

“Heda, please, _listen._ ” Gaia tried once more, making it easier for her to convince the raging Omega now that they were closer. She knew Lexa on her throne would be a difficult one to make sense with when the throne was always meant to show defiance and ultimate power.

And it worked as Lexa pulled herself upright and took a deep breath with refined contempt before looking away and giving a small nod, signaling the Alpha to say whatever it was she needed to say.

“ _Lexa…_ I know seven years ago, this Clarke was treated as if she was the reincarnation of Clarke. And everyone was ecstatic and hopeful once more. But everyone scared her away. _You_ scared her away _._ ” At that Lexa whipped her head back, realizing what the Alpha was saying.

“I— I saw you return the tower one night, crying and upset. The next day when news came they left, you didn’t even flinch.” Lexa clenched her jaw at the Alpha’s explanation but remained quiet for her to continue.

“Lexa, every person that’s turning a blind eye at all the signs are those that loved Clarke Griffin the most. Yes, you all knew her better than everyone else, so if you’d think it’s not true then you’d say that as if it is the law. But it also meant you were the ones deeply affected by the loss too, so you need to get through the stages of grief. And people have been forcing themselves to reach that final stage of acceptance but look around you, Heda, people are still depressed.”

That was true. Wolf’s Woe was something not to be taken lightly. When a person has this condition, when their wolf is utterly depressed, their well-being is completely compromised. Omegas become withdrawn and in severe cases, may not be able to bear children. The Alphas become the worst form of themselves as they slowly lose their egos, and rather than losing what’s left of it, they would always opt to kill themselves instead. The Betas suffer in between how the Omegas and Alphas do.

After losing the one person they were meant to protect, at least until her presentation, they were devastated and guilt-ridden. Most of her Beta and Alpha friends have become a little more indifferent and insecure. And two of her Omega friends tried to bear pups for years but just couldn’t, with only Octavia being able to do so years later.

Herself included. As it was her duty as her Alpha's mate, the only time she ever became intimate with Costia was through Costia’s ruts. But still, no pups came of those rare but high-chanced unions.

“My point is, none of you will see reason just yet. That Clarke being reincarnated _is_ reasonable. I know I don’t remember much of her. But I have heard the stories. I have seen the videos of your childhood. The coincidences everyone has been talking about. Shenan and Aryan’s reticence on the idea. _How your wolves called to each other at the dining hall,_ and I suspect most of the time. It all adds up to one thing. This _is her._ And what I did today is not some fanatic’s scheme as my sire's accused me of but it’s a wake-up call. And if Clarke’s rebirth means something, it is most likely that the Great War is not actually over but is well on its way. And everyone has to snap out of this denial before it's too late.”

Throughout the impassioned speech of the Alpha, Lexa was starting to understand her perspective. She remained impassive yet mesmerized at Gaia’s train of thought. She was beginning to question her own way of thinking, and as Heda, she couldn’t allow being one step behind anyone else. And Gaia’s explanation made sense as she was depressed, and her emotions were all over the place with Clarke’s return.

_She wasn’t thinking reasonably._

But there was something else, a hope buried deep within her slowly resurfacing to her consciousness. A hope she tried to pulverize and bury seven years ago after she had told then seven-year-old Clarke to leave Polis. She just couldn’t accept the idea of her love being back anymore. She couldn't hope if this young Clarke wasn’t actually the one she called hers years ago. She and her Omega were completely devastated then and were broken still. And if this was actually her Clarke, she wouldn’t react well to their current circumstance. She had been separated from her for years; all that time lost to yearning and depression when she could’ve had her all along. She could've had her as her friend, anything, to appease her wolf and keep Clarke safe from the world. But if her Clarke was a child again, and she was mated to another; she could no longer be with this Clarke in a way her heart and Omega had wanted to since she was a pup. And even if they could be together in many years to come through the loss of mate, she would never hope for somebody else’s death, especially one who had been nothing but a dear friend to her for so long, who continued to love her unconditionally. So no matter how contradicting her reasons were, either way, she couldn't have Clarke. She had to bury that hope deep in her heart. The hope her Omega had been taunting her with incessantly for the past two weeks and sporadically for the past seven years. The hope she was beginning to accept once more. _That her Clarke was back._

A knock to the double doors cut through the silence of the room. “Enter,” Lexa announced.

Anya made her way through the doors and quickly bowed. “She’s awake, Lex.”

Lexa’s eyes grew significantly larger. Relief was evident on not just her face, but her body and scent as well.

“Please.” Lexa’s attention was on the kneeling Alpha again. “Please, listen to your intuition, Heda. Our wolves will always know something before we even realize there was something that needs to be recognized, to begin with.”

A gentle smile and softening eyes graced Lexa’s features. As soon as they appeared, Gaia’s expression instantly reciprocated with a much bigger smile on her face.

“But no more hitting or pressuring her, Gaia. Again, if you so much as approach her with that mindset, I will have your own sire lock you up in the dungeon until further notice. Do you understand?”

Gaia nodded vehemently. She didn’t care if she made quite the mess or that she risked her neck. Her first goal was to cause a wake-up call, and she knew she finally got through to Lexa. _Now there was only one thing that needed to be done._

“I will gladly accept the task, Heda.” Indra smirked as she moved over to her daughter, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Now, as Chief Adviser, I advise you to calm your Omega and check on a certain blonde Alpha.”

Lexa reciprocated the smirk and shook her head with an amused expression as she made her way out the door to the lift with Anya closely following her. Lexa’s excitement, and her wolf howling in joy at the same time, betrayed the stoic mask she had on.

Anya remained looking straight ahead but she knew, the growing smirk on the Alpha's face said so.

“Shof op _[Shut up]_ , Anya.” The last of Lexa’s nonchalance was wearing off.

Anya nodded. “I will, but mind telling me how it went with the branwoda goufa?”

Lexa’s stoic mask had completely fallen off. She was goofily smiling at the feeling of finally allowing herself to let go, no matter how little and gradual it was going at the moment.

 _“Thank you.”_ Her wolf purred.

“This looks interesting,” Anya observed, smiling gently when her best friend looked up at her.

They spent the entire walk to the hospital talking as Lexa recalled her interaction with Gaia in deceivingly calm bearing: talking softly as they continued to look insouciantly forward, intense expressions swiftly rearranged, and spikes of pheromones consciously kept to a minimum. In truth, Lexa needed this prelude to prepare herself, and her wolf, for the Alpha that had silently unhinged her for 7 years—and more so for nearly two weeks.

She was mentally preparing herself for this next encounter with Clarke now that she was finally listening to her wolf and the people around her. And putting herself in this position felt so freeing. She was finally beginning to see how this felt right. How this felt like it's how it was always meant to be in spite of things that should dictate her back to the other path she was drowning in.

She was free falling, and she didn’t mind she wasn’t wearing a parachute at all.

* * *

“Oh, thank spirits!” Aryan exclaimed. She and her mate were both up on their feet when a familiar grunt came from the bed.

Abby noticed as well, and quickly made her way, almost pushing the Alpha’s parents off to the side before catching herself. She gently moved between Aryan and Shenan and checked on the barely conscious blonde.

“Hi there, sweetie. How do you feel?” Abby cooed.

Before answering, Clarke cleared her throat as she squinted her eyes around her, trying to dissipate the disorientation away. “Uhh, confused, and thirsty.” Clarke groaned and reached for her head when she tried to get up. “And my head is pounding.”

Abby assisted her back to the slightly elevated head of the bed. “You need to stay in bed, Clarke. At least for a full 24 hours, and then we’ll keep monitoring you before you are allowed to return to your training.” At that, Clarke’s frown became evident all over her face.

Abby chuckled softly. “You’ve got a small fracture on the side of your skull. And I’ve got full authority from Heda to keep you here for as long as needed.”

When Lexa was mentioned, Clarke’s ears perked up, a genuine puppy smile wiped out the earlier frown. “How is Heda? Is Chief Advisor’s daughter alright? Is Heda still upset? How long ago was that?”

“Woah, slow down. First, we need to examine you, okay? And then we’ll answer all your questions.”

Clarke nodded her head with wild abandon and regretted doing so immediately. The pounding on her head amplifies at a mere movement, let alone the shake she just threw.

Ten minutes later, Abby was done with her assessment and found that everything was alright besides the main injury. She realized something else and paled at the thought. She excused herself from the room and made her way to look for anyone who could inform the Commander of Clarke’s latest progress.

Clarke was left alone with her family, friends, and her Seda. And she wasted no time at all and began her onslaught of questions.

“That was 6 hours ago, Clarke. Heda caught you just as you fainted and as Dr. Griffin said, you have a concussion so you are to remain here until they say otherwise,” Aryan answered.

“We have no news yet of Chief Advisor and Gaia. We just know that they are still in the tower with Heda. But Heda was here for hours though,” Jero subtly smirked before he continued, “she had to leave. I suppose to settle things with Gaia.”

Suddenly, the air became thick with questions they didn’t know they could ever answer. All of them felt it, and even Clarke in her state felt the huge elephant in the room everyone was trying their best to subdue.

To break it off, Clarke’s parents spoke up first, “We should go and get you something to eat, strikon. And I suppose for everyone als—”

“We shall go with you, it is pointless to carry that much food here. Jero, you and your friends may stay and keep Clarke company. We will resume training in two hours.” Seda’s interruption of Shenan caused all eyes to shift to the Seda who had just spoken after the 6 hours she'd spent patiently waiting. 

“Can’t I stay here with Clarke also?” Kalel protruded his lower lips, trying his best to work out his mad adorable features.

His parents and sister chuckled at the incorrigible pup and cooed. “None of that for now, little one. Your sister needs peace and quiet, I’m afraid you’re too hyper after the treat Helena gave you,” Aryan answered as she bent to pick up her little boy.

The pout on Kalel's face was still very much present, and his eyes were then trembling too. “It’s okay, Kal. When I get better you and I can hang out more, but not right now, okay?” Clarke smiled and it was enough to appease the little wolf.

Just when the room got less crowded, another visitor poked her head through the door and smiled when she saw the conscious blonde. “Hey,” Raven said as she stepped inside the room and strutted over to Clarke with a crooked smile on her face. “Clarke the Second, how are you feeling?”

Clarke’s reaction was immediate, and she snorted at the punch line. _Sure, leave it to the Omega to make light of things that transpired earlier._ She was sure if Lexa had heard this, somebody’s ass would be on the floor by now.

“My head still aches but other than that I’m better, Raven, thank you for asking.”

“That’s good to hear. Everybody else is outside asking to be let in so Abby is out there defending your fort.” Raven sat nonchalantly by Clarke’s feet on the bed.

Clarke’s friends just looked back and forth at the two. They knew their friend grew closer to the Omega mechanic slash scientist lately but they didn’t realize just how close yet.

“If that is so, then how did you get in?” Clarke smiled with a raise of an eyebrow.

“Are you kidding? I am a very important person in the coalition so I have high-security clearance _everywhere,”_ Raven answered as she examined one of her hands before curling it into a fist and wiping it on her shirt as cool as she could manage.

When Clarke was about to respond, the doors opened again, and this time, it was Abby followed by Lexa and Anya. Clarke immediately swooned at the sight of Lexa, eyes softening and glued as she exhaled a smitten relief.

“What are you doing here, Raven? I told you no visitors yet.” Abby called her out sternly, and it was enough to drag Clarke out of her reverie and laugh heartily at the ‘very important person’ sitting across from her.

“But she needed me here, Abs. Look at her all smitten and laughing now that I’m here.” Raven smirked, and it was just right on time for the pain to throb across Clarke’s head after her laughing fit. She quickly groaned and reached for her forehead, massaging it gently as she laid back on her pillow.

The two Omegas that just arrived quickly made their way to her. When Lexa reached her first, Raven jumped off the bed and held Abby back, signaling something silently through her eyes which Abby was quick to understand. She nodded, and they both stepped away and looked on at the two.

Lexa purred as soon as she grabbed hold of Clarke’s hand while the other one stroke Clarke’s hair. Half of Lexa’s body was leaning slightly against the elevated head of the bed as she continued to soothe the distressed Alpha. And Clarke swooned instantly at the attention. She purred back and turned her head to where Lexa was and rested it on the Omega’s shoulder. This motion made Lexa subtly nuzzle the top of the blonde’s head.

Raven noticed the faces of Clarke’s young friends. Two of them were stunned, one had a proud and knowing look, and the other looked heartbroken. Raven was quick to decipher their countenance. Atlan and Vannah were clearly new to this. No matter how much the rumors had spread in Polis, it seemed like Clarke’s friends still found it as surreal as Raven and her family does. And then there was Jero who looked like he knew things. He must know Clarke most among everyone else. He wasn’t even surprised at all, instead, he was awe-filled. And then there’s Kiya. It was quite obvious from the day they met her that she was head over heels for Clarke. And everyone knew, everyone except for the object of her desires. Raven unconsciously shook her head at the Alpha.

 _Clueless in romance._ Raven thought. And then sniggered at a second idea. _Glad that didn’t change._

Raven was so lost in thought she forgot to acknowledge her mate, who strode past her and over to the pups. She couldn’t tell what Anya was whispering to them. And then all at once the warriors bowed their head at Anya and then at Lexa, who remained oblivious of them, before exiting the door. Raven caught Kiya taking one last disheartened look at the two souls still lost in their world. And she sympathized with her.

_Best move on kid, these two were written in the stars._

Once Anya made her way over to Abby and Raven, she whispered to them too, “We should give them some space. Lexa’s finally given herself this chance. Come on.”

They didn’t need to be told twice and made their way outside as well.

“What do you mean, Lexa’s finally given herself this chance?” Abby asked as they walked over to their families.

Once they’ve settled, with Raven wrapped in Anya’s arms and Abby in Jake’s, Anya looked at the eager faces and recounted what Lexa had told her of her meeting with Gaia and Indra earlier.

“And now they’re there, and their wolves still clung on to each other.”

“So, are we… back to this? This really is Clarke… again?” Octavia asked, full of hope and suppressed excitement at the same time.

“We can’t say for sure, O. We did this before, and remember how we scared her away?” Luna piped up.

“We didn’t scare her away,” Becca interrupted. “Lexa… she got overwhelmed and asked Clarke to go home and never come back.”

At that, gasps traveled around the room. They were the only ones in the waiting room so they knew they were safe to have this discussion.

“And here they are once more. What Gaia told her, do you think it made any difference? That things will go differently than it did last time?” Emori directed her question at Anya.

“Yes, last time, we didn’t talk things through with Lexa, and still, even she was entertaining the possibility of reincarnation. And now she’s seen the light as I have…” Anya paused to re-examine her stand on this. _Yes, now she believes._

Among everyone other than Lexa, it was always Anya and Bellamy who were the relentless skeptics, and to hear Anya admit this, most of them were beginning to lose the last of their doubts then. 

“And why aren’t the Elders here to confirm anything yet?” Raven sadly acknowledge, and it brought silence to the room.

“Because we aren’t ready,” Indra answered, making her arrival known to the group. She stepped forward, followed closely by a visibly contrite Gaia. “I believe they do things at the time they need to do it, nothing more and nothing less. So, I think, they’re just waiting for the opportune moment. No matter when that is, I believe they’ll come. _She is her._ ” Indra acknowledged too as her sights landed on Abby and Jake who were now holding each other and sobbing pitifully.

“I don’t think our hearts can handle it if we’re mistaken…” Jake spoke through a long shudder.

“Jake, listen to your Alpha. You and Abby, your wolves have been telling you this for years, and now, you’re given the chance to acknowledge it. I urge you, my friend. Do it.” Marcus soothed his best friend as he squeezed his shoulder.

Jake nodded, and he and his mate broke into a heart-warming laugh. And that was it for all of them, the cathartic release they have all longed for. They felt significantly lighter. And it felt so right, they all just burst into tears.

After a moment, they worked on calming themselves when Lincoln spoke. “Do you guys think the elders are just waiting for Clarke to present before they made it known?”

It definitely made a lot of sense. The last time, Clarke was only a week shy from her birthday and enemies to the coalition took advantage of that, knowing victory will always be against their odds if Clarke had already presented. That much they knew was sure, along with the fact that Azgeda had been keeping a watchful eye on Clarke’s development over the years. Armed with the knowledge that the Prime Alpha didn’t have a weakness in her, they opted to stay silent, sending their Alphas to Mount Weather and bidding their time. And when they thought they had more than enough to defeat the Prime Alpha and conquer Polis, they couldn’t have been more wrong. And now, Azgeda’s population was reduced to 300 elderly, young adults, and pups. All their warriors and older Alphas were long dead. And their lands remain in the control of Polis.

They knew their true enemies were within the walls of Mount Weather. And even with their ever-progressing offense and defense against them, they realized now that they needed more; more to protect the one they once lost; to fight for her as she did for them; to keep her safe.

“Gaia?” Abby’s voice croaked, and all eyes were on either of them.

“I— I’m not sure. I know what Lincoln said makes sense. And all I can say is that we have to protect her and help her live past her birthday. We have to keep her identity safe,” Gaia answered, her confidence returning to her towards the end of her response.

“Then why on earth did you go around screaming Prime Alpha?” Gustus almost bellowed.

“I needed to make Heda see it. She’s so blind to see it, so were all of you. Even Clarke. It’s right there under your noses, and you’re still hanging on to your logical side. I needed her and Clarke to accept it. But Lexa is adamant that I leave Clarke out of this and I agree. At least now, I’ve gotten through to Lexa. And I’ve already spoken to my mother and she approves,” Gaia paused to look at her sire who smiled at her sadly but the pride in her eyes burned with intensity. “I have to be punished severely and publicly for this. Heda needs to make the announcement herself and make an example of me so it will instill fear in everyone and stop them from talking anymore. This, too, will make enemies believe that we know nothing, and we don’t believe in it at all. So they will think they have the upper hand when they don't.”

"Punished... severely?" Jake clarified. He knew this was the best course of action but it didn't stop his uncertainty from coating his tone.

"It's the only way we keep her safe for the next 3 weeks, at least until her birthday, and then she becomes more powerful than all of us combined." Gaia smiled warmly and puffed her chest in acceptance of her fate. She was willing to accept a thousand cuts if need be. And that was enough for everyone to understand it was the end of that discussion.

“That’s brilliant, Gaia.” Raven was the first to speak up. The others were still apparently trying to let the plan of Gaia's sacrifice sink in. “I’m just sad I didn’t consider that first. But… that was truly genius.”

Everybody else nodded in agreement and smiled at the Alpha, at her brilliance and bravery.

“As brilliant as her father,” Indra added as she wiped a solitary tear hanging on the corner of her eye.

They all agreed once more. Their plan was ready, and they only needed to let Lexa in on it. They needed to protect the Alpha they’ve all deep down believed to be their reincarnated Clarke.

As they nearly finished their discussion, another forgotten curiosity arose in Raven’s mind. “How did you figure it out, Gaia?”

Once again, all attention was directed at the youngest Alpha in the room. Gaia shrugged before answering, “I studied the chronicles for years, the Elders are wise and full of riddles. In all the time they’ve come to preach about the Prime Alpha, they’ve always depicted him/her as the sun. Never literally saying so but all the words they used to describe the Prime are similar to the sun: ‘light’, ‘salvation’, ‘heavenly’, ‘bright’, ‘golden’, ‘powerful’, ‘bringer of abundance’, ‘ _life_ ’… But there was this one, 30 winters ago, they came and left a marking of the sun. The first symbolic message they left us. Thirty years ago…” Gaia looked up straight into Jake and Abby’s eyes, “perhaps around the same year Clarke was conceived.” And at that, the Griffins’ eyes grew large and pheromones spiked.

“They describe the Prime Alpha as the Sun.” Gaia looked around the eyes in the room as she dictated the words she’d learned by heart, _“Clarke, the day you were born in the skies, the Universe decided that you will never be mated. But it also decided that the sun will rise again.”_

“Back then, they were telling Clarke that she was about to die. It is obvious those two would mate no matter what. I know you all agree without a sliver of doubt. But if Clarke wouldn’t be mated, that meant she was going to die before they had the chance.” Gaia paused as she noticed the despondence looming from every corner of the room, no doubt remembering what happened that night and what they all went through. _What Lexa went through._ “ _'But it also decided that the sun will rise again.'_ Clarke _will_ rise again.”

Gaia shrugged once more, with a gentle upward curve forming on her lips. _“And she did.”_

It was Raven who sniffled first. She cried so hard she had to hide on Anya’s shoulder to muffle herself. And then the rest followed. They each took turns suffocating Gaia in enormously warm hugs. And everything felt lighter when the young alpha started running away, having had enough of the affections showered on her.

“Alright, you’re welcome. You’re welcome,” Gaia said as she stomped away, escaping the boys she considered her big brothers.

“Hey,” a voice croaked out by the doorway. “What’d we miss?” Bellamy asked repentantly as Echo assisted him into the room.

“Great to see you’ve recovered, Bell. But that’s just me saying as a sister but as a person, you are such an asshole!” Octavia hissed.

Bellamy instantly raised his hands in surrender. “I know. I’m sorry. I have to go see her and apologize. I can’t… My wolf is just—” Bellamy sighed as he tried to look for the right words. “My wolf is projecting its anger at me, at itself, onto her. Trust me, I’ve hated myself for years, more than any of you combined. So I need to go and see her, Abby. Where is she?”

Abby smiled at the bandaged Alpha. He sure got beat up thoroughly. “Lexa is with her right now.”

Bellamy’s ears perked up and genuinely smiled before even hearing the rest of it. Abby chuckled. “So, I wouldn’t go there right now if I were you. We need to give them time to get used to being in close proximity. So, for the meantime, come sit here and listen to what you two missed.”

Once again, they recounted every single thing. And as they did, they were all beginning to make sense of it all; of all the coincidences they’ve seen and noticed; of all the convictions laid upon them by their wolves; and just how much weight they felt was lifted off of them. They each had their own ways of fixing things, of covering up for Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru and do their utmost, at least until she presented.

_And then, the sun will definitely rise again._

* * *

Clarke wasn’t exactly sure—as her mind was clouded by the warmth, joy, and want she felt for the Omega she was partially cuddling with at the moment—but she knew someone had asked her friends to leave. She could hear a quiet, _“If I hear any of this outside this room, I will make sure you’ll get the mildest punishment I would ever give. And even then, you’d be crying for death instead.”_ There was a pause before the voice continued, _“Good. Now, go on outside and eat your lunch. Come back when Heda has left the room.”_ And then Clarke could hear the quiet creak of the door being opened and closed.

A while later, she heard the creak again.

She didn’t know how long it’s been, or how they got to this position, but Lexa was now completely lying on the bed while Clarke curled slightly atop her. Lexa never stopped purring nor stroking and lightly massaging Clarke’s head and back.

They both knew this was their wolves’ most wanted need. But they both felt giddy that they’ve finally given in to what they wanted. Granted, it was still completely far from the magnitude of their true desires, but it was at least a step taken towards that end.

After what felt like hours, Clarke finally broke the silence, “Heda?”

“Hmm?” Lexa relaxed even further at hearing her Alpha’s voice.

 _“Yes, our Alpha.”_ Lexa smiled at her wolf's eagerness.

“I wish we don’t go back from this.” At that, Lexa’s soft touches stopped. When she realized a moment later that Clarke stiffened at the possible rejection, she quickly reassured her Alpha.

“Shh… Calm down, Alpha.” Lexa stopped when her Omega snarled at the lack of possession in her words. She quickly extinguished the angry pheromones she was close to pushing out.

“Let’s take things slow, Clarke? I mean slow as in, let us be friends. I am tired of the constant avoidance and indifference I enforced on us. I’m truly sorry, Clarke. Will you forgive me?” Lexa’s voice trembled near the end.

Clarke pushed herself up on her elbow and looked at Lexa in the eyes. “There is nothing to forgive, Heda. Thank you for freeing us of this. Yes, I would love to be your friend again. That’s more than enough for me.” Clarke smiled down at the Omega.

 _“Our Omega,”_ Her Alpha corrected. Neither actually knowing they were wordlessly discussing the same things with their respective wolves.

She grinned when Lexa smiled gently back at her and nodded in agreement. They continued to lock their eyes on each other; Green and Blue dancing to a song their wolves were howling for each other once more. And when they realized this, they both giggled at the silliness of their wild counterparts.

The relief of it all, and the laughter that filled the room, were enough to appease their pouting wolves inside, egos slightly hurt after being laughed at. But all in all, they were happy that they were allowing themselves this happiness again.

Lexa’s breath hitched when she noticed Clarke’s eyes were now set on her plump lips, just hungrily eyeing it with her darkening blue eyes.

Lexa was lost at the trance before her, she was about to give in when her rationality kicked in, and she instinctively held her breath.

Clarke could see what she was doing but she didn’t know what for, and it almost seemed comical when the Omega was turning red and her veins were popping out in her neck and one on her forehead.

After a beat, Lexa breathed in, and then she calmed. Her lust died down a fraction, but it was enough to pull herself together.

_It worked. Thanks, Abby._

Her wolf whined at Lexa’s little stunt, but she ignored it as she went to answer Clarke’s unvoiced question. “It’s a little trick I learned from Abby. Now I am calm and rid of whatever it was you were bewitching me with.” Lexa smirked at the Alpha and laughed unbelievably hard when Clarke scoffed at her in utter disbelief and discontent.

“Well, excuse me, Heda. But I am one with my wolf, and sometimes, I become its slave. I am the victim here. You should empathize with me instead.” Clarke, in playful nature, made an attempt of closing their faces’ distance together, and it made Lexa squeal as she tried to escape.

They both broke out into complete bliss again as they laid back on their previous position but with Clarke snuggled much closer to Lexa.

“I’m sorry that this complicates a lot of things, Heda. But I will thrive to give you only friendship for as much as you need, for as long as you want. As I've said, it’s truly more than enough for my wolf. At least, I don’t have to force myself to stay away from you anymore. I was close to losing my sanity just doing that.” Clarke chuckled lightly.

“I’m also sorry that things are very complicated, Clarke. And thank you for understanding. I do think it’s best we remain friends as we still don’t know what this,” Lexa gestured to their chests, signifying their inner selves, their wolves, “means for the both of us. But I truly am happy also, as is my Omega, that we’re finally on speaking terms again. You have no idea how happy you make me, Clarke. Thank you.” Lexa tightened her embrace around the blonde.

As much as Lexa wanted to, she couldn’t free fall immediately when there were major things that she needed to take into consideration. Such as the fact that even if the Clarke in her arms was her Clarke, she was and always will be, at the end of the day, mated to somebody else.

Clarke looked up and smiled softly at the Omega, at the Omega she knew wasn’t officially hers. She yearned for a someday she understood may never come. And if she ever found herself at the opposite end from that someday again, then she would let go again. But for now, she would hang on. And she would hang on tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't judge me but I just finally started binging OITNB a couple of days ago and I was so hooked I couldn't get started on my writings. I had to watch spoilers of the Vauseman endgame just to finish this. :/  
> Anyway, what did you guys think of the chapter?


	29. Falling into place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More insights on Clarke kLK. And her friends dealing with things.  
> Facing Bellamy's worst inner demons.  
> Gaia, the brave.  
> Clarke's blue eyes shifting, and the implications of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry took me long. Good news is, I'm finally in season 7 of OITNB.  
> ...What thesis?  
> lol. Anyway, Enjoy!!  
> Sorry for any mistakes. I will review this again when I can.

-xxix-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“Come in.”

Despite the permission given, the door was only a few inches ajar, and Clarke could’ve sworn she heard a quick sniff before a cautious head popped in.

“Okay, clear,” Atlan affirmed and one by one her best friends entered her room.

Clarke could only snicker with a confused expression plastered all over her face.

“Oh, we were warned by General Anya earlier to stay out if Heda was here with you.” Jero smirked slightly at the growing blush on his blonde friend’s face.

Before Clarke could respond, a clearing of the throat from her right turned their heads to the Omega sitting on the chair next to Clarke's bed.

“We really didn’t get the chance to ask you but how are you? Are you still hurting? Anywhere? Do you need anything?” Kiya asked successively in a single exhale.

Clarke smiled warmly at her before wrapping her hand around one of Kiya’s that had made its way on her thigh during her onslaught of questions.

“Calm down, Ki. I’m feeling much better. So much better.” Clarke grinned dreamily, and it instantly turned the anxious expression on the Omega’s face into a dejected one.

Vannah was quickly on her feet and smothered Clarke and Kiya with happy, soothing pheromones—which unbeknownst to the Alpha—was there to conceal the bitterness of Kiya’s scent and to relax her Omega friend.

“Well, I am really glad that you are fine Clarke, especially after that last bit. I wonder what Heda intends to do with Gaia,” Vannah segued, now perching on the armrest of Kiya’s chair.

“I don’t— I don’t think Heda’s going to do anything though. She didn’t address anything to me regarding the matter when she was here. Sure, Gaia will get reprimanded but I think it’s just that,” Clarke answered back.

“Yeah, and it’s not like it’s only Gaia that thinks it.” Atlan stopped and cowered a little when he received the glares from the two Omegas.

When Clarke noticed, she quickly turned her attention to Jero who only gave her a tight-lipped smile.

Suddenly, there was only silence in the room. The tension was building even without the half-suppressed pheromones that were beginning to swarm them.

“Clarke, do you— have you heard of the talk around, well, everywhere?” Vannah asked timidly.

The Alpha gulped before responding, the internal conflict that’s long been brewing in her mind boiled once more. “If it’s about me being the reincarnation of the late Prime Alpha, yes, I’ve heard.”

Gasps traveled around the room, making the tension explode around them. They didn’t know how to answer their friend anymore. They had piles of questions themselves, and they didn’t know where to begin.

“Do you believe it?” Atlan was the first to make the move.

“Yes. I do,” Clarke answered solemnly.

“So you are?” Vannah followed.

Clarke clenched her jaw, the words were so hard to say. She only ever told one person, and Clarke could only look at him right now with eyes pleading for help.

“She is.” All eyes landed on the tall Beta who’s been leaning against the window the whole time. “But she can’t say, not yet.”

Clarke’s muscles slowly relaxed, the tension was seeping out of her with every heartbeat.

The eyes went back in forth from the person by the window to the person on the bed like it was one of their ball tossing games.

Jero was quick to speak again, knowing the questions have only just begun. “When Clarke came here for the first time many years ago, it was implied to her that she was the late Prime Alpha’s reincarnation. In the end, they thought they were wrong. But even then, Clarke still believed. And we all know Clarke’s Alpha is strong, _very strong_. Her Alpha isn’t like any other. So we have to keep her safe.”

It was clear the others were still processing the idea and what they were told. Nobody spoke for minutes and all Clarke and Jero could do was to wait patiently for it all to sink in on them.

“Why did you only tell him, Clarke? And what does he mean by keeping you safe?” Kiya asked as composed as she could but the hurt in her voice still showed.

“About 4 summers ago, Jero came home for a vacation from his training with you guys. And he sparred with me, it was going good but the sparring was already heated and out of nowhere Kalel came toddling towards between us. In my panic, I punched Jero away because he was about to land his strike to where Kalel was headed. I held my brother and looked up to realize I’d let my wolf out. Jero was lying on the ground 20 yards away from me. So I told him everything after his determined inquisition. It turns out, he figured it out long before then.” Clarke shook her head at Jero’s smug smile.

“She was just too much of an old soul. And you should’ve seen her when she was just a toddler, walking all regal and talking like she knew more than the village’s Seda,” Jero answered the silent question. “And also because I lived closest to her in the woods, I got to watch her grow up. And nomon always told me to be careful with Clarke and not upset her, for if I did, I might find my tail between my legs in mere seconds.”

It was obvious they were appeased by the explanation so Clarke went on to answer the second question, “And by keeping me safe, he means to keep this information to yourselves. If enemies to the coalition found me and see me as the late Prime Alpha, I will be their target and it will be their aim to kill me before I presented.”

Her friends immediately growled at the suggestion and it all made sense. They were upset in all their glory: muscles contracted, clenched fists, and aggressive pheromones steadily filtering out in their slightly crouching stances.

Jero and Clarke quenched the fire that was burning through their friends’ bodies. Jero’s soothing pheromones would clearly be overshadowed by Clarke’s so he went around and patted his friends back to relaxation.

When they were pacified, Atlan reconfirmed, “How can you tell you’re the reincarnation of the late Prime Alpha, Clarke? Did the Elders come to you? How come Heda and everyone else do not know about this?”

Clarke once again looked at Jero for help. Jero didn’t even glance to see Clarke’s need for assistance, he took a piece of thick paper from under his vest. “I found this in Monty’s greenhouse. He doesn’t know but I— I just wanted to borrow it.”

Clarke already knew what it was, Jero showed it to her last week when he volunteered to stay longer and learn how Skaikru engineer their plants to be more nutritious—even in small quantities—for their wolves. Clarke and Jero waited for the stunned reactions of their friends when their eyes would land on the only blonde, blue-eyed girl in the photo.

When it came, Clarke then answered, “I look exactly like her.”

Still speechless, the trio could only nod as they examined the faces on the photograph once again. With mixed countenance of joy and annoyance, standing in the background were Anya, Harper, Monty, Bellamy, Finn, Maya, and Murphy. And seated on the ground with beaming faces and much closer to the camera were Echo, Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, Clarke, and Lexa. And half of Jasper’s face was poking by the corner of the photo but even then, his eyes were all smiling. It was obvious that those were the happier days of the people these pups now called their ‘Sedas,’ ‘Captains,’ ‘Skaikru Station Chiefs,’ ‘Generals,’ and ‘Heda’.

“Oh, Spirits. This is… remarkable.” Vannah filled in the void.

The others agreed with a nod.

“Do you not feel it eerie at all, Clarke?” Atlan asked

“Some days. Some days I don’t even remember. But most days I still wonder how it was all possible. So, I can only imagine how everyone is. That’s why I lay low as much as I could. And be sensitive to their feelings.”

They all nodded once again and were finally able to believe all the stories they’ve heard. For so long, they were curious but it seemed inappropriate to bring up the idea of it. They were taught to respect the late Clarke Griffin, and their admiration for her sacrifice never wavered over the years. But now they knew, and they wanted to do good by their friend and by their Heda. _At least most of them were._

“If you think you are the reincarnation of the Prime Alpha, Clarke, does that mean your wolf wants Heda’s wolf?” Kiya asked through gritted teeth.

Clarke’s eyes bulged at the question, even without a verbal response, it was already obvious what the answer was. “Yes, so much.”

“But she is mated, Clarke! That is wrong! Your wolf must know it’s wrong!” The Omega answered with wild abandon.

“You think I don’t know that, Kiya?” Clarke lowly snarled, and it got the others ready to subdue her if need be. “I want her so much, it kills me that I can’t have her. And not only that, my wolf doesn’t get why I can’t have her. I already have difficulty holding myself from seeking her out, let alone when I am in close proximity to her and my wolf just pounces at the opportunity. And knowing that she has a mate, who thankfully is not here… It just,” Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself and her wolf, “the knowledge breaks a minuscule piece of my heart and soul every single second, and I’m supposed to just live with it.”

Clarke’s sudden sob broke their hearts and as always, Kiya was the first to soothe the hurting Alpha. “Shh. I’m sorry, Clarke. Forgive me, Alpha. Shh..”

“I’m sorry too, Ki. I’m sorry I raised my voice. I just— I lose it when it comes to her. I love her so much, it hurts.”

Kiya tensed once more, she needed to get out of there. _This was her Alpha. Hers. And her Alpha confessing these things to her breaks not minuscule but rather large chunks of her heart and soul. She’d always thought she had Clarke. She knows, she still has Clarke. Clarke is hers._

“All will be alright, Alpha. Shh. You are loved and will always find love. I will always be here for you. But right now, I have somewhere else to be. I’m so sorry, I have to go.” With one last caress on Clarke’s cheek, the Omega was on her feet and out the door.

“I’m so sorry,” Clarke whispered in the direction of the closed door.

“It’s not your fault, Clarke. It’s her upcoming heat, her pheromones are just all over the place,” Vannah affirmed with a gentle smile.

Vannah knew most of her Omega and female Beta friends wanted Clarke because their wolves craved for the strongest Alpha. But Kiya was different. She had been drawn to Clarke the moment she laid eyes on her 3 years ago when Clarke arrived in their camp. And just like everyone else, as soon as they got a hold of Clarke’s scent, she too craved her wolf. But what made Kiya fall head over heels for Clarke was her personality; how Clarke treated her and everyone else with humility and respect despite the power she was capable of, and how she thinks and acts. Everything about Clarke was beauty in the hopelessly-in-love Omega’s eyes. And everyone knew and respected Kiya’s feelings despite their own shallow, albeit still, afflictions. They knew Kiya was just waiting for Clarke to come of age and present before professing her unwavering love.

But now, Vannah empathized with her friend. What with her own experience of all her affections going unrequited because of apparent age differences with mature, older men she always falls for. And she would make damn sure she’d be there for her friend and prevent Kiya from total devastation if she could help it.

Both boys looked worriedly between Clarke and the door, deciding whether or not to look for their friend or to heed Vannah’s advice. Jero was torn the most. He was always stuck to loving the blonde Omega from afar while she loved a blonde Alpha from afar who loved a brunette Omega from afar. It was all a messed up cycle of unreciprocated attention. He hoped, at the end of it, his Alpha best friend would get what she longed for, whether or not that guaranteed his chances with Kiya. Clarke was simply the most deserving of them all.

The silence filling the room was fortunately disrupted by a knock coming from the door. For a moment, they all thought Kiya had returned and so they waited. Not a second after the knock a gruff voice permeated through the door.

“Clarke? May I come in?” Bellamy asked.

“Yes, Captain,” Clarke responded with slight disbelief in her tone.

When Bellamy’s whole figure appeared on the threshold, Clarke’s friends subconsciously moved to the foot of her bed, effectively shielding Clarke.

“At ease.” Bellamy raised his hands up. “I came to talk to Clarke and apologize.”

The young warriors remained wary but one by one they bowed their heads and looked at Clarke. They were close enough for her to hear but far enough for the visitor. Atlan quickly whispered, “Don’t worry Clarke, your secret’s safe with us.”

“You didn’t even have to ask but we’ll protect you too, even if you’re more than capable of doing that by yourself.” Vannah added with a wink.

Once the door was closed behind Bellamy, he took cautious steps forward and relaxed when he noticed Clarke never flinched at all, nor were there any pheromone spikes from the pup he ashamedly battled without honor.

“Clarke.” Bellamy paused and looked around, thinking of a way to explain himself without appearing authoritative or any more disrespectful than he already was. Once Bellamy took the seat Kiya vacated earlier, he started again. “There are not enough words to mean how sorry I am for the way I acted this morning. To cut to the chase, I’ve been angry for years, at myself, at people, at the circumstances, at you. You see, 15 years ago, when Clarke… when we lost Clarke, I was also to blame.”

Clarke’s eyes significantly grew larger at the older Alpha’s admission.

“One of my scouts who was nearby Ton DC when the reapers appeared radioed me about the situation. And instead of going to the Hedas to report and strategize, I rushed to Clarke’s instead. Back then I was naïve to think how lucky it was that I got to her quickly without delay but after what happened, I realized how much in the wrong I was. We found out the reapers were there to divert and kill her as soon as Azgeda attacked Polis.” Bellamy took a deep breath to calm his erratic heart. “I led Clarke to her death. And I’ve been full of guilt and hatred ever since. So when I was told that we were to fight, all the bad things I’ve bottled up just burst out of me and out onto you.”

Bellamy had been looking down the whole time he spoke and before he continued, he looked at Clarke with genuine mirth coating his face—quite the contrast to his heartfelt explanation. “Though obviously, even with all the energy I threw at you, I still ended up unconscious for a few hours.”

Both of them snickered. Just when Clarke thought Bellamy was through, he spoke once more, “It’s not really much of an apology if I’m justifying myself but I just thought you should know the reason. We’ve wronged you in many ways and different times, Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru. I hope you would allow us a second chance at forgiveness.”

Clarke was close to tears herself. She never knew this about Bellamy. Sure he was always curt with her but she never knew just how deep his wounds had taken root.

Everyone in the coalition knew the story, and it was religiously passed on from one pup to the next. They’ve all heard about that dreadful day.

_How the Elders visited with a grim warning that morning._

_How Clarke Griffin came to Ton DC’s rescue that evening._

_How Clarke ended the great war that dawn._

_And how her heart stopped beating that early morning._

“Captain Bellamy,” Clarke began.

“Please, just Bellamy.” The older Alpha interrupted with his shy smile.

“Bellamy,” Clarke tested. “I know that story by heart too, and I assure you, you are at no fault. Everyone could say the same. If the Elders came to warn you of an impending doom then it was obviously out of anyone’s hands. You couldn’t have done anything else to change the outcome. It would always lead to that. Even if Clarke had done it another way… I think it would all lead to the same conclusion. Perhaps even with more casualties, perhaps not, but what happened, happened. There’s nothing anyone could do about it now but move on.”

Fifteen long years of silent guilt and hate eating away at him. Seven years of projection. And only forty-eight seconds to crumble all that down, pulverized to ashes, thrown in the gentle breeze of dawn, and wait for that golden spark of light signifying the brand new day. When the wait was over, all Bellamy could do was stand up, sniffle a little, and then laugh freely with tears in his eyes.

“If we could convince Abby to let you out for an hour or two, wanna grab dinner with me at Tarma’s? I remember how much you loved her stews when you were younger,” Bellamy offered.

At that, Clarke reciprocated his glorious smile and nodded a bit. And they knew they were going to be okay.

* * *

“How was that, dear? Was it as good as you remembered?” The olive-skinned, grey-haired Omega asked, the wrinkles her smile made spoke of the excitement at having the pup warrior in her shop once again.

“It was even more delicious, Tarma. Thank you.” Clarke beamed, looking up at the shop owner.

“Well, it was great to see you again. Do come by more often, child. And I’ll prepare something more special for you.”

“Will do. Thank you, again,” Clarke responded with a goodbye wave as she, Bellamy, and a guard stepped out of the shop.

Despite the knowledge of Bellamy’s sincerity, Abby had insisted they brought at least one guard with them. And it had something to do with two things: the discussion they had earlier that day of protecting Clarke and to appease Lexa should she find out Clarke was out with Bellamy.

“Where to now?” The younger Alpha asked.

“Well, we were given two hours and we’ve got 45 minutes left. Where do you wanna go?”

Clarke thought about it for a second but a commotion caught her attention. Quickly, she and Bellamy snapped their heads to the source and followed the direction people were seemingly headed to.

When they reached the town center, they were surprised to see Lexa on stage with Gaia. The Alpha’s wrists were each tied to two respective poles and pulled, her upper extremities extended above her head, and it was clear as day what was about to happen.

“No—” Clarke let out before she was muffled by Bellamy’s hand.

“Shh… Clarke. Don’t react, trust me. You have to understand something. Now, let’s go.” Bellamy hesitantly dropped his hand.

Clarke shook her head in protest. “No, this is a mistake. I didn’t take offense about what happened. I—”

“Listen to me. You have to trust me on this, and I’ll explain it to you. For now, let’s go someplace else.”

Suddenly, Heda’s commanding voice silenced the crowd. “As all of you know by now, there was an incident at the training grounds this morning.” Lexa looked around the knowing faces of her people before she continued, “I will not condone anyone desecrating the memory of our late Prime Alpha, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa’s voice slightly wavered but only those who knew her could tell.

“And for what Gaia kom Trikru did, she will receive 30 lashes to atone for her mistake.” Lexa’s stoic features perfectly faked the agony she felt inside. But she had to put on a show; _it was for Clarke, after all._

Gaia faked her own contrition at the punishment. But it was obvious, whether real or not, the pain and fear on Indra’s face was the echo of her inner Alpha’s cry.

They all braved through flog after flog that landed on the young Alpha’s back. Her excruciating cries were all part of the act to foster fear into people’s hearts, but it was also a medium for sweet brief releases of the pain for when sharp silver tips marred her flesh.

When it ended, Indra was the first to hold her child in her arms as Anya and Octavia went to untie her wrists. The Alpha lost consciousness as soon as a familiar scent enveloped her.

Lexa insouciantly walked off the stage with Anya, Octavia, and Indra following behind, carrying the unconscious Alpha.

As soon as the crowd started dispersing one by one, Clarke looked up to see the worried expression written all over Bellamy’s face.

“Let’s go back?” Clarke asked as she walked towards the hospital without waiting for Bellamy’s response.

As soon as Clarke was settled on her bed, Bellamy began, “Listen, Clarke. Gaia’s punishment was reasonable. I know you are forgiving but I hope you can comprehend just how heavy her mistake was. Clarke Griffin sacrificed so much for us. I don’t know if you know but ever since she was eight, she was plucked from her childhood and put in the shoes of an adult alpha and sent to train for something she was told she was meant to overcome. The burden placed on that pup weighed the future of thousands of people. She was— is beloved and precious to us even though she is not with us anymore. So, what happened to you and Gaia earlier was beyond the two of you. I hope you understand?”

It took a while to get a response off of Clarke but when she did, she nodded solemnly and spoke, “I understand. I just wish Gaia gets better soon.”

She wanted to act out the indignation she felt for Gaia but Bellamy was right. And what seemed an awful set of events was rather timely; she hated to admit it but this worked in her favor. She was going to lay low, and her friends had already agreed to help her. And no matter how much she hated the corporal punishment the other Alpha received—despite the pulsating pain on her temple that evidenced said Alpha’s assault—she would never want anyone to be punished over her. But Bellamy was right and what happened to Gaia helped her cause. She could only vow for now that she will make it up to her someday. _Someday._

“Don’t worry, Clarke. Gaia is strong, and Heda is not ruthless that she won’t allow her to let her wolf out and speed up her healing.” Bellamy continued with a sad smile on his face, “I wish you’d presented already so you could let your wolf out and help heal yourself much quicker too.”

Clarke half-heartedly chuckled. “Sha. Stop prancing around with that perk. I only have a few weeks before I get stronger too.”

Bellamy smirked. “Yeah? You think I could have a rematch outside the grounds then? See just how ‘strong’ you are?”

Clarke smirked back. “We’ll see.”

The older Alpha snorted and shook his head endearingly. “Alright then. To bed with you. I’ll tell Abby you’re resting and all better now that you’re cocky again.”

“Cocky?” Clarke puffed her chest. “I am a kind and humble Alpha.”

“We’re all cocky, Clarke. Deal with it,” Bellamy answered one last time as he walked back to the door.

“Aye, Aye, Captain.” Clarke snorted, halting Bellamy in his tracks.

With one last glance back at the blonde Alpha, Bellamy smiled warmly. “It’s Bellamy to you, _princess_.”

Clarke’s eyes widen in recognition. She’s never been called that in years. She wondered briefly what Bellamy meant by it. If he believed in his moving speech earlier, he wouldn’t have addressed her that. She knew who that title belonged to when it came to this group of friends. So perhaps, even with whatever it was they say to stay rational, they still thought of her as somebody else.

Clarke smiled warmly back but the melancholy in her blue eyes showed, she just hoped Bellamy missed it.

Another randomly, intermittent pounding to her temple brought her thoughts back to her present condition—remembering her fractured skull. She had been distracted the entire time since waking up, and she only now realized just how nagging the injury actually was. So as soon as she was alone and the doors closed behind Bellamy, ocean blue eyes turned crimson red.

* * *

She smirked when she moved closer but the Alpha was still oblivious to her arrival. Confusion slowly overlaid the smile on her face when she cleared her throat but it still didn’t catch the attention of the Alpha who continued looking out her window. She was worried now, Bellamy told her Clarke understood what she saw in the town center last night but she wasn’t sure anymore.

“Clarke?” Lexa whispered as she moved closer, her heartbeat increasing with every step she took.

As she stood beside the shorter girl, she began her apology, “Listen, Clarke. I know you were there last night. And I’m sorry you had to witness that but you see, we do not take these things lightly and Gaia knew it. She braved through her punishment, and she won’t ever bother you again.”

When there was still no response, Lexa tilted her head to the left to peek at the blonde’s face and somehow get her attention. “Clarke?”

The blonde was just standing there with her eyes closed. But Lexa could see the rapid movement of her eyes beneath their sheaths. And it was a sight that brought her back to when she was just 13—the last time she saw that state in someone, _her someone._

Lexa couldn’t believe her eyes. _Clarke was in her lucid state._

The Omega remained there watching with intense fascination. She had many questions on her mind but she couldn’t formulate them into coherent sentences. She was beginning to feel antsy with all the thoughts building up inside her and the need to be answered. She moved to try and draw the Alpha out from her state the way she remembered doing for _her Clarke_ all those years ago. With her left fist hovering and ready to rub against Clarke’s sternum, she began emanating her soothing pheromones when a light knock on the door distracted her from her objective.

Abby’s stepped inside, and her brows furrowed at the sight before her. “Lexa?”

Lexa dropped her hand and faced the older Omega who was already headed towards them.

As soon as Abby reached them by the window, Clarke was out of her trance and looking around at the two visitors that appeared out of nowhere. “Oh, hello Heda, Dr. Griffin.” Clarke bowed.

At the brief respite, Abby looked at Lexa’s face and saw her eyes trembling with confusion. She knew whatever it was, they both needed the time and space to assimilate, especially with the information she held herself too.

“Good morning, Clarke,” Abby greeted back. “I see you feel better now. I just saw the test results Jackson took earlier today, and they look promising.” The doctor genuinely smiled, relieved that the body that held her daughter’s soul was healthy again.

Clarke beamed with relief. “You did promise me 24 hours, doctor. I’m sure this was because of you.”

“I can’t take full credit, but in a way, yes, I think so too.” Abby and Clarke laughed lightly before the young Alpha turned her attention to the commander who remained passive throughout the interaction.

“I hope you had a good night’s rest, Heda.” Clarke’s eyes scanned Lexa’s face with raw affection.

Lexa had just enough time to set her jumbled thoughts aside and smiled back at the thoughtful Alpha. “I did. Clarke, may I ask what you were doing earlier? I tried to get your attention but you didn’t seem to notice me.”

“Yes, I— I heard you, Heda. It’s just… sometimes I am asleep but my body is not,” Clarke tried to explain.

“You mean, sleepwalking?” Abby clarified.

“Yes, I think so, doctor.” The confidence in her tone faded, it was obvious to them that something was up. The Omegas had enough experience with a different Clarke to know that the hesitance was either due to truly having no idea at all or simply, secrecy.

Abby cleared her throat and began doctoring, “Did your sleepwalk ever harm you in any way?”

The pup was quick to shake her head. “Not at all. Especially since I’m always surrounded by people. I share the room with nomon and nontu at home, and at the camp, Jero and I share a room.”

“As long as you’re safe then I’m satisfied with that answer.” Abby winked, and Clarke beamed.

“And you say you heard me, Clarke?” Lexa couldn’t let it go. She already knew but she was intent on dragging the topic a little further.

“Yes, Heda. Even then, I could make sense of some stimulus. I heard you said something about not being bothered again?” Clarke answered.

“Yes, it was about Gaia. She is remorseful, and she promised she won’t bother you anymore,” Lexa answered, gauging the Alpha’s response.

Clarke could only nod her head in understanding. “I hope you could forgive her, Heda.”

The corner of Lexa’s lips slightly curved upward. “I will. Worry not. For now, though, Dr. Griffin says you’re fine so you’re free to go.” Lexa returned the beam Clarke threw at her. “There’s no training today and tomorrow. Everyone’s out there preparing for tomorrow’s Harvest day. Kalel is with Octavia and Emori right now, and they looked like they were having fun.” Lexa smirked at the eagerness in Clarke’s whole posture, she looked like she was about ready to break free from hospitalization and run wild.

And she was right.

“Thank you, Heda, Dr. Griffin. I’ll see you both around!” Clarke called out and in a blink of an eye, she was gone.

Clarke needed this short vacation away from all the discipline, away from her structured daily life, away from duty, and away from scrutiny. She needed to bask in the lighter ambiance. And the idea of no more curious gazes glazed with unsubtle veneration was too appealing to her.

_She will really make it up to Gaia someday._

“Are you alright, Abby?” Lexa’s voice echoed the concern on her face.

Abby wiped a falling tear and its track and released a trembling breath. “Come here, I need to show you something.” Abby led her to another room and proceeded to put two x-ray films over a whiteboard.

When the lights behind the board were lit up, Lexa could see two heads in side view. She gave Abby a questioning brow, which Abby was eager to answer.

“This is Clarke’s x-ray result from yesterday.” Abby pointed to the left and moved a step back. “And this one was taken this morning.”

Lexa instantly saw the difference between the two. And it clicked immediately. “She can let her wolf out?” Lexa locked eyes with Abby, searching the answer in them. What she found were more tears of joy coming from the older Omega.

“I thought it was a mistake. Jackson said she was groggy from sleep so a movement might have caused it to blur or something but then her other results came in, and they were all normal. I personally came to check her vital signs when she went back to sleep, and again, normal. It’s like that line of fracture on that first film wasn’t there in the first place... She can enhance her healing. She can let her wolf out... She is her, Lexa. No other unpresented wolf can ever do that; it’s against our nature.” Abby sobbed and looked at the second film once more. “It’s my baby.”

Lexa quickly soothed her other mom and wrapped her up in a warm hug. “She was projecting today, Abby.” Lexa pulled away to look her in the eyes. “If her being able to pull her wolf out is any indication then she wasn’t sleepwalking. She was projecting to her lucid state.”

Abby nodded pensively, eyes on the floor trying to absorb the new information. “Why hasn’t she told us anything?”

“I am not sure, Abby. Maybe for the same reasons why _we_ haven’t told her anything?” Lexa countered.

Abby’s eyes grew a fraction larger and nodded one more time. “We didn’t want to overwhelm her. We’re trying to protect her.”

Lexa’s stoic expression was not a mask but it was to show her seriousness in the matter. “Maybe she doesn’t know what this all means. Or maybe she does but couldn’t believe it herself. And we can’t blame her because the last time, the elders were here to confirm it. This Clarke, however…” Lexa shook her head to emphasize the point.

“Surely, Shenan or Aryan would know something, right?”

“Perhaps, but you remember what Gaia said, they’ve been reticent at the idea. In denial, maybe.” Lexa paused, knowing deep down whom it was she really needed to see. “I am going to see Aeia about this. Projection is not an easy activity to achieve. Our Clarke had months of training before she was doing it successfully.”

Abby nodded, getting the idea now. “That’s a better choice. But we must continue to hush all of this up until she turns 15.”

“Agreed.” Lexa nodded once.

Abby chuckled breathily, her eyes shining again. “I still find it too bizarre, Lex. But my Omega inside just keeps shoving it to my face with her ‘I told you so’. And now everything, everything just feels like they’re falling into place.”

Lexa toasted a soft chuckle to that. “Same here, Abby.” The Omega within her danced and partied all of yesterday and today at her acceptance of letting things go and letting Clarke in once more.

“Same here.” Tears now reflected her eyes while Abby engulfed her in a much-needed embrace full of support, relief, and empathy.  
  


* * *

It was too easy finding out Clarke’s location. All it took was for Vannah to turn around a corner and hear hushed voices exchanging how happy they were that Clarke was all better now. And that information, fortunately, entailed her current location.

As soon as Vannah reached the orchard, she instantly spotted the scent she was searching for.

“Clarke!” Vannah yelled as she took her last few steps towards her friend.

Clarke instantly stopped herself from the fun she was having with Kalel on her shoulders as she looked at the Omega.

“Hey, Van. This place is great. I didn’t realize how fun harvesting is.” Clarke’s cheeks were really getting numb at the constant grin she had plastered on across her face the whole time.

“We’ve got more baskets there if you’re interested.” Octavia smiled at the younger Omega.

“Thank you, but I need to speak to Clarke. She’s needed elsewhere.”

Clarke’s face morphed to a serious one immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing bad to worry about.” Vannah smiled but she tilted her head and pointed a direction, indicating they needed to talk in private.

Clarke put Kalel down and excused herself.

Once they were in a less crowded area, Vannah was still hesitant but she needed to do this. “It’s Kiya, she’s in pain right now, and she’s been asking for you.”

“What?! What happened? Why is she hurt?” She was close to snarling at the idea of her friend in pain.

“She’s not hurt, she’s in pain. There’s a difference.” Vannah sighed at the confused look thrown her way. “But she needs you, Clarke. Do you remember that smaller cave by the woods, west of the river? She’s in there now. I will take care of Kalel from here.”

Clarke nodded without question and strode back to her brother. She kneeled in front of him and began explaining without having him worried. She knew how much he adored Kiya. “Kal, I’m needed somewhere else at the moment. Van’s gonna watch over you for now, okay? We can have more fun later when I return.”

When she got the unconcerned nod from her brother, Clarke got up and nodded to bid the others goodbye. She took the same long strides towards her destination, wondering what was going on but fearing it was worse than her current musings. As soon as she was hidden behind the trees, her eyes turned red, and she was swiftly gliding through the woods.

* * *

“Ki?” Clarke asked as she combed through thick vines that covered the cave’s entrance, and then it hit her.

The scent of a strong Omega in heat invaded her nostrils and instantly stirred a long unsated hunger within her. And her wolf agreed, causing her to harden and erect in an instant. It was primal, wild, raw, and utterly compelling. She didn’t realize she had taken the steps hypnotically towards the naked Omega whose hand was knuckle-deep inside her while the other played with her nipple. Clarke’s throat was dry, and her pants were smothering. She watched entranced as the hand glistened each time three fingers surfaced. She whimpered when those same fingers disappeared into the Omega's sweet-smelling hole. And the long sinful moan that followed distracted her from the sight; her eyes now locked on to cool blue irises that shifted suddenly into light amber gold.

“Clarke, please. Alpha, I need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ask myself: If I am in love with someone I just know I could never have and here is somebody else I love and trust as a friend, willingly and without any strings attached, giving her/himself to me. And I have this wild hungry wolf within. Do I give in?
> 
> Ohh, and I forgot to mention, that other person is in that state where they become naturally biologically enticing to unmated individuals, causing their libidos to just shoot up in an instant.
> 
> Hmm...


	30. Twice in a Blue Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More thoughts about Clarke.  
> The Cave.  
> The legend of the Climb and the Flower.  
> Hurt and Betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy.. First of all, I apologize for the pain or anger you may (or may not) feel because of this chapter.  
> *ahem* I did promise angst.  
> \---  
> And please forgive any mistakes you find. I haven't had the opportunity to do a second sweep yet.  
> Anyway.. Enjoy!

-xxx-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

_“As difficult as it is to believe, she will only be safer in Polis. You know this, Seda,” the gruff voice justified._

_“I know, Roan.” The gentle voice betrayed the true conviction behind those words._

_“I know.” She repeated, taking a long deep breath that felt fitting for the beginning of a long, arduous journey._

“Heda, how may I help you?” Aeia asked through shut eyes, her meditating figure remained in position.

“Coincidence finding you here and doing just that, considering the reason I came here to talk to you about.”

“Forgive my choice of location, Heda.” Aeia finally opened her eyes and looked up at the hovering figure before her. “Will you join me?”

Lexa hesitated, she looked around the area. It was as green as it had always been, except for the snow that covers it come wintertime. There only ever was one day, _one day_ where the abundantly distributed green was covered by viscous red. She never went down there unless it was the annual Memorial Day of the deaths that scattered around the vast clearing nearly 15 years ago. The memory that continued to haunt her still, literally, brings chills down her spine whenever she was there.

But when she did have to go there, it usually involved looking beyond the meadow and to the trees at the edges—never allowing herself to look at the spot where her love lay. Where she last held her, too cold and unresponsive in her arms.

Lexa held on to her reins as she took a seat on the grass, facing Aeia. “How long have you known?”

Aeia’s gentle eyes contradicted the fire within, and Lexa was sure able to feel it straight away.

“The day I took her in, Heda.” Aeia saw the doubt in Lexa’s gaze so she continued, “Jero spoke to me about his young, toddler friend who spoke with conviction. Immediately, I took note of that but I waited for her to be a little older.”

Aeia paused to look at Lexa, attempting to send out a message only they were privy to. “I needed her to enjoy her childhood before I took her under my wing.”

Though Lexa was completely intrigued by the old lady’s admission, she kept her face impassive all throughout. “So you knew even when she was a pup?”

“Jero mentioned his friend’s name was Clarke. Years after, I found out the day of her birth was the same as… your Clarke Griffin. So a few more years later, I visited and met her. I knew then.” Aeia smiled warmly at Lexa.

“Does she know?” Lexa whispered, and even then, her voice trembled.

Aeia looked at her in the eye; the look on the Beta’s face was of pure empathy. And Lexa was beginning to dread her answer.

“She does not.”

Aeia saw the confusion instantly dawning on the Omega’s beautiful features. “I have been with her for years and before then, I had someone keep a watchful eye on her. I can say that, in her childish daydreams, she considers the idea that she is the Prime Alpha because of obvious physical reasons and the fact that she holds strength that no other wolf her age has. If you remember, at a young age, she was made to believe she was an incarnation. But she does not know for sure that she is. There is doubt in her heart, the same doubt that you and your loved ones have.” Aeia cleared her throat and smirked. “ _H_ _ad.”_

Lexa remained serious, understanding now just how much Aeia knew from the beginning but only held her tongue. “But you’ve been… teaching her in the ways a Prime Alpha should be taught?”

“I do, Heda. As with all of my other students, so as not to draw special attention on Clarke.”

“And you know that she can let her wolf out?”

“I do, even though she has never once drawn her Alpha out in front of us. Everyone in my camp has an idea just how strong Clarke is by her scent alone, and the fact that she has never once cowered on another’s powerful, intimidating scent. I only found out because she was injured once. An injury I was sure would put anyone to bed rest for weeks, but she was up in days.”

Lexa nodded. “Same reason I found out.”

Aeia looked at Lexa questioningly, and then comprehension dawned on her face. “Her fracture is all better, and she is out and about as we speak?” Aeia smirked, and Lexa couldn’t help but reflect that on her own lips.

“She’s out there having fun. Yes.” Lexa exhaled shakily, her body beginning to relax.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Lexa began asking again, “So she thinks we know nothing?”

Aeia nodded. “Yes, Heda.”

“And I suspect we have the same reasons why we have not confronted her yet?”

“If it is because we are just waiting for more time, while we ready her in as subtle and silent as we can so as not to put any unnecessary pressure on her, then yes. I believe so.”

Lexa nodded solemnly but it was obvious that the commander was still a little bothered, so Aeia continued, “I wouldn’t worry about how she is handling things, Heda. I’m sure she is troubled by questions about herself but she has been marvelous and graceful despite it all. She is surrounded by family and friends; she is well looked after. I am sure, and I suspect you are too, that she is just waiting just as we are. We will find out more should the Elders come, or we can just wait a few more weeks to confirm our suspicions. Either way, we will get our answer. And then, we will know how to deal with Clarke, and we can be more open with her then.”

Lexa smiled gently. They’re on the same page and that’s all she needed. At least now, she had somebody else outside her family who was influential to Clarke that understood their predicament completely.

They spent the next few hours discussing how they should better implement the Prime Alpha’s training into the young warriors’. Seda Aeia’s students were already taught to tap into their subconsciousness that’s why Clarke was able to project into her lucid state. And as it was heavily required for warriors all throughout the coalition to train without their wolf’s influence, Aeia’s students were also already adept at combat training without letting their wolves out. And needless to say, despite being the youngest, Clarke was the best warrior in her class.

And as it had already been two weeks since they arrived, Lexa decided it was enough time for the newer students to integrate themselves into Polis and Skaikru culture so they were now ready to train with a larger crowd of students. All of Aeia’s 12 young warriors would be training with General Anya’s student warriors.

When they ended, they agreed that they bring in one of Clarke Griffin’s old Sedas to gauge the students’ mental and emotional capacity, and later on, adapt one of the Prime Alpha’s more effective and intensive training to the whole crowd. But they were to do it in a typical setting. They couldn’t afford drawing more attention on one particular person they’re desperately waiting to come of age.

* * *

“Bell! Over here,” Lincoln called out.

Bellamy was able to spot them in an instant. His family and friends were all lounging within the low-lying branches and leaves of a big oak tree. It was their tree for so many years. And not much has changed. Only that—for the last couple of years—it was littered with a few pups, and friends who were only lovers then were mates now.

It was just missing that one blonde who loved balancing on the branches and then hanging upside down on them. Bellamy smiled as he looked up at that spot where Clarke used to pretend she was a sleeping vampire bat until she turned green and was on the verge of puking.

“How do you feel, dear?” Becca asked when Bellamy reached Echo and sat beside her on the large, slightly tattered picnic blanket.

“I’m feeling much better, thank you.”

“And your ego, bro?” Octavia smirked.

“Still very much healthy and intact, jerk.” Bellamy snorted and threw a grape at Octavia who managed to catch it with her mouth.

Bellamy looked around and saw that not everyone was there. “Where’s everybody else?”

“Luna and Finn are still in the orchard with their little ones. The rest of our pups are with Nan Helena. Apparently, they’re making a new secret dessert for tomorrow. So we are all pup-free parents for the rest of the afternoon.” Emori hummed as she laid even further into Murphy’s arms.

Just then Raven made her entrance through the leaves at the back. “Nobody even thought to explain my disappearance since yesterday?”

Most of them didn't even bother looking up, just soaking in the slow afternoon.

“Trust me, Ray, if we so much as notice silence for just a few hours we’d immediately wonder where you are but Anya already told us what you’ve been up to so...” Harper answered.

“How is it by the way? All good to go?” Abby asked.

“Yup. At least I hope it works. I’ll need Lexa to test it later when she’s free,” the engineer answered as she plopped down beside Anya, and started rummaging through the plates of food.

“Test what?” Lexa asked as she arrived in their homey headquarters.

“The Rut Chamber I redesigned for Clarke,” the other Omega answered with her mouth full of pie.

“Oh,” was Lexa’s only response. She started blushing and that only made the others smile teasingly at her. “Anya mentioned that but ho— how am I supposed to test it?”

Their smiles turned into knowing grins at the Omega’s stutter.

“Shut up.” Lexa groaned.

“Sorry, little one. I suppose we lock you in there and you blast it with your pheromones while we observe outside. If we don’t get affected, then it works,” Gustus replied.

“Yep. And I have a meter inside that measures your pheromones. I’m going to need you to go Max blast and see at what distance anyone gets affected, if we get affected at all. It’s just to see how tight the negative pressure really is with the adjustments I made on the neutralizers and vents. And you know, just make sure everything is accounted for. I don’t know just how strong Clarke will be when she’s presented and going through her first rut. You know all I’m basing this on are numbers and predictability we have from Clarke’s data before. We gotta get this right because I don’t know about you guys but I don’t want to expend energy fighting off all the horny unmated Omegas and Betas within the vicinity.” Raven shrugged nonchalantly, as she dragged a finger over the corner of her mouth to wipe off a smudge of berry pie.

Lexa ducked her head and furiously blushed at that, she briefly wondered if she would be among those fighting to get in if the chamber failed. She caught herself a moment later and cleared her throat. “That’s great, Raven. I can’t wait to test that out.”

“So, you’ve spoken to Seda Aeia?” Jake asked the one question he’s been itching to know about.

“I have, and she knows and thinks just as much as we do,” Lexa answered before recounting her conversation with the old Seda in the meadow.

“Well then, it’s good that we have Seda Aeia on our side. Being someone Clarke looks up to makes it easier to have a handle on things regarding Clarke’s… developments and current conditions.” Abby nodded her head, glad that things were within their control.

“Speaking of current conditions, I’ve been wondering,” Bellamy spoke, and it instantly got the attention of everybody. “Last night, when we’ve said our goodnights, Clarke said to me ‘Aye, Aye, Captain’. And it got me thinking, what grounder would speak like that? A child grounder for that matter.”

His audience was only silent, and their faces furrowed, wondering what it meant too.

“All of us know our Clarke’s favorite movies,” Bellamy added.

“The Pirates of the Caribbean,” Lexa answered in a heartbeat.

“Yes, and we’ve never once shown those films to this Clarke.” Bellamy tried once more, knowing they were seeing the point clearly now. “And now we find out that she can actually summon her wolf and tap into her subconsciousness. It got me wondering if she remembers or something?”

Then everyone erupted into a series of questions and answers, and back and forth arguments. Needless to say, pheromones were emitted, tears were shed, and voices were overlapping each other. It was as chaotic as it had been the first time they argued Clarke’s reincarnation seven years past.

And all at once they were quiet and exposing their necks.

“Please...” Lexa begged the rest of her plea wordlessly before dissipating her commanding scent.

A continuous stream of apologies filled the air as soon as they were set free from Lexa’s bind.

When the Omega engineer cleared her throat, it garnered everyone’s attention. “It would make sense that she would have unconscious slips here and there of déjà vus that are probably actual events that did happen. We all already know that. When she was here before, we’ve seen how parallel her being is to the one we lost. Isn’t it why we thought she truly was reincarnated in the first place?” Raven looked around her, pleased that understanding dawned on their faces. “If your soul was reborn, wouldn’t you be so much like who you were from your previous life? And I don’t know but won’t there be several déjà vu instances or skills or memories you didn’t know where it came from? Because I’m totally seeing a pattern here now with all that we’ve discovered and realized. And so far, it all leads to one conclusion.” Raven tilted her head to the side, a gentle form of her usual smugness took over.

“That she’s back.” Lexa filled in, her eyes dancing with pure happiness that she only realized she’s always had but buried ever since she lost the love of her life.

And just when everything was beginning to fall back into place, just when they thought they had all the bases covered, they failed to remember one particular person.

“Hello everyone, I’m back.”

* * *

**Next day**

* * *

The cold river was the most relaxing place she never, in her whole existence, knew she needed. _Except for that one time when her pants caught fire._

As soon as she was physically free from the scent and sound and movements that continued to haunt her mind, she was relieved when the fire of her libido died as soon as ice-cold water touched her skin.

Clarke didn’t know how long she’d been half-submerged in the water but she was too relieved to care. But then she was starving, and she worried if anyone was looking for them. She already knew Vannah would’ve made up something or reasoned for them but still.

_Vannah._

Clarke snarled inwardly. She got tricked into coming here to help their friend out in her heat. Normally, she would help out in heartbeat but this time she blindingly sent herself down a very intimate road. A road she had only ever thought of going down with a different Omega.

And there was another issue that had bothered her all night long. She couldn't stop thinking about the betrayal Jero must be feeling right now if Vannah had told him. She now needed to correct so many things on top of the only thing she was intending to do today for her own love.

Today was the Harvest day celebration. It had been four years since the last Blue Moon flowers blossomed, and today, the flowers were going to bloom again. Clarke quickly decided that to make it up to Jero, she could tag him along on their way to the Lycan woods. There they could decide their own destiny, reach it with their own hands, and hope—no matter how hopeless the circumstance—that once they’ve reached the other end of the climb, their love would be there to accept their flowers.

Clarke was soaked after her impromptu bath, and her teeth chattered as she poked her head through the vines.

“Ki? Are you sure you only want half a suppressant?” Clarke asked.

“I don’t want them Clarke but you give me no choice.” Kiya yawned, she hadn’t slept yet and though she was starving, her need for sleep outweighed anything else. She was spent and still delirious but she could barely move; her muscles were all too sore. “You know how detrimental suppressants are to our wolves, but yes, I need it.” Kiya hummed and smirked suggestively at Clarke. “But you know I need you more, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled gently before responding, “Why don’t you go to sleep, and I’ll be back later with food and the suppressant.”

Clarke was appeased when she saw her best friend nodding and nuzzling into the jacket she had given her yesterday.

* * *

In Clarke’s return to Polis, she once again let her Alpha out and the heat of her skin dried up her wet clothes, making her at least a little more presentable than she was earlier. She was also glad that her cold bath had washed away the aroused scent off her body. If she ever came across Jero, it would be easier to explain herself without evidence of what may have transpired.

Clarke was slightly disheveled when her parents caught her outside, trying to sneak back into the dormitory. But it did not deter them at all.

“Clarke, are you alright?” Shenan asked.

Before Clarke could respond, her mother added, “You didn’t just leave Kiya out there, did you?”

Clarke nervously looked back and forth her parents. Out of all things she expected, she didn’t realize Vannah telling her parents that she was out there helping their friend through her heat was one of them.

“She’s perfectly safe, I assure you. I scent marked all entrances I could find, no Alpha or Beta would dare go in there.” Clarke gulped. “I came back for a few things. For one, I need a suppressant.”

“Alright. And you need more clothes too.” Aryan observed her daughter, half-dressed in her black tank top and pants. She was about to push on and ask but remembered where her daughter had been the whole night, so she let it go.

“I gave my outer garments to Kiya yesterday. She needed them in place of me,” Clarke answered as honestly as she could. It was a little awkward discussing these things with her parents.

“So I take it that no wolf’s bane tea is needed?” Shenan clarified.

“No, I only kept her company. Let my pheromones out to soothe her. My clothes and scent helped. But I was by the cave’s entrance the entire time and away from her.”

Clarke saw the relief on her parents’ faces; she reflected it herself. “Good. We don’t want you getting into something you would regret for a long time.” Shenan and Aryan were well aware of their daughter’s condition, well aware that she was and will always be irrevocably drawn to another wolf. They hoped it wasn’t a permanent case, but it was a waste of energy hoping for anything to break something so _binding_.

“I know.” Clarke smiled shyly. “Now I just need a pack of food, water, and the suppressant. Could you do it for me, Nomon? I have to go look for Jero.” Clarke asked with her eyes ever so pleading.

Her parents smiled and Shenan answered, “No need, strikon. He’s been behind you this whole time.”

Clarke looked back to find Jero leaning against their dorm’s door, smirking at her. She was relieved that he wasn’t upset at all. “You heard?” Clarke asked.

“I did. But you should know, Clarke. Even if it did happen, I could never be angry with you.” Jero pushed himself against the wall and walked towards the Alpha with a disconcerted look. “Clarke, there’s something you should know.”

Clarke felt her mother’s embrace from behind her, while her father stood next to her. All of them ready to calm Clarke when the news hit her.

“Heda Costia has returned yesterday,” Jero spoke warily.

The dismay that dawned on the Alpha’s beautiful features was heartbreaking to the three of them. Her eyes trembled with sorrow, and they could only imagine the thrashing wolf within her.

Clarke had been silent for some time, still safely tucked in her mother’s arms. Her father soothed her the best he could by purring, knowing his daughter had always relaxed to it.

Jero still stood there silently, faithfully waiting for whatever was to come.

“We all knew she was bound to come back,” Clarke finally said.

They all slowly gave her space, not wanting to smother her anymore. Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath, after five more she dropped her head to look at her feet like there was something there that warranted her attention.

“I understand my boundaries,” Clarke whispered. “They’re arbitrary, but I know they’re there. But what I need to do now doesn’t come too often so, may I go pluck a flower for her?” Clarke looked up, the tears in her eyes danced on her lids and were dangerously close to falling.

Clarke shrugged a moment after. “Who knows if I'll still get a chance to do this. She doesn’t even have to accept it but at least she knows.”

Aryan wiped her own tears, as did her father. They heartily wrapped her in their arms and proceeded to pack the things she asked for. Shenan came back quickly to give his daughter a loaf of bread, which she happily munched away, before returning to his mate.

As they waited, Jero could only wrap his arm around Clarke’s neck and kiss her temple like the little sister he’s always treated her as.

“I hope one day, things would change for you. I would willingly give up everything that I am if it meant your happiness, Clarke,” Jero whispered against her head.

Clarke chuckled softly and elbowed him. “That’s my duty, Jero.”

The Beta smirked and whispered back, “One day. But not yet, Clarke.”

They saw Aryan and Shenan heading their way with the pack.

“Right now, we’re young fools in love.” They both agreed and chuckled to that.

From afar, Aryan and Shenan’s expressions softened at the sight of the genuine smile on their daughter’s face.

* * *

“Shouldn’t we be calling the others as well?” Clarke asked as they dropped their belongings underneath the trees they’d chosen.

“Nah. Most of them are already done. Atlan was about to get one when a Beta that works at the market presented him a Blue moon flower. Obviously, that got him to run straight into the woods to get one for her in return.”

Clarke laughed. Atlan was the one who easily falls for girls and ends up convinced that he’s found the one for him. Until of course he meets the next ‘one’ and then the next. Clarke and Jero silently agreed and hoped that he’d finally settled now that the Blue Moon flower was involved.

“And Vannah?” Clarke asked with a clenched jaw.

“She got one this morning too. Atlan tagged her along,” the Beta answered while finishing his leg stretches in semi-crouching position.

“Are you not upset with her, Jero?” That got Jero to pause and look up.

“I am hurt, but I’m not mad at her. Clarke, I don’t know why you don’t see it. But Kiya… She’s always had feelings for you, and for years now.” Jero gauged Clarke’s reaction and only saw pure astonishment in them. “So when Vannah came to explain it to me, I wasn’t even surprised. But I understand why you’re upset with her. We all thought Kiya deserved to tell you herself.

“I’m only telling you, knowing you must have some inkling now that you've spent her heat with her.”

Clarke snapped her head in an instant at the accusation. “I didn’t—”

When Jero raised a hand and smiled teasingly, Clarke stopped. “I know. But surely being in close proximity to her, hearing her, you should know by then.”

Clarke gulped and nodded. When she saw Kiya’s eyes shift and her Omega appeared before her, her reaction was instant. She ran out of the cave and took deep breaths of cold, refreshing air. She ignored the whimpers that echoed from the cave. She ignored her name being called out, and the Omega wolf’s calling to her wolf. Her own Alpha within was unbelievably fighting itself—if it were possible. How else could she explain why her wolf would purr back, then go silent, and then reconsider the proposition, and then go silent again—for hours?

Clarke’s wolf knew who it wanted and that her hunger would never be sated by any wolf other than Lexa’s. She and her wolf were hungry for sexual intimacy, hungry for affection, and though there was the tantalizing scent of a very strong Omega calling for her, she knew—without any doubt in her heart—that she and her wolf would only truly want and need Lexa.

But Clarke couldn’t say all those things out loud. She could never tell Jero how Kiya begged her to return inside the cave; begged her to make love to her, to fuck her, and to fuck her good. She could never say how Kiya continued her ministrations alone all night long while imagining—and verbally expressing—that Clarke was knotting her and pouring her seed into her. Or admit to him of her moral dilemmas while Kiya came, and came, with her name yelled out loud as Clarke continued to restrain herself by the cave’s entrance, where she was promised she could stay if she continued pouring out her pheromones to keep the Omega happy in her fantasies. It was a cold yet still suffocating night without her jacket and upper shirt on, having surrendered them to Kiya the moment she returned inside the cave and stayed by the entrance with her back to the writhing Omega. But she could never say any of that. She was drowning inside but she would never kiss and tell, let alone to someone who was in love with the Omega she just literally spent the night with.

Clarke’s nod and silence was enough response for Jero. He was hurting too, but he realized just how terrible Clarke’s night may have been also. It was probably the hardest thing one could ever do. Fighting your own demons and your own self in a circumstance where everything was against your odds.

“I applaud your restraint, Clarke. Truly.” Jero smiled proudly at her.

Clarke shook her head and took a deep breath once more. “She’s a child, Jero. I couldn’t.”

The Beta now stood up and snickered. “Just because your soul is old, does not mean you are.”

“Oh, shof op, you know what I mean.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“You and Vannah are so much alike, confidently aiming for someone older.” Jero grunted once he’s grabbed on to his first branch.

Clarke followed by running towards her tree and pushing herself off the ground, off the tree trunk, and towards the first branch. “Hey! I am just as old as Lexa is. _Older_ even.”

“Yeah? But not physically though. Again, maybe your soul but face it, Clarke, you are still just a pup.”

“And again, shut up! Before we both fall down.”

Jero was already hanging off his third branch. “At least when you fall, you could draw your wolf out, and you wouldn’t feel the pain. But I still will.”

Clarke knew that but she also knew she couldn’t depend on her wolf in any way. She had to get that flower knowing it was all her doing and nothing else comforted her ascent and descent. “You want her Jero, you’ve got to take the leap of faith knowing you can’t depend on your wolf. It’s the only way all of this makes sense.”

Clarke remained silent on her ascent, concentrating on her go-to move at every attempt: from the least sturdy part of the branch she was on, run towards the center, leap off the branch towards the trunk, and kick off from there to push towards the next, higher branch.

Jero snickered at the repetition of her maneuver but it was Clarke’s turn to laugh at his distraught face when she was sitting on her last branch, her head next to her flower.

“I believe I have imparted such an important lesson to you, strikon.” Clarke plucked her flower and smelled it gracefully, her feet dangling and swaying as she did.

Jero scoffed but sarcastically gave in, “And pray tell, what have I learned today, oh wise one?”

Clarke grinned smugly at the Beta who was still 4 branches away from his flower. “That no matter how simple or repeated the act is, if it gets you to where you have to be, then continue on with it.”

Jero laughed and shook his head as he pulled himself up, resting his back against the trunk for a moment.

“Patience and baby steps, strikon. Baby steps.” Clarke nodded solemnly at him.

They laughed together at their silliness. Clarke was always glad that she had Jero by her side no matter what. Always making light of things. Always taking her seriously each time she shared something. And always ready for whatever Clarke needed from him.

Once they both reached the ground, they laid there for a couple of minutes, heaving away. Their descent was harder than they thought it would be. It definitely was more nerve-wracking considering how they had to keep looking down the whole time.

“I still feel like throwing up, Clarke.”

“Stop saying that! It makes me want to—” Clarke slightly retched.

Jero was, unfortunately, a sympathetic vomiter. Clarke’s near vomit made him throw up. When he was done he looked back at Clarke. “Do you think we can let our wolves out now and get this over with already?”

“No, I don’t think we should. We have to brave this out.” Clarke walked to her friend and balanced him as they made their way back.

“Clarke, perhaps you should drop off your flower first before you stay the whole night with Kiya again.”

“I can’t leave her any longer now. She’s still asleep, and it’s not always going to be safe. And besides, she’ll want food if she’s awake. We barely had anything for breakfast and we already missed lunch,” Clarke answered as they reached the end of the trail and were now looking out onto the city.

“Here, I’ll take those to her,” Jero offered, taking the pack in Clarke’s arms. “I need to give her my flower anyway. You should go get an opportunity that Heda is alone.”

Clarke nodded, taking in the serious note Jero left unsaid.

“Don’t worry, Clarke. I’m not a maniac, I would never dream of taking advantage of Kiya’s predicament.”

“I wasn’t thinking that.” Clarke punched his arm lightly before nodding. “Okay, please make sure she gets the food first before she drinks the suppressant. She wants only half of it. And oh, don’t leave ‘til I get back.”

“Of course. I’ll be waiting outside the cave.” Jero nodded, and they both exchanged their good lucks before making their way to their Omegas.

* * *

“Jero? Where are you?” Clarke called out and one moan was all it took for her to realize what was going on inside that cave.

“Fuck! Yes, please, harder.” The Omega moaned.

Clarke was stunned and planted on the spot she stood. She couldn’t believe her ears. She didn’t know why she hadn’t left yet but when she heard Jero grunting and speaking Kiya’s name tenderly, she realized it was just that—making sure Kiya wasn’t in there with a stranger.

Quickly, Clarke left and made her way someplace else, someplace where she would be safe with all her thoughts.

As soon as Clarke reached Lexa’s most beloved space nearly an hour later, Clarke fell into a whole different level of comfort.

She looked around and saw the memories flashing before her very eyes. This was where young Lexa and Clarke made love the very first time. Why Lexa was adamant that Clarke leave this sacred place 2 weeks past.

Clarke was beginning to harden at the scene playing in her head. And immediately, she gave in. She had been under so many stimulations with Kiya but that was just the tip of the iceberg. With everything else weighing in, her whole being just tensed so heavily. And now, she needed her release, and one image of Lexa’s scrunched up face was enough to get her so hot and heady. She quickly freed herself of her pants and sat against the large protruding rock. As soon as she was free, her ministrations began.

“Lexa!” Clarke called out after five pumps.

She whimpered when her cum spurted out of her without her Omega to catch and hold it in for her.

And then the image of being inside the Omega’s tight warm canal appeased her, pumping herself again for the next orgasm.

For the whole two weeks she was in Polis, she jerked off every single day with the beautiful brunette Omega on her mind. She couldn’t help it. It was the only solution that would placate her wolf and prevent it from doing stupid spontaneous things. But for the last few days, she was almost never alone and on top of that, she finally had Lexa’s attention again. Although they were only friends, she finally got to talk to her again, to touch her whenever social etiquette would allow, and to just be around her. And all these good things had bottled up inside her, and her wolf had been begging for a release. She realized now that was why there were times when she was with Kiya that brief lapses in her judgment occurred.

Clarke was so spent, she didn’t know how many times she climaxed. All she knew was that it was getting dark, and she needed to get back to her bed. She didn’t even care to think of staying for the whole celebration, she decided she would just eat and seek her bed right after.

* * *

When Clarke arrived, the celebration had already started. She could see all her friends dancing around, and she was even giddier at the sight of her brother dancing with his other pup friends while their parents watched him nearby.

Clarke scanned every place she passed through and briefly wondered if Lexa finally went up to her room and found her flower.

She couldn’t give it to her earlier seeing as Costia had been following her tail the whole time. She was so frustrated when she realized she could never give it to Lexa personally. But knowing Lexa could still smell her scent off the flower, she was pacified at the idea of sneaking into the tower and dropping her Blue Moon flower off. She was just glad there weren’t many people inside the building when she crawled up the elevator shaft and made her way into Lexa’s room where she dropped off her flower on the stand by her door.

Suddenly, there was a welcome obstruction on Clarke’s path, and she straight up walked into it, too distracted by her thoughts.

“Clarke, I haven’t seen you around.” Lexa smiled, and it faltered when she smelled the dormant, powerful, aroused scent off the Alpha. She reeked of cum.

Clarke realized her predicament immediately. She cursed herself for not having changed into anything else or taken a bath after her orgasm marathon. She was close to panicking but quickly gathered back her wits before making a bigger fool of herself. “I was just out there, Heda. Taking care of stuff, helping some friends, and you know… making the most of a day off of training,” Clarke answered as honestly as she could without giving away her own indecent activities.

Lexa was stunned in her spot. Little did Clarke know her explanation only made it worse. Lexa was beginning to wonder whom it was Clarke spent the day with, doing something her Omega hoped Clarke would never do with somebody else. Her heart was breaking, and she just wanted to cry, get angry, and demand that Clarke explain herself truthfully. She tried to sniff once more, frustratingly trying to catch another wolf’s scent and hunt down whoever it was. But as she did that, she could only smell Clarke’s aroused scent. Her scent was too strong and enticing that it covered whomever else touched Clarke’s skin, and all she could focus on was Clarke’s inviting smell.

Lexa was dangerously close to dragging Clarke away from the crowd and take her someplace private where she could attack her amorously and then torture a name out of her after.

But all thoughts of it disappeared when Clarke bowed before her and excused herself. “I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening, Heda.” Clarke smiled knowingly. “May you have sweet dreams also.”

Before Lexa could respond, Clarke was out of her sight in a second. She didn’t even see where she escaped to. Clarke was just… gone. She shook her head and drove it away from the fantasies that were beginning to form in her head again.

When her head was out of the gutter, another problem surfaced. She snarled at the idea that Clarke was with somebody else. When she noticed the faces around her, that gazed back at her with terror in their eyes, she knew she needed to cool off. She walked towards the table of beverages and needed to think collectedly. _Yes, Clarke was bathed in her own arousal but maybe she wasn’t even with somebody else._

That brought a smile on her face and her wolf calmed down significantly as did her raging mind. The thought of Clarke getting off by herself was one inviting image and instantly, she was fighting to keep her own aroused scent inside. _Calm the hell down, Lexa!_

She took deep breaths and she was close to her normal state again.

_Yes, just a few more deep brea—_

“Vannah, this is serious. I need the tea, so be sure to do it right.”

Lexa looked around and saw two figures just a few feet beside her. Vannah’s back was to her, while the other one had her front facing Lexa.

“Don’t worry, Ki. I know what I’m doing. I’ve brewed wolf’s bane many times before. There’s nothing for you to worry about,” Vannah answered, her head still down and focused at the chopping of leaves. “Was Clarke as good as I imagined her to be?”

Lexa’s breath hitched, and it caught Kiya’s attention, who immediately, slightly bowed her head in her direction.

Vannah was still unaware of the Commander’s presence but Kiya simply looked back down at her friend. “Just get on with it, Van. As much as I love having little blonde wolves running around me, I’m still too young to be a mother.”

Vannah squealed at that. “Oh spirits! Little wolves?! You think you’ll have twins or something? Exactly how many times did Clarke knot and seed inside you?!”

Lexa wanted to growl and beat the hell out of the two warriors. She was raging inside, and her tears began free-falling but all she could ever allow herself to do right now—with the limited restraint she could bind herself to—was whimper and walk away.

And as soon as Lexa did, Kiya smirked knowingly. Her smile never faltered as she looked up and watched the commander dejectedly walk farther away. _Victory was hers._

“Hey!” Costia ran after her mate who just made it inside the tower’s lift. “Lex, what’s wrong?” The Alpha asked once more as soon as the doors closed and their ascent began.

Lexa sunk to the floor and cried heartbreakingly. Costia was quick to wrap her in her arms and rocked her back and forth. But her wailing never stopped. Costia cried with her even though she didn’t know what was bothering her mate. Nobody could listen to Lexa’s gut-wrenching cries and not sympathize with her.

When the doors opened to their floor, Costia carried her mate off the floor and brought her into their room. As soon as Lexa’s back hit the bed, she rolled to her side and continued sobbing.

“Please Costia, I need— I need to feel something. Anything. It hurts so much. I feel like dying all over again.”

Costia watched her mate sadly and decided then and there. _If Lexa needed relief and distraction, she could certainly deliver._ She just couldn't have her mate in anguish, not now of all days.

“Shh. I’ll take care of you.” Costia crawled and pinned the Omega’s back to the bed again. Gently, the Alpha straddled her and kissed her chastely on her lips and again on her cheeks. Her hazel eyes locked on to the Omega’s greens with every kiss, making sure Lexa was comfortable in her caresses.

Once Costia started shedding their clothes off, Lexa’s pain and frustration combined with Costia’s constant lust for her mate were the fuel that powered the push and pull of their heated mating.

A few hours later, they were spent. And though Costia was very much satisfied and smiling dreamily at her Omega as they laid back on their bed, Lexa, on the other hand, was mortified with herself. _She just used sex as an escape. She just used her mate. And here her mate was, smiling ever so sweetly at her… but she just used her._

And she felt worse for her mate that something else was more dreadful to her. _She cheated on Clarke._

She knew that she has had sex with Costia before during her ruts and their first mating, but now, ever since she reconnected with Clarke, it was different. She felt like she cheated on Clarke with her own mate. And she hated herself for everything that’s happening and for what she has done.

Lexa quickly sat up and held her fur blanket against her chest. This worried Costia, who immediately sat beside her and moved to hold her in her arms. But Lexa, on an instinct, raised her arms up, halting Costia’s approach. And the Alpha was quick to back away.

Lexa swiftly looked at her mate with pain in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Costia.” Lexa sobbed and dove into her arms. “I’m so sorry.” The Omega sobbed into her neck.

Costia didn’t need to know why she was sorry. She knew. She’s always known. She could never fill the void in Lexa’s heart. And hearing everything about Clarke yesterday—in answer to the questions that had bothered her for the two weeks she was away—was enough for her to grasp just how easily this Clarke could fill in that void she never could.

She would always remember that look on Lexa’s face, the glint in her forest eyes, the beauty in her shy smiles, and the light aura her wolf possessed and inadvertently expressed. Lexa was ethereal and glowing as she talked about Clarke. It was the Lexa she never, in 11 years, met. She knew it was a glimpse of the Lexa that once was.

“Shh… I know. I know. I’m right here when you need me. Always.” Costia soothed, ignoring her own wolf’s agony at the rejection once again.

Lexa pulled back to look at soft hazel eyes, hoping to convey just how sorry she was. And how she could never ever repay Costia for all the things she had done for her and their people.

“I know,” Costia whispered once more, the solemnness between them became light when Lexa’s stomach grumbled. They were quick to revert back to their friendship as they laughed together.

“Let me go get someone to get us food.” Costia got up and put her robe on.

And just as Costia made her way to the door, she stopped. And because Lexa’s eyes followed her every movement, the Omega noticed as well.

Immediately, she caught sight of a Blue Moon flower sitting on the table by their door. Costia turned back to look at Lexa with baffled eyes.

Lexa draped herself with the lighter blanket and made her way over. When she grabbed the flower, she knew immediately whom it came from. But she couldn’t stop herself from confirming it; she held it up to her nose and sniffed.

“Oh god, no.” Lexa began sobbing again.

The agony and guilt of having cheated on Clarke consumed her and her wolf. She was reminded once more of her weakness; of how she used her mate; of how she let her emotions get the best of her; of how a sweet, innocent soul would be crushed if she ever found out what she did.

And she cried, and cried, for god knows how long in her mate’s arms, until her eyes were too tired and everything just went silent and dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...  
> As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  
> If needed, feel free to vent out in the comments below.  
> And uhmm, have a great weekend! ✌


	31. Blonde and Blue-eyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback: Meeting Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.  
> Flashforward: Clarke vs Costia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the first part was most likely not what you were expecting, but I needed to.  
> And this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written.  
> \---  
> Sorry, I missed last week. But I did manage to finish writing two chapters (this one and the next). So the next posting shouldn't be late. (I think.)  
> I hope you enjoy!  
> And again, please forgive any mistakes.  
> Thanks lots!

-xxxi-

* * *

**7 years ago**

* * *

_“Claaarke!” Her protests were always half-meant when it came to her soulmate._

_“Babe, come on!” Clarke half-whispered and half-yelled, the twinkle of mirth and excitement in her blue eyes were quite the opposite of who they were now._

_“My love, you’re almost 33. Prank wars should’ve ended years ago!” Lexa scolded in between her yawns and stretching of limbs, ridding herself of what’s left of her sleepiness._

_“I know but love, it’s Mischief Day. We have to make a statement otherwise the others will think we don’t have what it takes anymore.” Clarke whined as she did her last check on her odd creation. Surprisingly, it was a device that spurts out green slime. Sometimes, it surprises Lexa that Clarke could work machines despite the blonde being not too interested in them. She truly was her Engineer Sire’s daughter._

_“Clarke,” Lexa applied a sterner tone now. “They surrendered to us last year and vowed they wouldn’t dare plan anything anymore. We won, and they’ve moved on. As should you.” Lexa closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around her wife’s waist from behind. “And besides, it will be a low blow from us, Hedas, if we continue to terrorize those that have already surrendered to us. We will look like one of those terrible dictators from the old world.” Lexa smirked when Clarke’s hands stopped tinkering._

_She grinned her victory when the shoulder her chin was resting on sagged, a minute later a defeated sigh was released by her Alpha. “You’re right.”_

_Clarke turned around in her mate’s arms with a huge smile on her face now and wrapped her own arms on the Omega’s shoulders. “This is why I need you, my love. You will always be my head when my own is embarrassingly power tripping.”_

_“Really? That’s the only reason you need me?” Lexa smirked teasingly._

_“Absolutely not!” Clarke retorted with utter indignation._

_Immediately, Lexa giggled and hushed her mate with a passionate kiss. And before Clarke was about to deepen it, Lexa broke off, making Clarke pout after the Omega teasingly avoided Clarke’s chasing lips. “Shh. Our daughter’s asleep, save the theatrics for when the sun is up and our pup is too.”_

_“Right, sorry babe.” Clarke cleared her throat but then a new smirk made its way on her lips. “Fine. Let’s move on and be adults. Shall we go back to bed and make another pup?”_

_Lexa once again giggled at Clarke and was about to nod when a horrifying cry came from their windows. It sounded like a ghost lady’s cries from one of those scary films. And it immediately got Lexa and Clarke wrapped around each other’s arms._

_Everybody knew the two were always wary when it came to paranormal movies. Everybody knew they hated ghost stories too. And everybody that knew all too well was now laughing outside their house._

_Lexa and Clarke were snarling, and it made the laughter outside their home even louder. They were about to head out when they heard a high pitched cry coming from upstairs. The concerned parents quickly took two steps at a time and went inside their daughter’s room without any preamble._

_“Nomon. Mommy.” The little blonde, blue-eyed girl—who looked so much like her sire—gazed from one parent to the other with trembling pouty lips and tears in her eyes._

_In a second, they were both on either side of their little girl, trying to calm her down. Even from their location, they could still faintly hear the scary crying lady. And both mothers shared a determined look and nodded before they all went back to sleep with their daughter safely tucked between them._

_“Oh, it’s on.” They both thought before they welcomed slumber back with smiles on their faces, having already formulated how their Mischief Day will go._

“Lexa?” A voice brought her back someplace else.

_She was pissed. She had just fallen asleep and was now being brought back to consciousness._

On instinct, she reached out her hand for her people. _Her child and her mate_. Lexa frowned when she felt no one beside her so she finally opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows.

She squinted when she saw no one was really there. _Where are they?_

Lexa looked around, still sleep-laden. “Where’re-”

And then she realized it when she saw Costia’s face just to her other side. Immediately, sorrow filled her. She couldn’t believe she woke up with so much love in her heart for someone she never had. _She had a pup this time._

Normally, her dreams of Clarke were the same as today. When it wasn’t a nightmare she would wake up happy, sometimes worked up, but in general, she would wake up cheerful and so full of love until she realizes that it was all a dream, and it wasn’t a blonde, blue-eyed Alpha she was waking up next to.

But this time she had a child, a pup that looked so much like her Clarke. It was a life she had always wanted when she was younger—to be married and mated to Clarke and have pups with her. It was a life they could’ve had if Clarke were still alive.

She didn’t even realize the tears streaming down her face until she felt a gentle hand stroking her back, while another hand offered her a piece of cloth for her tears.

“I’m sorry I took you away from your beautiful dream,” Costia offered with a warm apologetic smile. “I should’ve waited for you to wake up.”

After a while, and after blowing her nose, Lexa asked, “How did you know it was a beautiful dream?”

“You were smiling just before I woke you,” Costia answered, truly feeling the guilt but continued on with her calming approaches anyway. After four years of being mates, she was already well aware of her role in Lexa’s life; how fragile her mate was; how deep down she knew, she could never fill the void in Lexa’s heart in this lifetime.

 _Not in any lifetime._ She corrected.

Lexa could only nod and remain pensive. In her dream, Clarke was 10 years older than she would’ve been by now. And they had a pup. _A beautiful, beautiful pup_.

Lexa let herself wail briefly once more to let the newer batch of melancholy out her system and not drown her. The oldest batch was perfectly doing just that already.

“I wouldn’t have woken you if it weren’t urgent, Lex. I truly am sorry,” Costia apologized once more.

Lexa let out a deep inhale and exhale before she looked up at her mate, and just then, she saw there was another person in the room. “Anya?”

Anya looked at her with deep concern in her eyes before bowing to her. “Lex, more pups are brought in to Polis. And Abby just radioed, crying, she’s asking us to go straight to the hospital right now.”

Lexa’s brows furrowed in confusion. She could feel the tension building just from the words Anya had said. She didn’t know what trouble lay ahead as they had already implemented a system that would save the rest of the pups that still had the flu.

Two months ago, they were hit with a new problem; lots of pups were getting sick all of a sudden. A new bug was going around that only affected children. The first few of those that had it died before they were even able to get help from Polis. Abby and her team studied the virus day in, day out, for weeks and formulated a vaccine.

With an interval of four weeks, the pups needed one dose for those that were not affected yet and three for those that were. Eventually, all the pups within the coalition had their first doses. And as a part of their plan, all the surrounding villages of Polis within a 50-mile radius were trained to give the second dose for any new pups that were headed to Polis for the last treatment; where it was necessary so the doctors could give the final assessment.

As Lexa finished dressing, she wondered why Abby was crying because of the pups. _Have the vaccines failed? Did the virus become stronger as Abby once feared?_ She truly was at a loss as they thought they had all the bases covered; they had contingency plans.

If there were pups that were late in receiving their second dose, they would’ve known by now as all the nations could radio and pass the message along until it reached Polis’s range. They were going to send rovers out for those that had difficulty traveling to Polis and those near missing the 4-week interval.

She knew trying to be a detective in her thoughts right now would be futile, and that the best way to get it over with was to rush to the hospital where she was needed. But she couldn’t help it.

As she got closer to the hospital, she observed Abby pacing around before she determinedly tried to push her mate out of her way, attempting to get back inside. The scene made Lexa worry so much more as she felt Abby’s distressed pheromones the closer she got.

“Lexa!” Becca called out. Her mother, too, was crying.

When she was closer, she felt her father’s large hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

“Lexa! Please, order them! We have every right to be there right now!” Abby pleaded hysterically, walking her way now.

“What is going on?!” Lexa asked out loud, desperate for answers.

Becca hesitated for a moment, seemingly trying to find the right words. “There’s this pup in there, she— Sweetheart, she—” Becca exhaled shakily, the hesitation was putting both Hedas and Anya on edge.

Lexa was getting more and more frustrated and just as Becca was about to continue, Lexa was already heading towards the door. “She’s the spitting image of—”

She didn’t hear her nomon anymore. She was inside the emergency room, and there on a bed, a couple of feet in front of her lay a sleeping child. The child that she just dreamt of not an hour ago. The child she and Clarke had.

_She was the spitting image of Clarke._

_Her child._

Immediately, love filled Lexa’s heart. She was so overjoyed by what she saw, she made her way towards the bed without a care around her. As soon as she sat perching on the pup’s bed, she reached for her face with caress. She and her Omega were both swooning. But little did Lexa know, her wolf was swooning for an entirely different reason.

She didn’t notice the two people hovering on the other side of the bed. She truly didn’t care. This pup was hers. And she didn’t notice the rest of her family arriving behind her when she moved to kiss the pup’s forehead. Her insides were so warm all her pain and sorrow were being melted, and she was glowing with pure joy.

At her Omega’s behest, she comprehended that she needed to confirm hers and Clarke’s scent. She moved gently to the pup’s scent gland and took a long inhale. When the scent hit her, it was strong, powerful, enticing, but it was not _her._ There was no trace of Clarke’s scent, and most definitely none of hers. And her eyes grew wide as her own wolf wailed at the foreign scent.

Whereas she fantasized that the pup before her was the same pup in her dreams, her Omega thought it was her should-be mate, Clarke Griffin’s Alpha.

And it all dawned on her, she remembered the dream. _It was only a dream._

She remembered Abby’s urgent summoning. She remembered the distressed pheromones released by everyone outside. She remembered it all, and she realized what the issue was.

The pup she was inches away from looked so much like Clarke.

Lexa gasped at the final realization and looked at the concerned faces around her. Quickly but gently, she removed herself from the sleeping pup and returned her attention to everyone for answers her mind was still formulating the questions to.

It was Marcus that answered. Lexa didn’t even realize he was there from the beginning. He gestured towards the two Betas that were hovering at the other side of the bed. “These are Shenan kom Louwoda Klironkru and Aryan kom Louwoda Klironkru, Heda. And that is their daughter,” Marcus glanced at the pup before returning his gaze to her, “Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.”

* * *

When the door opened to the throne room, all eyes immediately landed on the newcomer, eager ears waiting for the news.

Captain Nate Miller entered and bowed before Lexa and Costia, and greeted the rest in the room with the usual hello. “Hedas, I bring news of my scouts’ return. The issue between Chief Sota of Plains Riders and Chief Wiscon of Delphi has been resolved. And they send, with their gratitude, these gifts for the vaccines and for your wise intervention on the near-clash of their chiefdoms, Heda Lexa.” Miller pointed to the crates of gifts still being loaded into the room by his men.

Lexa nodded in acknowledgment but sighed silently. She stopped herself from bringing her hands up to rub both her temples. She couldn’t really decide how to feel about this. Sometimes, it was just a little exhausting discussing matters of the state when news of something else was definitely more urgent and coveted. But sometimes, it was also a relief to be distracted while waiting.

When Miller’s men were through, they all exited except for him. He was clearly just as antsy as everyone else was.

Indra cleared her throat from the side. “Since we are finally at a truce now, may I discuss other important matters instead?”

Lexa remained on her respective throne and finally brought her fingers up to do their massages. It was Costia that answered on behalf of them both. “Of course, please, Indra.”

Indra and Marcus continued with their updates on state matters, the militia they’ve long instituted—after discovering what the Mt. Weather facility had been working on with Azgeda’s collaboration almost 8 years ago—and any new information that was worth looking into. Anything was discussed welcomingly as long as it deviated from the one topic they’ve argued about for two days—that they just recently established a ceasefire on.

It had been two days since that pup arrived. And for two days, they gathered all the information they could about the young pup. Her history. Her blood work. Her physical traits. Her scent. Her wolf. They tried to gather as much as they could, with what they could work with, as the pup had still been as unconscious as the day she arrived.

And they were astounded when they learned the story about why the pup was named Clarke.

_“I was with child when we were traveling for Polis.” Aryan glanced at her mate, and they shared a smile, “We had been traveling for 3 days and were going to reach Polis a few days before the Prime Alpha’s natal day. But along the road, news arrived that there would be a memorial instead, and there was no celebration to attend to anymore. But we continued on with our journey. We stayed for the memorial and stayed a little longer outside of Polis as my delivery was close. When my yongon [child] was born, it was on the same day as Prime Alpha’s day. The old lady that had helped in my labor told me my yongon would do great things if she shared the Prime Alpha’s natal day. That was when I decided to name my child after the brave young soul that saved all of us. When we called her ‘Clarke’ right then, her little eyes opened. And that was when we knew we made the right choice.”_

Afterward, for two days, they were a mixture of joy, sadness, confusion, excitement, and anger. All but a very few grounders instantly leaned on to their beliefs and recognized this Clarke as a reincarnation of herself. The Skaikru, all but Abby and Jake, were a little more hesitant at the idea. The role of Abby being the Chief of Medicine was abandoned, and she listened to her Omega from the beginning. Her Omega was crying with pure joy that her pup was once again alive and back in their lives. Jake, too, was silently convinced; his own Alpha within howled with pride and happiness that his Alpha pup was back.

But even with the majority’s hesitant acceptance, some were still scoffing at the idea. They were pragmatic, and they needed everyone else to be too. It wasn’t healthy trying to bring Clarke back to life with only the physical evidence and the coincidences to defend their wishful thinking. The pragmatic ones were stubborn. And majority of the time, they caused the arguments within the group, trying so hard in making the others see the difficult truth.

Lexa remained silent in her own thoughts throughout the days of argument between her family. Her Omega was begging for her to see this as Clarke’s soul reincarnated, and that this was their Alpha. But her logical side was telling her that despite her own people’s belief and despite her own wishes, she should let her Clarke rest in peace. As far as she was concerned, she was found by a girl in the forest when she was young and lost; she grew up with her, and at a very early age, she knew she wanted her to be her mate; she fell in love with her when she was only six; she had her heart; she had her wolf; she had all of her until she didn’t.

And sometimes for the last two days, one part of Lexa’s sensible side would sneak attack her from a dark corner and then she would wish she had Clarke’s pup, but she knew it would never be.

But as her head had been aching at the whole debate, she silenced everyone in the throne room. The believers. The pragmatics. And those in between. “There is no point in fighting over this. Believe in what you believe in. Don’t try and justify yourself to make others take your side. I am just as curious as all of you are but personally, I can’t have back what is done and gone. So I suggest you go on with your day without disrupting anybody else anymore. Whatever floats your fancy.” Lexa sighed.

The Skaikru erupted into soft chuckles suddenly. They were seriously considering the half-order, half-suggestion of their Heda but as soon as she said the last words, they quickly became amused.

“It’s ‘Whatever floats your boat,' Heda,” Raven corrected.

“Go float yourself.” Lexa groaned as she shrunk herself in her own throne.

Then everybody in the room erupted into uninhibited laughter. The argument was over, and they were back to discussing family and friend matters, bickering on lighter topics, while waiting for any more news. This was an hour ago before Miller and his men arrived.

“And lastly, the rover sent to Broadleaf to fetch King Hassee’s family is now in Trikru lands. They should be here later in the evening. Princess Yael is still conscious so it should be fine for her to receive her second dose here in Polis,” Indra ended with her list of updates.

After a few hours of light chatter, they all proceeded to the dining hall of the tower and had dinner. They basked in the light ambiance but still, they all suspected that deep down the others were just as troubled and anxious as they were. But they knew that Lexa was right; they had to calm themselves and just wait.

Lexa could see that Abby and Jake were by a corner being comforted by Becca and Gustus. All four of them loved Clarke as their daughter, and like any parents, they were struggling to keep their wolves in order.

Lexa herself was aggressively dealing with her own wolf for days. But she had a vital role with duties to oversee. She needed to keep her emotions in check and her wolf in line. She needed to focus and let her people take priority before her own demands.

_Yes, she looked like the Clarke that played with her when nobody else invited her to join. Yes, she looked like the Clarke that held her hand and shielded her from the enemies. Yes, she looked like the Clarke that made everyone submit to protect her._

_Yes, she looked like her but she is not her._

“Heda, King Hassee has arrived.” A guard bowed before her after relaying the news.

Lexa nodded and looked to Abby's direction. “Abby, would you like to see to Princess Yael’s condition?”

The question made Abby stare at her incredulously before a genuine smile graced her face. She was ordered to stay away from the hospital for a while until further notice. She was too delicate to focus on her work there when her attention was almost always on that one bed where the blonde pup slept. Lexa made her and everyone else stay away the last two days until they have all gathered their wits back.

When Abby was given her authority back, other eyes looked intently at Lexa as well, wordlessly pleading for their own banishment to be lifted. When Lexa only rolled her eyes, they moved inch by inch towards her with Raven and Octavia leading the Cavalry.

Lexa was amused at the sight and then sighed. “Alright, as long as none of you bother the sleeping pup or irritate her parents. And please don’t go altogether.”

Lexa quickly continued when they bowed to her, seemingly about to go to the hospital then, “Not now! It’s late, and they must be tired. Go tomorrow.”

When she heard the chorus of groans, she shook her head again in amusement and signaled for Abby to join her to the hospital.

True to her word, Abby stayed by Princess Yael’s side as she assessed her herself. Jake, Becca, and Gustus were also composed as they spoke with King Hassee and Queen Talla. Indra, Costia, and Lexa were also active in the conversation.

When everything was cleared, and the royal pup was given her second dose, Lexa and her family said their goodnights and made their way to the hospital doors.

But of course, each one of them subtly glanced at the beautiful blonde pup still deeply asleep on her bed.

* * *

“She’s so beautiful. You must hear this a lot,” Luna offered as she examined the blonde pup from where she stood.

Shenan gave his proud beam whereas Aryan simply smiled shyly at the compliment.

“And dude, her scent. Don’t forget that. I don’t think I’ve smelled a pup as strong as her before.” Raven looked up from her no-personal-space position, observing the pup up close.

“Maybe you have but you just don’t remember.” Murphy smirked and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Right. Right. But it’s different. Now, she smells so good, so earthy,” Raven added.

All her friends gave her a look that said _‘Seriously?’_

“Oh yes, she was born just outside of Polis,” Raven corrected and then caught herself once more, trying to avoid the frustrated looks of her friends. “You know, where the woods are so fresh and heavenly smelling. And not like the metallic scent we had from the ark.” The Omega looked at Shenan and Aryan, trying for an innocent look. She did get the understanding nods from the pup’s parents but she also received several eye rolls from her friends. “Or maybe it’s just me because I work in the laboratory all the time. And it’s not because of the generations of ark-born ancestors before me. You know?”

A collective sigh finally pulled the Omega away from the pup. She realized her excitement was making her look and sound like a creep and an idiot.

“Sorry about that, she doesn’t get out a lot.” Octavia smiled sweetly at the two Beta parents.

When the door opened and the strong Omega scent reached them before the loud exasperated sigh, Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, Murphy, Emori, Echo, Jasper, Maya, Monty, Harper, Luna, Finn, and Miller scrambled away from the blonde pup and busied themselves with whatever crossed their hurried minds. Some went to talk to the neighboring beds, others talked to each other but avoided Shenan and Aryan, while some magically became fluent in reading hospital charts.

And they thought they were in the clear when Lexa shook her head amusedly and proceeded to King Hassee’s family, who were a bed away from the blonde patient.

“I hope they were no trouble.” Lexa finally approached Shenan and Aryan after her visit to King Hassee’s daughter.

The Beta couple was still a little awestruck at the Heda. They always had ever since they arrived a few days ago, and even before then.

“Not at all, Heda. They were very welcoming,” Shenan answered as he looked around the group of friends that continued to linger around them.

Not a moment later, Abby arrived as well and checked the monitor attached to Clarke. But before doing so, she lovingly glanced down at the patient.

“All is still well,” Abby announced. “It is only normal for her to be asleep this long if she had gone nearly a week without her first dose after being infected. It was dangerous, but she is responding quite well now.” Abby looked down at the girl once more with longing eyes.

“That is great news, Doctor Griffin. It was our fault that we did not heed our healer’s advice. We had thought our daughter will manage but we were very wrong.” Aryan said with apologetic eyes. She knew Abby’s initial outburst, when the doctor found out about this, was fitting for their foolishness.

When the flu had finally struck their village, Clarke was the only pup that wasn’t affected. So when vaccines arrived, she didn’t want to have any of it, despite her parents’ protests. But weeks later, Clarke contracted the flu just when the infected pups were already taken to Polis, and the first vaccines were long gone. Clarke only had mild colds so they shrugged it off, thinking Clarke could handle it. But two days later, her frail little body fatigued and sored. And then she was traveled to Polis unconscious.

“Don’t worry about it now. She’s getting better, that’s all that matters.” Abby smiled softly at the parents. She had long accepted that these two deserved only gratitude for having brought Clarke back into this world.

A little groan and all eyes were set on the blonde patient just barely opening her eyes.

A little whimper and everyone took a step closer.

When the pup’s eyes opened and blinked a couple more times, breaths hitched. This, in turn, caused blue eyes to wander around her, eyes growing larger at every face it landed on. She was indeed not in Shallow Valley anymore with all these faces staring back at her. And when the blue eyes landed on Lexa, the pup’s reaction was instant and she sat straight up, backing away towards the head of her bed.

“Nomon!” The little blonde pup covered her eyes with her two small hands.

As soon as the adults saw the pup’s troubled form, they all backed away.

Abby was with the pup in an instant and held her close to her body, trying to soothe her with her pheromones and tender strokes on her head. Clarke seemed to calm in Abby’s arms but it was obvious that realization dawned on the pup when she looked up from her curling position straight to the hazel eyes of Abby. And the pup only blinked, staring back at her. Abby’s wolf cried tears of joy when her own longing stare reflected on the pup’s eyes.

“Shh... You are safe, baby. You are safe.” Abby cooed.

When another weight dipped the other side of Clarke’s bed, the pup looked up and saw her nomon with a soft smile on her face too. Immediately, the blonde pup crawled to her nomon’s lap and embrace, breaking Abby’s heart and wolf.

Aryan soothed the distressed Alpha pup with a lullaby, and it took a while for the pup to calm but she did. She was still curled in her nomon’s arms, chin tucked to her own chest to avoid the gazes that were scrutinizing her.

“You are safe, little one. We’re here to help you.” Abby finally cooed after she forced her tears back and got her wolf to calm down.

Still, the pup didn’t respond.

It was only when Shenan spoke that she finally looked up at the people around her. “yu ste klir, strikon. Emo ste hir gon sis au yu. _[You are safe, little one. They are here to help you.]”_

The faces of those around them were dumbfounded but realization immediately sunk in. _Of course, the pup wasn’t a warrior yet so she still wasn’t taught the old world tongue._

It was Lexa who approached her next and finally kneeled to be at level with the pup. When she did, Clarke’s eyes grew significantly larger but it did not deter Lexa. “Hei, ai laik Heda Lexa kom Trikru. Yu ste kei nau. Disha ste doctor Abby kom Skaikru, en em na fis op yu. _[Hello, I am Commander Lexa kom Trikru. You are okay now. This is Doctor Abby kom Skaikru, and she will heal you.]”_

Lexa was pleased when the pup nodded at her but she was surprised when the child slowly moved out of her mother’s arms and leaned a little towards Lexa. Lexa instantly realized that the pup was studying her. But it caught her breath when Clarke suddenly decided to throw her arms around Lexa’s neck, almost causing both of them to fall on the ground when Lexa momentarily lost her balance.

To say that several questions popped into the Omega’s mind was a complete understatement. She was definitely baffled but even then, something else caught her attention. How much the pup smelled so good as an Alpha. She knew this already when she first saw the pup, and when Jackson and Maya examined her when she was still asleep, but it had not truly sunk in on her until today. It reminded her so much of her own Clarke when she was a pup herself. How even then, young and unpresented, she already had a strong Alpha scent. Her Omega was nodding in agreement and leading her somewhere her logical self knew was indecent and impossible to go. So she shook her head slightly and composed herself.

The pup was still in her arms when she felt the girl trembling. She quickly moved to soothe the girl and placed her hand at the top of blonde locks, dragging it up and down.

When he finally snapped out of his surprise, Shenan quickly gathered his pup in his arms and stood. He had Clarke’s back against his chest, and both arms wrapped around the pup’s waist. “Please forgive my daughter, Heda. She must still be delirious from the sickness.”

“Nontu, nou. _[Father, no.]_ ” Clarke finally spoke again in a groan. “Klir ai of! _[Let me go!]”_

Her adorable voice and futile wriggle made the others swoon inwardly, including Lexa but her exterior expression would always say otherwise.

“Clarke, nou. This is Heda. Oso spek daun gon Heda, nou hod em _[We bow to Heda, not hug her.]”_

Soft giggles erupted in the room before Harper asked, “She can understand our tongue?”

“Yes, Harper. But she cannot speak yet. We are still teaching her but she is a quick learner,” Shenan answered proudly with his daughter still dangling in his arms and very much still staring up at Lexa.

Just then the blonde pup’s stomach rumbled and the adults chuckled.

“Ste yu enti, strikon? Chit dula op yu gaf in gon choj op? _[Are you hungry, little one? What do you want to eat?]”_ Octavia asked as she stepped closer to coo at the pup.

Clarke simply blushed at her whole predicament, so it took her a while to respond. And when she was about to ask for any meat, a brunette girl with beautiful dark skin suddenly pushed through the adults and walked her way.

“Do you like bread?” The little girl offered.

“Sha. _[Yes.]”_ Clarke nodded at the brunette before holding her arms out to take the bread that was offered to her. “Mochof. _[Thank you]_. _”_

This made the other girl giggle. “I am Yael kom Yujleda _[Broadleaf Clan]_. It is nice to meet you, Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.”

When the blonde only nodded at her, while too busy devouring her bread, Yael was called back by her parents as they apologized for their daughter’s intrusion. The King and Queen explained that their daughter took fascination at the sleeping blonde since last night and had waited eagerly for her to wake up.

Small chatter was exchanged as the pup ate. And when she was through, she was assessed gently by Abby again, trying to re-examine the blonde now that she was awake.

As Abby did so, Raven was eagerly making her introductions, “Hello Clarke, I am Raven, Raven the Brilliant. It’s nice to meet you.” Raven proffered her hand.

Clarke examined the hand before sticking out her own. “Reivon _[Raven]_.”

“No. It’s Raven the Brilliant. That’s my full name.” The Omega smirked.

Clarke returned a smile of her own. “Raven the Brilliant,” the pup tested as she shook Raven's hand, and with her other hand, she pointed to herself. “Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.” 

“Yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you Clarke. That’s everyone else, Jake Griffin, Octavia Blake…” The Omega went on to introduce everyone else but the pup was not following. Instead, her eyes settled on the other brunette Omega she was embracing moments ago.

Lexa too held the gaze. She studied the pup and how she interacted with the others. But as soon as blue eyes stared back at her, it somehow became overwhelming to her.

There’s always that intimidation looming in whenever one would look into the eyes of another. The unease of being read; the apprehension of baring one’s soul; the fear of being rejected; and the silent battle for dominance. But Lexa had always been excellent at that. For a short period of time since becoming the commander, her emerald eyes have mastered gaze intimidation, provoking cowardice, inspiring fear, reading her enemy’s actions, and showing nonchalance. It wasn’t often that she was at the receiving end of such a stare, let alone be the one to succumb to her emotions by it.

She was seeing something unexplainable in the child, something she felt like her wolf knew that she wasn’t yet privy to. She knew what her Omega was saying but she couldn’t internalize it. All she knew then was that this was the only person immune to her prowess, and at the same time, break down her defenses and let her emotions all over the place.

She left the room in a heartbeat.

* * *

They have gathered vital information as subtle as they could, without official reports to Lexa. Lexa’s silence in all of it and her earlier order to lay off each other silenced them. But it most definitely did not deter them from spending every minute with Clarke.

It had been five weeks since Clarke arrived, and she had just recently received her second dose of the vaccine. Slowly, they had integrated her to life in Polis and taught her the old world’s tongue too. And just as Shenan and Aryan explained, Clarke really was a quick study. They had also brought Clarke to places, facilitated activities like watching animated films, and fed her with food they _just knew_ Clarke would love. And as if they didn’t know already, Clarke took to all those things almost immediately.

They never stopped talking about Clarke too. _The Clarke that was their friend_. They would always tell her how similar she was to the Prime Alpha in more ways than one. And how awesome it would’ve been had she and their Clarke met.

All the grounders of Polis adored the little pup, and they were quick to accept her as the bearer of the late Prime Alpha’s soul. So whenever Clarke was taken around the city, she most often received praises of her adorable features or was presented with gifts. They spoiled Clarke with food, always taking her in between Tarma’s and Helena’s.

However, Clarke took a liking of staying at Tarma’s and helping out whenever she was there. She also enjoyed the fruits of her labor when Tarma would cook for her her ‘Clarke’s special stew’. A variant of her regular lamb stew that just had special ingredients and flavorful herbs that made it smell so appetizing and taste so much better.

There were only two things that Clarke never really liked. And it was apparent to everyone, everywhere. When Princess Yael became fascinated with Clarke, she was determined to make the blonde her friend. The brunette Princess constantly followed Clarke everywhere. At first, Clarke tolerated it and played with her too. But the moment the Princess suddenly made the announcement in front of everyone of importance, _including the object of her affection, Heda Lexa_ , Clarke became determined to avoid the Omega Princess for as long as she was in Polis.

The Princess suddenly came up to Clarke and announced that they would be mated someday and that Clarke was her Prince. Clarke’s instant reaction to this was 'priceless,' as Raven repeatedly mentioned to her friends. Clarke’s nose scrunched at the declaration, and she did the only acceptable thing a pup her size would do, she ran to her Nomon and hid behind her dress. But even after then, the Princess only became more determined to have the Alpha especially when Clarke would scold and beg for her to stop. Clarke, figuratively and literally, had her eyes on the Omega Heda as soon as she locked gazes with her that first day at the hospital. And she didn’t want to receive such attention from anyone that might somehow _hinder whatever she might have_ with the Commander.

But unbeknownst to Clarke, Lexa was mortified at herself for the terrible thoughts that would oddly cross her mind such as the growing need to growl at a young princess, and marking territory on another pup. She, once again, scolded her unreasonable primal self for being disgustingly ridiculous.

And now luckily for Clarke, _and Lexa_ , the Princess had all her doses completed, and she was given the clear sign just two days prior.

The second thing Clarke despised was being around Costia or hearing about her. This, in turn, made everyone, surprisingly, take the pup’s feelings into consideration and tried to remove Clarke whenever Costia was around. The first time Clarke was introduced to Costia, she snarled at the proffered hand of the Heda, earning her a proper scolding from her nomon and nontu.

Heda Costia was graceful and understanding about it. It made her wary that Clarke was back, her own wolf warning her about guarding their mate. Costia only ever shrugged off her wolf’s precautions and growls. But deep down they knew, they were the ones standing in the way of the two.

Costia was amongst the first to believe immediately, without a sliver of doubt, that Clarke was reborn. But she remained silent about it, heeding Lexa’s initial suggestion yet understanding it herself that this Clarke needed to be her own person and not follow a path just because she was incessantly engaged about it by everyone.

“ _How Clarke used to...”_

_“How Clarke loved to…”_

_“How Clarke always…”_

Whether this Clarke truly was incarnate or not, _Clarke should decide her path and not live it as she did in her previous life if she didn’t want to_. Costia wished they would let Clarke be. And even with her rank, she knew she had no right to say so.

* * *

It was just like any other day. Clarke and her family had been in Polis for eight weeks now. She just had her last dose that day but she wasn’t set to leave yet until Abby’s signal. Abby, however, was holding off the decision, looking for a way to make the pup stay longer.

“Heda!” Clarke ran after Lexa with the best speed and force her little legs could produce for her. Lexa and Raven stopped walking to face the little blonde tornado headed their way.

Lexa smiled before she even heard the pup calling her. It had become a common scene around Polis: Lexa leaves the tower or walks around the streets, and a blonde pup greets her immediately.

For weeks since Clarke became an outpatient of the hospital, the blonde Alpha followed the Omega Heda wherever she went. It truly was a remarkable sight at the beginning. Although it went without saying, the first times it happened made the onlookers yearn deeply.

 _A blonde pup named Clarke, that looked like the late Clarke Griffin, following Lexa around,_ gave them a glimpse of what could’ve been. The scene looked too much like a pup following her mother around.

“Hello, Clarke. Good morning,” Lexa greeted back.

“I got these for you, Heda. Flowers.” Clarke extended her arm and presented them with a huge beam on her face.

“Why, thank you.” Lexa took the colorful little bouquet and raised them to her nose.

It always made Clarke’s smile grow significantly larger whenever Lexa showed her appreciation and gave the pup _the smile_. The smile the pup knew was only reserved for her from the Heda. _And Heda never smiles in public unless she was with her family, and even then it was only seldom and not too special._

“And where are my flowers, Clarkey?” Raven interrupted the interaction as she crossed her arms, jutted her hips, and stared the pup down.

Clarke shook her head seriously. “No mou _[No more],_ Raven.”

Raven narrowed her eyes, and it made Clarke beam again, her little pink tongue peeking out. _She was too adorable and she worked it._ “Fine. I would forgive you but you didn’t say my name right.”

The smile was still there when the pup nodded. “Yes, Raven the Brilliant.” But then Clarke scrunched her nose, making Lexa chuckle and the other Omega huff in playful annoyance.

“Ugh, you’re lucky I like you, otherwise my brilliance would do scary things to you.” Raven leaned down to Clarke’s eye level.

“Raven,” Lexa warned.

But the pup didn’t flinch at all. “Yu ste lottau yu ste Wormana Anya houmon. _[You are lucky you are General Anya’s mate/wife.]_ ”

Raven’s eyes grew large as she chuckled. “Being cheeky, I see, but seriously, you better remember my name and title, little one. It will get you out of trouble if anyone bothered you.” Raven smirked as she wiggled her brows.

Clarke narrowed her eyes this time and puffed her chest. She didn’t like being called little in front of Lexa.

Lexa, sensing the pup’s annoyance, turned to her friend. “You should head back, Raven. I’ll see you later.”

“Yes, Heda.” Raven bowed slightly and turned her attention back to Clarke as she started walking away. “Remember Clarke, it’s Raven. Raven the Brilliant.”

“Sha. Raven, General Anya’s mate.” Clarke beamed, and Raven scoffed loudly this time.

Lexa was barely able to hold herself from chuckling a little louder.

When Raven was gone, Lexa shook her head in amusement and returned her attention to the Alpha. “Not many could outwit Raven the Brilliant. I am glad to have witnessed that, and I am proud of you.”

Clarke bit her lower lip as she blushed, and then straightened herself as if she remembered something.

“And these also. For you.” Clarke showed the berries that she hid behind her and raised her hand for Lexa to take.

“Oh, thank you. I already ate but I will eat them too. Have you eaten yet, Clarke?” Lexa asked as she took the handful of berries.

The pup nodded a little, obviously hesitant to say anything.

“Clarke, if you have not, take these back and eat them instead.” Lexa lowered herself so she was eye level with the pup. “Go on.” Lexa offered the berries back.

“No, Heda. They are for you.” Clarke shook her head vigorously. “I do not like gardening but still, I cared for them and picked them for you.”

Lexa giggled. She giggled, and Clarke’s beam was back. _Lexa most certainly does not giggle in public_.

“So you helped grow these?” The pup nodded in answer. “That was thoughtful of you.” Lexa smirked when the small Alpha puffed her little chest immediately.

“Because you are you, Heda,” Clarke proudly yet also so solemnly declared.

Lexa’s smile instantly died down. Something about the way the pup said it made her sound so mature. She sounded like what her Clarke would’ve sounded. She was bewildered but as soon as she saw Clarke’s face drop, no doubt a reflection of her own countenance, she brought back a smile again. She knew how the pup loved her smiles and attention. And Lexa was always, _always_ , glad to give it to her no matter where she was and who was looking.

“Well, thank you, little Alpha.” Almost immediately, Lexa was confused when the smile that was beginning to form on Clarke’s face was gone again.

“What is it?” Lexa was mildly panicking, she never wanted the pup to feel bad. _It makes her feel worse._

“I’m not little,” the pup whispered.

Lexa quickly retracted, “Oh, of course, you’re not. I’m sorry. I’m just saying, your height right now is not yet the same as me but someday, it will be. But your Alpha? Your Alpha is so strong and mighty. Not many are like you, Clarke. If there’s anyone in here that said that to you already and you don’t believe them, well now, you have to believe. Because I mean it.” Lexa tilted her head, she had the young Alpha’s attention all throughout her speech, and it made her happy how Clarke’s joy returned within seconds.

Clarke nodded her agreement. “Because you are Heda.”

A giggle erupted gently from her lips again. “Yes, Alpha. Because I am Heda.”

That definitely got the beam and little chest puff back in place.

“Now, why don’t you—”

“Clarke! There you are,” Aryan called out. She paused when she saw her pup and the Heda looking back at her. “Oh, hello, Heda.”

As soon as Aryan bowed, Lexa returned the gesture, bowing her head a little. “Good morning, Aryan.”

“Good morning, Heda. I just came to get Clarke. She missed her breakfast again.”

The little groan from the pup had Lexa quickly stifle a chuckle.

“You told me you ate already?” Lexa asked turning back to Clarke.

“I did not say, Heda,” Clarke retorted gently.

“Right, you only nodded your head when I asked.” Lexa snorted, and she had to hold herself from any more sudden reactions now that they were not alone.

“Clarke!” Aryan exclaimed. “You do not lie or speak back to Heda.”

“It’s alright, Aryan.” Lexa looked up at the Beta as she stood up. “It is refreshing sometimes. It keeps my mind amused for a while before I go back to duty.”

“But do not say so to anyone,” Lexa added when she leaned and whispered, making Aryan laugh softly.

“Yes, Heda. I will keep my mouth shut. And make sure this one here does not learn any more rude manners,” Aryan reassured as she leaned to grab Clarke’s hand and pull her to her side.

“Uh-oh,” Lexa said, directing it to Clarke.

The blonde Alpha just chuckled before she and her nomon bowed to Lexa and went back to the house they were boarding.

Lexa just amusedly shook her head as the Alpha looked back at her and waved at her incessantly until she was out of view. When the two were gone, she took a deep breath and went on her way to start her duties as Heda.

For the last two months, she was filled with so much light, joy, and peace. She breathed in happy pheromones wherever she went. It seemed like whatever she was feeling, her people were feeling it too. Only a few were an exemption but she understood where they were coming from.

She knew there weren’t arguments within her family anymore. And though she never heard them discuss how much they believed in their happy assumptions, she could tell that they were feeling what she was feeling too. She could tell that they talk about it, and they continuously bask in the euphoria. And she let them be.

_Whatever floats our fancy._

_This definitely makes so much more sense. Why would I need a boat, I’m not even Floukru?_ Lexa smirked to herself proudly as she continued on her way.

* * *

“Heda!” Clarke jogged to Lexa just as the brunette was leaving Monty’s garden.

“Hello, Clarke,” Lexa greeted as she waited for Clarke to reach her.

“What are you still doing out here? It’s getting dark.”

“Looking for you, Heda.”

Lexa smiled as Clarke finally reached her, panting.

“Now, let’s go. Your nomon and nontu will be looking for you too.” Lexa offered her hand unconsciously, which the blonde quickly took.

Clarke studied their fingers together for a while, and it soothed Lexa’s wolf.

Just as Clarke's apparent curiosity, there was also her own growing fascination every time the pup was with her. Lincoln would annoyingly tease that the little wolf had a crush on her, and it was always backed by Luna and Octavia. But she always just ignored them. However, now, she was re-evaluating what she was told and what was in front of her.

“What are you looking at, Alpha?” Lexa asked.

And as always, the compliment brought a beam on the blonde’s face. Lexa was very cautious with her words around the pup. She knew that Clarke was still learning the old world’s language and that she excelled in it, but apparently, the pup was a little too good at reading in between the lines also.

The pup seemingly always understood the implications behind words. Such as the time when Raven made that vulgar anatomy experiment joke, thinking it was still a private joke, and though it definitely was, they were surprised when they noticed Clarke reacting immediately to the comment, her hands on her crotch as if to protect her organ as she slowly took measured steps away from the Omega. _They’ve been careful ever since._

“Your hand is big, Heda,” Clarke commented.

Lexa smiled. “That they are. Shall we?”

At a leisurely pace, they made their way back to Clarke’s place. It was a couple of minutes walk back but it seemed like they both wanted to take longer, seeing as they took detour after detour. It reminded Lexa of a beautiful memory once upon a time.

“You know, when I was a pup, Clarke and I—” Lexa paused, cleared her throat, and looked down at the curious little wolf beside her. “Clarke Griffin and I,” Lexa smiled again to clear any tension from herself and perhaps any confusion from the pup, “we used to stroll around the city together just like this.”

They began walking again. “The first time the Skaikru arrived here in Polis, it was the first thing we did. We were separated from each other for months, and we counted the days and moons until we would see each other again.” Lexa looked down to see if she still had the pup’s attention, and she did.

“So, when they arrived in their big rovers and trucks, I ran to get her immediately, and then we walked around Polis. I was pointing to her all the shops that I knew; we even made a stop at Nan Helena’s to eat some treats. It was a really great day for the two of us. I was so proud to hold her hand and just be beside her. Somehow, I just knew then that I will have this with Clarke forever. I even promised her that at the end of our stroll.” Lexa paused to take a moment to cherish that memory in silence. “And as I grew older, I always considered that as our first date.” Lexa paused once more as she realized something.

“A date is something lovers do. It’s uhh… It’s like spending time with someone that you like or your mate, and just be with them.” Lexa explained as succinct as she could.

“Like us now?” Clarke asked. It immediately widened Lexa’s eyes. “I like you, and you like me.”

Lexa was dumbfounded. She tried to correct the situation but she was figuring out a way to say it without hurting the pup’s feelings. But before she could, Clarke continued.

“But… you have a mate.” Clarke concluded.

And it felt like the ultimate, painful truth for the two of them. Lexa couldn’t believe it. How it felt so much so, and immediately, she realized it had something to do with their wolves. _It always led back to them._

“Yes, I do,” Lexa finally answered, hoping it wasn’t as painful hearing it because, at the end of the day, it was the truth.

They walked in silence now. It was obvious that the pup was fuming. Lexa could feel small waves of the pup’s angry pheromones. They were close to Clarke’s home, and she hoped that before she could take Clarke back into her house, the pup would be rid of her anger.

Just as Lexa was about to rectify their current situation, the pup angrily asked, “If you promised Clarke forever, how could you ever mate another?!”

To say that Lexa was taken aback was a total understatement. Just as earlier, and the many weeks past since meeting Clarke, she could feel what she had been constantly struggling to ignore. She could feel Clarke, _her Clarke_ , in the form of this young Clarke, staring back at her and angrily proclaiming why she chose to forget her and then mate another.

And it brought Lexa back to the last time she ever spoke to her beloved. When Clarke begged her silently and asked her if she ever wanted to mate with her. She even begged her for a simple yes or no. But she never got to answer Clarke back. She thought she’ll have a chance to but the sun rose and her beloved was gone.

She died not getting an answer. And now it felt like she came back, in a different form, with a different question.

 _“Do you not want to be my mate, Lexa?”_ Her Clarke’s question echoed from her heart to every corner and crevices of her soul.

 _“How could you ever mate another?!”_ This Clarke’s question echoed and bounced back to her heart in response.

It was too much. Lexa was suffocating. Her wolf was thrashing within her, begging for her to fix the situation right this instant. But her mind was furious.

For so many years, she had blamed herself. She loathed herself. She hated how Clarke died with a broken heart. She was always uneased at how she let herself get tied down to a different mate. She hated all the things that could’ve happened but didn’t. She was furious why she never took the chance to say that single word Clarke begged for. And even when Clarke bid her goodbye with an ‘I love you,' she was mad that she didn’t take the chance to say it back. And all that anger surfaced, and it only had one way out.

“You have _no_ idea what you’re talking about. Clarke was my world and still is my world. You do not get to say things like that, not about Clarke and not to me! What do you even know?! You just met me and all of a sudden, you think you know everything?!” Lexa scoffed, tears were heavily flowing now, and she tried to keep up with drying them. “Do you even know how impossible it is to lead without a companion? Do you know how I tried to stop them from making me mate another?! SO WHAT IF IT WAS IN THE LAW THAT AN OMEGA AND AN ALPHA SHOULD LEAD THE COALITION TOGETHER? But yes, I found out it was true. It is impossible, and I wish it was a different Alpha I am with. BUT NO, CLARKE IS DEAD! THAT IS WHY I MATED ANOTHER!”

Lexa took a deep breath before she continued, “You know nothing, pup.”

When the spiel ended and her anger subsided, she was only filled with remorse.

The pup had tears in her eyes, as did she. But the pup stood steadfast before her. Lexa relaxed a tiny bit when she felt that the pup didn’t even have that much distressed pheromones. There wasn’t even fear in her eyes, only compassion. And Lexa was touched once more.

_No pup would be like her in this situation. Why is she so much like Clarke?_

_“Because she is Clarke,"_ her Omega thought out within her.

Lexa allowed herself, just this moment, to finally let it all out. To let the words she had kept in heart for almost 8 years, out in the open. Out and to the ears of a different Clarke. Just… out to _Clarke_.

Lexa kneeled before the pup and gently spoke, “Do you remember the last time we spoke when you asked me if I wanted to be your mate or not before you left for Ton DC and never heard my answer?”

Clarke’s eyes widened before her expression shifted to one of bafflement. The pup’s brows furrowed as she scrutinized the Omega, and Lexa just continued, “I love you, Clarke. I would always choose you. You will always be my mate no matter what the Elders say. You are my Alpha, and I am your Omega. Yes, I will mate with you.”

And Lexa’s heart felt so much less heavy. She felt… _free_. Never, for 8 years, had she felt this light. It was like so much weight was lifted off of her, even with the vital role she had to carry for her lifetime. It felt amazing. It was something she’s never tasted in so long. And so she cried.

It only took a little hand gently stroking her head and the soft purring of the small chest—she had somehow ended up leaning on—that she realized all that just transpired. Lexa quickly removed herself and looked straight into the eyes of the pup that only had an empathetic look for her. A look that she knew now, she will never ever deserve. She was disgusted with herself, with the way she handled the situation.

_She just yelled at an innocent soul and then professed to her that she loved her._

And then a new mantra formed. A mantra that will go on for many years. A mantra that allowed her to put her wolf in line and not seek out a child Alpha going about her young life.

_This is not Clarke. Clarke is gone. This is just a sick joke of Fate. Clarke is waiting for me wherever we were supposed to meet once my time here has ended. This girl is holding me back from being with Clarke, wherever she is._

“Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru, you are an amazing Alpha, and you will lead a wonderful life. You will meet many people that will be enamored with you. You might meet enemies so you have to stay wise and strong. Your life will be full of love and adventure but it will never be here. You must leave Polis and never return.”

Lexa got up and gently pulled the pup’s hand, walking her home. There, she spoke to Shenan and Aryan and ordered them to leave in the morning. They did not question her. They just bowed.

When Lexa left, she didn’t look back at the blonde, blue-eyed pup that made so much difference in their lives.

She knew she was selfish. She knew this was part of moving on. She knew they will suffer. But they all had to let go.

Lexa, determined to let go of the blonde, and also too preoccupied with everything that was going on, didn’t hear the little pup whisper as she left.

“May we meet again, Lexa.”

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“You’re in a great mood,” Atlan commented as he looked over Clarke, and at the same time, steal glances at a girl just by the fence of the training grounds.

“It’s a great day!” Clarke beamed, raising her arms over her head too much like someone who was tasting freedom. She couldn’t actually wait to see Lexa and hear her thoughts about her flower.

Vannah snorted as she and Kiya got closer to the group. “She should be.” The dark-haired Omega winked at Clarke.

Clarke simply looked at her friend in an amused, puzzled expression. “What do you mean by that?” Clarke only got an amused shake of the head from the Omega in response, so she looked at Jero, who just ducked his head.

And then she realized that he must’ve told her about the flower.

Clarke looking at the Beta made her miss it when Kiya roughly elbowed the other Omega, the two exchanging a look before Vannah whispered back an apology to Kiya.

When Clarke looked back, all she saw were the two Omegas beginning their stretching and minding their own business.

Clarke finally remembered what had happened between Kiya and Jero. She was too engulfed by her own excitement over Lexa finding her flower. She slowly made her way over to her best friend to ask how it went with Kiya and his flower. She didn’t need to know about the other part, as she already did, but she wanted to see how far Jero and Kiya were in their relationship.

“So, I stopped by outside the cave yesterday and kind of heard something going on in there.” This made Jero stop his arm stretches. “Are you two together now??” Clarke smirked teasingly.

It seemed like the tension dispersed only to return a moment after. Jero shook his head 'no' and both their hearts sunk.

“I— I’m sorry, Jero. I didn’t.” Clarke gulped. If they weren’t together, it could only mean one thing. _Kiya was still into her._

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey…” Jero finally looked her in the eyes. “Don’t be. I knew what I got myself into. And none of those things will ever be your fault.”

“Still though. I’m sorry it happened. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I wish, just as much as you do for me, that things will be different for you too.”

Jero smirked. “I know, Clarke. I know.”

“Hey, Clarke.” Atlan moved towards them with a look on his face that said it was private and important. “I don’t mind now that I have a girlfriend.” Atlan paused as he turned his head again towards the girl by the fence, who waved at them as soon as they followed his line of sight.

It brought a frown on Clarke’s face, wondering where Atlan was leading the conversation.

“But are you okay, with all these other students with us?” Atlan asked.

“Well, the more the merrier. Why do you ask?” The blonde’s eyebrow raised.

Atlan huffed and rolled his eyes as Jero stifled a chuckle. “Are you really that oblivious? Do you not see the eyes set on you the whole time?”

Clarke looked around her, at her new train-mates, and immediately took notice of all the girls and a few omega boys looking her way. She did notice this once or twice but it never occurred to her the real reason why.

“We’ve talked about this. I’m like a curiosity so of course I get scrutinized every now and then,” Clarke answered, her gaze back to the other Alpha.

Atlan let out an exasperated sigh, a little louder this time. “Of course, you’re this clueless.”

“He means, they’re all looking at you because they want to devour you.” Jero clued her in with that amused expression still written all over his face.

Clarke blushed furiously not a second later. And when she looked around again, she finally saw it. Mostly, the girls were looking at her with eyes the combination of lethal and risqué. But they were all, almost equally, smoldering. And because Clarke’s eyes were scanning around them longer than ever, she also noticed the other suggestive remarks: lower lip bites, provocative smirks, inviting winks, and the most enticing of all—the head tilt, neck exposing, witting submission to her Alpha.

When both boys saw the blonde finally catching on to them—after weeks of walking whilst living under a rock—they laughed heartily, making Clarke lower her head in utter shock and embarrassment.

“Hey, Clarke.” Clarke hesitantly looked up as a dark-skinned, brunette warrior walked towards them. She had her hair in braids, almost similar to Lexa’s style. Her eyes were grey and slightly slanted. Her lips were full. Her nose, straight. And her jawline was defined. She was stunning. _She was familiar._

Clarke couldn’t pinpoint where she met the girl.

“You don’t recognize me now, do you?”

She must’ve noticed the girl around the city. And again, she cursed herself for being such an ignorant to those around her. She’d always chalked up the gazes as scrutiny for obvious reasons. She realized now this didn't make her an effective warrior.

Clarke sighed inwardly but quickly attempted to recover and took a subtle sniff. She realized the brunette was an Omega, and she was becoming more familiar now.

“It’s a shame that my prince doesn’t recognize me anymore.” The Omega dramatically pouted, and just then, Clarke’s eyes grew wider.

“Oh my god. Yael?!” Clarke said, beaming as she took the last couple of steps towards her. “Or uhh, Princess Yael.”

“Hi.” Yael beamed back.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been training here since I was 13, Clarke. Two years after we first met.”

“Oh, right. Well, that’s great. But how have we not met here again? I’ve been here for two weeks.”

“Well, the first week, I was scouting with my friends under Captain Miller.” She looked back to point at a group of warriors clustered by the tree nearby. And as Clarke looked at them, she managed to catch them immediately looking away from them. “And when I returned, I was still shocked to find out that you were here, but I couldn’t really, uhm..” The Princess lowered her head as she rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. “I couldn’t really find the courage to because looking back at the way I chased after you when we were children, it still mortifies me. It’s too embarrassing to actually talk to you.”

Clarke laughed at the Omega. “I’m sorry you’ve been thinking like that. Don’t worry about it, it’s all forgotten. I would never dare embarrass Broadleaf Clan’s princess.”

“Oh, _now_ you don’t. But what about all those rejections you generously threw my way 7 years ago?!”

“Hey, I thought we were trying to forget. Why are you digging your own grave?” Clarke jokingly snapped back.

The two could only share a laugh.

“Right, let me just make it even then.” Yael turned to the eyes that had been looking at them with fascination during the whole interaction. “Did you know, in one of her rejections, this _brave, strong_ , Alpha ran away from me and hid behind her nomon’s skirt?”

“Hey!” Clarke exclaimed as the Omega took a couple of steps back and poised to defend herself, laughing as she went about, entertaining the others as well.

Jero savored the information and laughed the hardest.

When the laughter died down, Clarke huffed and scoffed at her old friend before introducing her to her friends. And because of her excitement and how easy her friendship with the Princess was now, she missed, yet again, the daggers Kiya’s eyes sent Yael’s way.

But Yael most certainly didn’t.

* * *

Slowly, Seda Aeia’s students were introduced to the whole student warriors of Polis. There were now more than 200 young warriors training under Anya, Octavia, and several Sedas. But even with the original number, they definitely were a welcomed addition. These warriors were going to be elite fighters—leaders, heading their respective village’s militia—and would serve well should the time for a fight with Mount Weather happen.

Indra had finally returned to her public duties after tending to her daughter. Both mother and daughter were not cast away socially as their Hedas most certainly did not. The people followed the example and kept their respect for the Chief adviser and her daughter but what changed though was how they looked and saw Clarke. They refrained from showing any more reverence, and they truly minimized their gawking. Gaia’s sacrifice was effective, most of the grounders were beginning to believe that all their musings were nonsense. _If Heda Lexa, Clarke Griffin’s only love, does not recognize her Clarke in this young Alpha. Who were they to believe it otherwise?_

“Now that you’ve all met, let us welcome back Heda Costia.”

Clarke growled inwardly and scoffed when the rest of her new train-mates cheered and chanted her name.

“Alright. I want to know how you’ve been the last two weeks I was gone. I hope you haven’t been slacking off while I was away, Skairipa, General Anya.” Costia turned to her left and smirked when Anya simply clenched her jaw, and Octavia shook her head with a hardly visible smirk. It seemed like a challenge on the outside but to these friends and families, they understood that the three were just messing around.

But Clarke didn’t see that. “What a jerk,” she muttered under her breath.

“How about we start this training with a match,” Costia offered.

Those who did not want to take on the Alpha Heda took a seat on the ground. It was one of the few times Heda offered a match. And because she was among the best swordsman of the coalition, most students opted to sit back and study her move instead. _L_ _ive vicariously_. They realized way back that it was more effective for them whenever they worked on what they've learned from one of Heda Costia’s fights.

Clarke was still busy with her mumbling and jealousy when almost everybody has taken a seat, and she had yet to realize what was going on. When the few people in front of her took their seats, Clarke immediately raised her eyes to her surroundings. There were only a few of them left standing. Her brows scrunched up, and she looked to her right where Atlan sat, silently asking him what was going on.

“Do you want to fight, Heda Costia?” The other Alpha asked.

“What? Why?” Clarke whispered back, and just then, she was the only one standing.

“Oh,” Atlan commented just as he noticed the same thing. “Well, Heda just wants to see how well we’ve been training. So, you should go.”

“Clarke,” Costia called out.

When Clarke looked up, she saw the Alpha descend the stage with a smile still on her face. The smile wasn’t smug. _It was… genuine._

Immediately, the other students got up and moved away from the training grounds. It was just Clarke and Costia inside now, and Clarke followed the Older Alpha’s lead when she went over to the weapons station to choose. And when they had, they made their way towards the center and looked towards the stage.

The whole time this was going on, Clarke didn’t interact with the other Alpha. She was working on calming her wolf, making them both internalize that they needed to keep their cool and not lash out.

Costia, though, already expected this of the young Alpha. She’d always known Clarke never liked her, to begin with. It saddened her that this was the case. Although she was a year older, she had always looked up to Clarke in her previous life. She always dreamt about that night Clarke interacted with her in her wolf form. And how it always brought a smile to her face whenever she remembered how she met the white wolf. But now, Clarke won’t even acknowledge her.

“The rules are simple. Do not let your wolves out as you fight, keep your pheromones to yourselves, and do not kill.” Indra looked at the warriors warily before she added, “Good luck.”

It was also then that Clarke noticed the look on Lexa’s face. Her poker mask finally fell, and she looked just as anxious as Anya, Octavia, and the rest of those on stage. Clarke looked beside the platform and saw the others sharing the same nervous expressions. She realized this was because it looked like Lexa’s lovers were having a duel over her. She scoffed at the idea; it hurt to think so but she had to convince herself that she’d lost that fight years ago.

But in trying to believe so, her wolf snarled at her for ever considering that. So she remained there, trying to get her fighting stance ready as she struggled to keep her Alpha on a very tight leash.

They stalked in circles, never attempting to attack first. It was a basic strategy for any fighter: trying to get a rise out of your opponent; trying to understand how they move; trying to do their best to counter however they will be approached; but in their case, they strangely knew what the other was doing, _respectfully giving way for the other_.

It was Clarke that finally attacked first, and as expected, Costia was quick to block her with a counterattack that Clarke, too, was quick to anticipate.

Their fight went on for a while, both weapon wielders very adept and truthfully doing their best to defeat the other and end the fight.

Clarke suffered less yet deeper cuts because Costia had more muscle mass and therefore, human strength. But Costia suffered more wounds because of Clarke’s smaller form and agility.

Suddenly, Clarke managed to make a cut on Costia’s shoulder and collar. With those parts of her shirt cut open, skin was revealed. And Clarke saw the one thing she had always dreaded to see, only now, it was the worse version of it.

Costia’s mating mark revealed before her, and it was a very fresh mark. _A new bite. A renewed vow. A recent mating._

Clarke wasn’t dumb to think they never do it. But she would be even dumber if she brought it to her attention. _Her wolf would lash, and it would go on for months._

Immediately, Clarke froze in her stance. She stared at the teeth marks. _The fresh teeth marks._ Clarke’s shuddering breaths were very audible at the growing silence around them.

Costia realized what was going on, quickly, she put her free hand up to cover her neck. But it was futile, and it was damn too late.

Clarke felt weak inside, and she had loosened that leash on her wolf. And it was roaring mightily.

Clarke’s growl was steady and powerful. It wasn’t loud but it was very clear. The message was threatening. And though it was a terrifying sound, the tears that streamed the young Alpha’s face counteracted the fear with sorrow for the blonde.

“Clarke,” Costia gently called her back.

Clarke pounced at Costia and immediately, the older Alpha struggled to keep up with Clarke’s blows. The spectators were stunned and completely mesmerized at the sudden fierce dancing of swords.

When Clarke disarmed her in a minute or two, Clarke threw away her weapon too, starting hand-to-hand combat. She couldn’t hear anyone anymore. She couldn’t hear the orders from her Seda. She was crying, and she didn’t even notice anymore. She just wanted to let her wolf fully out and rip the throat open of this mate usurper.

 _But there are rules._ The very last of her sensibilities reasoned.

 _“What rules?”_ Her wolf growled.

Costia struggled to block the incredibly fast jabs of Clarke. She tried to fight back. And though she managed to land a few punches, Clarke was a lethal combination of resilience and relentlessness.

Costia was bleeding and badly bruised from head to toe. And when one strong, still lycan-uninfluenced, kick flew Costia a few feet away, Clarke stared her down with shuddering breaths. When a whimper escaped her, she finally realized the tears that were still streaming down her face. _She was a mess._ But one look at Costia, her neck uncovered once more, Clarke was seeing red again.

_No._

_“Yes.”_ The wolf purred cynically.

A groan. _No._

_“Make her submit.”_

_NO._

_“Let me out.”_

_Please. Don’t._

_“You lose.”_

As Clarke was having this mental debate, the spectators and her opponent watched in bewilderment, watched in fascination, how the blonde Alpha was obviously fighting with herself. Fighting for containment. Fighting for control.

She was crouching and holding her head between her hands, as growls intermittently escaped her lips and disappeared.

“No.” Clarke finally, audibly, whimpered.

The furtive bodies behind Clarke slowly advanced towards her with Lexa leading the way. She didn’t even mean for anyone to follow her lead, but she didn’t have the mind to make them stop. She was too focused on Clarke. She had to keep Clarke under control. She could feel the Alpha was in so much pain. The thought alone was suffocating her.

But before she could even get to her, Clarke suddenly dropped to her knees and crouched on the ground, her head curled to the floor.

“Please.” She whimpered again.

It was breaking Lexa’s heart watching her like this. She stopped her stealthy advance and moved for the blonde. She cupped the sides of Clarke’s face to bring her attention to her as she softly purred and drowned her with calming pheromones. But as she waited for the blue eyes, she gasped when she only saw crimson red ones. When Clarke saw her face, it softened for one moment before realization dawned on her and her nostrils flared and the growling returned.

“Clarke, come ba—”

A loud snarl interrupted her.

Unspeakable thoughts were rushing through Clarke’s head. How angry and betrayed her Alpha truly felt.

Clarke struggled but managed to gather all her strength to fight off the temper of her wolf. She whimpered immediately as soon as she snarled at the woman she loved.

Lexa partially relaxed at the whimper, she thought she could finally have the chance to get through to her now.

Before Lexa could speak, which Clarke knew would only provoke her wolf further, she pulled back from Lexa’s purchase, and with all her remaining hold on her sensibility, she forcefully smacked her head to the ground.

With her wolf out, she knew the force of the impact wasn’t even close to a fatal one, but it was enough to knock her human body down.

And then she was passed out.

_She didn’t lose. Her Alpha did._

_But did she really not lose?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your kudos and comments. I haven't been able to respond to them lately but they are still very much welcome. I would always love to hear your thoughts.  
> If you have any questions, ask away. If any constructive criticism, or negative thoughts, lemme go get ice cream first.  
> etc. 😁
> 
> Thank you always. ❤


	32. Details of the Landscape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke becomes numb and goal-oriented.  
> An alarm goes off.  
> Clarke has heart-to-heart talks.  
> And then 💔🔧❤️  
> ❤️ Clexa ❤️  
> And guess who's back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, here's another long-ass chapter. Enjoy!  
> \--  
> Sorry about any mistakes. I'll do a sweep later.  
> 

-xxxii-

* * *

**A few hours ago**

* * *

The look on her face seemed determined.

_What is she thinking?_

Twice, Lexa caught herself from gnawing at her bottom lip. Her fists were already cold, fingers tightly fidgeting each other to somehow alleviate the tension. The same tension, and perhaps thrill, emanated by those around the blonde.

Lexa could almost make out the thoughts of the blonde’s co-trainees and the spectators outside the training field. But Clarke only kept her eyes forward, glaring at the head in front of her as warriors after warriors took their seats and gave way to whoever wanted to battle her mate.

And suddenly, the last ones took their seats, and Clarke looked around her. She watched Clarke as if it had only just registered to her the tension coming off everybody. But then it was shrugged off as both fighters set into motion.

Effective blow after blow, Lexa clenched her jaw. But she had to watch as her mate and the girl, she undeniably had feelings for, fight like warlords. She, too, had been entranced at the way they danced as fighters, at the clashing sounds their swords made, and at the prowess of the younger Alpha. Lexa knew first hand just how cutthroat Costia could be in the field. And they would always end up at a stalemate unless Lexa defeated her, as she always did when it wasn’t a draw. And now, she once again marveled at the young Alpha, not because of how similar she fights to her past self but because of her tenacity as a young warrior. She was sure Costia and Clarke were fighting without restraint.

And how right she was when Clarke suddenly stopped. She was detached from her entrancement then, as did everyone. She watched as Costia’s eyes grew large, and when a whimper escaped Clarke’s lips, she saw her mate move a hand to cover her neck. And Lexa realized then and there with her mouth slightly agape, a shaky exhale released as she slumped back to her seat in defeat.

_Clarke saw her betrayal._

She knew this Clarke only had a crush on her but she couldn’t help but feel the disappointment and pain of Clarke’s soul. How it seemed like the old Clarke was pouring out her anger through this new Clarke as if the new one somehow retained the old one’s feelings, or whatever it was that Raven rationalized to them a few days ago.

Her lips trembled and a tear escaped her eye as she witnessed the blonde’s physical onslaught. She watched, rooted to her seat, as Clarke switched to assault Costia with her fists and kicks. It was the whimpers, as Clarke continued her jabs, that finally snapped Lexa out of her own misery. Lexa noticed then how badly bruised Costia was, and her guilt grew immensely.

_It was she, who begged Costia to get her out of her pain and jealousy. It was she, who bit Costia’s neck. It was she, who used her mate. It was her that provoked her Clarke. It was her that caused the tears and whimpers of Clarke. And yet it wasn’t she who was being beaten, and it wasn’t she who was the most heart-wrenchingly devastated._

She slowly advanced to Clarke with the goal of calming her and get Costia to safety, and at the same time, hold the young Alpha with as much love as she could give. _Public display of affection from the Heda be damned._

She could literally feel her heart being squeezed out of the very last drop of her blood as she tried to console Clarke all throughout her approach. And it felt like her lungs couldn't take in any more oxygen when she helplessly watched the blonde opting to remove from the situation, the threat that she was.

And despite her control, a few tears still streamed down her face as she held an unconscious Clarke a second time in less than a week. And just like the last, she carried the Alpha in her arms towards the hospital after seeing Costia was looked after by Anya and Indra.

Lexa didn’t leave Clarke’s side as Abby worked frantically to reduce the increasing pressure in Clarke’s cranium. She still stayed as the tension died down when their only focus was on cleaning and bandaging Clarke’s wounds. And she remained a few hours after, just longingly watching over the bandage-wrapped blonde even with the few visitors that came and went.

And now that she was alone, she mindlessly observed the slow rise and fall of her chest. She watched, in alert attention, for any movement whether little or big and patiently stayed with her when nothing came of those motions.

“Hey, you know you have a mate right?” Anya’s presence finally permeated one of her senses.

“What?” Lexa looked up, eyes droopy from her revered, albeit idleness.

“I said you have a mate,” Anya repeated.

“I know.” Lexa pouted, head dropped down as she sank deeper in her seat. “And I don’t deserve her.”

“She knows.” Anya waited with her smirk ready and grinned when Lexa looked up, groaning at her.

“Seriously, she knows and she will always be the most genuine Alpha I’ll ever know. Because even after all these years, she understands your soul belongs to another.” Anya’s gaze shifted to the sleeping Alpha then.

Lexa finally broke down and sobbed softly. “I will never deserve either of them.”

Anya moved to comfort her best friend in a way she only seldom does, unless if it was with her wife. The Alpha held Lexa’s head against her abdomen, as she stood and purred soothingly. “I know you don’t see it yet, but both of them believe that you do. You just gotta trust them then.”

Anya lowered her head a little more and whispered, “I heard from Costia herself that the friendship you gave her was already more than she expected she would get from you. Do you remember the first time you two met when you were 16? Oh, how you hated her so much and frankly told her your intent in keeping only Clarke in your heart?”

Anya smiled when she felt Lexa’s muffled chuckle. “Look how far you two have come. And together, not only did you build a much fortified and progressively strong coalition, but you two also gained each other’s trust, respect, loyalty, and friendship. So trust me Lex, Costia is as understanding and caring as she ever will be. And she will always respect you no matter who you chose.”

Lexa already knew all of these, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t grateful for being reminded. Costia truly was one of a kind. And though she couldn’t give her what she’d only reserved for Clarke, she couldn’t help but hope Costia would still have that too. But because they were already mated, it was more wishful thinking. She wished there was some other way for Costia to have that without any drastic measures taking place. And she wished it with all her heart that they’d find a way.

Anya took Lexa’s silence as acceptance of what she had said so she continued, “As for your other admirer. If she really is Clarke, she’ll love you no matter who you are now, no matter what you’ve done, and no matter… anything, actually, as long as you’re happy and healthy. She’ll love you all the same.”

Lexa looked up at her then, eyes a little puffy but utterly hopeful at all the words her best friend had said. Anya was never sappy so all that she was saying, Lexa knew she meant them and knew how true they were.

“Thank you, An,” Lexa whispered.

Anya’s little smug returned. “Anytime, Heda. Now, why don’t you go see your mate? She’s anxious for any news about Clarke. So go calm her down.”

Lexa chuckled as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “Will do, general.”

Anya took a deep breath as if to ready herself and Lexa back to their responsibilities. She made her way out first, knowing Lexa might want a moment with the unconscious patient.

When Anya was out the door, Lexa moved to perch on Clarke’s bed, lowering herself as she gently stroked her right cheek.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. Get some more rest. I’ll come back in a few hours.” Lexa lovingly looked at the tranquility Clarke’s face showed. She moved to kiss the blonde’s forehead before she stood up and proceeded to her mate’s room.

* * *

**Present**

* * *

_It feels like I lost everything._

_“We did.”_

“Ugh.” Clarke groaned, immediately reaching up to her head that was pounding for her to wake up.

Looking around, she could see she was in her old room at the hospital again. _She only just got out of here two days ago or was it three now?_ She looked out the window, and it was sunny. It still doesn’t tell her if it was another day.

Nobody was in the room with her so she moved her feet and dangled it over the bed. Both her hands extended and fisted at the bed’s cover as blue eyes shifted to red. She kept at it for some time, the pounding was still there but it was duller than earlier.

When she withdrew her wolf, she noticed then there were larger shadows outside her window; immediately, she realized it was nearing sundown. Her gaze numbly set on whatever was outside. There was a full landscape of greens but she wasn’t really seeing it. Her mind was floating beyond what her eyes were looking at.

She could hear her wolf whimpering inside her, too tired and hurt to lash out now. It was simply, figuratively _and_ literally, licking its wounds as it hid in a dark corner.

She could feel the depression. She could feel sadness. And she could feel herself numb. It was odd. _How can you feel whilst being numb?_

Clarke blinked, trying to examine her soul by looking down at herself. She was dressed in looser clothes. Her body was alright. The wounds from her fight were all bandaged up. But she knew nothing was open and bleeding beneath those anymore; all healed up when she let her dispirited wolf out. She flexed her fingers, watching her open palm mindlessly as her digits extended and flexed again.

_How could I have done that?_

_You were upset. Costia, she— she took Lexa’s bite. Again._

_Why did I do that?_

_You were hurt. Lexa bit her._

_I shouldn’t have done that._

_Yes, you shouldn’t have._

_But I love her. She is mine._

_Was yours._

Clarke gulped. And she could literally feel a lump growing in her throat. But the tears weren’t falling anymore.

She looked out the window again. It’s like her mind was swimming into nothingness.

 _“We have a role to uphold.”_ Her wolf finally whispered, joining in on the monologue in her head.

Her wild wasn't usually the sagacious one in situations like this. Clarke dropped her head, staring at the floor this time.

_Yes, I suppose we do._

_“We do it alone.”_

_Yes, no one should go through this twice._

_“Except for our soul.”_

_Yes, except for us._

Every fiber in her knew danger was close by. The Coalition still had enemies in Mount Weather. And if another nation like Azgeda was just looming around, waiting to strike, she had to be ready.

Her wolf was powerful, and she knew it. But there was one thing she had not done yet in the nearly 15 years she was alive. Their world knew the Prime Alpha could shift into her white wolf. Clarke Griffin was just eight the first time she did so. But this Clarke had yet to do it.

And just like the tingles she felt about the imminent danger, she knew, without a sliver of doubt, that she would shift into that white wolf someday. _Soon._

Danger was just around the corner, and she was being a love-struck fool.

_Lone wolf. That’s what we were reborn to be._

_“Lone,”_ the Alpha tested.

_Yes. Alone._

Clarke registered she wasn’t alone now though. Before she even heard the door crack open, she already smelled them coming her way from a distance, behind closed doors.

_This is what we have to be now. It brings more focus. Clarity._

Her Alpha purred in defeated agreement.

When a throat cleared, Clarke raised her head to the left and saw Abby, Aryan, Shenan, Jake, and Lexa. She blinked up at them, she was now aware that her eyes had been droopy the entire time since waking up.

Lexa was the first to move to her, desperation clearly written all over her face, it made Clarke wonder for a bit.

When Lexa stood before her, she was instantly engulfed in an embrace. The brunette began purring and smothering her with soothing pheromones. It was as if Lexa needed this more than she did.

So she stayed still, not doing anything as Lexa moved impossibly closer each second, holding her tighter than she did the second before.

 _“Lone?”_ Her Alpha half-questioned and half-reminded them both but neither needed it anyway.

“Is this my punishment, Heda?” Clarke croaked out, simply trying to make light of things.

It momentarily stopped Lexa’s heart before it drummed erratically against her ribcage. She knew Clarke could hear it too. She stepped away for a moment and looked down at the half-lidded eyes staring back at her, a little twitch of a smile tugging at the corner of the blonde’s lips.

“No, Clarke. You did not break any rules. There’s no punishment for you,” Lexa answered, finally realizing what Clarke meant with the word. “But your Seda saw it fit to punish you still. So you will be tending to the gardens for a week before you get back to training.”

Clarke lowered her head. “I hate gardening.”

Lexa softly chuckled. _She_ _knew that_. “That is why it is called punishment,” Lexa quipped along.

“Okay.” The answer was quick and oh so unexpected.

It alarmed Lexa. Clarke was always one to put her foot down on something she didn’t agree with, even if she only did so playfully. But now, she sounded so defeated.

“It will only be for a week, Clarke. And then you will be back in the field with everyone,” Lexa tried once more. She moved a finger to lift Clarke’s chin and bring her gaze back to hers. Clarke’s eyes were still half-lidded, and it was beginning to upset Lexa.

“Yes, Heda. Thank you,” Clarke answered monotonously.

“Clarke.” Lexa was about to warn, to apologize, to do anything to bring back the mirth and joy that sparked in those enticing blue eyes. She was back again to all the times she had hurt the blonde Alpha. _She couldn’t go back there._

Clarke’s response was quicker. “I’m sorry, Heda. Please apologize to Heda Costia for me.”

For a moment, Clarke was surprised at the lack of venom at the way she mentioned her rival. “I would do it myself but I’m…” _too devastated, I might lose control_ “...currently indisposed.”

The way Clarke spoke tugged at Lexa’s heartstrings. _There_ _was no malice. There was sincerity_. But Lexa could tell, that the force and meaning behind those words, the _feelings_ between the lines, oddly felt like something coming from someone who had nothing left to lose.

Then she realized it, Clarke was numb. She was positively neutral in her scent. Lexa felt now that there were _no_ pheromones guiding her to understand the feelings that accompanied the blonde’s words and actions. And having realized this, she knew it was futile getting through to Clarke now, not when she wasn’t letting anyone in.

_And this was her fault._

“Get some rest, you had a tiring day,” Lexa spoke again, her heart breaking at the reasoning of her judgment. _She had to give Clarke space; she had to wait for when Clarke was ready._

“Yes, Heda.” Clarke began shifting in her bed, pulling her covers to get underneath it.

She didn’t care to notice when Lexa had ordered the others to leave. All but Aryan and Shenan were asked to stay.

When the other side of Clarke’s bed dip, she still didn’t mind. Her gaze was now set on the windows again. But this time, she was seeing every detail of the landscape.

* * *

The biting heat of the sun on her skin was surprisingly welcomed by the Alpha. She’d always been under the heat of it but mostly because of training. And not knelt on the grass, plowing soil with a trowel. It didn’t take much physical effort as it would have if she were wielding a much deadlier weapon. At least then, she’d be heavily distracted. And now, here she was kneeling and digging and planting but she was loving every second of it.

The activity felt soothing somehow. Her whole life she felt like she was meant to conquer something. But right here, right now, she felt like she was building instead. She was growing life and not taking any. And there was something about feeling the soil between her fingers, it made her feel so grounded. Her prejudice of gardening equating to boredom was the complete opposite of how she felt now. _Serenity._

She’d been at it for six days, and she was dreading for her gardening time to end. 

“How you enjoying your vacation, Clarke Jr.?” Raven strutted towards her, her usual smugness just naturally oozing out of her. _The thing was almost like attached to her sex appeal or something._

Clarke didn’t need to look up to respond. “Best punishment ever.”

The Omega plopped down beside her. “I bet this is a new thing you like.”

Clarke nodded.

“Did you sleep with Kiya?” The Omega asked without preamble.

Clarke’s face scrunched. She was stunned but she took her time to face the Omega, with a frown still in place. “No, I did not.”

“Okay, cool. I knew it but I just wanted to hear it coming from you.”

Her frown never left. “I don’t know what you heard, but my friend needed me so I stayed with her. I would not pounce on an Omega who is delirious and not herself.”

“You wouldn’t pounce on any _other_ Omega,” Raven whispered with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

Clarke clenched her jaw. “I wouldn’t pounce on _any_ Omega.”

And with that Clarke returned to her more soothing task.

“Yeah? And what happens when you go into rut in a little less than 2 weeks? Ever thought about all the unmated Omegas and Betas ready to pounce on _you_?” Raven smirked when she finally got a genuine reaction from the Alpha when Clarke froze, her face paled and mortified.

For six days, many have tried to approach Clarke. For six days, many tried to get full sentences out of her. For six days, many tried to pull her out from her nonchalance. But only a very few ever succeeded, and it consisted of Aryan and Kalel. And now apparently, Raven.

“Thought so. Which is why I have designed a Rut chamber for you. It totally blocks out your pheromones from exiting the room and enticing all the unmated. And I say _all_ because I have a feeling even the Alphas will want to help you.” Raven grinned, but it fell when she didn’t get the reaction she was expecting.

“Oh, okay.” Clarke faced her again. “Thank you for thinking ahead and for building that for me. It would be helpful.”

Clarke’s almost lifeless eyes made Raven anxious. It was the tired or droopy look on Clarke she’d been hearing about for days that was unnerving people. Now that she’s seen it, she was feeling the worry herself too.

“Clarke, don’t go there. It’s not worth it,” Raven whispered. The Omega lost her usual air of confidence and looked down at the grass beneath her, palms running over the ticklish tips of the grass.

“Go where?” Clarke whispered back.

Before the Omega responded, she sighed loudly. “Do you know why I don’t have any pups yet?”

Clarke frowned but only shook her head.

“I’ve been suffering from Wolf’s Woe for more than a decade. You know it’s something that slowly poisons your wolf until you’re either in between broken or irreparable. You see, when I lost one of my best friends,” Raven paused to set her gaze back to blue eyes, “it planted a figurative organism within me that would slowly rot the rest of me from inside out. So we’re talking about my wolf being affected first before I would get any serious physical symptoms. It happened to a lot of us, but it was always the optimists that managed to get out of it, _to let go, to move on_.”

The brunette stared into the distance. “But me? I’m a little different kind of optimist, sometimes I deal with pain by making jokes about it, by making light of the situation, _by basking in it_. There’s nothing like a little pain to remind you you’re alive, you know?” The Omega wanted to say more but she didn’t want to overstep, didn’t want to make the blonde feel bad, guilty even.

 _All in good time._ She thought.

Raven shrugged and looked at the blonde’s face once more. “So here I am, pupless because my Omega was depressed, making my body gradually adjust to the new condition, thinking how it was incapable of creating life within my womb. And it made me depressed even more that I couldn’t bear any children for my mate.” Raven sighed again but it was of relief this time. She felt like she was freed of some kind of burden neither she nor Clarke could name.

Clarke was internalizing everything that she heard. Of course, she’d already known about Wolf’s Woe. It was a common thing to happen to their species but it was almost always easy to get rid of. One’s wolf would always manage to help itself easily. It was the most helpless cases that had trouble with it. _Helpless being that of death of a loved one and never moving on_.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered. _I’ll never stop feeling sorry._

“It wasn’t your fault,” Raven whispered back with a gentle smile. _I was partly to blame._

Something else clicked in the Alpha’s head that she managed to catch on in spite of the heaviness of their topic. “No pups _yet? Was_ depressed?” Clarke finally asked, hopefulness coating her tone.

The Omega nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, _and_ past tense. Just recently too.” Raven smiled warmly. “It’s too soon to tell but I could just feel him or her swimming in my womb. Or well, for now, it’s still probably traveling away from my fallopian and making a land somewhere in my uterus but it’s there. I can feel it.”

There was a pause, and Clarke realized the Omega had more to say. “So, my point is, don’t go to that dark place. If you already have, try to keep your eyes on the bright end of the tunnel. Take it from someone who’s been there for 15 years, it’s not worth the momentary peace in solitude. You’ll get stuck if you don’t allow yourself to be helped.”

Clarke’s eyes were still too serious but she allowed herself a simple tug at the corner of her lip that resonated to her eyes. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you. And I have you to thank for it.” That smug beam was back again.

“Please don’t say it like that. I don’t want to give the General any reason to come after me,” Clarke finally quipped.

It formed a frown on the Omega’s face before realization dawned on her, and she laughed so hard, her back fell on the grass behind her. Clarke simply watched her with gentle eyes, a small smile gracing her face.

After having enough time to recover, the Omega dabbed at the corner of her eyes for any more tears. “Yeah, no, we can’t have that. Let's at least wait for you to present before we break it to her.” Raven winked, and Clarke had to bite her lip to stifle a chuckle.

“I think that would be the best course of action, yes.” Clarke agreed solemnly, and waited again for the Omega to finish her second set of guffaw before continuing, “May I inquire as to why you’re thanking me?”

“Because you’re alive.”

The response made the blonde frown. “I’ve been alive for 15 years. Your logic dictates you should have a 14-year-old by now, out there, being as imposing as you and as intimidating as the General.”

“True. True. But _you’re_ alive.”

She was caught off guard. She and her wolf were. She realized that Raven was thinking just as the others were, _the suspicion_. But it didn’t feel like a suspicion, it felt more like a conviction. She was troubled by the way Raven spoke to her. It’s like the Omega knew something no one was privy to.

Before Clarke could delve into the overthinking station any further, Raven interrupted her, “You remind me of Clarke, and it just gives me hope. I see so much of her in you, and she didn’t really get her chance at life. And I want to make it up to her for not supporting her enough by being supportive of you. You give me hope, Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru; hope that was long buried within me. Please don’t make me give that up.”

Clarke took some time to respond. It always led back to the previous Clarke how she was being treated today. So if it comforted them, _who was she to take it away_?

Raven was on the edge of her seat and relaxed slightly when Clarke finally spoke. “I think we should wait 8 or 9 months’ time instead, before we break the news to the General. Maybe she would be too blind of happiness her olfactory becomes too clogged she wouldn’t be able to tell if it’s hers or not.”

Once again, the Omega belly-laughed at the blonde’s stealthy attempts at a joke before she responded, “We’ve got 9 months to figure this out, Clarke.” Raven shook her head as she stood up. And when she did, she looked down at the Alpha. “We’re in this together!”

Clarke shook her head at her in response as she went back to work, and the Omega happily went on her way.

 _See the details of the landscape, Clarke._ She reminded herself effortlessly.

 _“Yes, details. Focus. Clarity. Lone.”_ The wolf agreed.

* * *

On her seventh and last day, Anya came and Clarke was ordered to continue on with her gardening for the next week.

Lexa was adamant that she return to the training field no matter how much Aeia tried to make her see reason that it would be better for Clarke’s wellbeing if she stayed tending to her plants. But Lexa and her family saw how Clarke was much too absorbed in her silence, nothing like the Clarke they knew of the last couple of weeks. They worried that the Alpha had started succumbing to Wolf’s Woe. And they thought the physical exertion demanded of the training would help Clarke relieve all the negative energy flowing inside her.

The blonde had serious yet lifeless blue eyes, walking around the city during her breaks and after-punishments. It was unnerving that even her own friends couldn’t get her to smile like she used to. And when she did, it was only for brief moments. Jero was the only one to get Clarke to talk more but only when they were alone. Kalel seemed to be the only exemption though; Clarke had remained attentive and affectionate to her little brother only.

While the others tried, Clarke only tolerated them. It pissed Lexa so much, watching the Alpha being showered with attention by none other than Kiya. She had to contain herself whenever the younger Omega was overly friendly and touchy with the Alpha. She watched in the shadows every day since that fight, how the Omega would hold Clarke’s hand, or lay her head on her shoulder, or whisper to her ears.

And as Lexa did the day before, she waited for the moment Clarke would brush the blonde Omega off. At every attempt Clarke would make to create a little space between them, Lexa’s heart would soar. And slowly, she began to wonder if something really did happen to Clarke and Kiya.

She so badly wanted to go to Clarke, express to her how sorry she was. And perhaps ask her about Kiya. But she was utterly ashamed of herself. So many times, she stopped herself from taking the last step to make her presence known to the Alpha and retreated back to her hiding place. _She was a coward. She used her mate and dear friend, Costia. And she didn’t deserve Clarke._

But she was desperate.

So she went to ask for Raven’s help. Everyone knew the other Omega was always the one to get into other people’s businesses shamelessly and still, they wouldn’t really mind. But when the other Omega returned with her answer, she was relieved to the core. And not a minute later, she was once again engulfed by shame.

She couldn’t imagine how she’d be if she were in Clarke’s shoes. Even she acted rashly just from overhearing Kiya and Vannah’s conversation. Replaying that awful memory, she realized that Kiya neither confirmed nor denied Vannah’s accusation of a tryst with Clarke. She remembered the fleeting scent of the Omega’s heat and that was why she easily believed Clarke’s involvement especially as the latter was reeking of cum in that same night. But Kiya simply shrugged Vannah off and told her she didn’t want blonde pups yet. _Clarke wasn’t the only blonde between the two, Kiya was too._ In hindsight, her emotions clouded her way of thinking and controlled every single bit of her too. Something that only ever happens to her when Clarke was involved.

She desperately wanted to fix things with the Alpha but she knew she didn’t have the right. And so in the shadows, she promised to make it up to her.

When Aeia lost the sensible debate with Lexa and went to get Clarke as she was due to return to the training field, Lexa looked from afar how a sudden twitch in Clarke’s facial muscles formed a frown. So she had Anya deliver the order to let Clarke tend to the gardens a week more.

She watched again every little detail that told of Clarke’s relief and subtle happiness at the new order. And it made the Omega in her swoon. She blushed and tried to hide the smile on her face when Aeia looked over to her concealed direction with a grateful smile graced for the Heda.

Days after, she made subtle changes to keep Clarke’s spirits up. For one, she had the youngest pups’ classes, including Kalel’s, shifted to working with the farm animals that was just 10 yards from the garden so Clarke could have her brother close by. For another, seeing as Raven was the only other person who managed to get through to Clarke, she had the Omega work on the tractor she had been procrastinating on. Of course, it had Raven pout at first—to be separated from her more important works in the lab—but as soon as she realized what Lexa was doing, she gladly grabbed a wrench and sang her way towards the barn.

* * *

It's the third day of her second week in the garden. And soon, Clarke would be due to return to her training. And though she really did miss all the physical exertion, she was finding it harder to say goodbye to her plants, especially as some of the flowers she took over caring for had just recently bloomed.

_Seda was right, there is a satisfying serenity at planting something and watching it grow and bloom._

Just as she started pruning her vegetable garden, a loud siren blared around her. Clarke paused to listen to what the signal was for. The alarm alone told everyone to head into the bunker, but Clarke could tell from the distinct alarm used that it was a general lockdown, and the entire coalition was to seek safety immediately.

The other cities and villages had several bunkers that were built and maintained for years after Skaikru’s urging nearly 23 years ago when they had their first reaper encounter, Nirak kom Azgeda. And over the years up to the present, they were constantly improved on under the leadership of Jake and Sinclair, and later on, Raven and Wick. And each city was trained to care for their communications, defense, and other technologies that didn’t require security clearance. While the outskirts and more remote places were required to build smaller, basement-type bunkers.

The same was for Polis, but it also had the biggest bunker of all. Around the same time the Skaikru urged the new defense proposal, a bunker was found within the city. And they expanded it to accommodate as much as 10000 people. Despite the current population inside the city and its vicinity were only over 3000, the space was meant to welcome as much as possible, seeing as Polis was the heart of their coalition.

Knowing her brother and the younger pups were in the city at this time of the day—their location closest to the main bunker entrance—Clarke left her garden to see how she could help elsewhere. When she arrived at where the people anxiously, yet orderly, filed into one of the two entrances to the bunker, she observed the warriors and soldiers remaining outside, going door to door as they ushered the civilians out and inside the bunker.

Clarke frowned when even the warriors in training were told to go in as well. It could’ve been a drill but she wanted to stay and fight if there were any real threats.

Suddenly, three flying contraptions—she knew to be drones—flew over the crowd in an attempt to do a manual sweep of their people and any enemy possibly lurking nearby. This got Clarke to slowly back away from the herd and prepare her wolf for whatever was to come.

However, Anya noticed and strode to her direction with a glare that could melt the courage of insubordination in a matter of seconds. “Get inside, warrior.”

Clarke bowed. “General, please, I could help. Allow me to stay here.”

Anya clenched her jaw. Of course, she knew Clarke could help. Hell, Clarke was more than capable than almost all of them combined. _Perhaps even all of them combined_. But she and her family had a plan. A plan to protect Clarke at all costs. The younger Alpha was only eight days shy from presenting. Anya couldn’t make the same mistake they did 15 years ago.

“You are in _no_ position to ask for anything.” Anya barked. She hated having to do it. But there was a lingering gut feeling of just how stubborn Clarke could be, so she had to deliver a below-the-belt blow in an instant. 

Clarke quickly bowed her head in shame. She wanted to defend her position. She knew she had wronged the leaders of their people—one much more than the other—but she also just wanted to justify how much of an asset she could be.

And before she could start rationalizing, Anya urged once more but gently this time.

“If you get hurt and die, all of us will lose too, Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes swiftly met Anya’s. She understood the meaning behind the older Alpha’s words, and just as how she interacted with Raven a few days ago—and everyone else on their not so subtle remarks of her existence—she gave in, bowing to the General.

Clarke filed in with everyone else and was gobsmacked at the interior of the bunker. It looked pristine, and so modified. There was not much she could remember but if the few memories of a young pup running inside metal walls were to go by, then she would think she was in the ark, only a much larger and less constricting one.

Clarke passed through the main entrance to the bunker, and immediately, she could see open stairs on either side that widened towards the bottom to facilitate easy entrance and exit. But in the middle—right in front of her—was a bridge that led to a separate, large room at the end which Clarke realized was the Command center.

And at the bottom of the stairs was a large space that obviously accommodated as a dining area, and at the same time, an announcement area. There were large doors on all walls with pictures on the side of them that described where those hallways led to. Two were of a silhouette picture of plants, fish, and other animals. Three were of beds and commodes. One had the Hedas' infinity symbol which probably meant security clearance was needed or perhaps it was their special quarters. And another two were several photos that meant for several recreations, customs or traditions, kitchen, and of course, the Medical bay.

As much as Clarke wanted to explore every door and room, she had to stay at the top of the stairs by the main entrance. She had to make sure everybody was in, and at the same time, run outside should her help be needed. As she waited, she scanned the floor below to find her family and friends. It didn’t take long for her eyes to land on everyone. And she didn’t need to worry about Lexa and the others as she had already seen them inside the control room. So she waited until the bunker doors were closed, and when it did, she went straight over to her brother who was sitting alone against the wall closest to the Med Bay.

“Hi,” Clarke greeted the little brunette boy. “How do you feel, strik bro?” She was a little anxious to see to her brother’s needs, see if he needed any form of consolation.

Kalel looked up with a warm smile on his face, making Clarke ruffle his hair as she took the seat next to her brother. “Nomon was looking for you but nontu said you will be here soon.”

“I already found them.” Clarke smiled softly at him. “I’m sorry I worried them and you.”

Waves of brown hair bounced at the shake of his head. “I was not worried. I have my Leo.” The pup pushed a little stuffed lion to Clarke’s line of sight, wiggling it as if to show off his new toy and apparent guardian.

Clarke sucked a breath and took the lion into her own hands. Suddenly, she was flooded with emotion she had not been in touch with for days. It was a toy that evoked memories and deeply hidden sentiments. Clarke’s throat constricted as another memory played out before her. _This lion was cuddled, adored, and fiercely protected, just as its past owner was._

“Here you go, sport.” A familiar voice broke her off her reverie. Clarke looked up to find Jake handing her brother a piece of bread.

As Clarke observed the interaction, she was surprised once more when Jake addressed her. “Hi, Clarke. Do you want some as well?” Jake smiled as he offered the last piece he was holding.

Clarke slowly shook her head 'no' _._ “I am alright. Thank you, Chancellor.”

The older Alpha sighed before shaking his head. “How many times must I tell you to call me Jake, Clarke?”

“I’m sorry, Jake.” Clarke offered a quick and brief upward tug of her lips—a gesture common to her these days. Gone were the times she plastered on radiant beams wherever she went.

Jake took the other space beside the brunette pup and cleared his throat. Clarke instantly realized she was about to engage in another ‘ _check up on Clarke_ ’ conversation and braced herself.

“That belonged to my daughter,” Jake finally spoke, his gentle eyes made their way to another set of blues. The short height of the pup in between allowed them to have a direct conversation. “It was her most priceless treasure. Until, of course, she met Lexa when she was six. Leo became second best then.” Jake lowered his head and smiled in remembrance.

Clarke couldn’t help but reflect the action; though her smile was almost inexistent, the rest of her expression was frown-free.

They were silent for a moment. Clarke was beginning to question her own actions for the past two weeks. She had been subjected to hours and hours of idleness and with it, daydreams were a very common occurrence. Some memories of a different life have been on repeat in the playlist of her reveries. And she was definitely starting to question her methods. It was as if there was a third party within her mind that was neither her nor her wolf, telling them to wake up and smell the coffee. She was too consumed with what’s to come that she was running away from what’s in the present.

“Clarke?” Jake tried again, his brows knitted in concern. Clarke looked up and realized her attention had been asked for a few times already. “Where were you?”

She knew her mind was trying to send her a message through the memories that kept pushing through to her consciousness. Perhaps telling her to stop her nonsense and let the future play out as it is without any more intervention from herself. She knew she had a role to portray but she saw now that she could still be that without being rigid.

The blonde finally smiled without restraint. “I’m here, Jake.”

Jake smiled back before Clarke’s attention returned to the lion in her hands. She saw once more, all the care and love that was showered on the toy; all the nights, cuddling with the lion; the tantrums and nightmares braved together; and the one-sided conversations with the stuffed animal.

_Yes, this may have once been a most priceless possession, but he’s right. Lexa means most._

And with that, Clarke steadied her breathing and handed the lion back to her brother who had just finished his food. “I’ll be right back, okay? If nontu and nomon ask, tell them there’s something I needed to fix.”

Her brother nodded, and Clarke looked at Jake again. “Would it be alright for him to stick with you, Chan— Jake?” Clarke gulped and smiled a cheeky one.

The sight brought a feeling within the older Alpha that told him to be ecstatic. Jake responded with a beam. “Of course. He and I get along. Don’t we, bud?” Jake poked his sides, making Kalel squeal and shift to distance himself.

Clarke shook her head in slight amusement as she made her way to the stairs, but paused after a few steps, facing them again. “Thank you… Jake Griffin. I hope you know that Clarke is proud that you are her father.”

Jake was visibly shaking as tears began to form in his eyes. He so badly wanted to go and embrace the younger Alpha. But he remained seated, not wanting to draw attention to them. He beamed again with crinkles in his eyes, the outcome of his overjoyed heart. “That means so much to me, Clarke. And I’m sure she knows I love every bit of her before she was even conceived to now.”

Clarke smiled back and bowed as if the message was noted. And then, she made her way to command, the smile still plastered on her face. If gasps were released as she passed through onlookers to get to her destination, she didn’t mind one bit.

* * *

The command center was conveniently placed across the main entrance of the bunker with the bridge that connected them both. It effectively allowed the leaders inside to oversee the people below, and also make announcements should a manual one be needed.

And though these, brief yet repeated, observations were good distractors, the rebellion of her wolf was still very much conspicuous. If this was her lucid state, her wolf would be seen being a diva, stubbornly turning its back to Clarke with snapping effect as it whips its head upward in a show of childish distaste. Clarke knew her wolf’s show of stubbornness was just a last-ditch effort. But that third party with them was telling them they were making the right choice by Clarke's acceptance to fix things, and her wolf not being too aggressive in its rebellion. 

Clarke took a deep breath as she knocked and waited for the metal door to be opened.

_Here goes._

“Clarke!” The response was quick. There wasn’t any room for speechless surprise in Gaia when she opened the door.

“May I come in?” Clarke asked with a neutral tone.

Immediately, the other Alpha moved to the side, allowing Clarke to take in the room. The technology was as state of the art as the entire bunker’s interior was. It was very obvious how much dedication and effort was put into the safety of the people of the coalition as well as the readiness for the inevitable warfare against the Maunon. The room was bright and heavy in the sense that it brings about an immediate notion of urgency and crisis when one stepped into the room. The command center was sure to look like a vital part of winning a war. The several monitors and controls themselves looked deadly enough, let alone what they could actually do.

This added an unnecessary feeling to Clarke, considering what she was about to do. She was completely nervous.

Clarke saw the faces, eagerly yet patiently, waiting for her to explain herself. All of Lexa’s friends and family were in the room except for Jake and Helena, among others. The ambassadors were there too, as well as the faces of Chiefs, Kings, and Queens in a few monitors by the wall.

And when her gaze landed on the love of her life, Clarke released a relieved, albeit trembling exhale.

She walked towards Lexa but it was the other person right next to her that Clarke wanted to talk to. And as soon as Clarke stood a respectable distance before the two Hedas, she instantly drew her Alpha out.

When Clarke’s eyes turned crimson, Costia gasped, and the growing tension in the room became a ripple effect of distressed pheromone waves. Some of the others were quick on their stance, seemingly ready to subdue the Alpha at any given moment.

Clarke expected this but she was more focused on keeping her wolf in line for their grand gesture. In her internal struggle, she missed it when Lexa held her hand up to stop the advance of her warriors.

“Clarke?” Lexa softly asked, she was worried but it was more about empathy for Clarke than anything else. She knew it in her heart that Clarke wouldn’t deliberately hurt another.

The blonde answered in submission. She went down on both knees in front of the two Hedas. This was the easier part, for the next, however, Clarke had much difficulty. Her diva of a wolf growled now. She thought at first that it wouldn’t be a difficult fight when they came to it but seeing Costia, and having already knelt before her, made her wolf’s stubbornness run in almost full force.

Clarke's face and neck remained level, not bowing nor extending. But she was struggling, and it was physically evident as well. Aside from the clenched teeth and the continuous grunts that escaped the narrow passage of her lips, the blonde’s face was red—almost the shade of her eyes—with a few of her neck veins popping out.

Here was an Alpha out, kneeling before someone it wanted to kill over a week ago, struggling between submission and standing tall.

“Clarke, don’t.” Lexa cooed as she kneeled, resting on her calves to be at eye level with Clarke.

Finally snapping out of her surprise, and understanding what Clarke was intending to do, Costia immediately followed, kneeling in the same fashion as Clarke.

“Clarke, there is no need for you to do this. Everyone has forgiven you. _I_ have forgiven you.” Costia tried to rectify the situation, she understood completely how hard this must be. Fighting your own wolf—a wolf incredibly powerful, no less.

Clarke’s low grunts continued, and she reasoned with her wolf once more. _We need to do this to grow. We need to overcome whatever that hinders us from becoming our greater self._

_“But. We are the stronger one.”_

_But Lexa is more important than us._

And her wolf knew it was the truth. It remembered that though Costia and her Alpha were their rivals, making peace with everyone protects them. _Protects Lexa._

No conflict, no internal struggles, no pride was worth more than Lexa. _Nothing ever will._

So the Alpha’s face returned to her normal complexion. All tensed muscles relaxed, as her neck gracefully tilted and exposed itself to any form of vulnerability. Clarke’s red eyes looked straight into Costia’s hazel ones. The stronger Alpha had submitted fully to its subordinate in nature but everyone in the room knew Clarke had just proven herself worthy of her strength. Surrendering her invincibility was true selflessness, true power, and her wolf finally passed it.

Although the reason and the final push for this were thoughts of Lexa, she could feel, _truly feel_ , that her wolf had finally understood altruism. If her wolf would bow down to its most worthy rival—someone who already had the one thing she and her Alpha most desired—then Clarke was sure they could be the warrior they were meant to be. The guardian their people needed her to be.

When the rest of the room snapped out of the staggering turn of events, Clarke finally spoke with her neck still exposed. “I will be the warrior our people could depend on. I will be the soldier that will follow my commanders. Heda Costia, Heda Lexa, please pardon my insolence. Please allow me to serve true.”

Clarke saw that Lexa was close to tears but the smile on her face was radiant. She heard the quiet sniffles from those around them. She noticed the looks of reverence from the ambassadors and the few faces that she could see from the monitors. And she did the one thing she never does unless it was a fair fight she won in sparring, she basked in the reverent attention, as did her wolf. If she had a tail right now, it would be seen wagging vigorously.

“You are pardoned Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.” Costia nodded at her with respect, silently telling her that she could relax now.

But she waited for both Hedas to be up on their feet before she got up herself. Her wolf retracted, and her blue eyes stared in surprise when the Hedas offered a hand each for both hers.

She held on to Costia’s first, so she could ready herself for when she held Lexa’s. And as soon as hers and Lexa’s touch connected, they felt a half-dull, half-biting electricity pass through them. When they chalked it up as just one of those unexplainable, phenomenal occurrences, they were right.

The bond between their souls was too strong that even Costia flinched and tried to remove her hand when the jolt reached her. When Lexa and Clarke tried to shrug it off, clearing their throats and composing themselves as Clarke finally stood, Costia braved a side glance at Lexa and shamelessly smirked at her, earning her a scowl back before succumbing to a brief shy smile.

Clarke bowed before them again and bid her goodnights to everyone in the room.

For what felt like the longest time, she could finally breathe with only her own physical weight to bear. There was no more holding herself back. There was no more worrying about losing control over her effectively lethal wolf. There was no need to keep her focus on the details of the landscape.

It was just her, in the present, with the people she loved.

She slept in the bunkbed her family was assigned to with a beam on her face.

* * *

Because of what happened 15 years past, and Clarke’s presence in Polis especially close to Memorial Day, Lexa had the alarm go off. It was a drill she did not tell anybody else but Gaia. The Alpha was quick to agree with Lexa’s plan. They didn’t want a repeat of the last time, especially not before Clarke’s birthday where until then, she was still a little less invincible. It didn’t mean to say Clarke will never be vulnerable but the thought alone of a fully presented Prime Alpha, with abilities only scientifically projected by Raven’s data and not truly witnessed, was comforting. It intimidated them, let alone their enemies. So, they needed to protect Clarke until then.

_And Lexa couldn’t lose her again._

When the drill ended, and everyone was safely resuming their daily activities, Lexa found herself holding on to her future grave goods.

Her renewed friendship with Clarke opened something within her. A need to be brave and finally admit to the Alpha how much she meant to Lexa. Clarke may not remember her but this was Clarke’s soul within. The soul her own called for every night before she went to bed. The soul that she’d longed for that was now within her reach.

She wanted to give herself to the Alpha in a different kind of love. She wanted to be there, to care for her, to protect her, and to love her as any mother, sister, and a friend would. Despite her wolf’s more indecent wants, she wouldn’t allow herself that kind of engagement. _Maybe not yet, but definitely not now_. It was still too surreal for her, this was the same age and how Clarke looked like the last time she was romantically intimate with her. But she wouldn’t dare do anything about it. It felt too much like stealing away a child’s life and whatever that was meant for her to have that was fitting for her age.

And yet, she could feel her Clarke within. She could always hear whenever Clarke’s Alpha called out to her Omega. And it was odd but there were instances she’d observed in Clarke. It was like a different persona would surface. It was distinctive but very much fleeting; like that quick shimmer when light passes through a shiny object. But with Clarke, it was less a physical thing but more a gut feeling. And she couldn’t help but feel this persona was her Clarke Griffin.

These were the reasons that had always muddled her judgment. But it wasn’t until what Costia said and did, that she finally allowed herself this social proximity to the Alpha again.

It was Costia that gave her an out. Last night she finally sat Lexa down, talked to her for a little bit, and then let her go. They cried for longer than they talked. And then Costia told her what she didn’t know she had longed to hear.

_“Lex, we’ve always known that death is not the end, that our spirits will live on. But we’ve never really seen life begin again until Clarke. And I don’t think she’ll get a third chance if it would come to that again. So, I cannot stand in the way." Costia tucked a tendril of hair behind Lexa's ear. "When the fates designed you and Clarke, they made sure everything else in between burns at the intensity of your love for each other,” Costia heartily declared with tears in her eyes, and she chuckled. “I refuse to be a roasted wolf because I was in the way.” Both mates chuckled as they dabbed each other’s tears. “It’s always been written, Lexa. And I truly wish nothing but for you and Clarke to be happy and together.”_

They stayed in each other’s arms a little longer after that. That night, for the last time that they shared a bed, Lexa and Costia were finally feeling weightless as they floated to Morpheus’s world.

And this morning as they got out of the bunker, Costia moved to a different room in the tower. She was still a mate and a Heda. And until they could find the highly impossible way for them to separate as mates, they settled for this arrangement. 

And now here she was, standing behind her usual hideout, a tree just a couple of yards from the garden. She was the Commander. She had been to wars with what’s left of the Azgedan rebels when she was just fourteen. She led and won other more battles since then. She had traveled across the coalition to settle civil wars and whatnot.

She had been the leader her people needed from day one and yet here she was, hands sweating, knees shaking, breath trembling. All because she was about to talk to Clarke.

“Calm down Lexa, you can do it,” the Omega pep talked herself.

Lexa took a deep breath and gripped the handle of her bag tighter as she walked forward to the young Alpha, who was currently picking and arranging flowers into a bouquet. Lexa thought what a coincidence it was that they were holding the same things but then again, today was the day of losses. But in 15 years, it was the first time she didn’t feel numb waking up.

“Clar _k_ e,” Lexa announced her arrival, savoring the figurative taste of the Alpha’s name in her tongue. And as it had been so long, she unwittingly made the ‘k’ pop, _just the way Clarke always loved._

Clarke already knew Lexa was heading her way, and she took the brief time for Lexa to get there to calm both herself and her wolf down. She had thought they had a grip on themselves after last night, that she had easy control over her wolf now. But apparently, anything Lexa related overrules her sensibility. So much so that she was apparently back to square one with her tail wagging nonstop, mouth drooling excessively, and heart thumping, likely causing her organs to either shut down or explode. _Hell, she could even feel her Alphahood beginning to harden._

_Calm down._

_“No.”_ Her wolf playfully let its tongue out as it bounced excitedly on all four paws.

She turned to face Lexa when she gathered enough semblance of nonchalance. “Heda.”

“Are those for the Memorial?” Lexa nodded her head towards the flowers in Clarke’s hand.

“Yes, Heda,” Clarke answered simply again.

Lexa nodded in understanding before she cleared her throat, remembering what she came here for. She opened her bag and slowly removed her gift in it.

Clarke waited patiently for whatever it was Lexa was doing. When she first saw the thin transparent container, holding what looked like blue flowers inside, she still did not know what to make of it. But when Lexa opened the lid, an audible gasp escaped her lips.

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat before she explained, “Some cultures from the old world believed that if they brought things with them from their life to their grave, they would be able to take those too in the afterlife.” Lexa wet her lips. “I had been gathering these and placing them in cryostorage, one for every four years, in the hopes of being burned with them the day I die.” Lexa paused when she saw Clarke gaping at the Blue Moon flowers and tears began to form in the Omega’s eyes. She croaked when she finally continued, “I wanted to take them with me for when I am reunited with Clarke. I would give these to her, to prove to her just how much I love her and how much I’ve always wanted her to be mine.”

Lexa closed the lid back and presented the container holding four Blue Moon flowers towards Clarke’s free hand. And with a shy smile, she whispered, “But seeing as you’re here now, why wait?”

Clarke’s breath hitched, and her eyes shifted from the flowers to emerald eyes yearningly staring back at her. Just then, Lexa unconsciously wet her lips again, and blue eyes followed the movement. Lexa gasped as soon as she saw where Clarke’s eyes went, and then air didn’t pass her lips anymore when Clarke pushed herself on her tiptoes to reach them.

Lexa’s response was that of surprise. Somehow, at the back of her mind, she realized it was leading to this but she couldn’t fathom it until now that it has actually happened. Her wolf was begging for her to respond immediately but something else was nagging at her that this was wrong. Something that reminded her of a long mantra she’d recited for so many years. Lexa couldn’t deny that she loves this Alpha as she loved the one before her. Up until recently, she thought of this Alpha as her pup, as her friend, as a young Alpha going about her life, and then now, as a young warrior. But this was a child. And she was fighting, as she had for weeks, to stop herself from pouncing on the pup. And so, she couldn’t respond as her Omega had urged her to. This was wrong. And as much as her wolf and body wanted her to, she couldn’t take away Clarke's innocence.

Clarke’s kiss was only a soft touch of lips. It was far from intense. It was completely innocent. But she felt the hesitation in the form of Lexa’s stiffened body against hers. She wanted to soothe her, tell her it was okay. That it was what she wanted and needed. She wanted to ease Lexa into this level of intimacy.

Clarke pulled back and stared deeply into Lexa’s eyes, conveying a message that Lexa gasped upon realization. There was reassurance in the gaze of the Alpha but more than that, it was the same reassuring look her Clarke would do for her. It was special because it was always the best way Clarke could get Lexa to be brave with her; to do the most spontaneous things; to be comforted; to feel safe; and most of all, to feel loved.

It was the same look Clarke had on when she found Lexa in the woods and reassured her that she will bring her back to her nomon. The same look when she told Lexa that they will be the best of friends and that she will be her Alpha. The same look when she pushed her Blue moon flower into the Omega’s hands and admitted her feelings. The same look when they first made love. _The exact same look…_

Lexa’s breathing became audible, and her heart raced, waiting for something. _Anything_.

“Lex…” Clarke whispered.

The Omega was visibly stunned, but Clarke leaned forward again, knowing it was what they both needed. She closed her lips on Lexa’s once more and moved this time.

Lexa let herself freefall, and she didn’t let herself be caught anymore. She lowered her head slightly to meet the shorter girl halfway. Their lips moved as if they’ve danced together for so many times, for so many years. They didn’t even realize how heated it had become until tongues started dueling each other. Their hearts erratically beat and yet they beat as one. Neither attempted to come out for air even when their bodies were begging for it. Lexa’s hands somehow ended up on either side of Clarke’s waist, as the Alpha’s arms locked around the Omega’s neck, bringing each other impossibly closer. They continued on with their own symphony with bated breath and horripilation of excitement and passion. And they went on for who knows how long. It felt like time was suspended, and neither cared as long as their lips were still attached.

Finally, Clarke bit Lexa’s bottom lip, and when the Omega let out a seductive moan, their bubble was popped.

“I would find a secluded place if I were you two,” Anya reprimanded in her authority voice. “Seriously, I can’t even get anywhere close, your pheromones still suffocate even if you’re doing it out in the open.” Anya opened her arms to emphasize.

And just then, the two remembered where they were. They were still out in the garden accompanied by the flowers and breeze, just under the setting sun. Immediately, they moved a few inches apart, and they were regretting the distance as their wolves howled.

Anya rolled her eyes when the guilty parties only stared at each other longingly. “Alright, enough with the heart eyes. Heda, you are needed at the Memorial. And Clarke, be sure to get rid of that before you join us.” Anya unabashedly flicked her eyes to Clarke’s crotch when the younger Alpha looked at her baffled.

When Clarke looked down, she furiously blushed and moved both hands—that still held both types of flowers—to cover herself. There was a huge tent in her pants.

And Lexa only just remembered that it was there. She vaguely remembered the long moan she released when her core felt Clarke’s erection the first time. She, too, blushed and cleared her throat.

“Right, yes. I’ll uhh— I’ll see you later, Clarke.” The Omega stood straighter and finally looked at Clarke’s face again. Blue eyes softened, and she knew her own eyes reflected it too.

Clarke smiled warmly. “Yes, I’ll see you, Heda.”

And at that, Lexa moved towards Anya.

“You should be glad nobody was here to witness all that. I checked, so no worries.” Anya whispered as they started their way towards the Memorial. Lexa looked up and saw her best friend’s eyes shifting back to its original hazel color.

“And let me just say on behalf of my mate.”

Lexa’s brows furrowed, and she waited.

“Bitch, fucking finally!” Anya exclaimed in her best Raven impression.

Lexa’s easy laughter was a sound for sore ears, and Anya was relieved to hear it. They didn’t even mind the few eyes that landed their way when Lexa chuckled and Anya joined her.

In truth, Lexa needed the distance away from what just happened, and what happened before it happened. She needed to collect herself first before she could reflect on that reassuring gaze, on that nickname this Clarke couldn’t have known as only her family called her that behind closed doors, and lastly, on their sweet, heated kiss.

The thought of the last one alone clouded her judgment again. And if she truly needed to decipher these things, she had to do something else—a distraction—as she gathered her wits that were strewn everywhere around her.

* * *

“People of Polis.” Lexa’s voice boomed in the open space. “We are gathered here tonight in remembrance of the souls we lost fifteen years past. They are gone but they will always be with us.”

Lexa took the torch passed to her by Anya, as Indra took her own from Octavia, and together, they poised to light the empty pyre. A practice they have done for years to commemorate their beloved dead.

“Raun faya, oso woda kiln laudnes-de kom foutaim. Mebi emo keryon ste os, weron emo ste. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim. _[In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past. May their spirits be well, wherever they are. May we meet again.]”_

With Lexa’s lead, Indra followed, the pyre catching fire from both their torches. And they all watched in silence.

When they both stepped back, everyone else was allowed to go near the fire and say their prayers and messages for their beloved.

When Clarke moved forward and put her flowers down, all eyes were irrefutably on her. Clarke could feel it. She could tell what they meant.

They were all engrossed at the scene before them. No matter how hard most of them tried to ignore it, they couldn't help but see it for how it was— _Clarke attending her own memorial_.

Before she stepped back and returned to her family’s side, she wordlessly recited her prayer. _I’m sorry I was not there when you needed me. I will do better this time._

And all of Polis watched as the fire died, and two figures stepped out of the crowd and onto the cinders and embers.

Gasps traveled when they revealed themselves, throwing their hoods back as they looked around them. When they found the person they were looking for, they got on their knees in acknowledgment.

“Clarke.” And they bowed their heads.

“We humbly welcome you back,” the Elder man announced.

The Elder lady followed. “You were gone, and you were reborn. You have been dearly missed, Prime Alpha.”

Beautiful pale face blanched even more; blue eyes wider than ever before; knees barely holding her weight; dry, cold lips slightly agape, as an incredulous huff escaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it?  
> I know there were worries about Lexa being portrayed as... well, a pedophile. I really tried to defend her case as best I could, even so far as reasoning through the ABO facts. Hence, all the times she kept rationalizing and keeping a distance though it hurts. And that final moment though, it feels too much like it was her Clarke. I mean come on... (damn justifying again. lol)  
> Anyhoo, that will be rectified in the future. I promise.  
> With all that said, please know, I am not a pedophile. I love kids but not like that. Thank you.  
> \--  
> And on a side note, I thought I should warn you guys ahead of time. Long story short, I'm an archaeology student. And there's this research project I will be joining soon (Probably the second week of March). And I will be away for 2 months tops. There won't be any reception where I'm excavating but I will do my best to work on this story still. But yeah, I won't be able to post them until I return to civilization. :(
> 
> Update: Newbie ALERT  
> I just got myself a Tumblr acc: https://jdkerr.tumblr.com/  
> Any questions, in need to talk to someone, rant or banter, etc. feel free to go there and do so. 😁


	33. The Sun Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke talks to the Elders.  
> A timelapse of a flashback.  
> "I've always known."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, here it is.  
> Apologies for the delay. I had to take pauses writing this chapter.  
> You'll find out why.  
> \--  
> All mistakes are mine. As a non-English Native speaker, please forgive them.  
> Thank you!

-xxxiii-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

Clarke was rooted to her spot, disbelief plastered all over her face as her own anxious pheromones began to emit. Needless to say, everywhere around her, different types of pheromones were contaminating the fresh, cold air.

Several whimpers echoing were what brought her back to the present circumstance. Her thoughts had been running wild with questions and resentment; she ever only noticed that she was scowling at the two grey-haired individuals.

But as soon as she heard the sniffles, whimpers, and muffled cries around her, she realized that the truth was out. Quickly, her eyes landed on her family, and then to Abby and Jake, and then lastly, Lexa.

Lexa was gazing at her with solemn, incredulous wonder like she couldn’t believe what she was finally hearing and yet relieved that everything her Omega had been telling her was true. _That her Clarke’s soul was back. And that she could finally be with her this time._

Abby and Jake were a sobbing mess, barely able to hold themselves upright let alone run and hold Clarke just as they wanted to. The older group of friends were not faring any better.

Aryan and Shenan were surprised to see the Elders, recognizing one of them, and they cried with joy. They’d always known from the beginning that their daughter was different, that she was special. And even though it's confirmed that their child’s soul used to belong to another family and friends, they couldn’t be any prouder to be a part of the reason that Clarke’s soul was back. She may be theirs biologically, but her soul was bigger than any facts out there.

And so, as they’d always done before, knowing how special their daughter was, they gave her to the world with the hopes that the universe saw her sacrifice and give her back the chance she never had before. Aryan and Shenan were the first to get on their knees and bow before Clarke.

Kalel smiled at his older sister and bowed as well. And then the domino effect—thousands of people bowed before Clarke, all but Lexa.

“Clarke?” Lexa whispered through a shudder, tears had long streamed down her beautiful face.

Just as Clarke was about to respond, a commanding yet soothing voice interrupted her. “Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.” Clarke and Lexa’s attentions were immediately on the Elders. “We know you may have questions. And we understand how you feel. If you wish to speak with us now, we must go.” The Elder lady paused and suddenly shifted into her grey wolf, and not a second later, the Elder man too.

The two grey wolves nodded to her and quickly ran off in one direction, the crowd scrambling to disperse and make way.

Clarke grasped the need for privacy but also slightly panicked, not wanting to miss the chance to speak with them. She swiftly turned back to Lexa with the promise of her return. “I will be back, Heda.”

Clarke’s eyes glowed red, and then she was off.  
  


* * *

**15 years ago today**

* * *

There was this blaring noise still in her head. She finally managed to ignore it, _mute it_ , so she could remain attentive to her girlfriend.

“Clarke? Wake up,” a soft, unconsciously urgent, whisper.

“I’m here, Clarke. You just need to open your eyes. I’m right here beside you, my love,” Lexa whispered once more, tucking a loose blonde lock behind her beloved’s ear.

She didn’t understand. Everybody that drew their wolf out got to Clarke’s side in record time before she did. She was sure they were able to do something. _Abby and Jake were the first to get here._

“Abby? Clarke is cold. We should take her home.” Lexa looked up innocently from where she was lying next to Clarke, holding her underneath the large jacket that was placed over her naked body.

Lexa’s eyes were slightly red. _Clarke was still sleeping,_ and all the crying faces around them was beginning to unsettle her.

Abby sat on the other side by Clarke’s head, limp and motionless as she only stared lifelessly at her girlfriend. Her own nomon was crying, supporting Abby’s weight behind her. Her nontu looked at her with sadness in his eyes as he kneeled beside Jake’s sobbing, bowing form—by Abby’s feet—as he held on, stroking the back of Clarke’s hand.

“Abby?” Lexa called again. _Surely, Abby was just tired from making sure Clarke survived that fall and deadly song._

Lexa looked at Clarke again, her right forearm feeling the pins and needles from having supported Clarke’s head as soon as she lay beside her. Her other hand moved across Clarke’s defined abs, feeling the sticky mud Clarke’s wolf may have stuck on her belly while running on all four paws.

“Clarke still has wet mud all over her. We have to get her cleaned up and on her bed, so she doesn’t wake up feeling gross.” Lexa once again looked at her parents and future parents with expectant eyes. But it made them sob harder, causing her face to form a frown.

Suddenly, a hand was stroking her head, she looked up to see Octavia kneeling beside her nape, effectively supporting the weight she had been holding up. As she had been perching on her right elbow, trying to get Clarke to wake up and make sure everything was alright.

“Okay, Lex.” Octavia choked as a new set of tears fell from her eyes too. “Let’s clean Clarke up huh? And then we’ll build her a comfortable bed to rest on.”

“What are you talking about? She has a bed at home.” Lexa frowned.

“Sweetheart,” Gustus cooed as he settled beside Octavia on his knees too. “Come here.” He held out his hand for his daughter to take.

Lexa shook her head. “Why is no one trying to help Clarke up? She’s okay. Why are you all crying?”

“Lexa, listen to your wolf.” Her father tried again. His eyes clearly pleading for her to listen.

And she did. She doesn’t hear her wolf as loud and clear as Clarke could. She was a strong Omega but she had yet to present. She could only hear its soft murmurs when she chooses to. And as her nontu ordered her to do it, Lexa cleared her mind and listened. The blaring noise returned, and it was almost deafening. Lexa’s instinctive response was to cover her ears, and she did. Her left hand went straight to her left ear while she covered her right with Clarke’s cold forehead.

“What is that?” Lexa asked with a loud voice. The harsh and anguished sound never muffled.

“It must be your wolf wailing, little one.” Gustus’s trembling lips managed to form a sad smile.

“What, why?”

Octavia held her hand—the one covering her ear—gently trying to pry it off. Lexa looked at her, scowling as if to say she wasn’t helping.

“Look, Lex.” Octavia gestured to her hand, and she stopped fighting her, immediately regretting the lack of protection from that angry noise, no matter how ineffective her covering from earlier was.

Octavia gently held out Lexa’s hand in front of her, and Lexa’s brows furrowed at the sticky, dark red liquid she had thought to be mud earlier. And then that blaring, deafening noise became clear. It was an agonized cry, a wail her wolf had been making ever since they heard the shots fired, and Clarke fell on the ground.

An incredulous, extended gasp crossed Lexa’s lips. She quickly looked back at Clarke’s pale face. And slowly, she pulled the top part of the coat covering Clarke’s body, revealing her torso. The respectful mourners had politely looked away, sensing what Lexa was about to do. Raven moved quickly to cover her own jacket over Clarke’s breasts, exposing only what she realized what Lexa needed to see to believe that _Clarke is dead._

Lexa’s eyes began to tear uncontrollably as they scanned Clarke’s body. Blood was all over her stomach and chest. There were closing scratches on one side of her body, a gaping hole on the other side just below her breast, another hole on Clarke’s shoulder, and the third hole, partially covered by Raven’s jacket, was dangerously situated in the middle of her chest. _Where_ _Lexa’s heart was residing too_.

“No.” The single word finally escaped her lips.

“Clarke! _Nononono! No!_ _No!”_ She removed her arm and pulled herself up so she could kneel beside her girlfriend.

“My love.” She brought both hands to either side of Clarke’s face and checked for pulse and breathing. She panicked, even more, when there weren’t any.

“Baby, you’re going to be okay. I’m right here, wake up.” She swiftly straddled Clarke’s stomach and positioned both hands as she locked her elbows to start her chest compressions.

“One one thousand”

“Two one thousand”

“Three one thousand”

“Abby help”

“Five one thousand”

“Six one thousand”

“Seve—”

A hand grasped both hers tightly. She looked up and felt relief when she saw it was Abby. She moved to get off of Clarke so Abby could take her place. But her relief instantly died when Abby only shook her head.

The older Omega looked down at her daughter again and moved her trembling lips to kiss Clarke’s forehead.

“Abby, what are you doing?” Lexa vaguely realized her father had wrapped both his arms around her body, effectively immobilizing her. “Abby, please, you’re the doctor! You know there’s no room for waiting when—”

Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw Abby touching Jake’s shoulder, urging him to be by their daughter’s side as well. The Alpha nodded though he was still sobbing incessantly.

“Jake! You do it! Clarke needs CPR!”

“Little one, shhh.” Her nontu cooed as her nomon moved to the other side to be with them.

Becca locked Lexa’s head in her arm, letting her daughter's head rest against her chest as she kissed the top of it.

All three of them and everyone else around, whom Lexa didn’t have the mind to recognize yet, stared at the Griffins as they kneeled beside their daughter, showering her with kisses and sweet whispers.

When they stopped, they had apparently gathered enough will to begin their farewell.

“In peace, may you leave the shore.”

“No. Please, no.” Lexa sobbed, trying but failing to remove herself from her mother’s embrace and her father’s grip.

“In love, may you find the next.”

“Please… Don’t. Help her. Anyone!” Lexa was completely thrashing, overcoming her parent’s combined soothing pheromones.

“Safe passage on your travels.”

“Octavia! Raven! Anya! DO SOMETHING!” She frantically looked around, at the random faces she still couldn’t recognize in her state.

“Until our final journey on the ground.”

“Please…”

“May we meet again.”

“Clarke…”

“Yu gonplei ste odon _[Your fight is over],”_ Becca and Gustus added solemnly.

“No…” Lexa sobbed defeatedly as she held on to her mother for dear life.

* * *

Lexa woke up with a start. There was blissful ignorance for one moment. Little did she know that blissful ignorance the moment she wakes up would be the only guaranteed, albeit brief, peace of her waking hours, of her daily life, for many years to come.

She looked to her left and saw her mother sleeping soundly beside her. When she looked around, she saw her father in her room too, looking over some papers by her table.

“Nontu?” Lexa’s voice croaked.

“Lexa.” Gustus immediately strode and perched on his daughter’s bed.

It was only then that sweet blissful ignorance faded, and reality stepped in.

And she sobbed once more, effectively waking her mother up, who was quick to wrap her in her arms again.

…

“Lexa, sweetheart. There will be a pyre later this evening.” Gustus gently brought it to his daughter’s attention.

Lexa was just lying on her mother’s lap, still on her bed, numb and out of tears.

…

“Do you want to carry this, ai hod in?” Becca cooed, presenting a stuffed animal to her daughter.

Lexa gazed at the toy. “Leo,” she whispered before taking it into her hands.

She only just remembered she took this from Clarke’s room nearly two months ago because she had missed her girlfriend, whom she wasn't going to be seeing until three weeks later when she would join and assist Clarke on her Emotional training. The final week of which was when they first and last made love.

_Last._

Lexa whimpered again, and the tears were back.

She quickly embraced the toy, hoping to catch the scent of her beloved, just as she had done in those weeks Clarke was away. And as if the universe decided to take one last pity on her, she did catch the very last of the aroma. But in one long sniff, it was gone. _Like her beloved._

And she continued crying as her father took her in his arms, carrying her on his hip as he had when she was so much smaller. And just as she did when she was a sleepy, scared, or hurt pup, she curled into the side of her father’s neck, face resting and hidden partially behind his long beard. There now, she hid from her pain _but with her pain_ , until she was numb and out of tears again.

…

“My darling.” A warm lady suddenly engulfed her in a hug.

The lady pulled away and looked at her dearly with her own eyes puffy and red. “She will always, always be with you.”

“Helena?” Lexa whispered and looked around herself, wondering how and when she got outside her house.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Have you seen—” And she gasped.

Helena realized the supposed question and the sudden halt. “I have my dear.” Helena engulfed her once more in a warm but loose hug. “She was beautiful. She’s at peace.”

Tears began forming both their eyes, as Becca quietly sobbed beside her husband. It was painful enough, losing one daughter physically, and now she was about to lose another, mentally. They’d watched their daughter drift in and out of consciousness. Although she was wide awake since after her nap hours ago, her mind and heart were understandably taking turns at shutting down. She cries her whole heart out, becomes numb, and goes about things mindlessly. And that cycle went on and had been going on for over 13 hours.

“Clarke is at peace, my darling.” Helena’s breath shuddered as her tears continued flowing. And she let it all out without hesitation to show Lexa it was okay to cry her heart out and to let her soulmate go to wherever she was meant to go.

“Clarke’s spirit will go on, as should you, my dear. She will be with us. And she is going to watch over us, to watch over _you_. Death is not the end, my dear. And I just know that wherever Clarke is right now, she is just waiting patiently for you when it is your time. So, until then, you have to make her proud. Live your life as she had always wanted you to.” Helena began nodding at Lexa as if to make her see the point. “You know that right?”

And it worked because Lexa did nod. She gradually internalized every single word that was said to her. Helena was the first person to directly tell her that her beloved was gone. And she was the only person to make her see it in a way that she knew Clarke would approve.

“But it’s hard.” She finally croaked.

“It will be. Which is why, we will suffer together, _all of us,_ ” Becca answered as she lowered a little so she was at Lexa’s eye level.

“Believe me when we say, sweetheart. We will get through this together,” Gustus continued and pointed his chin a little over Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa looked and saw her friends heading her way, bereaved, and as exhausted as she was. All dispirited, some of them hanging on to each other, most of them holding on to their mothers and fathers. All of them sporting one other thing in common—red-rimmed eyes.

“Heda Indra, Jake, and Abby are still out there, shall we?” Aurora asked them with a soft, tired voice. She smiled gently at Lexa before returning her attention to her son and daughter, who were braving it together, holding each other’s hands as they led the way towards the pyre.

* * *

“My dear, we are so sorry for your loss.” That lady she recognized to be the owner of that metal shop looked at her earnestly. _She knew her name… what was it again?_

Lexa continued to wonder as she passed through the crowd with her parents.

“So many brave souls.”

“Hofli de keryon shoun raun emo. _[May the spirits guide them.]”_

“Ha ste Heda Indra? _[How is Heda Indra?]”_

“Du trana gyon op nodotaim _[She’s trying to get back up.]”_

“We could’ve done more.”

“Ste de wor odon? _[Is the war over?]”_

“Sha. _[Yes.]”_

“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim. _[Get knocked down, get back up.]”_

“How could Azgeda do this?!”

“There are still more of them. We will kill them all.”

“Jok emo! _[Fuck them!]”_

“Heda will wage war.”

“She was so young.”

“Nomon, Clarke really can’t play with us anymore?”

The voices that overlapped each other were filled with anger and sorrow, mainly. It was suffocating as she heard them left and right of her as she and her parents walked through the crowd towards somewhere Lexa still didn’t know where led to.

It wasn’t until the last voice that it finally registered to her. The voice was familiar but she still couldn’t tell who’s who; she just knew it was a little girl’s voice. And then the longingness engulfed her again. The idea was there but she could not put a name to the thought.

And it didn't help how she randomly looked around for her. How when she has a thought and seeks out that one person’s ears; or how she just feels as if something was missing beside her; or she realizes she missed Clarke’s scent, voice, presence. And then like clockwork, she starts looking for her only to remember that _something happened_.

_Something happened why Clarke couldn’t play with that child anymore._

Then they were through the last line of the crowd, and she was faced with a large funeral pyre with hundreds of bodies lying on it. There were two separate ones at the front. Beside one of them was Indra holding her pup, Gaia, as they looked over Nyko’s body. And on the other was Abby and Jake, and they were hunched over, looking down at a blonde girl.

 _“Alpha…”_ Her wolf whimpered. It had been a while since she last heard anything from her wolf.

Instinctively, Lexa’s feet marched to where Abby and Jake had been the whole day.

Needless to say, her mind carried on with its funny state. Lexa was smiling as she got closer and saw her Clarke. _Her beautiful sleeping Alpha._

Clarke’s sleeping form was surrounded by aesthetically messy intertwined twigs, creating a nest for her. While tiny daisies intricately adorned her free-flowing, golden waves.

Clarke was wearing Lexa’s favorite of the Alpha’s few dresses. It was a white halter, sleeveless, backless, and high-low floral dress. She remembered vividly how Harper described that dress to her because the first time she saw her Alpha wearing it, she couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. It was Lexa's birthday. And though Clarke wasn’t too fond of wearing dresses, she only did so to make Lexa's day extra special, and for the bigger part of it, to completely win her over again. They had only just made up after Clarke’s irrational jealousy over Lexa’s friendship with the gorgeous Alpha daughter of Chief Wiscon kom Delphi. She remembered how glad Clarke was with the decision to wear it because, during the whole event, Lexa wouldn’t stop showing her off to everyone despite her being the celebrant. Clarke confessed to her how it was to try and make Lexa see how beautiful she can be also. Lexa scoffed at her and kissed her passionately, completely disregarding the fact that they were surrounded by hundreds of guests. When the kiss was over, they hugged, and cheek to cheek, she felt the muscles in Clarke’s face form. “ _Please tell me you’re not smugly glaring at Madison right now?”_ And again, she felt the facial muscles relax and knew Clarke was guilty by the Alpha’s audible gulp that resonated against her shoulder. Clarke’s incorrigible silliness made her laugh heartily as she pulled back and playfully pushed Clarke’s face away with her hand.

And just like the memory, Lexa laughed too in remembrance. She hadn’t really realized the tears that were flowing down her cheeks, but she was genuinely laughing. Becca and Gustus were quickly beside her but before they could console her she raised a hand. Jake and Abby were intently looking at their honorary daughter from the other side too.

“Can’t I stay beside her?” Lexa asked while caressing the Alpha’s face.

Jake was standing opposite to her when he, too, caressed Clarke’s forehead. “I asked Abby the same, and she wanted the same thing. You’ll have to get in line, Lex.” Jake’s blue eyes landed on her green just as Lexa faced him.

“But Clarke would be pissed at us if we stayed beside her throughout the ceremony,” Jake continued.

“You do remember the last time she was angry with us right?” Abby added, resting her chin on Jake’s shoulder as she, too, gazed lovingly at her daughter and then at Lexa. “She sulked for days.”

Lexa shook her head. “She was angry with me yesterday, and I never had the chance to— to tell her.” Lexa was stuttering now but she had to continue. “She asked me if I wanted her to be my mate, and I never got the chance to tell her my answer. I never got to say I love her back. I never got the chance to say— say goodbye.”

Both parents hunched closer to Lexa now with Abby and Jake holding the hand that was resting on Clarke’s face.

“She loved you, my dear, and she knew that you love her too. What the Elders told her got to her head but she knew. I bet she knew even to her last breath.” Abby’s voice trembled at the last words. “That she was thinking about you, and she knew that you love her too.”

“Sweetheart, the days ahead of us will undoubtedly be difficult. We might blame ourselves for many things that we thought had gone wrong because of us. Our wolves will thrash. Our minds will want to shut down. Our hearts will continue to shatter. But my dear, be kind to yourself,” Jake pleaded. “I promise you, it’s what Clarke would’ve wanted.”

Lexa understood every word but she was tired. For the whole day, she’d heard words of encouragement, and she appreciated them for a good few seconds before she got eaten whole by oblivion again.

There was a flurry of people coming over to her beloved’s bed. She stayed throughout it, just staring deeply into her Alpha’s sleeping face.

 _“You are so beautiful, Clarke,”_ she would whisper every once in a while.

It had been silent for some time, the mourners around them patiently waited for the grieving leaders, waiting for Lexa. The people already had their turns at saying goodbye to Clarke, Nyko, and all the other lost brave souls before Lexa arrived. And their close friends and family were the last ones to see them.

Lexa vaguely realized her father whispering to her, “You must say your goodbyes now, little one.”

She looked around and saw the faces waiting faithfully for her. Realization dawned on her that this would be the last time she got to see and hold Clarke. Her tear ducts had been generous again, and she sobbed until she felt numb again.

…

_What did I say to her?_

Lexa wondered as she watched helplessly at the angry flame almost half the height of the Polis tower.

She knew she whispered words to her beloved’s ear before her father kissed her head and carried her back to where her nomon, Abby, and Jake were waiting patiently for her. But she couldn’t remember.

At the soothing crackling of woods engulfed by fire, accompanied by the cool breeze, she remembered.

_“Wait for me, my love. Wherever you are, wait for me? I’ll have enough words, enough proof to show you how much I love you. Just wait, wherever you are…”_

“…I will be with you soon,” Lexa finished her thoughts. She knew her family heard. And she was glad none of them tried to oppose her.

…

“I don’t know how to be without her,” Lexa whispered as she continued to watch the flame reduced in intensity.

There were no more complete structures before them; no proof of beds made from intertwined twigs; no bodies that once belonged to kind, brave souls.

And no more breathtaking face, reassuring ocean blue eyes, cheeky smiles, golden halo illuminated by golden hair. No more soothing purrs and enticing scent. No more funny faces and silly dances for when she’s upset. No more sweet gestures for absolutely no reason. No more heated arguments and loving makeups. No more perfect combination of hoarse, angelic laughter. No more warm, protective arms to wrap around her when she feels scared or insecure. No more hushed conversations and soulful whispers into the starry night sky. No more promises for tomorrow.

“You don’t have to be that, Clarke will live on through you,” Gustus answered as he continued to gently pat his daughter’s back.

“I still don’t know what that means,” Lexa admitted, eyes never leaving the dancing flames.

“It means Clarke’s spirit is with us. The memories, the feelings, the love she left behind are within us, and therefore, she is alive in spirit,” Becca answered, kissing Lexa’s head.

Lexa considered it seriously. “Then what does it mean that she will watch over us?”

“It means wherever Clarke is—whatever afterlife belief it may be—we must take comfort that she is still out there. Watching over us. That she will give us the strength to carry on with our life. And that she will be there, immediately, to welcome us when it is time to meet her again.”

“I really want to meet her again. Soon.”

Becca was still looking for an answer, to make her daughter see and have hope to continue on with life even without Clarke. She looked at Gustus for help but before he could answer, someone beside them cleared their throat.

“I am sorry for your loss.” A young brunette lady looked at Gustus and Becca before her eyes landed on Lexa. “And I am sorry that it is because of that that myself, my mate, and my child get to live. I think it would be inappropriate to say thank you to that but please know that we will eternally be grateful to the Prime Alpha. Because of her, life goes on, and new life gets to have a chance.” The lady’s eyes smiled, though sadly, as her hand went to the big bump on her belly. “I shall teach my child the values Prime Alpha has taught us. We owe our lives to her, and we shall repay by being your faithful servants, Lexa kom Trikru. However, you may need us.”

Lexa’s eyes followed the movement of the pregnant lady’s hand around her tummy. _Clarke made this happen._ And that tugged a sensible part in her. She somehow felt a renewed strength even with her entire world crumbling within her, just as how her nomon explained only moments ago.

She was born and taught to be a diplomat. And even with how destructed her world was right now, she still managed to produce the simplest form of diplomacy. She stood a little taller and nodded at the Beta woman in acknowledgment, silently thanking her for her kind words.

The lady nodded to her as well. When the lady’s mate came to take her someplace else, Lexa’s eyes returned to the dying flame.

“You continue to inspire, my love.” Lexa smiled sadly at the ashes that once stood her beloved’s bed.

And that was enough for Becca and Gustus to believe that their daughter would find a way to continue on even without Clarke physically. Though reassured, the thought itself continued to break their hearts for their daughter and for Clarke.

When the fires completely died, Indra moved towards Gustus’s family. Becca was about to console her widowed friend when all of a sudden she dropped to her knees before Lexa.

“I know you are young, but you are strong, Lexa kom Trikru. For many years, Nyko and I saw images in our slumber, how you and Clarke were supposed to lead our people. Even unpresented, you are the most powerful Omega in the coalition. And now that my mate is gone, it is time to pass on the crown. Though heavy, I know you are capable of carrying it with your chin up. And we will faithfully be with you as you rule, Heda Lexa kom Trikru.”

And with that, the rest kneeled before her.

Lexa stood tall as she took the responsibility. She’d always known she would be this someday. Her equivalent training to that of the Prime Alpha’s told her so. It was in their coalition’s law that the Omega would take precedence but she’d always thought that by birthright as the Prime, it would be Clarke taking the foremost lead. But apparently, the law would have what it demanded. Clarke was no longer here, and her people needed her. And just as the pregnant lady said, she, too, would live and lead with Clarke’s values.

_It may take a while before we meet again, my love._

* * *

_“I shall teach my child the values Prime Alpha has taught us._ ”

He could hear his mate now and continued following the sound of her voice. Her scent would’ve helped but the dense population in the meadow was not helping.

 _“We owe our lives to her, and we shall repay by being your faithful servants, Lexa kom Trikru. However you may need us._ ”

He finally found her and saw just then, his mate caressing their child in her womb while she bowed before the Prime Alpha’s Omega, Lexa kom Trikru. He was by his mate’s side in a moment, bowing to Lexa and her parents before guiding his mate out of the crowd. It took some time, owing to the fact that there were thousands of them.

Once they were in the safety of the woods, with fewer people gathering, he finally got his mate to sit on a fallen trunk and kneeled before her as he unpacked his bag to retrieve the food he had left his wife momentarily for.

“You had me so worried, Aryan. Here, please eat now. Our pup is hungry.” Twenty-three-year-old Shenan offered the dry meat and moved his hand to caress her belly.

“I had to offer our condolences, ai hod in. I also wanted to show our appreciation for the chance we are given,” twenty-two-year-old Aryan answered after swallowing her first bite.

“I know, ai houmon _[my wife (husband)]_. Please just eat for now, and I will make a quick shelter. You must sleep. We did not stop riding because you wanted to be here for this. Are you sure you do not want to visit the Skaikru doctors? You made me rush the horse on our travel, what if our child is hurting in there.” Shenan looked up worriedly, a pout forming on his lips.

It made Aryan giggle. “I am alright, and I am sure our child is too.”

Shenan huffed exasperatedly. He was desperate to have his wife and child checked. But he didn’t want to upset her as it would potentially hurt their pup as well.

“Perhaps, I can help?” an old voice offered warmly.

Both young Beta parents looked up and saw an elderly lady coming their way. She didn’t seem alarming and the young Betas were quick to trust her by the calm scent she naturally exuded.

The old lady slowly sat by Aryan’s feet. With raised hands, she looked at her for permission. When Aryan nodded, the old lady began her gentle prodding.

“Your child is healthy and apparently, excited,” the old lady offered.

That got the parents to look at her curiously. “You can feel him?” Shenan asked.

The old lady smiled and nodded. “Yes, though it is a she. But an Alpha.”

Their ears perked even more. They’d heard of healers or crones predicting a pup’s gender and expected presentation but they’d only ever met one. Today. They knew of Skaikru technology, how images could show a gender but the poking of needle and examination of womb fluid could tell the exact, expected presentation. And though this was no Skaikru result, the old lady’s news somehow warranted complete credence to the Beta parents.

Aryan laughed joyfully with tears in her eyes as Shenan sat beside her on the trunk, contentedly holding her in his arms. It didn’t matter what their child’s presentation was going to be. But the mental picture the old lady gave them, made them happy and excited even more about their pregnancy.

“I have my little home close by. It is safe, and you can rest better. The more comfortable you will be, the better for your pup, especially with your delivery coming close,” the old lady offered and got up.

The couple followed the lady to her home. It was small but truly pleasant, oddly giving them a complete sense of security.

Later on, they’d learned that the old lady lived alone. And so, they took her offer to stay with her just until the pup was delivered and the little family had enough strength to go home.

And then, they’d learned her kindness didn’t mean they should pry. As the old lady only answered them with wise words, and occasionally, cleverly returning to them the questions they’d asked with an added wit that allowed them to answer the questions themselves.

Later on, their child was born. Beautiful, fine light hair, fair complexion, a dimpled chin with a tiny mole above her lip, and as the old lady had predicted, a female Alpha.

The new parents smiled and cooed with tears in their eyes when the old lady expressed her thoughts. “Your pup is one of a kind. Today would’ve been the natal day of Clarke Griffin. If they shared the same birthdays, your pup would do incredible things.”

The parents smiled appreciatively at the old lady.

Aryan meant what she said to Heda Lexa kom Trikru. They were very grateful to her and to her late Alpha. When news got to them that Lexa had become Heda, they were even more humbled to be her servants. They knew Lexa had all the help she could need, but they knew that no matter what, they would do their part in serving her. Maybe not now but certainly whenever they may be needed.

And to honor her and her late Alpha, Aryan whispered a name. A name for the two brave souls that never got a real chance. A name that would stand for them, for the hope of new life, for the hope of a chance again, whatever that chance may be.

“Clarke,” Aryan whispered.

And suddenly, for the first time, lids opened and light blue eyes stared back at the two parents. And then they realized they'd made the right choice.

As soon as the pup woke, she started crying immediately. The inner Beta wolves cooed at having created life. It was as if the wolves also felt how incredibly important this day was. How important their little pup was regardless of the fact that the pup was theirs. No. There were some innate workings that only their wolves knew of that neither Aryan nor Shenan had conscious access to yet. But they could feel it, Aryan and Shenan knew their child was nothing like other pups. But they didn’t consciously know why.

For many days, their pup would not stop crying. She only ever stopped when she was tired or hungry. The Beta parents panicked but they still had that sense of security through the old lady. She had remained quiet but supportive of the new family. And on the third day, the old lady offered to take the pup out for fresh air. As soon as the baby was in her arms, she quieted. It felt like a miracle to the pup Alpha’s parents. They both wanted to go out with their baby but the old lady made them stay and take the time to rest. They were wary but they listened. They watched through the windows as the old lady sat on the chair a few yards from her house, her back to them, as she gently swung her arms to soothe the cradled pup. Shenan made Aryan sleep as he continued to observe his newborn pup, making sure the old lady and Clarke were safe. The wolf within him alert for any other movement in their surroundings.

“I am sorry I did not come to you sooner,” the old lady whispered to the baby. “You were undergoing a new change, and I needed you to let it all out. And your new parents are wary of me; your new father is currently watching us as we speak.” The old lady whispered light-heartedly as if they were gossiping conspiracies.

The newborn pup simply looked back at her, and the Elder lady sighed. “Prime Alpha, blink if you understand.” And then blue eyes disappeared a nanosecond before they returned.

“You died a week and 3 nights ago, and now you are reborn as a new being. Your destiny is yet to be fulfilled but you must stay hidden. For if you tell them who you are, before your presentation fifteen years from now, you might as well have sentenced your friends, family, your people, and _Lexa_ to their deaths. Be patient, Prime, you will be with them soon and you will be happy again. But you have to live this new life as if it was your first time. Blink if you truly understand.” The Elder lady waited, and the newborn in her arms whimpered but blinked and solemnly looked straight into her eyes.

_And no one but her had ever seen such anguish portrayed in young innocent eyes._

Later on, the pup stopped crying and only did so to communicate she needed something. And the new parents were relieved at the change.

Later on, the parents realized the old lady was gone and was never coming back. And so, they packed up their own things and left, knowing it wasn’t right to overstay their welcome. They only wished they’d see the old lady again and thank her for the many gifts she had given them—the tangible and intangible ones.

* * *

Two years later, Clarke was two. She loved her parents but she would so often look up at the night sky and wish her other parents were safe and doing well without her.

She wished she could be there to make sure they took care of themselves in their growing age.

It was Abby’s birthday; she’d just turned 41. Her father would be 43.

Clarke woke up that morning and on her bed, she mustered as best she could in her two-year-old tongue, “Happy Birthday, Mom. I hope you’re taking care of yourself. I really miss you. I love you.”

And then she was up and out of the room, looking for her nomon and nontu. She saw them by their dining table with huge smiles on their faces as her nontu bent to pick her up and sit her down on her high chair.

“Oso don omi en banana gon leidon, strikon. Ste yu enti? _[We have chicken and banana for later, little one. Are you hungry?]”_ Her nomon cooed as she rubbed her nose against Clarke’s.

“Sha, nomon!” Clarke responded eagerly. She loved them genuinely but she had to play her part as their toddler daughter.

* * *

Another two years later, Clarke was four, and she observed her parents and realized they were hiding something from her. But she shrugged it off and asked if they could go to the market and get some more paper she could draw on.

But they told her they couldn’t yet. Clarke only pouted and acquiesced.

Later that evening her parents sat her down.

“Heda Lexa hkom oso mated en de kongeda ste gid. _[Commander Lexa has mated and the coalition is celebrating.]”_

Aryan quickly wrapped her daughter in her arms, knowing what was coming.

Clarke wailed, and they both got on their knees, submitting to their daughter. Clarke struggled to keep control, seeing her parents kneeling before her again was something she promised she’d never do again, intentionally or not.

The first time it happened was because a disgusting excuse for an Alpha came into their home banging Shenan’s head against the wall over and over again, whilst trying to suffocate them with his fetid pheromones. When he was done with Shenan, he then tried to push Aryan to the ground and made her present. Clarke was just playing outside when she heard the commotion and rushed in.

She was three years old when she revealed what she could do. She blasted the Alpha with her pheromone, making everyone else in the room submit. She had yet to adjust her new body to what their wolf could actually do, and it would take practice. Something she was only starting to get used to again.

While submitting, because she loved her parents, they were safe from her wrath. But as she hated the man that almost completely violated her nomon and nontu—and as there was always a fine line between making someone she hates just submit to her and actually killing them—she had unintentionally killed the Alpha. Although her effect took much longer than it would be if she were in her wolf form.

Needless to say, they were astonished but it was a rather fleeting stun. They immediately wrapped her in their arms and thanked her for saving them. They told her that she was special, but also begged her not to do anything like that again, not wanting their pup to lose any more of her innocence at such a young age. But from then on, they started working to teach her the values of the Prime Alpha from whatever they’d heard and learned about her. The idea that their daughter was the next Prime Alpha never crossed their minds. It was simply the idea—the thought ingrained in them by the old lady from Polis—that their daughter was special, and she could do incredible things.

And knowing Clarke, how she would always ask updates about the Heda, it occurred to them that Clarke was interested in the commander, even though she had never met nor seen her before. It was another coincidence they realized, especially as her namesake was the love of Heda’s life. But they tolerated this with their pup, engaging her in conversations about the coalition, about Skaikru, about Polis, about Heda.

Their suspicion was solidified whenever Clarke’s pale cheeks would glow into a rosy one whenever they talked about the love story of Lexa and Clarke. And much more so when they'd told her of one event that apparently had a wrong detail and Clarke was quick to correct them.

Clarke would panic a little, realizing her mistake, but her parents simply agreed without commenting on her slip up and told her they must have heard it wrong. Clarke sensed her parents knew something, but she was glad they never questioned.

Of course, Shenan and Aryan noticed; it was the first of many inklings they had that their daughter might be the reincarnation of the late Prime Alpha.

So when they heard that Heda had finally mated, they debated whether to tell her or not. But as the news quickly spread in their village, they knew it was best that their daughter heard it from them. Who knows who might get blasted had she heard it from another. Their daughter’s safety would’ve been compromised.

“Ai hod in, chil au daun, _[My love, calm down,]”_ Aryan pleaded through clenched teeth. Being in submission, it was always hard to let words out. But her maternal instincts kicked in and fought to protect her pup from this heartache.

When Clarke managed to calm her wolf, she continued doing so whilst crying her heart out at the same time. Her parents broke free from her submission and held her close until she was quiet and spent.

“De hedon biyo a Heda souda nou hed op soulon. Ba Heda Lexa don hod Clarke Griffin tona, em throu daun gon yiron taim emo tel op em gon fig au Alpha. Ba en’s krei tofon gon ste Heda en gon hed op soulon. Ai get in em wkom oso a tofon sad gon Heda ba em had gon, gon osir, gon de kongeda. _[The law said a Heda should not lead alone. But Heda Lexa loved Clarke Griffin so much, she fought for years when they told her to find an Alpha. But it is extremely difficult to be Heda and to lead alone. I know it was a difficult decision for Heda but she had to, for us, for the coalition.]”_ Shenan explained.

Clarke’s crying died down but her shuddering breaths were still present as she internalized the explanation. She knew what the law stated. She knew that Heda Nyko and Heda Indra truly had difficulty in leading the coalition. That if it weren’t for the constant support of her parents and the other chiefs, they’d have an unimaginable life of pure exhaustion and zero lack of adversities.

And Clarke realized then, how unfair she was being to her Omega. She was the one who died. She was the one being mourned. Nobody knew she lived except for the Elders and perhaps even her new parents. She knew first-hand—from those awful simulations set up for her by her Sedas—how anguished she was at the simulated death of her Omega. Her world crumbled and her wolf thrashed. It scarred her psychologically each time, and though she healed, she always had the fact that Lexa was alive and well.

But Lexa didn’t have that. To Lexa, her Alpha was dead.

So Clarke stopped crying and only wished that Lexa was at least happy and safe with her new Alpha. She learned later that her name was Costia. A name she remembered vividly, the name of the person that enthusiastically and honorably declared to watch over her and her loved ones when she became a full-fledged warrior. She hoped that Costia kept her word.

Later that night, she lay still on her bed. Knowing her parents were very much asleep on theirs, she whispered, “I forgive you, my love. I hope you are safe. I hope you are happy. And if we meet again, I will do my best not to make things difficult for you and to keep you safe. I love you. Sweet dreams, my love.”

* * *

A year later, Clarke was five. And she loved the pups she got to play with but she wished they were as smart as her old friends. Her old friends would be in their 20s by now, and she was stuck in a five-year-old body.

She almost always tried to escape the other pups to talk to much older people. They always found her amusing to be listening so eagerly in their conversations and sometimes putting her two cents in.

Ever since she was a toddler, people have commented on how mature she seemed for her age by the way she acted around other pups. And she had to constantly remind herself that she had to play it down if she was meant to live as a pup and not the young adult her mind and soul actually were.

So, she would return to the field and play with the other little ones. Other times, she would climb trees. And after several times proving to her parents that she was exceptionally good at climbing and keeping her balance, she was allowed to continue doing so as long as she didn’t get to any branches taller than her nontu.

She agreed enthusiastically. It was her escape. There, she could reminisce about her old life. There, she could wonder about and whisper to her family and friends. There, she and her Alpha could work on their new body. And there, she would fantasize and hope for another chance to see everyone again.

* * *

One year later, Clarke was six. And she was allowed to spar with her best friend, Jero. Jero was her favorite pup of all. Not only did they grow up in close homes but Jero was the most mature of her other young friends. Given, he was two years older physically. But like her, he loved to read. He so often shared his books and chronicles written in Trigedasleng. The only thing that frustrated Clarke was that she had to pretend to read slowly because when she finished a page, she'd have to wait for Jero to finish his before she could turn her attention to the next one.

Jero would also talk to her as if he was talking to an adult. And Clarke loved him for that. They would banter, yes, but unlike her other friends, Jero seemed to know how to treat Clarke in a way she silently asked for every day.

Little did she know, Jero was approached by an old man who told him that he needed to guide Clarke and be like a ‘bida bro _[Big brother]'_ to her.

One day, Jero let her borrow a book so she could read at home. When she returned it in two days, he never asked if Clarke had finished it. He just gave her another one later that afternoon. When Clarke explained herself that she couldn't put the book down and that’s how she managed to finish it early, Jero simply shrugged and told her that she was a smart pup so he wasn’t surprised at all.

After that, Jero was a big part of her comfort zone; with him, she only had to act minimally. It was only a matter of holding off her tongue about her old self, or speaking in the old world’s tongue fluently, or not allowing her Alpha to show in any way: drawing her Alpha out, intentional pheromone waves, wolfing out her large white wolf.

It was also at this age that Clarke worked on her right hand. She thought it would help her in the field if she was ambidextrous. When she could fully spar with her right hand, she realized that no matter how small the detail, it was one change in her that could help conceal her true being. If she ever were to meet her friends and family again, she knew it would be difficult to hold herself back and be mindful of any slips.

And so at the same age, she trained to keep control should she meet them by chance. And she also practiced every day—in mind and tongue—her family and friends’ names with their titles.

_Chancellor Jake Griffin_

_Doctor Abby Griffin_

_Miss Reyes_

_Miss Blake_

_Chief Gustus_

_Scouts leader Lincoln_

_Heda Lexa_

_Heda Lexa_

_Heda Lexa_

* * *

Another year later, Clarke was seven going on eight, and her friends were getting sick. The sickness scare had been going on for weeks but it was only now that it finally reached Louwoda Kliron _[Shallow Valley]_. She worried, even more, when Jero started coughing hard and fell completely ill not a day later.

When Skaikru came to help, she hid in her house all day but peeked out the window, giddy, excited, anxious to see anyone she knew. She waited but no one came by.

That afternoon her parents told her that they would be taking her to the center for the shots. She learned that all the sick pups were already given their medicine and were being transported back to Polis as soon as the shots were given.

Clarke went with her parents but stopped in her tracks when she saw Abby. She’d hoped her mother would be among the Skaikru rescue team but she realized there was a fat chance at that, considering there were many places to visit and treat. Skaikru was spread out everywhere, setting up temporary sick bays, administering the first doses, and educating the people about the new flu.

But Abby was there, working, treating her people. Clarke's heart fluttered and tears started streaming down her face. Though stressed, her mother was so beautiful. And at that moment, all she wanted to do was run towards her and hug her waist, as she always did when she was a true pup almost two decades ago. She started running towards the village circle but stopped suddenly just behind a tree. She moved and had her back against the bark, and slowly, she sunk and cried against her pulled-up knees.

A moment later, she felt her nomon and nontu sitting either side of her, soothing her, as her nomon hummed her lullaby. She calmed in a minute or two.

“Ai nou gaf in gon don fis, _[I don’t want to have medicine,]”_ Clarke whispered in shuddering breaths.

“Yu souda don em, strikon. Ai get in yu ste meija ba yu ste gaf in em, _[You must have it, little one. I know you are special(important) but you still need it,]”_ Shenan answered.

“Ba ai laik nou haken. Ai nou ge haken. Beja, _[But I am not sick. I won’t get sick. Please,]”_ Clarke pleaded, looking up at her nontu and then at her nomon.

“Oso na as op oso fisa gon huk op em gon yu, ha hasta dei de? _[We can ask our healer to give it to you, how about that?]”_ Aryan offered.

Clarke quickly shook her head. She knew the Medical team will have a list of all the medicines given, and to whom they were given. Her mother was strict with inventory. She didn’t want any wastes or misuse of medicine.

“Nou, Ai nou gaf in gon. Ai nou ge haken, ai swega klin, _[No. I don’t want to. I won’t get sick, I promise,]”_ Clarke reasoned once more, and this time, she had unconsciously emitted anxious pheromone waves. And though it wasn’t a blast, her scent had always been strong so Aryan and Shenan quickly tried to soothe her again and give in to her wishes.

“Ait, ai get in yu na ste ku. Shh… _[Alright, I know you will be fine. Shh…]”_ Aryan started humming once more.

A couple of weeks later, Clarke had mild colds. She ignored it, the flu had an injurious effect on the pups; she thought she only had common colds. The mildness remained for a few more days but suddenly, Clarke was unconscious.

The next time her blue eyes opened, she was surrounded by familiar faces. Gradually, she was realizing that it wasn’t a dream. And when her eyes landed on beautiful green orbs, the owner of which was no longer thirteen, but a woman, lean and utterly gorgeous. When she scented her, she instantly recognized her Omega’s enticing scent. But besides that, she smelt another Alpha’s scent.

Her Alpha within had been swooning the whole time, but this realization made it snarl so loud Clarke jolted from her sleep-laden state. And it dawned on her then, the circumstance she was in, and how she needed to maintain her new identity.

She was afraid for them because her wolf was thrashing. And she was afraid for them because she wasn’t supposed to reveal herself, just as the Elder lady had warned her when she was a newborn pup.

_She couldn’t be exposed._

Instinctively, she slowly backed away until her back hit the head of her bed. Before covering her face, she vaguely observed the faces taking a step back to prevent her from getting any more scared. It was then, she quickly asked for her mother. “Nomon.”

And a warm hug enveloped her. She was at peace for a moment until she realized this scent belonged to her other mother. She stayed there, a little bit longer, to bask in her mom’s embrace. It had been almost eight years. In her mother’s arms, she recollected her thoughts. She had worked hard to conceal herself should an event, such as this, happened. She needed to play the role of a naïve eight-year-old.

_Doctor Abby Griffin_

_Chancellor Jake Griffin_

_Heda Lexa_

_Heda Lexa_

_Heda Lexa_

And she gathered the control she’d worked on in the years she was away.

_They will only be safe if I kept the truth from them._

_They will only be safe if I played this role._

_They will only be safe if we can control ourselves._

And then her wolf acquiesced. It was going to be extremely difficult but they would do their best.

 _“Yes. We must,”_ her Alpha agreed.

* * *

**Present**

* * *

The two wolves stopped just beside a waterfall where they walked through, behind which was the mouth of a small cave.

Clarke meekly followed, getting showered herself by cold water. But she embraced it, she needed a wake-up call. And the cold temperature of the water somehow seeped through her skin and gradually extinguished the raging fire that was building to break free from within.

She managed to calm herself, but they were all still walking on thin ice.

When the wolves turned back to their human forms, Clarke politely averted her eyes. Once they were dressed with, apparently, their spare hoods placed in the cave, she already had her series of questions waiting to escape her lips.

But the anger was back though.

“What the fuck was that all about?!” Clarke yelled.

“You specifically said not to say anything to them before I presented?!”

“You said they will get hurt if they found out before then!”

“You made me wait 15 fucking years, and apparently, it was okay to tell them before my birthday!”

“HAVE YOU ANY IDEA JUST HOW LONG FIFTEEN YEARS IS? HOW PAINFUL THE WAIT HAD BEEN. AND HOW MUCH IN PAIN THEY WERE IN TOO BECAUSE I HAD TO STAY AWAY FOR OVER A DECADE?!”

“Don’t you see how messed up this is? How messed up you two have been?”

“Are we just pawns you love to play with?”

“We followed everything you told us about me.”

“I gave up my first life for my people. I dedicated the second for duty.”

“What have I ever done that wronged you so badly?”

“Was there another life, I know nothing about, where I harassed you for sport?”

“What did we ever do to deserve this?”

“Please, tell me. _Why?”_

Clarke was sobbing messily. Her wolf was kind today, not giving an ounce of trouble Clarke would need to handle as well. Clarke’s rage was completely hers. She couldn’t take the weight anymore so she kneeled before them, begging them to answer.

“You did nothing wrong, Clarke,” the Elder lady spoke, kneeling beside her as she rested a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, with the other guiding her chin up to look at them in the eyes.

“The prophecy remained the same, as it always had. We knew you would die. We knew you would live again. We knew it was in your second life that you will fulfill your destiny. But it did not mean we don’t have to intervene to guide the flow of events,” the Elder man answered as he too kneeled before Clarke.

“Everything was done as it should be. In your first life, you had to start training young so you will have been prepared in your second life. And in your second life, you did not have to go through all the trouble you did in your previous one. You were meant to live it as normal and relaxed as possible.” The Elder lady paused and looked Clarke in the eyes to make sure that Clarke was still catching on.

“When we came to tell you that you will not be mated, it was meant to be for various reasons. The main of which is that, had we not warned you, you wouldn’t have had the unconscious thought that you were going to give up your life right then and there. You somehow knew that it was going to be your last hurrah, and so you gave it your all. Had we not told you, you’d have your reason not to give it your best shot. But we did, and you felt invincible like you had nothing left to lose. Your love may be your greatest strength, my dear, but it was also your greatest weakness.”

And Clarke understood then. She nodded at the answer. She had every reason not to give up her life if they had not come to warn her. She may have worked for years on trying to be her best self and overcoming whatever adversity that was put her way, but she had Lexa and her family. Somehow she knew if she wasn’t warned, if she wasn’t given that final push, she’d have hesitated to let herself be open and vulnerable before the thousand-man army. She was never exposed to an actual battle before then. And the hesitation could’ve produced an entirely different outcome than today.

It truly felt like it was her last hurrah. She was wounded, physically fatigued, mentally exhausted, but she was impassioned. She dropped her defenses and threw the last of her energies to a thousand human-wolves. 

Clarke sniffled when she asked, “Now that I’m officially the Prime Alpha again, does this mean I can finally tell them who I really am?” Clarke looked at them with hopeful eyes.

The Elder lady and Elder man smiled at her gently but knowingly. “We have given you all that you needed to know Clarke, you have the wisdom. Use it,” the Elder man answered as he stood up. The Elder lady followed suit.

“What do you mean?” Clarke scowled up at them. She, too, moved to stand.

“You are so much like your nomon and nontu.” The Elder lady giggled as she shook her head. “Asking questions you already know the answers to.”

“No,” the Elder man disagreed. “That is her from the beginning. Don’t you remember she asked Lexa if Lexa wanted to mate with her.” The Elder man derisively brought it back to their attention.

“Oh, yes,” the Elder lady mocked too. “As if it wasn’t obvious enough. The girl would not stop being around her!”

“Oh my god.” Clarke groaned loudly. “The whole reason that happened was because of what you put inside my head!”

The two Elders laughed. “We are sorry, Clarke. We are very very old. Our humor is ruthless.”

“You have a visitor,” the Elder man whispered.

Clarke was too distracted to notice and realize who it was. But she looked around her and drew her wolf out.

“Just remember Clarke,” the Elder lady took her attention again, and she faced her. “We’ve given you all you needed to know. The rest is up to you now.”

“No wait, I have so many questions to ask. Is Maunon our true enemy? Only enemy? When will the war be?” She was about to add more but the Elders simply shook their heads, and Clarke was utterly deflated.

“But you also didn’t answer, can I tell them who I am now?” Clarke asked. _Just this one, please._

“You have enemies. And you have not presented. Should you tell them?” The Elder lady asked back.

“But you told everyone about me. Then yes,” Clarke quickly answered.

And before they could react to her answer—which she was preparing herself to gauge—they disappeared before her very eyes.

When Clarke looked back to the cave’s mouth, where the water cascaded so enchantingly, she was met with an equally drenched brunette Omega.

“I know who you really are. And I've waited so long for all of that to be out. I’m amazed at how I managed to hold myself from asking you or exposing the truth. I’ve always known, Clarke. I saw your slips and read them correctly. Welcome home.” The Omega's voice trembled as she moved to the Alpha and held her tight in her arms.

Clarke quickly snapped out of her astonishment and returned the warm embrace, feeling the love and acceptance she'd yearned for, for so long.

“We’ve missed you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I can breathe a little now. Because, man, was it challenging to keep the truth about Clarke’s true existence in writing, and still give little clues that hinted at her being Clarke Griffin. Idk if you guys have known from the start, if you suspected or not, but either way, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the interweaving flashbacks that led to this. I would say this is the middle where the past story arc meets the present story arc. (Am I making sense? Because it's 10 in the morning where I'm at and I haven't had any sleep yet.)
> 
> I hope this chapter is enough to keep your interest while I'm off and away for a couple of months.
> 
> And let me also just say, thank you all for the kudos and cheers. I know the very first part of the fic was probably like riding a rollercoaster with all the back and forth of the past and present, which could get annoying. So for everyone that made it to this point, kudos to you as well. Sometimes, I worry if it was alright-how I wrote the two arcs coming together to get to this point and the upcoming plot. But a lot of you were very kind in the comments so again, thank you for that. 
> 
> P.S. Comment down below thoughts, questions, ideas, suggestions, if there's something you'd like me to write about to make things clearer or give more perspective, or to give more screen time to certain character(s)/events. Lemme know and I'll see what I can do. After this chapter, it's gonna be easier. Clexa focused now mwahaha. There's still gonna be a plot of course and some drama but finally... building the relationship back. 
> 
> But yeah, I guess I'll see you soon. ❤️


	34. We've met before.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of talk.
> 
> (Prolly not what you'd hoped for/expected. But it needed to be out of the way.)
> 
> Forgive the mistakes guys, I accidentally posted it before I got the chance to go over it again!! Crap. But enjoy still. 😂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!  
> First things first, I want to apologize for this very long wait. I've made promises of 'soon', 'next week', and so on, only to leave you guys hanging. It's been said before, and many times you must have heard it: things have been really rough, and so I couldn't focus on anything related to writing. 'One thing on top of another' kept on happening for me until all I could ever do was to edit my previous chapters just so I could keep the momentum going. But here it is...
> 
> Second of all, I really really want to thank everyone for being patient. And everyone who read this piece more than once. When I found out @oneheda read this twice, I was thrilled. And then more came forward and said they've read it twice, thrice... The news is overwhelming. It's awesome to know it was worth the re-read. And on top of that, there have been lots of kind and supportive comments. Thank you so much. ❤️
> 
> Lastly, _wherever you are_ in this world, I hope you keep safe, stay healthy, and happy.

-xxxiv-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

_To be in the arms of someone you love_ —Clarke just realized that feeling again.

It’s a feeling that everyone has, for a time or two or maybe their whole life, taken very much for granted. A feeling only remembered in crucial moments.

_Sending off your loved ones headed to war._

_Holding your beloved as they drew their last breath._

_Or in luckier circumstances, simply remembering to cherish the moment and holding them close for no apparent reason but love and gratitude._

And there are also moments like this— _not exactly the fact that she died, took her first breath again, and reunited with those she loved._

_No._

_But it’s coming home. And being welcomed home._

Clarke sobbed in the arms of the Omega. All her worries and all the words the Elders played with her... forgotten as she sunk into the arms of one of her first best friends.

“Shh…” The Omega sunk to the floor with her.

And the Alpha held on to the back of her jacket; grip, opening and closing as if to grab all that she could off the Omega; as if to affirm her mind that this embrace was real and the Omega’s words were too.

“Raven…” Clarke whispered with shuddering breaths.

“I’m here, Clarke.” The Omega hummed and purred; her soothing pheromones, enveloping the Alpha with a touch of love too.

“Calm down and then we can talk.” Raven continued humming as she swayed side to side, Clarke’s head warmly tucked between her chest and arm.

When Clarke had relaxed considerably—happy tears and giddy smiles replacing the burden she had just let go less than half an hour ago—she pulled back and uttered quickly, “I’m not supposed to say. Not before my birthday.”

Raven shuddered and felt every fine hair on her skin stand at the thrill. She nodded quickly, understanding that though Clarke had just confirmed it implicitly, there was still something holding her back. Something she knew that had stopped her from revealing herself to them all this time.

She wasn’t sure when it happened for her friend but she knew it happened anyway—Clarke returned, and she remembered them.

From behind the waterfalls earlier, she knew Clarke wasn’t alone. She could only faintly make out the features of the Elders despite her Omega taking over her senses. But from the tone of Clarke’s voice and the hurried interrogation, she knew Clarke must be clarifying things with them about her circumstance.

And now that she’s here, and Clarke’s told her about her limitations; Raven knew all she needed to do for now was to be there for her friend.

“Technically, you’re not saying _anything definite_ so you’re safe,” Raven reasoned. “Right?”

Clarke nodded, bringing her sleeve up to wipe her tears. “I _knew_ their warnings might have loopholes. I’m just stupid sometimes not to really think about it.” Clarke chuckled drily as she plopped on the ground in front of Raven. “Fifteen years stupid.”

 _Fifteen years?!_ Raven wondered incredulously. And she thought it happened rather _recently… gradually._

Clarke lowered her head in defeat. “But I had to.”

“Hey, none of that anymore, Griff. What matters is _you’re_ here.” Raven smiled softly, pulling Clarke’s gaze up with her finger on Clarke’s chin.

“Oh god.” Clarke groaned. “Now I understand all those hints you’ve been throwing my way!”

At that, Raven laughed, her signature smugness returning. “Did you really think I wouldn’t figure it out?”

“Well, you didn’t for fifteen fucking years so yeah...” Clarke laughed when Raven sucked a breath of disbelief, dramatically pushing a hand against her own chest.

She smiled warmly, seeing her best friend laugh so heartily. She moved to tuck blonde tendrils obstructing a full view of the face she thought she’d never see in this life again. “So then, as long as you don’t say the exact words, you’re safe?”

Clarke gave her a small smile and nodded. “I asked them but they keep deflecting, and then reflecting the questions back to me. I think… I know for sure that I can, but I just won’t. I’m six days shy from my birthday, we can wait some more. I won’t take the risk.”

Clarke sighed heavily before she continued, “I was warned, a few days after I was born, not to tell you guys before my presentation. But I can only guess the reason they came out with it now is because some changes might be needed. Like maybe make everyone more alert. Or maybe changes with how I’m being handled or trained or taught. I don’t know.” At that, Clarke noticed Raven’s eyes widen as if something had just occurred to her, but she only motioned for Clarke to continue.

“They told me earlier that the prophecy never changed; that they come and go to intervene just to keep the flow of events going to where it was meant to go. So, I suppose all their warnings before, all their words, still remain. Which is why, I still cannot say the words that would confirm it, and as you found out on your own, I think I’m safe. Otherwise, they would’ve done something rather than just warn me that ‘I have a visitor’ when you arrived.”

Raven nodded understandingly, but had to repeat, “So you asked them if you could expose yourself, and they didn’t answer directly?”

Clarke pouted slightly. “They answered my question with facts and a question that reflected my own. At a time like this, why do they have to be so philosophical? It’s like… all they do is keep me paranoid.”

The Omega snorted. “It’s how they are, I guess. Maybe it’s part of their whole ‘keeping the flow of events going in the right direction’.”

Clarke sighed but nodded in agreement at the answer before Raven continued, “What was their answer in the form of facts and questions?”

She grinned when Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’m glad you’re finding this amusing.”

“What?” Raven chuckled heartily. “Come on, let’s hear it.”

“It was something along the lines of ‘You have enemies, and you haven’t presented yet. Should you tell them?’ Right then, they left because you arrived. _Always the perfect timing, Rae._ ” The Alpha playfully rolled her eyes again.

Raven huffed out indignantly. “Okay, my bad then. I got excited.”

Raven’s answer perked up her ears, Clarke redirected their conversation. “Wait. Did the others follow you? How did you find us? Even I had difficulty catching up to them with only my Alpha out. I didn’t want to shift because of the… complications, as I haven’t clarified with them yet.”

“Yeah, makes sense. But I ran to the lab and grabbed my tablet. It’s synced to the radar. It’s how I found you.” Clarke’s brows shot up so Raven continued, “We built a radar specifically to monitor movement of large bodies such as your white wolf, the elders’ or reapers, and also movement of large populations.”

“Yeah, but to this far off Trikru? We’re already bordering Blue Cliff.”

Raven's endearing beam returned. “Yup, your brilliant father and I—” Raven paused, comprehending immediately, the sadness that appeared and lingered on the Alpha’s face.

Clarke shook her head. “Let’s talk about that in a bit. You were saying?”

Raven nodded readily. “So, Jake and I used one of the towers nearby Polis to hack back into Ark’s Ring. One of the Ring’s original purposes was as a space-based radar so we tweaked that at the lab and made it synchronous so it follows the earth’s rotation, granting us full _sole control_ of it anytime.

“And which is really cool, by the way, because we found a lot of possible settlements outside the coalition. But we’ll get back to that later. Anyway, basically, what all that means is we’ve now got larger coverage radar _plus_ we also hacked into two other satellites through our access from the Ring. Those satellites are the reason we can communicate to other clans, but it’s far from perfect yet as we’re also blocking Mt. Weather at the same time. And as you know, we just recently got visual communications up as well, so it’s really all new still.”

Clarke nodded with a proud smile every once in a while. “A lot certainly has changed.”

“Yup. Alright then, back to the elders.” The Omega raised her hand as if about to enumerate some things. “So, they noted you have enemies. We’ve already established that. And you haven’t presented yet, again, already know that. So, ‘ _should you tell them?_ ’ I have no fucking conclusion yet.

“But do you still remember what they said to you before? You mentioned—which is really cool by the way—that they warned you a few days after you were born…”

“I don’t exactly remember everything new; I had a newborn’s brain. Physically, I had to start everything all over again. So newer memories and information don’t always get retained until after I was probably 6 months old.”

Raven nodded eagerly, fascinated at the rather impossible circumstances. “Your hippocampus matured so early. But then again, it’s all too impossible with you returning in only a week and retaining your old memories. It’s like your spirit just moved on to a new vessel—that apparently was already forming your actual original features—your clone. Like _fucking avatar meets fucking sci-fi_. I’m sorry, I know I’m a genius but sometimes my brain just needs some time to wrap itself around some supernatural, phenomenal stuff. Okay, carry on.” The Omega stopped her rambling and sat up straighter as if to behave.

Clarke shook her head amusedly as she continued, “They said something like my destiny hasn’t been fulfilled yet so I have to stay hidden and not tell ‘them’, or well you guys, who I am before my presentation because if I did, all of you will die. And then they promised me that I will be happy and be with you guys again soon.”

Raven smiled softly then and hugged Clarke, catching the Alpha off guard.

“My Omega asked me to do that. I didn’t want to though. But I have to appease it,” Raven said as she pulled away.

Clarke slumped back at the playful jeer with a not-so-serious scowl.

“ _What?_ I’m potentially carrying a pup, Clarke. I have to placate my wolf.”

Clarke shook her head again; she remembered their talk in the garden before. “It’s fine. So, on top of that, they mentioned earlier that they’ve already given me all that I needed to know. So, I suppose it’s those two: their answer from earlier and their warning from years ago. Now, what do you think?”

“I, honestly, am not sure, Clarke. But if I learned anything from Gaia, it’s that, the Elders’ words mean business. I have no idea if their newer words can make older ones obsolete. So, I think, if they say you can’t say anything, then _you_ shouldn’t.” Raven paused, biting her lips.

“But what if I told them on your behalf?” The brunette asked, brown eyes keenly offering their service.

“Loopholes. That could work. I would very much love for that to happen. But Raven, I’m having a little difficulty, as it is, just by talking to you. I’m wary with the words coming out of my mouth. Let alone do the same to everyone.”

“Yeah… No. I get it. But what if I warn them not to bother you about it? Like I am now?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow at her. “Rae, you didn’t even hold your questions and words back. What if I slipped up all that time we talked? I know it looks rather silly, trying to keep myself tact, but the Elders—their words—may seem ridiculous but one small detail could mean a big difference.

“Like we are talking just fine as if it was just like before, as long as I don’t admit that _I am…_ ” Clarke knew to stop then, she needed to make a point. And she was glad that it worked when Raven suddenly launched herself, putting both hands against her mouth.

She laughed against Raven’s loosening palms, and the Omega snarled.

“See, even you are affected by them.”

“Okay, I get your point. I guess that’s for the best. We only have a week to wait anyway. So until then, I’ve got your back with all the questions and pheromones that are bound to suffocate you as soon as we’re back. And if there’s ever anything else you need, just let me know.”

Clarke nodded appreciatively. “Thank you.”

“I think I know what you mean when you said the Elders might have wanted something to change; the reason why they made the announcement earlier than expected.”

Clarke waited patiently for Raven to continue, anticipation pulling her closer to the Omega still seated on the ground directly across from her.

“But first, let me tell you how I knew about you!” Raven exclaimed, clapping her hands, and effectively snapping Clarke out of her curiosity.

The groan Clarke let out made the Omega guffaw. “What?! You didn’t ask me! I wanted you to ask me that first. How my brilliance figured you out.”

Clarke scoffed. “So, we’re doing a Scooby-doo skit?”

She rolled her eyes and gave in when the Omega nodded vehemently. “Alright then, Raven the Brilliant. Hit me.”

Raven beamed at the nickname. She sat up straighter, clearing her throat as she began her proud discoveries. “Well, first off, that one precisely. When we first met seven years ago, I never told you my name was Raven Reyes. I always said that my full name was Raven the Brilliant.

“And I thought hard, day in and day out, if anyone ever mentioned to you my real name before. And though there may have been without my knowledge, I still held on to this one evidence—you called me ‘Miss Reyes’ that first day we met again weeks ago, when I only introduced myself as Raven.”

Raven smirked proudly. Clarke herself literally scratched the side of her head, trying to remember if anyone’s ever mentioned ‘Reyes’ before. And she realized that no one did. She remembered because seven years ago, no one really talked about themselves unless it involved Clarke Griffin.

Clarke realized her mistake now. She remembered how, as a child, she would practice saying their names formally so she wouldn’t slip up if she did cross paths with them prematurely. She remembered always muttering ‘Miss Reyes,’ and that was in fact, how she called Raven many weeks ago when they met again in the ER.

Clarke nodded at the mistake. “You’re right on that one.”

“I know.” The signature Raven beam was back.

“But of course, when I realized it at that moment, I just shrugged it off, thinking you must have heard it when you were here seven years ago or maybe you’ve heard my name growing up because you know… I’ve done so much for the coalition.” The Omega made a cool gesture of blowing her nails and rubbing them against her shoulder before sticking the hand out to examine them.

Clarke pulled her unamused look, making the Omega sigh. “You’re no longer fun now that you’re older.”

The words tugged at Clarke’s heartstrings. No one, but herself and Jero, had ever commented on her real age.

And once again, she was embracing the happy feelings surrounding her at being finally free—even if to just this one person. But then again, it felt so much different when it was someone from her old life that knew.

“I’m really happy we have this, Raven. I wish Lexa and the others knew now too but it can wait. I’ve waited almost fifteen years, what’s six more days?”

Raven leaned to hold Clarke’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. The gentle smile on Raven’s face told her that she could lean on her for the next couple of days until she could finally be out and about.

Clarke smiled and squeezed her hand back, sighing contentedly at the very much welcomed change.

“The second thing I found was that…” Raven paused when Clarke groaned at her again, dropping her head in frustration. And she laughed, knowing full well how it looked like her arrogance wanted the attention more than the sentimental moment they were just having. “Well, you interrupted me. I was having my proud moment too.”

“Ugh. Fine. Please do carry on.” Clarke bowed out sarcastically.

“Well, the second time was when you were in my lab waiting to talk to your Seda and Heda. You were so anxious, awaiting the arrival of your beloved Omega”—Raven smirked at Clarke’s sudden, furious blush—“that you didn’t notice you were tapping against your lap.”

Clarke scrunched her eyebrows at that. She did remember fidgeting and Kiya commenting that she drummed so well.

“You don’t even know what you were drumming, do you? It was the main theme of your favorite movie. _Pirates of the Caribbean_.”

“Oh,” was Clarke’s only response. She didn’t realize her subconscious was betraying her.

Before she could dwell further on just how much, Raven interrupted her thoughts. “Yeah… I was surprised myself. I didn’t really notice. Well, I did, but it didn’t sink in until after Kiya commented about how good you were at it. And then I just really mentally shut down. My brain was rushing so much information like I was on autopilot, you know? I remember Lexa had to literally shake me out of it when she arrived in the lab that day.

“So since then, I just watched every clue and listened to everyone. Like when you told Bellamy, ‘Aye aye captain’, which I know for certain you can’t really hear a grounder say unless maybe if you’re Floukru. Or the fact that you let your Alpha out and enhanced your healing from the injuries you sustained from Gaia and the ones you had on your last fight. And almost every single time, by the way, I had to clean up your mess and convince them in whatever way that made sense because I was _sure_ there’s a reason you’ve been pretending. And now I know.”

Clarke almost commented but caught herself. She simply gave Raven a crooked smile in response, not smug, but a tight one, as if to say she really has to watch what she says even to Raven.

And the Omega caught on. “Right, yes, sorry about that. Again, I’ll be careful too. But maybe you should just keep your mouth shut. It’s the safest. Because I can’t.”

“Rae…”

“ _Alright_ , I will try. For you and the others. I survived for almost 4 weeks, didn’t I?” Raven smirked again.

Clarke sighed. “The Elders make me crazy and paranoid.”

Raven smiled sympathetically. “I know. We’ve all established that long ago.”

Clarke huffed before moving forward. “So, is that it? You observed two things, gathered a few subjective data from other people, and then make one big conclusion? I must say, for a woman of science, your hasty leap to conclude is alarming.” The Alpha smiled teasingly, challenging the scoffing Omega.

“After everything! Fine, be like that.” Raven dramatically threw her head to the side with arms closing on her chest.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke pouted. “I know you were also protecting me from being found out so thank you.”

The pout was still there when Raven returned her attention to the Alpha. “That may have worked on me when you were a pup but not anymore.”

Clarke laughed and not a moment later, Raven followed.

“Anyway, there were three actually. So, that should be enough proof to make two big conclusions.”

_Two?_

Clarke gave her a perplexed look, and the Omega was quick to answer, “One, the one we must never mention. And two, I am a genius.”

Clarke recalled what she had long ago realized, and just now remembered, that for anyone talking to the Omega, an eye roll was a template response. And she gave her the biggest one yet, making the Omega giggle.

“The third one was when we were drunk from the nectar, I tested you and you fell right into the trap.”

Clarke remembered getting drank with Raven and thought hard.

“No.” Clarke shook her head. “You did.”

“Yes.” Raven nodded. “Yes, I did. _Because really?_ Commenting a fact about a zombie movie without ever having seen it in this life but the last…” The Omega shook her head disapprovingly. “You should really just keep your mouth shut you know. That is why you need me so much. You don’t even try hard.”

“ _Pfft_. _Please_. You got fooled by a 7-year-old for months.”

Clarke won the round. Raven’s smug demeanor instantly dropped, and Clarke was responded with an annoyed huff and scowl.

“But _really_ … Damn movies,” Clarke added, both of them laughing at how true it was. Clarke’s few slip-ups involved movies three times… _at least._

They spent the next two hours talking about the events that led to this day, from Raven’s side of the camp—not discussing anything from Clarke’s side for established reasons.

Raven talked about how they coped 15 years ago today. The brunette remained vague all throughout, and Clarke remained respectful of that. But her heart broke for them nonetheless.

Then the Omega shared what they thought about things seven years ago when they met her as a pup. What everyone knew now. What they’d been doing. How Raven could persuade them not to bring to Clarke’s attention, any Clarke Griffin related stuff, and to stick to everyone’s original plan of waiting ‘til the Alpha presented.

And Raven told her what Gaia did, officially cementing Clarke’s gratitude to her. She made a mental note to repay the other Alpha when she could.

They also talked about what Raven skipped earlier—why the Elders may have rushed things. Why they made the announcements earlier than they'd promised Clarke.

The brunette explained to her that though there were no more reported missing grounders, which indicated that Mt. Weather had long since stopped kidnapping people, they still believed that there are Azgedan warriors with them. Warriors that were being placed on their experiment tables, and whatnot, for more than fifteen years.

By their count, Azgeda should have more than 200 Alphas that were neither on the battlefield—or died in the subsequent rebellions—nor left behind in Azgeda with all the children and elderly. They believed the missing Alphas were being held at Mt. Weather, being turned into reapers.

And through the many attempts of the coalition to penetrate Mt. Weather, they found that the acid fog had become deadlier by the minute. The current poison it carried had delirium effects that affected their wolves this time. The burning feeling on their skin had become the least of their concern when their wolves—and effectively, their human bodies—became stuporous for weeks.

Even though Raven, Monty, and Abby managed to create an immunization serum that also served as a quick antidote, its potency only lasted 20 minutes. The acid fog had also apparently contained a very concentrated Alpha pheromone that, according to Raven’s analysis, was almost half of Clarke’s fatal blast. So not only did Mt. Weather create a poison that stupefied their wolves but supplemented it with aggressive pheromones that were submitting and deadly. Exposure of these—without the quick rescue of their inert bodies and administration of the serum—promised them only a much prolonged, excruciating death.

They feared that if the Maunon perfected it to Clarke’s level, they might release fog that kills all their people in seconds.

And so the Coalition stopped with their offense and worked on their defense. On top of modifying surveillance and fortification, they worked on perfecting their serum, extending its potency beyond its original intention, to be able to fight back without being made vulnerable because of their wolves.

Then Raven went on to conclude that the second generation of the serum is what was then, her “Hibernation proposal” fifteen years past.

Clarke gave her the biggest, proudest beam then. Because Raven did it, they all did. She wasn’t there to keep them safe but they managed very well on their own.

She was so proud of them all.

* * *

Clarke and Raven decided to go sit outside and dip their feet in the cool water. It was one of the things they used to do as kids with their other friends.

They’d been basking in the silence for some time; spending some quality time with their inner thoughts and wolves. It was too peaceful not to cherish.

The fact that the truth was out, and Clarke had someone from her old life who could back her up for the meantime, were more calming than she previously thought. The huge shadow that she’d been hiding under for the past 15 years was beginning to clear up.

She was now happy about the Elders’ announcement. It would be hard, most definitely, but to stay in this peaceful and light feeling… There was nowhere else she’d rather be. And she couldn’t wait to go back _home_ into the arms of her Omega.

_My love._

“Rae… I really want to tell Lexa.”

“I know. I was also thinking the same. But maybe we just can’t, who knows what you telling the others might change in what’s to come. I’m beginning to really internalize how heeding the Elders’ warning is the best decision for now.”

“I know.”

“Well, what if she figures it out on her own just like I did? I promise I won’t intervene or anything. What will you do?”

Clarke felt hope spark in her heart, and the warmth of it spread like wildfire all throughout her body. “I’d hope we both wouldn’t get overexcited then. That I’ll be the same as we are right now.”

“Well, maybe you don’t have to clue her in or anything. Just wait the 6 days, Clarke. And besides, according to my other half, you two were deep into each other’s mouths this afternoon. So, I don’t think you need any mojo from Clarke Griffin to win her back. Clarke of the Shallow Valley is very much capable of doing just so.”

Clarke bit her lower lip the instant Raven started talking about what Anya saw, as if doing so would contain her blush or pheromones.

The entire time she talked with Raven, her wolf had been either whimpering, pleading that they tell Lexa, or it was growling at the thought of Lexa getting hurt if they did.

Her wild—just as any alpha’s—was much more impulsive, quick-tempered, and unpredictable than it was calm, sensible, and wise. But it was very seldom that Clarke got to witness her wild stuck in between both sides. And nevertheless, it was always very opinionated wherever on the spectrum it stood. But right now, it was utterly lost, just as lost as Clarke—the sensible—was.

_She wanted to tell Lexa but she didn’t want to tell Lexa._

Clarke cleared her throat, just realizing the Omega beside her was scrutinizing her earnestly. “I think I’ll stick to the plan. If Lexa finds out on her own, I’ll explain to her and be with her just as I am with you. And until my birthday, we have to minimize contacts like this. Let’s just be Raven the Brilliant and Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru.”

Raven nodded in agreement. “I suppose with what’s happened, it also changes your current… _level_ with Lexa as well?”

Clarke lowered her head, a little dejected. “Yeah. No more kissing for now.”

Raven clapped her hands as if to keep Clarke’s spirits up. “Boy, my mate is gonna whoop my ass when she finds out I’ve known all along.”

Clarke snickered. “Not if you’re with pup.” She grinned when it was Raven’s turn to blush furiously.

“Okay, not a word until I’ve seen Abby, alright? I just need to wait a few more days until I can get examined.”

“Until then, I’ll keep your secret safe just as you did mine.”

“Good. Now, what do you say to us going home?”

Clarke exhaled shakily and faced the cascading water. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

It was twilight when Raven arrived Polis first through a smaller, less guarded entrance. It was their plan to return separately so as not to draw attention and questions, and to avoid being seen together on Polis surveillance. But what Raven saw upon arrival was nothing like they'd expected.

She walked through the buildings, observing the people she passed by. Everyone was going about their business as if it was just an ordinary night. As if they didn't hold the annual memorial just a few hours ago. As if no Elders came to proclaim another Clarke as Prime Alpha.

_Nothing._

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you. _Where have you been?”_

Raven turned around to find Anya striding towards her. Her lips curled into that charming smile reserved only for her Alpha. “Hi, babe. I was just getting some wires for the rut chamber. Why?”

“What do you mean ‘ _why’_?” Anya asked when she reached the Omega. “Obviously, we had a meeting as we waited for Clarke to return.”

“Sorry, babe. I’m running out of time. I need to get the chamber done but I was missing quite a few things so I’ve been everywhere also. We just didn’t catch each other apparently.” Raven grinned. She was quite good at acting when she was tactful but it didn’t mean she was comfortable doing so, especially to Anya.

“Alright.” Anya suddenly wrapped her arms around her; the Alpha’s head nestled on her mating mark.

The gesture surprised Raven. Anya was never keen on public displays of affection. She eagerly accepts them from her Omega but she seldom initiates it.

Raven returned the embrace with a purr. “Is this about Clarke, babe?”

She felt her Alpha nod against her neck.

“It’s made everyone realize this gift we take for granted.” Anya pulled back and caressed Raven’s cheeks with both hands. “The spirit may live on but we have never seen it actually happen until today. And perhaps all of us won’t be as lucky as Clarke, so it’s a reminder that we should make the most of what we are given now… of what we have still.”

Anya kissed Raven passionately, a moan quickly escaping the Omega’s lips.

Minutes later, they broke apart with a dazed Raven wanting for more, chasing her mate’s lips.

Anya chuckled, still uncaring of where they were and what she was doing.

“I’m loving this new Anya, babe. I don’t mind the other one but this one…” Raven tiptoed to whisper into the Alpha’s ear, “I have the supernova hots for.”

“I don’t know what that means but your aroused scent is 10 times more alluring right now.”

“Oh, I know, babe. I can feel your full erection,” Raven answered with a roll of her hips.

Anya groaned in pleasure, closing her eyes.

“Ehem.”

They ignored it.

“ _Ehem_.”

They ignored it still.

“I’m really sorry to disturb you and your mate, General. But may I know if I can enter the tower?”

Anya quickly snapped out of it. She faced the other Alpha, moving over to shield her snarling, interrupted mate.

“Clarke!” Anya greeted without further delay.

She breathed deeply and cleared her throat before bowing. “Prime Alpha.”

“Please, General. That’s not necessary.”

Anya’s lips formed the littlest smirk. “I may be the General but as you know, Heda Lexa is my superior. And she’s ordered the highest salutations and treatment for the Prime Alpha.” Her smirk grew into a teasing one. “Amin _[Highness]_.”

“Nou.” Clarke shook her head vehemently.

Anya stifled her smile but Raven snorted from behind her. Clarke’s earnest refusal at being referred to as a princess reminded them of much happier days.

Anya cleared her throat and puffed her chest, emitting full confidence despite another thing confidently standing between her legs. “We’ve been waiting for you, Prime Alpha. Everyone else is in the tower still.”

Clarke nodded, choosing to help Anya ignore her predicament. She still had a façade to carry on, were she out, she would’ve returned the favour when Anya unabashedly pointed out her erection when she and Lexa were making out earlier this afternoon.

She cleared her throat and dissipated her own growing arousal at the memory. “Really, General, there is no need to address me like that.”

“Of course,” Anya offered with concern etched on her face. “I can only imagine how uncomfortable you must feel, and how confusing the situation is.”

Though her expression was neutral, Clarke’s guilt was wavering her resolve. This seldom happens to her but when it did, she could easily extinguish her greed and guilt. But now, she was beginning to question her capacity to hold back.

She gathered the difference now was because someone from her old life knew but the majority still had not. Talking to Raven was liberating in a way she’d never known before—truly much like coming home. And regardless of her resolve, it did feel like she was now free from the chains put on her as a 3-days-old newborn. But pretending before the Elders announced her return was acceptable, it was for their own safety after all. And now, it felt like she was fooling them and insulting their significance in her life.

Clarke was still mentally debating if six, _very few,_ days was still worth it when someone cleared their throat next to them.

All three turned to find Gaia smiling warmly at Clarke. “Hello, Prime Alpha, welcome back. Everyone is waiting for you inside. If I may?” Gaia raised an arm out to the side in a gesture for Clarke to walk with her to the tower.

Clarke gulped and gave her a nod before turning to face the general and her mate. “Shall we?”

“Actually, you guys can go ahead,” Raven answered. “I need to help my mate sort out something first.”

Raven raised an eyebrow in challenge to her mate when Anya only seemed puzzled. When realization struck her, she subtly put both hands down in front of her crotch.

The impassiveness of her expression quickly fell when Raven reassured, “But don’t worry, she’ll be quick.”

Clarke and Raven both snorted, rendering Anya’s threatening snarl fall on deaf ears.

“No, it may take _at the very least_ , an hour, but we’ll follow,” Anya corrected arrogantly, glaring at her mate at the same time.

“ _Oh-kay._ ” Clarke ended the conversation, sidestepping to start walking with Gaia.

“We’ll see you guys at dinner!” Raven called out.

Gaia and Clarke weren’t out of earshot yet when Raven spoke to her mate, “Come on tiger, devour me for _at least_ an hour before actual dinner.”

 _“Oh-kay,”_ Gaia repeated what Clarke said. “I was gonna ask what was going on but I did _not_ need to hear that.”

Clarke snickered beside her with a shake of her head.

Their walk was peaceful. Clarke noticed the reverent looks still thrown her way but unlike before, they were more conscious and subtle about it.

“Heda Costia ordered everyone to hush up before your presentation,” Gaia answered the unvoiced question. “Not a word must escape Polis.”

Clarke looked up at the slightly taller Alpha as they continued walking, sensing she wasn’t finished yet.

“You know… to keep you safe.” Gaia turned to face her as well.

Clarke nodded approvingly. It was a sign that she really needed to keep her identity safe to a limited number of souls for now—further cementing her resolve.

“I wanted to thank you, Gaia, for what _you_ did to keep me safe.”

Gaia’s eyes widened. “I didn’t realize you knew.”

“I didn’t really...” Clarke paused, remembering she wasn’t supposed to be associated with Raven for now.

 _“Lie,”_ her wolf reminded.

“… _at first_. It’s just that, with all that’s going on, I’m realizing a lot of things all at once.”

“Oh. It’s uh— no problem at all. We totally get you. Just minutes ago, we were rushing a lot of details for a lot of things as well—examination, training, treatment, and so on. It really is a lot of things all at once. Just a few confirming words from the Elders _can_ pump one up.”

“I can’t say the same.” Clarke smiled sadly. “Pumped up to you, with regards to the Elders, is the equivalent of paranoia to me.”

Clarke cleared her throat, trying to save herself from the predicament she dug up yet again. “I’ve put some expectations on myself based on my existence and the parallel aspect of it to the late Prime Alpha’s. So anything regarding the Elders just feels ominous to me.”

Gaia’s face crumpled in sympathy. “Forgive me, my excitement is out of bounds. It’s just that, for so long, I studied everything about their words. And I always believed you were reincarnated when everyone was learning to let go.

“We didn’t meet 7 years ago but ever since I started reading about the chronicles, and hearing about you when you were last here, I knew with all my heart that it’s still you.”

Clarke stopped in her tracks, looking at Gaia with an alarmed expression. Luckily, the dark-skinned Alpha wasn’t quick enough to turn around, giving Clarke time to rearrange her countenance.

“Prime?” Gaia asked with concern.

The tone of her voice and the use of that word were more than enough for Clarke to conclude her cover wasn’t blown.

Clarke smiled weakly. “You don’t have to call me Prime Alpha, please.”

That brought Gaia’s warm smile back. “Of course, _Clarke_.”

They continued walking and were up the steps then before entering the tower. “You know, I wish I’d met you then.”

Clarke’s furrowed brows had Gaia continue immediately, “I was still a toddler the last time… So I don’t really have any memories of you in your past life. But I wish I had. I grew up with so many stories about you though, I feel as if I know you already.” Gaia chuckled as they stopped in the lobby of the building.

“I hope that doesn’t sound weird. Everything must be so odd to you right now.”

When Clarke let out a trembling chuckle, Gaia’s face softened in sympathy again.

“It’s been weird for a very long time. But I understand. I always have.” Clarke worded her thoughts fittingly; the truth in them, just lying in between the lines. Subtle truths were easy before today, now, it was just wincing and difficult to say.

_Just six more days, Clarke. Six more days._

Gaia took the lead and Clarke followed, walking to the left hallway towards the dining hall.

“We all understand how you must feel, Clarke. With what’s going on and what happened before. So, my only advice is that, feel free to voice out your thoughts. All your questions. All your worries. All your hesitations and reservations. Let us know. We’ll be very accommodating to you first and foremost. Especially with the pace you will be thrust into.”

Gaia stopped just at the end of the hallway where they were still hidden in the shadows but could very well see the anxious Polis leaders, Skaikru, and Clarke’s family and Blue Cliff friends.

“I mentioned earlier we rushed some plans. You are to be studied, Clarke. You and your wolf’s abilities. And your training will be upped. You’ll undergo the trainings your old self once learned, and it will be very intensive, considering how late it is getting into it now.”

Gaia smiled encouragingly. “But I doubt you’ll have any difficulty. You were remarkable in the fights you’ve had. And your control over your wolf was _very_ impressive in that last fight. I read from the prime sedas’ journals how it took Clarke Griffin awhile before getting a hang of her emotional training. And to actually succeed without it… if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought…” Gaia trailed off as her eyes widened, looking into Clarke’s blues immediately.

“Do you perhaps… remember anything… from your past life?”

Clarke was right when she thought it’s far more difficult now, keeping up the pretense. Clarke’s trembling exhale answered the question inadvertently. She watched in horror when Gaia gasped.

Clarke’s hands raised instinctively against the taller Alpha’s mouth. “Please. No.”

She slowly moved them away at Gaia’s confounded nod. “I’m not supposed to say. No one can know. Just six more days until they’re safe to know.”

Gaia shuddered. “Oh, wow. Okay.” She paced a little, and Clarke watched amusedly.

She knew her secret was safe with Gaia. But she was curious about her opinion as well. Gaia seemed to completely understand both sides. Raven, too, of course, but then again, Gaia wasn’t attached to her in the previous life. But she grew up watching those that were. She would make a more logical judgment than anyone else. Gaia would know what to make of the two truths of both parties.

“So, can I know what you’re thinking?”

“May I ask how long you’ve known?”

“The very day I was born.”

That answer got another gasp out of Gaia, making Clark hiss at her. “The hallway echoes your noise, be careful.”

“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. Again, wow.”

“So, you must know everything then. But you can’t say anything. I presume it’s the Elders bidding?”

Clarke sighed exasperatedly. “Yes. If you’ve studied the chronicles, you must know how frustrating they can be. They really are a pain in the butt. Seriously.”

Gaia’s dark eyes sparkled in excitement at the implication of everything Clarke had said. “As safely as you can, can you tell me what they said to you? I might be able to help you decipher their message.”

And so Clarke did, repeating the very things she said to Raven in the cave. And informing her of Raven’s involvement in this whole thing that Gaia was now, apparently, part of.

By the end of it all, Gaia gave her, her verdict. “I can’t exactly give you an answer to that, Clarke. I’m honestly 50/50 on this. _But_ I think you’ll get the answer if you spoke to your parents. _Your grounder parents_.”

“You’re right.” Clarke agreed without question. “You’re absolutely right."

“Thanks, Gaia. You’re a great asset to this team.” Clarke beamed at her, earning her a shy smile from the other Alpha.

“What are you two still doing out here?” Anya asked from the other end of the hallway with Raven walking next to her, oozing with satisfaction.

“And I thought your minimum was an hour?” Gaia quipped.

Clarke muffled a snort when Anya’s deathly aura emanated invisibly, along with the low, steady growl.

Raven saved her mate, and retorted for her, “I know. Twenty minutes seemed like a short time for three, very satisfying, intense orgasms.”

It was Clarke and Gaia’s turn to blush furiously.

Anya straightened her body while anxiously switching her sight to the other two, stuck between being proud and being embarrassed at having the young Prime Alpha hear her mate’s vulgarity.

“Seriously, Raven! Young ears here!” Gaia complained.

Raven’s unfiltered snort clenched Clarke’s and Gaia’s jaws.

Luckily, Raven was always quick-witted. “You’re old enough to be out there looking for a mate, Gaia. About time for you to make a move on Yael. And as for Clarke, I hardly think she still isn’t used to this.” Raven walked closer to the entrance as she continued talking. “You should see all the omegas eyeing her like prey.”

Clarke cleared her throat. “Shouldn’t we go in already?”

Anya nodded, all serious now. “We were informed the moment you arrived at the Polis gates, Prime Alpha. They’ve been waiting for you.”

“By all means, Prime Alpha, lead the way,” Raven offered teasingly, with her hand raised to let her go through first.

And when she did, all eyes at the end of the room were on her. She took a deep breath and marched forward.

Her eyes scanned around those that were present.

Her young friends bowed their heads. It was Jero, her sights lingered on. He only smirked.

Her friends from her old life looked at her warmly. And just like Jero, they all had knowing smirks as well. Clarke wondered for a moment what those teasing smiles meant. She shook her head when she decided that they couldn’t have known. _Gaia would’ve said something already._

Her eyes landed on her nomon, nontu, and Kalel. Pride was the most prominent in their expression.

And then her mom and dad, pure bliss was on their faces despite their red, puffy eyes.

_Six more days, mom, dad. Six more days._

She knew there were more people around them. But she couldn’t bring herself to notice anyone else. As she walked further into the room, her eyes lingered longest on one beautiful and strong Omega at the main table at the end.

Lexa stood tall, regal, but her stance was relaxed. Her hands were on her back as if to say she was open, allowing vulnerabilities for this moment. And her face, her typical impassive expression was absent for the evening, leaving only the most ethereal beauty Clarke’s ever known in both lives she’s lived.

When the rest of her senses were dulled, she could hear only her Alpha howling for its beloved. A howl meant to say, _‘I am here. I am yours.’_

A smile broke on her face when she heard that familiar howl from Lexa’s wolf as well. A howl she hadn’t heard in _so very long;_ a howl her wolf interpreted into words for her, _‘Welcome home, my love.’_

All too soon, their interactions broke off. Indra stepped forward before dropping on her knees.

“We meet again, Prime Alpha.”

And everyone, including both Hedas kneeled as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Gaywarriorgirls, there's your update. Now, your turn for an update. 😂
> 
> Happy Birthday, Alycia! ❤️


	35. Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Partial reunions. Merry dinners. Unlocked skills. Unexpected shippers.  
> Clarke and Lexa's heart and head walking on tightropes.  
> But they're together all the same. ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The revision took longer than I expected but... enjoy. ❤️

-xxxv-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

Raven was the first to stand from her kneeling position, eagerly taking the opportunity to hang her arm over the blonde’s shoulders.

“Shall we have our re-introductions, Clarke Junior?” Raven asked before pulling her downwards and giving her a noogie.

“Ow,” Clarke complained, her smaller body flailing about as Raven took steps forward, dragging her around in her bent over position.

“Raven!” The majority in the room called.

Anya followed Raven, looking anxious to rescue Clarke from her overexcited mate.

“What? She’s fine!” Raven stopped, laughing as she let Clarke go.

“My apologies, Clarke.” Anya stepped forward, blocking her mate as she fixed ruffled blonde hair from an arm’s length.

“It’s fine, General. I expected no less from your mate,” Clarke assured as she fixed her clothes.

“See?” Raven beamed as she walked past Anya to get to Clarke again.

Anya was just about to pull her mate back but stopped a step short when Raven engulfed Clarke in a warm embrace. Observing the tranquil look on Clarke’s face, Anya’s tensed body began to relax.

The others moved closer, following Raven’s example. Clarke’s older friends hugged her one by one, welcoming her back with big squeezes, red-rimmed eyes, and sniffles.

Clarke returned each embrace with equal fervor.

And then she stood face to face with the Griffin couple. Clarke gulped, pulling her will and strength together.

“Hi, my baby,” Abby croaked. She was a mess but she couldn’t care less. She took wobbling steps forward, hands cold and shaking as she held Clarke’s face. She studied the face for a moment before she whimpered and spoke. “I thought I’d have to wait a couple more decades before I get to hold you again.”

Despite Clarke’s full control of her reactions, she couldn’t hold back one tiny thing she had no regret of letting go. A tear fell from her trembling eyes as she stared back into Abby’s brown orbs.

Abby moved the closest thumb and wiped the teardrop before bursting into laughter with running tears of her own.

Jake joined in, laughing and crying at the same time, as he moved to engulf both of them in his arms. “My Alpha always knew. As did your mother’s Omega,” he whispered.

Clarke was trapped in between her mom and dad; and it brought, once again, the feeling of coming home. She continued to stay there, wrapping her arms around her mom’s waist, basking in the familial security that used to surround her in her previous life.

When the Griffins let the blonde go, they simply moved a few inches away. They were wiping their tears as they turned when another pup was standing next to Clarke, timidly pulling at Clarke’s jacket.

Clarke looked down to find her brother smiling at her hesitantly. “Does this mean you are not my sister anymore, Clarke?” Kalel seemed brave. But Clarke knew he was pulling himself together because the sadness in his tone was quite evident.

Clarke knelt before him in an instant. It was her own cold hands now that were on either side of Kalel’s face. “Hosh, ai strikon. Yu na otaim ste won kom beda diyo hasta ai. Yu, nomon, en nontu. Nowe nou wich daun. _[Hush, my little one. You will always be one of the best things about me. You, mother, and father. Don’t ever doubt that.]_ ” Clarke smiled at Kalel’s approving nod.

“I will always be your sister,” Clarke added for good measure. “Forever.” And she chuckled at the toothy smile that formed in between her hands.

“Darling,” Abby’s soft voice called.

Clarke kissed the forehead of her brother before gesturing for him to return to their parents. She took a deep breath as she stood up to face her unwitting mother.

It was then that she saw Lexa again, standing next to her mom, while the others crowded in a big circle around them.

Clarke saw there was uncertainty in the eyes of her beloved, the same uncertainty that was plastered on the others’ faces. Only the very few, that knew, didn’t. And so she was sure what the silent question was in their heads—a very similar one to Kalel’s.

Abby took a deep breath, seemingly bracing herself as did her dad.

“Clarke, is it… you?” Abby asked.

Clarke’s astute observation readied her for that question. She steeled herself as well, ready to deceive the first two people that ever loved her, ready to deceive everyone she lied all of her second life for.

And she was right about one thing ever since Raven knew. No matter how much she girded up her loins, there was a touch of agony in lying now, especially to yearning eyes directed at her.

The pining in their look was received by her own sad gaze. But there was a little bit of comfort in subtle truths, and so Clarke was able to answer.

“I wish I could tell you what you all want to hear. To say, ‘ _I’ve missed you just as much_ ’ or that ‘ _I’ve waited so long._ ’ I wish”—Clarke’s voice quavered and tears began to form in her eyes—“I could say, ‘ _I’m home._ ’”

“I feel so much for all of you, but I’m sorry…”

And before her big lie was out, Lexa stepped in, wrapping her in her arms. Clarke buried herself into the omega, her own arms wrapping around Lexa’s waist. And as she did with Raven earlier in the cave, her fists closed and opened, grasping what she could off the love of her life.

Lexa hummed a lullaby, kissing the side of Clarke’s head every once in a while.

Although what she’d said was the truth, she still leaned on the deceitful side of her double entendre. And she had to remind herself of all the good this would yield at the end of six days.

When the reassurance brought her comfort, she basked in the pseudo-freedom. They accepted the façade. She was safe. They were safe. And it’s all that ever mattered.

When Lexa pulled away and studied Clarke’s face from a few inches, the proximity was warming up every bit of the Alpha, her lust arousing. Clarke had to calm her wolf down again before her incredibly potent pheromones could reveal her desire.

_Behave._

And she was glad when her Alpha did.

A gentle smile graced Lexa’s face. “How do you feel, Clarke?”

“Safe. Light. Happy.”

Clarke’s smile stretched wide when the lead commander of the coalition beamed so uncharacteristically, yet also so… _Lexa. Her Lexa_ of fifteen years ago.

An image so vivid crossed Clarke’s mind. And suddenly, the Lexa before her was the Lexa she had left behind in the past life, shorter with long wild curls. And what was presently lean and sharp features were round and delicate.

Clarke smiled with fresh tears in her eyes as she gazed at the beaming, tender face in front of her. They were young, carefree, and utterly full of hope and love again.

But one word that crossed those plump lips regrettably freed her from her reverie.

“ _Clarke.”_

It was a bittersweet feeling. To miss so much of Lexa’s life and have Lexa miss half of hers too. She may be young in appearance, but her soul was old. And she longed for the days she could’ve had with Lexa: birthdays; anniversaries; fights and make-ups; enjoying the perks that every season carried; enduring extensive trainings in the day and dreaming up futures under the starry night sky; the year Lexa had her first heat; the first time she had a taste of Canlup; the first time she got drank; the years Lexa started filling out her body; the day they would’ve said their ‘I dos’; the day they would’ve mated; the individual days they welcomed their pups; going through adulthood together. And so many other milestones that Clarke never let sink in, in the time she was away, saving herself from the sheer anguish that was bound to happen had she done so.

 _Anguish_ that dwindled to a _bittersweet feeling_ now that she was home… to her unwitting loved ones.

She felt soft hands wipe the tears hanging on her lids.

The mature, gorgeous, and commanding Lexa returned as the younger, delicate, and carefree Lexa slowly faded away before her very eyes. She whimpered lowly at the significance of it; a symbol of what she’d lost and would never have back.

“Yes,” Clarke’s voice quavered. She gulped back her sorrows, tucking it somewhere in the oblivion for now and away from her consciousness and her wolf’s. “Heda?”

Clarke noticed an unnamed pain cross Lexa’s eyes, but she didn’t know why.

It was when Lexa’s relaxed stance disappeared, and the stoicism of a Heda resurfaced, that she did.

 _Yes, we have to be like this for now._ Clarke took a step backward in a show of respect for the other.

When the space between them was defined, Lexa crossed her arms behind her, not in a show of superiority and confidence but, seemingly, to show her authority in an open and relaxed manner.

“I trust that your talk with the Elders was enlightening?” Lexa asked, intently gazing down at the blonde.

Clarke wiped the last of her tears away before responding, a little intermission to give herself the strength to begin lying.

_They were no help at all, my love._

“Yes, Heda,” Clarke began. She cleared the tension in her throat before continuing. “For as long as I can remember, I have had this… aura within me. An aura that I could feel and manipulate. But because I felt different from everyone else, I couldn’t tell anyone about it. Only a very few may have figured it out.” Clarke turned her head to where Jero and Aeia stood in the outer circle, smiling proudly at her before her gaze landed on her second parents next to them, emanating the same pride as the former pair.

Lexa’s eyes followed Clarke’s gaze, and she understood. “Of course, and I have spoken to your seda before and your parents earlier today too. A lot of things will change from now on, Clarke. Tomorrow, your schedule will be hectic. But I understand how exhausted you must be, not just physically, so tonight, we dine, relax, and enjoy.”

Lexa rotated her gaze to everyone that surrounded them, countenance soft and eyes smoldering with a hint of mischief. “It is treason if you don’t comply.”

There were chuckles and muffled giggles in the room. “Sha, Heda.”

* * *

“How do you really feel, strikon?”

Clarke was halfway through her desert when her nontu asked the question.

They were seated together in the table at the far right of the room, close to the windows. Clarke had insisted she wasn’t yet worthy to take a seat at the main table with the commanders, the few present chiefs and ambassadors, and generals.

Costia was quick to agree, understanding Clarke’s need for time and space to get used to things. She shot down the few that had countered how Clarke had the highest honor of all, ordering servants to set a smaller table for Clarke and her family.

When dinner was over, the pups all gathered together and played in one corner. Clarke watched animatedly as her brother laughed and ran. She was left with her nomon and nontu, relieved by the space she was given by everyone.

In light of the big news, she wanted them to get used to her presence, knowing what they knew now, to give them ample time to sort whatever mess their mind must be dealing with. And from the yearning gazes she caught out of the corner of her eye, she was right. Throughout dinner, they were looking at her, studying her with renewed interest. It was just Raven who remained unconcerned, inhaling her food without so much as a glance her way.

Clarke turned her attention forward, finding the concerned look of her nontu’s face. “Do you remember when onka _[uncle]_ Reyon visited us seven summers ago and gave me Jazz, the baby goat?”

Shenan’s eyes widened as if remembering a painful event associated with said goat. He nodded his head hesitantly, eyes shifting to his mate next to Clarke.

“I loved that baby goat. I loved how the months of nurturing it helped distract me from missing Polis and the people I met here.” Clarke turned to face her nomon to her left.

The look on Aryan’s face echoed that of Shenan’s.

“When onka returned almost a winter later and slaughtered Jazz… we all know what happened then.”

Aryan didn’t say a word; she just moved forward, pressing her lips on Clarke’s temple as her hand wrapped around her daughter’s waist.

“How I reacted when he told me the stew I had for supper was Jazz…”

Clarke felt the nod of her nomon’s head as her lips remained on her temple. Her nontu’s hand rested on one of hers across the table, lightly squeezing it for comfort.

“When onka taunted me to give it all I got… when he made me blast him, and I did, you remember the immense guilt I felt watching him convulse, at the brink of death.

“And despite that guilt, relief washed over me. How unburdened I felt. How all the nightmares I had and the longing I felt after leaving Polis diminished significantly.” Clarke looked back and forth her parents with determined eyes.

“It’s how I feel now. The closest intensity I can relate it to was onka’s tough love. There is the pain of loved ones.” Clarke’s eyes shifted suddenly, over her nontu’s shoulder, at the tables of people gawking at her. She smiled at them with a nod before returning her eyes to her nontu. “There’s my pain and anger. There is guilt. But above all, there is freedom.”

There was only silence that followed, and it was a sort of solace. Clarke took the moment to breathe deeply, a gentle smile gracing her face.

“You are angry, little one?” Her nomon clarified, the softness of her voice lulled Clarke even more, as it always did.

“Not now.” Clark’s smile grew wider; her childlike countenance reflected what she was feeling within. _Safe. Light. Happy._ The very same ones she’d said to Lexa earlier, except for one she omitted then: _Free._

Her nomon smiled at her fondly too. But the silence that grew was nowhere near as serendipitous as the one before but a weak point to her parents’ ruse. The strong and poised appearance they had always masked themselves with dropped minutely, and Clarke had a glimpse of their fear. The same fear she’d always seen in the eyes of her Polis family.

There was a sort of click inside her, like a lightning flashing before her very eyes, a revelation.

With the hand that was still there, she squeezed her nontu’s hand before placing her other hand over her nomon’s, doing just the same.

“In this life, you held a fort with formidable and doting wolves. You’ve both been so strong and brave for me so I wouldn’t have to be. I couldn’t ask for a better, second set of parents.”

She understood now why the Elders told her she was meant to live this life without the burdens of a _crowned_ Prime Alpha. She had the gist of it, but it wasn’t until being reminded of her onka’s tough love, her acknowledgment of her newfound freedom, and having lived this life without the same weight she had always carried in her previous one, that it finally sank in on her.

Even with only half of her truth out, she had never felt this unbound in the last 22 years she held such a role. It felt as if she was eight again, unwitting of the gifts she had within. The very same eight-year-old that held Lexa’s hand as they squealed and ran in a game of chase—before any binding discoveries were made.

And this full-on realization had somewhat _cleared_ an intangible blockage within her. A blockage that had always been there since her previous life. A blockage that impeded complete connection with her wolf.

The fetters she’d always tightened on her and her wolf were loosening. They were breaking free, and it was transcendent.

Everyone had always suspected this would come one day, but she never realized she didn’t have to present for it.

Guided by her instincts, she squeezed her parents’ hands again. She closed her eyes and flawlessly drew power equal to the mental prowess of her white wolf.

The touch of her hand was a reassurance she’d provided her parents when she spoke to their minds, _“Please be comforted that I am capable and strong; that though they can and will keep me safe, I will safeguard myself better now.”_

When she heard her nomon and nontu gasp simultaneously, she smiled in victory.

The confusion that came after the incredulous gasps was fleeting. With her crimson eyes still closed, she read their thoughts and saw from there how their eyes dropped to her unmoving lips to confirm.

And just like this unfounded skill that had come to her instinctively, she also knew her disembodied words had a distinct gloss to it that every wolf would recognize on a primal level. So even if their more sensible, human consciousness would take time to fathom the incredible, their wolves would comprehend easily.

When she heard their understanding, Clarke opened her eyes and looked back and forth her parents, confident that the dim lighting in their part of the room kept her crimson eyes concealed. _“Thank you for keeping my secret safe all this time.”_

Her eyes shifted back to blue when a whimper that escaped her nomon’s lips drew more attention to their table.

She smiled again in her childlike manner before her nomon engulfed her in a hug. Clarke reciprocated the embrace as her nontu joined in, moving to their side of the table to hug them both.

Her nontu whispered first, “Clarke Griffin, you will always be _our_ Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru. You cannot take away the curse of worry from any parent but rest assured, we have every faith in you. We will support you as we have for fifteen years, my little one.”

Her nontu loosened his embrace and kissed her temple, as did her nomon.

“Stop being treasonous,” the incoming voice interrupted the parting family. “Tonight, we enjoy.”

Shenan and Aryan laughed as they wiped their tears away. “Do forgive us, Heda. The news was a little heavy for us, my mate and I cannot help but worry,” Aryan answered as she stood, and Shenan followed suit.

Lexa’s expression softened. “Clarke is in good hands. We have no other aim but to back her and keep her safe from every angle.”

Lexa nodded to her right and servers handed Shenan and Aryan a glass of Canlup each. When Clarke stood up in between her parents, Lexa warned, “None for you, Clarke. You do remember how you were that last time?”

Clarke blushed profusely, keeping her thoughts focused on anything but that... as if something could keep her veins dilated enough to prevent a tent forming in her pants. Luckily for her, Raven came out of nowhere, standing next to Lexa with an arm over the heda’s shoulder.

Raven held her own goblet up before saying, “Clarkey, none for you. I tend to chug more when you’re intoxicated too. And we have lots of work to do tomorrow.” She clicked her tongue. “Not good to be hangover when poking and prodding the Prime Alpha.”

Clarke poured herself a glass of water from the table, lowering her head a little more than necessary as if concentrating on the task. She drew her wolf out and the same energy from earlier. This time she poked into Raven’s mind.

_“Are you sure you should drink that? You’ll do crazy things again. What about your pup?”_

“HOLY FUCKING…” Raven shouted, quieting the room in an instant. “…mother nature.”

Lexa felt a sort of spark coming from Clarke’s direction. As a child, her wolf had always been attuned to Clarke’s drawn Alpha. But it was nothing compared to being a presented wolf and thirteen years later, witnessing Clarke’s wolf drawn out a few times. When Clarke and Costia sparred back then, the urgency to protect and calm Clarke overrode any conscious thought. But when Clarke drew her wolf out again in that bunker and kneeled before them, she felt the very second Clarke’s Alpha was drawn. It wasn’t just the turning of blue to crimson that stimulated her senses but that sudden burst of energy—almost like a pheromone blast—made her realize she was even more attuned to Clarke’s wolf than before.

But her friend’s unexpected outburst distracted her from that spark of an aura across from them. “Raven?” Lexa asked cautiously, a hand to the other omega’s back for support.

“Fuck.” Raven chuckled nervously as she faced Lexa. “I think I forgot something.” Raven shook her head—an apparent attempt to clear her mind.

_“What the actual fuck, Clarke? Is this for real? Are you hearing me now? Or is it jus—”_

_“I’ll explain tomorrow.”_

With her wolf drawn back, Clarke looked up, glad to find Raven already detached from her surprise.

“Oh boy… yup, I definitely left a couple of centrifuges running.” Raven passed her goblet to the slightly bemused heda, checking her watch as she did. “Yup! Two hours overdue. Gotta go.”

Raven scurried to one of the exits' direction but yelled halfway, “Nothing to worry about! Nothing that’ll go boom!”

Lexa scoffed after her friend, hoping it really was nothing that “goes boom” but knowing Raven, it most likely was. And sure enough, she saw her best friend slash general striding after her Omega. She chuckled when she saw Anya seemingly mumbling, no doubt exasperated by her mate.

She returned her attention to the small family. “I apologize for her, but you know how eccentric she can be.”

“Oh, please don’t apologize, Heda. We adore Raven, every bit of her.” Aryan chuckled, raising her glass to Raven and Anya’s retreating form.

Shenan toasted to that. “To happy reunions with eccentric family and friends that we love all the same.”

Lexa raised her glass too. “To duty. To love.” She uttered a toast to each of Clarke’s parents before saying one for the blonde Alpha in between. “To coming home.”

Clarke’s soft expression was filled with unequivocal yearning for Lexa, her blue heart eyes never leaving greens. She didn’t know what crossed her mind when she made a toast with her glass of water. Even with the startling discoveries her mind had conjured up tonight, she was always hopeless when it came to Lexa.

It was only after she’d said her toast that she remembered she tended to use phrases that were not too common in grounder tongue, much more so for someone of her physical age.

“To making the world go ‘round.”

* * *

For the rest of the evening, Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off of Clarke. She remained at her table, sipping wine this time, as her eyes followed Clarke’s every move around the room, meeting and greeting friends.

Bellamy was right about the blonde’s unconscious slips. She hadn’t thought much about those, not until she witnessed it herself an hour ago.

As soon as Clarke made her toast, a fifteen-year-old memory resurfaced in Lexa’s mind.

_“Love like ours, selfless love, makes the world go ‘round.”_

Lexa took a shuddering breath as she sat straighter, putting her glass down on the table. She clenched her jaw as if it had a calming effect on her erratic heart.

It was hard enough to be affirmed that her beloved’s soul was back. But to see her soul resurface in blue eyes before they shared that passionate kiss earlier and now hearing words she’d only ever heard her beloved say… were daunting.

Their wolves may share an inevitable bond. But Clarke couldn’t remember her. She, on the other hand, remembered Clarke.

 _Every single bit of her_.

Lexa had to constantly get a grip on herself but also test her limits. She needed this. As soon as the Elders confirmed their long-held suspicion, she knew she would need timely doses of Clarke, if only to gain an immunity of sorts and be able to perform her duties as Heda.

_Six more days, Lexa. Focus now. Pull yourself together. Clarke needs us. We can’t lose her again._

Her wolf agreed.

Lexa lowered her head, biting her lower lip. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, and so she closed them as she took subtle deep breaths.

“You’ll be okay, Lex.” She heard from the person to her left.

Lexa didn’t look up but nodded once in response.

“I know you told us earlier that you’ll keep your distance until she was old enough, but I hope you know nothing will change if you’re with her now, in fact, it’ll be more beneficial to everyone.”

“Cos,” Lexa almost snapped. She sighed as she looked into her friend’s eyes. “Even if Abby and Jake and everyone else agrees with you, it’s still wrong. Clarke deserves to live life as her own age. I’m almost twice as old as her. Technically, _I am_ until the six days are up. How is it none of you can see that she is a child, and I am a grown woman?”

Costia shrugged, her hand landing on one of Lexa’s on the armrest of the chair. “It’s not that we don’t see. It’s what our gut is telling us. It’s difficult to explain, Lex, but there’s this… understanding within, down where my wolf resides. And it’s been there for as long as I can remember. This _understanding_ is my wolf knowing its place, knowing I can never be what you need, what _balances_ you.

“And then meeting Clarke, there’s this another kind of understanding again. And this time, it’s my wolf knowing Clarke is someone to be looked up to… indisputably, someone that can give you what I can’t, someone who needs her own balance _who is of equal force_. And then seeing you two, it simply makes sense, you know?”

When Lexa didn’t respond, Costia tried a different tactic. “Do you remember what you said to me when you agreed to take me as a mate?”

Lexa’s eyes returned to Costia with furrowed brows. After a while, she answered. “My soul and wolf belong to Clarke and no one else, my body belongs to the coalition.”

Costia nodded. “And do you remember why you had to take a mate?”

“You are easily at your center if you are balanced by another, and you balance them in return.”

Costia nodded again. “And I’m starting to believe it’s not just by being mated that will keep you balanced and at your center, Lex. I meant what I said last night. It’s always been written, you and Clarke. Even if our mating bond is in the way, I can never replace her wolf. And your wolf has always been headstrong and powerful to accept mine—”

Lexa shook her head. “Cos…”

“No, wait, I mean it. Most everyone accepts a mating bond willingly and instantaneously—not yours. So trust me, you’ll find you’re most centered if you’re with Clarke. And when you realize how right I am, you’ll also be reminded that it’s your soul’s indestructible bond to hers…

“Just as how phenomenal everything about Clarke’s being is, you are too. She brings the balance you need. And you’re what she needs.”

They shared a knowing look. A look of gratitude. A look of friendship. A look so teasing, Lexa had to suppress a snort as she playfully rolled her eyes.

“Stop being so silly, Heda,” Costia lightly reprimanded. “You’ll ruin our 11-year-old image.”

The sudden bark of laughter that left Lexa’s lips turned heads to their table. But the silence was short-lived when Costia laughed so heartily herself, poking fun at the rosy color painted on her friend’s face.

Everyone else in the room laughed at the Alpha Heda’s contagious mirth. They would all chalk this up as the Canlup’s influence, come the next day, when the Hedas were serious and more restrained.

Lexa was still shaking her head in amusement when her eyes returned to where it last saw Clarke.

When their eyes met, Lexa saw a timid smile painting the blonde’s lips, and she also noticed a bit of sadness that lingered in her eyes.

She hoped Clarke didn’t misinterpret her friendship with Costia as anything else anymore. She remembered she hadn’t told Clarke anything at all. They kissed but with everything else that happened after, they simply didn’t have the time to talk about it.

“Talk to her.” Costia poked her arm as if she had just read what was on Lexa’s mind.

Lexa nodded, eyes never leaving sad blues.

Lexa got up from her seat, glad that it seemed like the inebriate chatters and merriment won’t die out anytime soon. Her presence wasn’t required, and they were unlikely to notice her absence.

Her gaze on Clarke remained, and an opportune moment arose when Clarke moved a hand to cover her small yawn. Lexa wasn’t sure if it was genuine or a ruse, but she was thankful for it anyway.

“Clarke,” Lexa greeted again.

“Hed—” The blonde rose to her feet, as did her fellow Blue Cliff train-mates, but with Lexa’s right hand up, all but Clarke stopped mid-rise, sitting back down again.

“You look exhausted.”

“I am, Heda. Everything’s… overwhelming. I think a good night’s sleep will help.”

“Of course, allow me to show you to your room then. Your family has their own quarters in the tower too so you need not worry about them.”

Clarke simply nodded, having been told already that she was to live in the tower from now on. She looked to her family’s table to find them already looking at her. There was a quick knowing nod shared between them before Clarke turned to her friends.

“See you all in the morning.”

There was a chorus of goodnights. But it was Kiya that stood out when she got up to hug Clarke warmly, whispering something to Clarke’s ear that had caused a blush to form on her cheeks.

Lexa clenched her jaw as she kept her anger in, cooling off the boiling pheromones nearly escaping.

Jero broke them off with a hug of his own; his cheerful smile relaxed Clarke in an instant.

“Reshop, Clarke.”

“Reshop, Jero.”

Lexa stepped to the side so she and Clarke could walk together, leaving the glaring noise, music, laughter, and unbeknownst to both, knowing smiles shared between Clarke’s first family and the second.

* * *

“Heda?” Clarke said as soon as the doors to the lift closed.

Lexa looked at her intently, awaiting whatever it was Clarke wanted to say.

“Kiya likes to tease me a lot, but I don’t… I’ve never liked her in that way.”

A corner of Lexa’s lips slowly turned upward. She cleared her throat before making an admission of her own. “Last night, Costia and I have decided to be co-leaders as friends.”

Clarke’s eyes widened, her lips opened and closed a couple of times but not a single word escaped them.

Lexa’s smirk turned into a gentle smile as she continued, “She was adamant that she doesn’t want to come in between… us.”

Just then, the doors opened, and they stepped off. Lexa couldn’t tell what was going on in Clarke’s head. But with everything the Alpha had been through this day alone, she opted not to push Clarke.

They were standing outside a door. And Clarke realized then which floor she was at. She looked around to find her room right across the small hallway that led to the sole room there—Lexa’s _._

“Yes, that is my room,” Lexa answered when she followed Clarke’s gaze. “As you already know,” Lexa added but quickly berated herself for digging her own grave. She broke Clarke’s heart following the night the blonde left the blue moon flower in that room.

She cleared her throat in an attempt to move forward. “Costia’s room is to the left at the other end of the hallway; the same structure as mine. The other rooms here are guest bedrooms for the Griffins, my parents, and other family and friends. Your family is staying on the floor below ours.”

“Thank you, Heda.”

“Of course, Clarke. As you’re already aware, your safety is a priority to the coalition. So please… for the next week, do take very good care of yourself. There are a few warriors and soldiers assigned to watch over you and jump in between you and a threat. I do not wish to suffocate you with rules and security measures, Clarke, but I _will_ add more if the need arises.”

Clarke shook her head. “I have no intention of worrying you, Heda. I could never hurt you… any of you.”

_…Again._

Lexa nodded, pleased with the promise. “Thank you, Clarke, I want nothing more than that.”

_I just can’t lose you again._

“Heda... Will you stay with me tonight?”

The alarmed expression on Lexa’s face made Clarke a rambling mess. “I just mean— we may have a lot to talk about. And it— it only makes sense if we did that in one room. We might get tired eventually so I— I’ll sleep on the couch or carpet just—”

Lexa pulled Clarke in for a hug, a hand resting atop blonde head as she purred. The tension in Clarke’s body left her immediately, Lexa smiled at her success. “Shh… We do have a lot to talk about but are you not tired?”

“Never for you.” Clarke cleared her throat. “Heda.”

Lexa pulled away but kept her proximity as it is.

“Clarke… before anything else, I think you should know that I respect you and will respect you for who you are despite you and my beloved sharing the same soul.” Lexa observed the resolute look on Clarke’s face as if already expecting what she was about to say and steeling herself for it.

“The kiss we shared was not a mistake, and I admit that I do have feelings for you. Most everyone attributes these things to the workings of an infrangible bond our souls share. And I know you feel what I feel too. But I have lived much longer. I have had the opportunity to experience life in ways—”

“That I have not,” Clarke finished for her, unloading some of her beloved’s burdens off of her. “I am young. And I need to be older and wiser, enough to say I am ready to be with someone.”

“You can always be with someone your age,” Lexa managed to offer through her clenched teeth. But it was quickly shot down by Clarke’s scoffing growl.

Lexa raised a challenging eyebrow in response.

“Look, Heda, I get that we can’t be together. I get that I have a role to uphold as do you. I get that starting tomorrow, I will be prodded, trained intensively, and highly secured by all eyes around me until the day I present. I get that I am young and naïve. I get that there may be Omegas and Betas interested in me. But please… never assume that I could ever be with someone else.”

Clarke took Lexa’s hands, placing them over her chest with her own holding them there. “You said so yourself, Heda, the transcendent being that allows this heart to beat has a special bond to the one that makes yours beat too. And that transcendent being of mine… it will always howl for yours alone, no matter how it is received.

“So until the day comes that you and I will owe nothing more to our people, please know that I will be your friend, I will be your student, and I will be your subject. And I will be the same to everyone else, but I cannot be with another.”

It took some time before Lexa could formulate a response. She shouldn’t be surprised but she still was; her passionate, tenacious, and sagacious Clarke was resurfacing more and more. It was still daunting, but with Clarke’s declaration, it was now comforting too.

“Well then,” Lexa said as she pushed Clarke’s door open. “We’ve lots to talk about.”

* * *

_“Nomon, hos op! [hurry up!]” The blonde pup called before continuing on with her song about a pirate’s life as she skipped blithely ahead._

_“Hang on, sweetheart. We have to wait for your mother.”_

_“Mommy is already there! Come on!”_

_Lexa shook her head at her pup. Taking a quicker pace, she had to constantly rearrange the contents of the picnic basket she carried in one hand._

_Weaving swiftly through large pine trees, she called out for her pup to be careful._

_“I am, Nomon!”_

_As they walked up a hillock, her basket had somehow gotten heavier as if more contents were being added by the minute. She ignored the extra weight in favor of keeping her eyes securely on her pup._

_When they reached the top, Lexa was confused to find white and grey stones lined up in symmetrical shape and pattern. They looked like gravestones from the movies she’d seen. She’d never seen one in person until today._

_They passed every stone—all of them void of their names. The weight of the basket was so much heavier now, she had to carry it with both hands._

_Her eyes were still scanning the stones when the small body in front of her stopped, making her stop as well. She looked down at her pup staring at the white stone in front of them._

_“Hi, mommy, we’re here!” her pup greeted cheerfully._

_Lexa’s eyes shifted forward again to look at the gravestone before them. And like the others, it had no name on it._

_She dropped her basket to her side and kneeled next to her pup, pulling her arms gently to face her. “Honey, that’s not your mommy. Your mommy is alive and well.”_

_The pup’s brows creased, and her head tilted a little, just as her sire does when she’s confused. “What do you mean, nomon? Did you forget today is mommy’s ‘morial day?” The pup pointed to the basket._

_Lexa looked down to find items that belonged to Clarke—items she was certain weren’t there when they left. Leo, a child’s backpack, toy guns, art materials, books, the white halter dress, more Skaikru clothes, a wristwatch, Clarke’s grounder clothes, and four blue moon flowers._

_They were accumulated items of 30 years of life._

_“Honey, this isn’t—” Lexa shook her head vehemently, returning her attention to the child. “Your mother is safe. She is not dead. She was in Polis when we left.”_

_“Nomon, don’t be silly, the more we wait out, the more regrets we have, remember?” The pup pointed to the basket again. “And then the heavier it gets.”_

_“No, love.” Lexa took her child’s face between her hands. “Listen to me, Clarke is alive. Clarke is safe. We protected her and will protect her always.”_

_“You forgot…” the pup said with a pout, her cheerful disposition dwindled to sadness._

_“Forgot what?”_

“Clarke! Nononono! No! No!”

_Lexa looked up at the dark greyish skies in search of the disembodied echo that had suddenly surrounded them._

“My love.”

_The voice became clearer._

“Baby, you’re going to be okay. I’m right here, wake up.”

_Lexa turned her attention to her right, following the source of the voice._

_A cold shiver ran down her spine when instead of the white, empty gravestone, she was faced with a memory._

“One one thousand”

“Two one thousand”

“Three one thousand”

“Abby help…”

_“No,” Lexa whispered unconsciously as she watched the younger version of herself attempt a futile resuscitation, yelling at Abby at the same time._

“Jake! You do it! Clarke needs CPR!”

“Little one, shhh.”

_A trembling exhale left her when she saw her nontu and nomon holding young her away from her Alpha._

_It was a memory that her nightmares would so often replay for her, yet it never dulled the pain._

_She cried again, holding her pup against her chest, protecting her from the most soul-crushing experience of her life._

“In peace, may you leave the shore.”

“No. Please, no.”

“In love, may you find the next.”

“Please… Don’t. Help her. Anyone!”

“Safe passage on your travels.”

“Octavia! Raven! Anya! DO SOMETHING!”

“Until our final journey on the ground.”

“Please…”

“May we meet again.”

“Clarke…”

_“Yu gonplei ste odon [Your fight is over],” her pup whispered along her foni and fona [grandmother and grandfather]._

_“No…” Lexa whispered along with her 13-year-old self._

“Lexa!” the voice brought her out elsewhere.

Lexa rose from where she had lain, looking frantically around. Gradually, she became aware of her surroundings and the dampness of her face. But even with her disoriented state ebbing away, the emotions brought out of her by that dream were still so raw, so fresh.

When warm hands moved across her face to wipe tears away, she smelt the soothing air coming off from an Alpha.

“Clarke…” Even she could hear the desperation in her voice.

“I’m here, shh… I’m okay. I’m alive.” Clarke choked back her tears.

Lexa’s eyes scanned Clarke’s body, making sure she was indeed okay. They were still in Clarke’s room, on Clarke’s bed. She pulled the kneeling blonde in front of her, burying her face in Clarke’s chest, finding comfort in the purr that vibrated softly there.

Clarke willed herself to be strong.

When she was startled off her slumber, feeling Lexa kicking and groaning in bed next to her, her protective nature kicked in, drawing as much of her wolf out as she could without shifting. And without meaning to, she saw it, saw the dream her beloved’s mind had concocted.

There was a young girl that looked like her. She called Lexa ‘nomon’, and she had the gist that she was the ‘mommy’. They were in a graveyard where she was apparently buried. The graveyard that was the meadow she died in, fifteen years ago. And then, she saw the aftermath of her death.

Being who she was, having had people tap into her subconscious mind with simulations, playing true and fabricated memories in her lucid state, she could distinguish what’s real and not. And without a doubt, she _knew_ the scene that played then in Lexa’s dream was a memory.

She saw and felt _—_ completely felt _—_ what her Omega went through at the very hour her spirit had left them. She’d heard stories of what went on after the death of the late Prime Alpha, but it was never this detailed, never this moving, and never this crippling.

“I’m okay. I’m safe. It was all a dream. It won’t be real.”

Lexa sniffled. “But it was,” she answered from Clarke’s chest.

“I know, but we’re okay. Look, pinch me.”

The Omega shook her head. “I hate the idea of hurting you, Clarke.”

Clarke chuckled softly. “I’m okay.” She pulled back, wiping tears off Lexa’s face again.

“I’m sorry I woke you. I tend to voice out or scream in my sleep.”

“Please, Le— Heda. I’m more than happy to be here when you wake up from dreams like that.” Clarke looked her in the eye with every confidence her whole being could muster. “I want to keep you safe. I _will_ keep you safe even from nightmares.”

Lexa’s responding smile was sad, considering how painful the dream had been, Clarke wouldn’t blame her.

“It’s a common dream for me, a memory playing over and over, but with added twists. Sometimes, I fear they may be warnings too.” _Like that daunting message of her pup._

Clarke nodded, already knowing what the dream was about. “But it’s just that… dreams. What’s important is where we are now.”

“I know… Thank you, Clarke.”

Lexa looked out the window. Pointing with her chin at the darkness she found, she spoke again, “Go back to sleep.”

“I will, if you will, Heda.” Clarke moved to lie on her side of the bed again, keeping her distance as she did when they both fell asleep a few hours ago.

Lexa’s soft smile returned, but Clarke saw the hesitation in her eyes. A sly idea crossed her mind, and she pouted and pulled out her most endearing puppy dog eyes. But the innocence died abruptly when she smirked at Lexa’s surrender.

“Just so you know, I don’t approve.” Lexa sighed but shook her head amusedly as she lay under the furs, tucking herself in. “How are we supposed to do our jobs properly if you do that every single time you want something?”

Clarke chuckled at her Omega’s playful exasperation. “You’ll most likely find, Heda, that I very seldom get what I want.” Clarke felt her eyes tremble with yearning but smiled through the pain. “But then again, I’m the Prime Alpha, I may not even need to do that anymore to have my way,” she quipped.

Lexa laughed heartily, wiping tears at the corner of her eyes. “I see you brought your charms with you in this life…”

They shared a soft smile at that. And just like earlier that night before they fell asleep, they talked for a bit about random stuff, about the years they’d spent apart. And when Lexa was the first to nod off again, Clarke spent the next few minutes gazing at the peaceful expression on her beautiful soulmate.

Later that night, Lexa thrashed on the bed again. Clarke cleared her drowsiness away, drawing her wolf out once more. Lexa’s dream was another memory, a memory of watching a large pyre helplessly and numbly. She wanted to comfort Lexa but did it differently this time. She manifested herself in that dream, nothing physical, just her voice—the very same disembodied voice she had used on her parents and Raven.

_“We will be together when you wake up, my love. I’m right here beside you. I’m safe. I’m with you.”_

Clarke smiled as she witnessed the creased brows relax and a smile growing on her sleeping Omega’s face.

Clarke pulled her Alpha back, deciding then to just speak directly into Lexa’s mind without any more peeking into her subconsciousness. No matter how much she was itching to literally see Lexa in her dreams, to see and experience memories that she’d missed, or comfort her with the empathy of a firsthand witness, she knew she shouldn’t cross that boundary anymore without Lexa’s consent.

“I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. But I will be with you from now on. Always,” Clarke whispered before she drifted off to sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it?
> 
> \---
> 
> To those who read TRC, have you noticed some parallels to this one and TRC's recent chapter? Odd... 😆


	36. The Tiny Thing Called ‘Wolf’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets examined and trained as the official Prime Alpha.  
> A few surprises come their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Hey
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments <3 You guys are awesome! Truly. WYA is my _baby,_ and there's no way I'm abandoning it. So I hope that puts some of you at ease. I'm just struggling with a couple of new things and projects at work thus the delay. 
> 
> Again, this fic is not betaed so do forgive the mistakes.
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, enjoy...

-xxxvi-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

“Seriously, Clarke!” Raven scolded. “You gotta trust my equipment! You can do it, just calm down and focus.”

“Raven,” Abby warned the younger Omega, who gave up, biting a fist to contain herself as she walked back to the control room.

Abby glared at her retreating figure, putting her chart down before focusing on the blonde pup sitting so tensely on the examination chair.

“Tell me what’s wrong, sweetie?” Abby asked, wrapping her hands around the blonde’s cold fists, kneading back its circulation. “Hmm?”

“I won’t do it.” Clarke shook her head and several wires attached on her scalp followed every movement. “Please don’t make me,” she whispered, looking so little and helpless that Abby promptly held Clarke’s face between her hands, thumbs stroking either cheek.

“I know this looks and sounds scary, but you’re not going to fail. You’ve done a similar test in your past life, and I assure you, you didn’t fail.”

“Not at this intensity!” Clarke’s words burst out of her before she could think about its implications.

Luckily for her, Raven’s promise to back her up meant the Omega was always armed with a fib.

Raven emerged—visibly calmer but determined—from the control room into the pristine exam room. And Clarke was once again reminded of her gratitude to the universe that at least one of her best friends knew about her.

“Clarke,” Raven started as she walked to them. “I know you’re worried when I told you earlier this part of the assessment wasn’t done before but trust me… These electrodes attached on you not only show the mechanics of your brain blasting the lethal pheromones but as we’ve explained earlier, those same electrodes on Jero’s head will warn the system when it gets too much. And when it does, that glass shield between you two will activate and close its every pore, effectively blocking your pheromones, while the air inside Jero’s room is being neutralized.” 

Raven was next to Abby then, gently patting an electrode on Clarke’s temple. “And while that’s happening, these electrodes were redesigned to safely shock you enough to knock you out. And that’s not even necessary. It’s just to assure you that no matter what, You. Will. Not. Kill. Anyone,” Raven stressed each of the last words with a nod.

“But what if we lose power and the shield won’t be up, and the vents and these things on my head won’t work? Have you considered every variable that could happen?”

Raven smirked nonchalantly, playing it cool for the others. “The fact that _you_ , the Prime Alpha-in-training, speak my language now says it. Of course, I’ve considered every variable. Even the most unlikely ones.”

Abby’s stunned expression relaxed a little. Everyone was slowly acclimating to any unusual trait of _Clarke the grounder_ , seeing it as an aperture of her old soul talking, just as Raven had justified to them two weeks ago. But the resemblances they’d recognized in seven-year-old Clarke were broad preferences and dislikes. Now, Clarke was showing the more substantial traits of her old self.

 _Maybe she’ll remember eventually?_ Abby asked to no one in particular, the gears in her head whirring in search of answers, be it through years dedicated to the medical field or the chronicles she’d borrowed from Gaia.

“Can’t you at least give Jero a small dose of your hibernation drug? Enough to make sure his wolf is not completely affected?” Clarke asked, snapping Abby out of her contemplation.

Abby was about to respond when Raven answered for them, “Clarke, one of the main reasons for this is to _know_ how much ‘enough’ is. We need baselines. And you’re the preeminent threat to our kind—no offense. So, whatever result we can get from you, only means we can figure out the defense we’ll need against pheromone-based weapons.

“That’s why we have to study every little activity: from your trigger to the production of your pheromones, to its potency on the subject, and then, the subject’s physiological responses, or uhh… Jero's brain and body’s reactions.”

“But what if—” Clarke was cut off when Jero suddenly appeared next to Abby, looking concerned but also slightly comical with his brown hair poking through several wire-free electrodes.

“Clarke, do you remember how I was the only one to ever spar with you despite the entire village discouraging me?”

Clarke nodded despite her wrinkled brows.

“And how I still sparred with you even after you punched me to a few yards away…”

“You what?” Abby’s attention moved back and forth the two.

“It wasn’t that far,” Jero assured Abby, “just seven yards or so but she claims it was twenty.” He smiled toothily, innocently brushing off the incident.

“Because it _was_ twenty!” Clarke argued back.

“She was the tiny creature back then; everything was _so big_ to her.” Jero’s eyes never left Abby and Raven as he continued to explain.

Both Omegas chuckled at the argument of what looked like a teasing older brother and an annoyed little sister.

“You were like three inches taller than me then.”

“She also just learned some fancy Skaikru measurement systems so she was always exaggerating then.”

Clarke’s typical response around a teasing Jero was to punch his arm, and she did so obligingly.

The Beta dramatically rubbed the area as if to ease the pain. “This is how she handles a defeated argument—brawn.”

Clarke gasped. “I do not.”

“She does not,” they heard someone confirm. 

Turning all at once, they found the Omega Heda leaning against the door frame. And a few feet to her left, on the other side of the observation mirror, in the control room, were Jake, Monty, Maya, Octavia, Anya, and Costia quelling their amusement.

Lexa pushed herself off the frame and walked towards the small crowd in front of the examinee. “Not to me, at least,” she reverted teasingly.

“See?” Jero said without missing a beat.

“You were all supposed to be poking to study me, not poking fun at me.” The groan and pout of the blonde made them laugh, even Anya, with her typical snicker and suppressed smile.

“We’re breaking the ice, Clarkey,” Raven said. “What, you think I don’t make things go boom around here sometimes just to keep myself entertained?”

“You do what?!” Somebody else came charging into the room. “I swear, Raven, you and your boredom will be the death of me!” Anya snarled.

Laughter filled the room again. “Please excuse us, Clarke, Heda.” Anya bowed to their direction before dragging Raven to a corner in the room.

Clarke kept chuckling as the couple bickered, seeing Raven handle the situation in her typical playful manner despite Anya’s face going red and a few veins started to pop out. And when they quickly made up with a Raven-initiated make-out session, Clarke almost choked, averting her eyes at the same time Jero did.

When the two separated, Anya stomped back into the control room, embarrassed by her slipping bravado. She didn’t argue when Raven jokingly explained her Alpha was whipped for her. At this point, the young Prime Alpha could have a different impression of her all she wants, so long as she had this easy friendship with her mate. 

Anya had noted the small changes in Raven. The more pronounced spring in her step; her somewhat renewed approach to waking up—the radiant smile, as arms and legs outstretched, that wasn’t always there to greet the sun; and above all, their streak of passionate mating that she knew never possessed such ardor in the seventeen years they’d been together. Perhaps they had those in their first few years but it stopped. And a few weeks ago, it’d returned.

She wasn’t jealous of their friendship. Her Alpha was not in the least triggered at the idea that someone else was the reason for her mate’s more positive outlook on life. She knew what sort of pain they carried when they lost Clarke, and how Raven masked her guilt and woe for years. But brighter days were ahead of them now. Despite the newer tensions revolving around Clarke, she just _knew_ grey skies and seemingly incorrigible fog were clearing up for them.

The corner of her lips lifted a little as she retook her spot at the back of the control room, perching on a table against the wall. Not a second later, Costia joined her.

Anya turned to look at her comrade. “How do you feel?”

Costia seemed animated, watching through the glass at the resumed bickering in the examining room. It appeared Clarke was being cornered again by a teasing trio with Abby staying neutral. But the doctor’s suppressed grins were definitely not in Clarke’s favor.

“Eleven... Uh no… twelve," Costia mumbled.

With concern written all over her face, Anya asked, “What are you talking about?”

“Thirteen.” Costia turned her head to face Anya. “Lexa arrived not 3 minutes ago and already, she’s laughed thirteen times.”

Anya’s head swiveled at that. She knew they’ve been relieved and happy the past few weeks, minus the days Clarke had spent ignoring them. But to hear from someone else how happy her best friend was, it was… surreal.

She observed the scene herself: of Lexa throwing her head back as she laughed, of Lexa and Raven nudging and playfully shoving each other, and of Lexa beaming at Abby and Clarke.

A young outsider was in the room with them, and Lexa didn't care. Anya didn’t stop the genuine smile growing on her face.

“I wish I’d really met her back then,” Costia whispered next to her.

She faced her friend again, finding Costia scrutinizing her also. And she understood the sadness behind those hazel eyes meant no malice of any form. Anya smiled at her empathetically.

“You still can, you know?”

“I know… I just want to give her space, for now, wait for her to be ready. She was never fond of my presence even as a child if you remember.”

“And I also remember her bowing her allegiance to you the other night, obeying you as her commander.”

Costia snorted. “That means nothing now, she was proclaimed highest of all the next day.”

Anya sighed with a slight shake of her head. “Cos… She will see the real you. I don’t think she knows yet everything that you did for her seven years ago and even that night you left a couple of weeks ago... You were always so concerned about her well-being and the health of the relationship we were rebuilding with her.

“In all honesty, I don’t think my Alpha would be as level-headed as yours if I were Lexa’s mate. I truly admire you for that heart of yours, Costia. And Clarke will see that too.”

Costia smiled almost bashfully. “Thanks, Ahn.” Facing forward again, she added, “I hope she does.”

Anya resettled in her position too, eyes returning on the people who seem to have forgotten what they were supposed to be doing.

“She will.”

Since the bickering started, it didn’t take long for Jake, Monty, Maya, and Octavia to join the group inside the exam room.

They had somehow ended up reminiscing and laughing at the time when they were teenagers chased by Pauna, the mutated ape they had all thought to be lore.

Octavia was just about to get to the good part when Anya charged into the room again, clear panic in her eyes.

Lexa, Raven, and Maya snorted as soon as they saw the anxious general enter the room.

“Don’t you have a job to do here?” Anya growled. “You’ve been talking for almost an hour now when you should have been examining Clarke.”

“I want to know what happened,” Jero whispered so fast in his stilled posture as if trying to hear the story but not provoke his general at the same time.

“Wait, I haven’t heard this one too.” Costia poked her head around the door.

“Six more days, people! We have a timetable,” Anya reminded, clapping her hands as if to quicken their pace.

Costia and Jero groaned, as did Clarke for pretense, when the others simply returned to their positions in the control room, still laughing as they did.

“You’ve got this, Clarke,” Jake encouraged before leaving with Abby.

Lexa waited for the others to leave them before offering, “I can still take Jero’s place. I’ve done this before.”

Clarke remembered that so vividly, just how terrified she was especially when she had to deliver very aggressive pheromones. But back then, their goal wasn’t to touch deadly limits. It was to understand why Clarke couldn’t hurt people she cared about when she made them submit.

“It’s fine, Heda. Please don’t worry about me, you were supposed to go do 'Heda' duties today.”

Lexa’s soft smile returned, the one only ever reserved for Clarke. “I thought I should show some support. And also, Costia radioed me that you were having a panic attack, how else was I supposed to react?”

Clarke nodded a headful of wires. She was still a little surprised at how comfortable she was becoming of Costia. With their primal nature to consider, it certainly wouldn’t be easy being in between your mate and another Alpha, let alone having to defer to said Alpha when your role in society defined superiority. And when Clarke realized that, she had nothing but respect for Costia.

“I’m on the other side, Clark,” Lexa reminded. “I know how these things work. I hope you trust that I won’t let you fail. Okay?”

Clarke’s eyes glistened as she smiled. “Sha, Heda.”

When the metal doors closed securely, Clarke looked across to find Jero reattached to his wires, sitting with his legs crossed on the large mattress on the floor, beaming proudly at her.

And then Clarke heard him say through the intercom, “I sparred with you, knowing what you were capable of, because I had every faith in you, and you leaned on to my faith.”

Jero smirked. “Remember that.”

Clarke took a lungful of air before nodding a little, eyes still wide at the reminder.

There was silence from the control room before Raven’s voice could be heard. Clarke could only guess they were just as surprised by Jero’s advice.

“Ready when you are, Clarke,” Raven’s electronic voice said.

Clarke closed her eyes as she took deep breaths. Crimson red eyes formed beneath her lids. As she focused on Jero’s mind, she voided herself of feelings, blocking their bond. But at the back of her mind, she leaned on his faith.

She confided in Raven and Jero three hours ago—behind closed doors—how she was now capable of drawing her wolf form’s mental prowess at a much greater faculty; the reason why she could poke into another’s mind in human form when in her past life, she had to be a wolf to be able to hear whispers or fragments of thoughts in another’s mind.

And Raven wanted to understand the science behind this—if there were even any. So before Clarke found herself strapped with wires and electrodes, Raven had asked her to speak to hers and Jero’s wolf before the main experiment took place.

Jero knew what he signed up for, and he re-volunteered still, even after being told by Raven that Clarke’s newfound skill only meant she was unprecedentedly stronger.

The others who were unaware of their liaison simply thought Clarke was making Jero submit with her human form’s slower, albeit still lethal blast.

But to draw her wolf’s mental capabilities for this, they were technically testing how quickly she could overwhelm another’s wolf. Hence Clarke’s panic attack earlier, mortified that her goal was to “subdue” her best friend with the speed and potency of uncharted waters.

 _“Raven. Jero,”_ Clarke signaled.

 _“Ai Keryon [My Spirits]…”_ She heard from the room across from her.

 _“Fuck,”_ said the other from the control room before adding, _“when you’re ready, Clarke.”_

Clarke opened her eyes and growled a roar she hadn’t done in years. A roar that once wiped out more than a thousand Azgedans. 

In milliseconds, after a single wave of her blast, she felt a jolt pulse all over her head. Knowing she was about to get knocked out, she realized in that very second how she hated the contingency plan as she watched helplessly the writhing body across from her.

Jero was her last thought before she was surrounded by darkness.

* * *

She stretched on a comfortable bed.

_Where am I?_

She yawned as she blinked the sleep from her eyes.

“She’s awake,” she heard someone say.

Quickly, she was surrounded by the family and friends that examined her earlier. When her mom came to her side, checking in on her, she remembered what had happened.

“Jero?!” She quickly sat upright to scan the room. When the other side of the bed dipped, she turned in response.

“Right here, calm down,” Jero answered.

“Oh my god!” Clarke threw her arms around him, holding him as tight as she could.

She let the tears fall freely down her face; she was utterly relieved that he was alive. She was confident towards the end of that test—seconds before passing out—but now that it was all over, and she let her emotions in again, she couldn’t help but sob.

“Hey! What are you crying for?” Jero scolded, patting her back simultaneously. “Prime Alpha blasted me and I survived! I’m the boy that lived! How remarkable is that?!”

Jero’s excitement was palpable, and Clarke laughed without missing a beat. Relieved tears turned tears of joy as she laughed, and Jero wiped them when they pulled away.

“Don’t be so smug, I blasted onka Reyon years ago, and he lived too.” Clarke gulped at the widened eyes of those around them. “It’s a long story, but it wasn’t as deadly as I did with Jero today. I promise.”

Shaking her surprise away, Raven walked towards the foot of Clarke's bed. “Alright then, are you ready for the results?” Her usual smugness was suspiciously absent; instead, it was gentle contentment gracing her face.

Lexa perched next to Clarke, replacing Jero as Abby remained on the other side of the bed.

“You did well, Clarke.” Lexa smiled, eyes glinting with pride.

“Thank you, Heda.”

“Do you want to rest first before we get on to business?” Abby offered.

“I am good, thank you, Abby.”

“Alright!” Raven clapped her hands as she moved a little to the side, still at the foot of the bed. “Babe, bring the thing.” She motioned to her grumbling mate, as Anya pushed a wheeled table with a wide monitor on top of it.

“Monty?” the Omega called out, and not a second later, the screen was brought to life.

It showed a video of a brain labeled PA-II-001. A cross-sectional brain scan with blue outlines for the cranium and its contents. And hues of yellow and red expanded and retracted, beating as if the central source of it was a heart—and fittingly so as the tiny thing was purely red and situated near the middle of the brain.

“I’ll be brief in my explanations so basically, Clarke and Jero, this small, red, pine-shaped organ is called the pineal gland. Humans have always considered this gland as the seat of the soul because of the hormones and compounds it produces that allow us to achieve higher states of consciousness. For our species, however, the pineal gland does more—it dictates other glands to produce pheromones; helps drive organs and systems to enhance our healing and amplify our speed, strength, and senses; and it works hand-in-hand with our adpineal gland for several other functions.”

Raven zoomed the video and pointed to a tiny triangular mass sitting atop the pineal gland. Raven rewound the video and everything was just blue, no reds nor yellows.

“Now look closely,” Raven whispered, effectively adding thrill to the wait.

The adpineal gland glowed red before anything else. Raven zoomed out in time for the pineal gland to glow red too. And just as earlier, the yellow and red surrounded the two glands, beating like a heart. But then surprised gasps left their lips when what was once shades of blue outlining the crevices of the brain became engulfed by nothing else besides the color red, even the yellow disappeared. And just as sudden as the red consumed the blue, there was a noticeable, thunder-like vine that crawled from everywhere towards the center, and then the blue returned, not a single red present.

“What you first witnessed was Clarke’s relaxed brain. In any usual setting, both these glands are in harmony with the rest of our brain, therefore there wasn’t any activity observed by my machine until Clarke drew her Alpha out. In that precise moment that she did”—Raven looked at her with a signal from her eyes that only she and Jero understood—“the adpineal lit up before the pineal did. And when her wolf was fully drawn out, both glands were activated but they’re steady. But when she blasted, you can see every microscopic pathway of her brain was stimulated. Every. Single. One. Before the shock came through and Clarke was unconscious.

“Looking through past data, the results show Clarke’s mental power now surpassed her white wolf’s.”

At the gasps, Raven simply nodded. “Our species’ history thought the adpineal was simply there to complement and regenerate the pineal gland but because of today’s test, Abby and I believe that that little thing there… that is our wolf. The pineal seats our soul. The adpineal seats our wolf.”

Clarke was floored as was everyone else besides Raven, Abby, and Monty. She understood now why Raven requested her to speak to their minds before anything else. Her wolf was speaking to theirs. And now Raven found its source.

In the thousands of years their kind lived, no one's ever figured that out. They’d always lived in secret before the nuclear war and so, not much science was conducted. They were content with the oral traditions and keeping to their packs and clans. And in all those years, they never had someone like Clarke, the elders, and even the reapers remained folklores told around campfires. And so no delineating research was ever conducted until Clarke came along and before her death, left them a reaper to study.

“Wow…” Octavia spoke first. “That tiny thing controls our other half? But… what’s different now? How is it that Clarke’s mental power exceeds her wolf? I don’t even think she’s ever shifted yet? Have you, Clarke?”

“I haven’t.” Clarke was getting more and more comfortable at lying now. Her reservations from yesterday died overnight. She didn’t mind why or how; she was just glad it did.

“What’s the difference between Clarke 1.0 and Clarke 2.0?” Raven asked as she leaned on the wheeled table that Anya quickly blocked to keep from rolling away. As if already expecting her mate to catch her, Raven simply turned her head to blow a kiss at Anya, who received it with an exasperated sigh.

Costia ignored the mates when she answered, “Today’s Clarke never carried the same burden the past Clarke did?”

“Precisely. You see, stress, pressure, trauma, pain, and all the other negative energies can affect the pathways between both pineals to the rest of the brain. Wolf’s woe has a partial blockage from the adpineal to the rest of the brain. While reaper brain has complete obstruction from the pineal to the rest of the brain, that’s why their ‘humanities are turned off’ because there’s nothing that restrains and balances the adpineal, causing it to take over the rest of the brain. Homeostasis is very important to our kind but the only exception to this is Clarke and Lexa, and perhaps the elders as well.”

Clarke blinked before turning her head to her right. She’d always known Lexa was powerful, that her data from years ago said so. But she was no longer here when Lexa presented. She had no idea what changes her presentation brought to her being.

“Our blasts can only go so far—brain activity-wise. That’s why Clarke will always be the strongest among us. And just like Clarke’s, Lexa’s adpineal is larger than average, and therefore, accommodates more pathways. And with what we know now, it’s basically one way of saying her wolf is prominent than any of ours, so even as an Omega, she can make Alphas submit to her.”

“Remarkable,” Clarke commented, a little too dreamily as she stared at Lexa.

Lexa didn’t turn but the blush still grew across her cheeks and to her ears. She cleared her throat, ignoring the teasing smiles aimed at them. “So what does it say regarding Jero’s side of the test?”

“Well, three things about that. One, we found out there aren’t any obstructions on any of the pathways for both of Clarke’s pineal glands which, again, means she’s even more powerful than ever before, and we have to be extremely careful. But Clarke’s managing well, I suspect this has something to do with the way Seda Aeia trained her. As long as she keeps her balance, she’ll manage any extreme abilities we won't see coming.

“Second, evidently, with Clarke’s strength tested on Jero, we now have a highball estimate for a dosage needed to sleep our wolves. Especially now that we know which specific gland needs the most concentration. We expect that even if everyone: Alpha, Beta, Omega, presented, unpresented, children, and elderly were to receive the same dose, it’ll still be safe and effective.”

There were growing smiles in the brief silence before cheers suddenly erupted in the room, congratulatory hugs exchanged by everyone except Lexa, who seemed preoccupied with something else.

“Raven.”

They quieted, looking at Lexa questioningly.

“Jero didn’t draw his wolf, but why did his adpineal gland light up before Clarke even blasted?”

“Oh.” It caught Raven by surprise that Lexa noticed as well. Luckily for her, she and Abby had this discussion already.

“I focused on Jero’s monitor the whole time,” Lexa added. “I saw the smaller tissue activate before the blasting.”

“That was Clarke’s wolf interacting with Jero’s, reading his wolf so she could lock in her target.”

“That’s never happened before though, to me, or all the other subjects?”

“Well, before today, we never really noticed how the adpineal lights up first. In the past, Clarke had blockages we understood so little, thinking we had to wait for her to present for the answers. Clarke’s abilities now are unprecedented. I believe that moment she focused on Jero’s wolf, it was invasive and effective.” Raven faced Clarke then with a hint of knowing in her brown eyes. “I suspect she has more skills of this nature we have yet to face.”

Lexa nodded, contented with the answers.

“So the last thing that we found wasn’t even a hypothesis of the experiment, but Abby pointed it out.” Raven clicked a few buttons on the remote control until a graph and interconnected formulas were shown. “This data is of Jero's neural network. It’s still very messy but the conclusion of this is that, after Clarke's blast, some obstructed pathways in Jero’s brain were cleared.”

They all blinked at the news. It was Lexa that clarified for them, “Does that mean, Clarke can make another wolf stronger, heal someone from wolf's woe, _and_ turn reapers back to human?”

Abby answered then, “Theoretically, those are all possible. However, regardless of Clarke’s existing feelings for them, they might still end up dead. It will depend entirely on the receiver of the pheromones.

“At the onset of the blast, Jero’s wolf fortified itself, reacting to overcome Clarke’s dominance. We think that’s why some of his pathways are unimpeded now.

“Think of Clarke’s blast as a jump-start, it jolts a strong-willed individual to fight back. But not all of us are strong in mind and spirit; any other wolf might've succumbed immediately to Clarke’s pheromones.” Abby smiled at Jero’s blushing face. “But don’t get me wrong though, had we not controlled their environment, Jero would’ve succumbed even if his wolf initially resisted.”

“So to reverse a reaper, many factors need to be considered. We’d have to capture and place them in a large room similar to the exam rooms and then bind them enough to have electrodes attached firmly. So, yes, it can be reversed.”

They processed all the information they were given. The results of the first test alone were overwhelming but critically needed.

They’d been silent for a minute or so when Clarke asked hesitantly, “May we eat now? All this thinking is making me hungry.”

They laughed at the endearing request.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Abby purred.

But the day was far from over. There's just one test down and more to go.

* * *

News spread around intimate and trusted people in Polis. By the end of a long day of extensive examination, Clarke was beat. She didn’t even have the energy to join another festive dinner in the dining hall. 

She’d never been this tired in so long.

 _The last time this same overall exhaustion happened was the day she_ …

Before the thought was even finished, Clarke was unconscious in her bed.

Lexa smiled as the Alpha snored softly next to her. Her amused smile grew when in-between snores, quiet purrs steadily vibrated from Clarke’s chest. The sounds Clarke was producing were comfortable, reassuring even.

Lexa continued studying the data Raven saved in a tablet for her, her right hand never ceasing its twirling motion on golden locks.

That first test was a success. The ones that followed were not as nerve-wracking as the first. But they were crucial baselines needed to predict Clarke’s strength when she’s presented. And apparently, there may not be that big a difference now and when Clarke was a full Alpha, except the expected growth spurt and increase in muscle mass to facilitate a full wolf's vigor.

Raven, Abby, and Monty had also come up with the perfect dosage for their Hibernation solution. Structured plans and contingencies were also well underway—mass production; extension of the solution’s shelf life; re-engineering the molecules that would carry the drug through the blood-brain barrier and to its designated gland; formulating other modes of administration besides intravenous, be it oral, topical, and even airborne, if possible.

Luckily for them, they had the foresight to farm and keep the ingredients in cryostorage days after they’d found the main component of the solution—Monty’s unpalatable algae. The very same early strain that had unexpectedly put Murphy in a comatose for days.

Wolf’s bane was out of the contingencies now that they had the perfect approach. The plant may help prevent pregnancies and induce coma, but immoderate consumption of it had a deteriorating effect on their wolves—fatal, even, for purer concentrations.

Lexa smiled as she finished reading the report. Things were in their favor. But she knew she shouldn’t be too complacent, having said that, she dropped her full weight on the pillows behind her, stretching her limbs as a dopey smile remained on her face. She couldn’t remember when the last time was that she’d felt this happy and contented in her life. But no doubt, those were the days she had Clarke.

Lexa turned her attention to the sleeping Alpha next to her. She’d promised Clarke earlier she would stay with her tonight. She was hesitant at first, just like the previous night. But the tired look on the Alpha’s face as she made her request clenched Lexa’s chest, and she agreed. When Clarke grabbed her hand without preamble as she groggily led the way back to her room, Lexa couldn’t entertain any more qualms about it.

It was amusing, to say the least. The Alpha was completely endearing. It reminded her so much of the clingy Clarke she had.

Like the weeks that had gone by, the gut feeling of ‘her Clarke being back’ continued to loom at the back of her mind. There was something else beyond the official acknowledgment of her beloved’s reincarnated soul. But she wasn’t certain why that was happening.

Lexa snuggled a pillow between her and Clarke as her mind continued with the musings and her eyes scanned the peaceful, sleeping face. Just as she leaned to kiss Clarke’s forehead, a knock echoed in the room.

Leaving her jacket open, exposing her black tank top, she walked the few steps to the door and opened it.

“Abby?”

“Hey, just checking if you need some sustenance.” Abby raised the tray that held a variety of food.

Lexa nodded, her shoulders sagging with relief as she opened the door wider. In Clarke’s rush to be buried in soft furs, she grabbed Lexa before giving her the chance to eat. Since then, Lexa had ignored the growling of her stomach in favor of not risking Clarke waking up and finding herself alone. She couldn’t even risk stepping out of the room for a minute to search for a guard instead.

“Thank you.” Lexa sighed, following Abby to the coffee table across from Clarke’s bed.

“Do you want some?” Lexa asked as she kneeled, moving to grab a plate. She looked up to find Abby staring mesmerizingly at the sleeping blonde from where she stood.

The younger Omega smiled in sympathy. “It’s still so surreal, huh?”

Abby nodded, finally taking a seat on the couch adjacent to Lexa’s. “It’s my baby, Lex,” Abby whispered, “My baby.”

“I know how you feel. It’s like being confirmed by the elders just isn’t enough. I want more… as if there’s anything else I can take.” Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. “I don’t mean that I’m planning to start a relationship with her. It’s just… I wish she took her memories with her to this life.”

Abby gave Lexa a sad, knowing smile before taking Lexa's hovering plate, arranging the helpings for her. “The last time we saw her at that age, she was ours. She remembered us. It’s only natural for our brains to perceive that as is. A wishful thinking.”

“Yes, but you see, I don’t think it’s my entire brain that’s doing the coping mechanism. Just a very small part of it,” Lexa teased.

Abby smiled as she placed the plate full of food in front of the younger Omega. “Adpineal.”

“I still can’t believe that tiny thing is our wolf.”

Abby scoffed softly. “Try being in my shoes. Total of 36 years in medicine, and I only just found out.”

“But how are you, Abby? How’s Jake?”

“We’re both still dealing with everything too; all the emotions that came with the news. It’s the same for your mother and father too, my dear.”

Lexa sighed. “I haven’t spoken to them in a while. All of this is just…”

Abby leaned over the table and reached for her hand, squeezing it as she said, “We know. You don’t have to worry about your parents, your friends, your people. We’ve been telling you for years, honey. We’re in this together.”

“Thank you, Abby.” Lexa squeezed back before taking a loaf of bread from her plate.

Abby left her to her dinner as she found contentment at gazing after Clarke’s sleeping form again.

“Do you think she’ll mind if I coddled her? I mean, if I held her and babied her as Aryan does, do you think she’ll get frightened? Annoyed?”

Lexa paused eating, studying Abby’s longing gaze. When Abby finally turned to her with unadulterated curiosity, she answered, “If you smothered her maybe. You remember how Clarke used to get away whenever you babied her too much." They both snickered at that before Lexa continued, "But no, Abby, I don’t think she’d mind having you close or hugging her.”

“That’s good to hear.” The doctor returned her attention to the bed.

“How are things downstairs?” Lexa inquired before popping a grape into her mouth.

“I tried contacting Raven to bring me food but I didn’t hear back. Must be a problem with the tablets again.”

Abby faced her. “Joyous as always. And last I check, there was something fishy going on between Raven, Costia, and Jero.”

Lexa smirked. “I think I know what that’s about.”

“What?” Came the groggy voice from the bed.

Both Omegas turned to find Clarke yawning and rubbing her eyes as she got up and started walking towards them.

“Clarke!” Abby stood. “Sorry, darling, did we wake you?”

“Uhm… I smelt something delicious, my stomach woke me.”

“Of course.” Lexa straightened on her seat, taking another plate and gathering a portion of every food from the tray. “Here.” Lexa offered just as Clarke reached Abby’s side.

“Thank you, Heda.” Clarke yawned again, taking a seat on the couch just as Abby did.

Abby’s eyes widened, and Lexa’s mouth dropped a little. Clarke remained unconcerned as she snuggled to Abby’s side while rummaging through her plate. Lexa saw the moment Abby relax when she took a deep sigh before leaning her head on top of Clarke’s, purring as she nuzzled golden hair.

The purring seemed to draw Clarke in, snuggling even further, leaving no room for the personal space required of someone who wasn’t kin or an old friend.

But Abby’s trembling lips and forced-back tears were far from objecting. It was as if her prayers had been answered, or maybe Clarke had heard her earlier, either way, she was going to make the most of it. Abby wrapped her arm around Clarke’s back as she kissed the top of her head.

“I love you,” Abby whispered before sharing a warm smile with Lexa, both their eyes shimmering with absolute joy.

“I love you too, Abby,” Clarke whispered back before digging into her food again.

The silence was welcomed, only soft purrs filling the air. Lexa continued eating as well. And Abby happily remained in her position until Clarke’s weight got too heavy and her plate fell from her grip. Lexa simply went over the bed, grabbing a few pillows there and one of the fur covers.

“Should I have someone tell Jake you’re staying here?” Lexa tilted her head as she finished fixing the pillows on the couch. There was more than enough room for Clarke and Abby there. And though she already knew what the answer was, she had to ask anyway.

“Thank you, Lexa,” Abby immediately accepted, tucking Clarke in before settling next to her daughter. She wrapped her arms tight around Clarke before purring. And she teared up once more when Clarke was pulled in by the purr again, nuzzling below Abby’s chin.

Lexa bit her lower lip, happy for the woman she’d always considered her second mother.

After calling for the closest guard to take the tray away and deliver the message to Jake, Lexa took one last glance at the contented mother and daughter on the couch. She walked back to Clarke’s bed, and not five minutes later, she drifted off to sleep herself.

In the ongoing dinner party many floors below them, Jero and Costia huddled with Raven. When Anya went over to check why they were positioned that way for so long, plus the suspicious way their shoulders rhythmically moved up and down as if they were laughing hard, she was met with failed attempts at keeping a straight face. The Alpha Heda and young Beta were obviously intoxicated when their cheeks puffed in the exaggerated way they suppressed their laughter. While the Omega bit her lips in a similar attempt.

“Please always remember that I love you so much,” Raven finally said.

At that, Costia and Jero burst into laughter.

“Raven!”

“What can I say? Pauna was your most epic battle to date.” Raven sauntered to her mate, wrapping her arms around Anya’s neck. The Alpha was quick to melt especially when Raven arched her body against hers.

“My brave, _brave_ Alpha.”

Anya groaned, dropping her head resignedly on Raven’s shoulder as Jero and Costia laughed even more.

Anya pulled her head back up and snarled at the other two. “I swear if this gets out, I will personally—” The rest of her threat never left her lips when her Omega devoured them unabashedly, frightening their audience away.

It was a great night for everyone, everyone except for a young blonde Omega from Blue Cliff.

* * *

“Oh, please no,” Clarke mumbled to herself.

The trek through the moss-coated woodland was a relaxing way to welcome the morning until she noticed that at the end of their trek was a small clearing surrounded by tall pines. In that clearing was a group of people and a large, open tent, and amidst the group was a conspicuous bald head in dark robes.

“What?” Gaia asked, apparently hearing Clarke’s whispered protest.

“Why him? I never liked him.” Clarke whispered again.

Gaia looked forward in search of this ‘him’, nodding her head when she saw the middle-aged Beta. “I know he seems rigid, but Titus is the only apprentice left of your past Sedas. He is well versed in your training; I’m sure he can help you,” Gaia whispered back.

“I think I can help myself better.”

“Just give him a chance, Clarke.”

Lexa stopped walking in front of the trek, effectively halting Anya, Octavia, Lincoln, and Luna in between. Clarke and Gaia were distracted and at the back of the group, and so they were surprised at the sudden stop.

“I heard mumbling, is there a problem?” Lexa asked the two young Alphas.

“N—nothing of consequence, Heda,” Clarke answered.

Lexa studied her face for a while but eventually shook her head before resuming their hike.

They were still sheltered by the tall trees, but they had a better view of the people on the field. Clarke immediately recognized some of the people there. Majority of them were Omegas, and they were of various ages.

In her past life, the Omegas were either warriors or Skaikru soldiers, there to blast her with soothing pheromones if she got out of hand and to protect her at the same time. The Omegas on the field, however, were four warriors and eight civilians.

She was told there’d be guards there with them and seeing as there weren’t any, she let her curiosity get the better of her. As Gaia was busy chatting with Lincoln now, Clarke drew her Alpha out and scanned the trees herself.

One more thing she realized about her more profound connection to her wolf: she could now see the waves of pheromones that only her wolf form could see. And it brought such a longing feeling out of her. It had been so long since she last shifted into her white wolf. She had never done so in this life and the prospect of being able to again thrilled her.

She saw the different glows that pointed to the hidden location of her guards. They were all vigilant, up in the trees. And in her, yet again, distracted state, she bumped right into Lexa, who had apparently halted in her tracks again.

“If you sensed any trouble, I’m sure the guards would’ve handled it by now.” Lexa smirked a little with an eyebrow raised.

Clarke gulped subtly, pulling her Alpha back in. “I’m just making sure, Heda.”

“You have nothing to worry about, okay? You’re brought here to make sure you have the best and most secured training spot. Nobody knows you’ll be here most of the time. The Prime Alpha’s training grounds have all been relocated as the previous ones were well known to the public.”

Clarke nodded, taking a deep breath to appear ready.

Lexa took that as a signal to keep walking. And she strode again, leading the trek.

“Observing you two, it’s kind of like we’re back in the old days,” Luna whispered next to Lexa.

“It’s strange, but you’re even more attuned to her than you ever were, Lex,” Anya agreed from her other side.

Lexa shrugged her shoulders. “I’m presented now.”

Anya nodded. “Makes sense.”

“You okay though?” Luna inquired.

“I am. We’re all dealing with it similarly, I think. It’s strange but… good-strange,” she assured her friends. “ _Very good._ ”

Anya suppressed a smile. “You tell me… I would’ve thought Raven would be breathing down Clarke’s neck by now. Like Octavia is.”

“Hey!” Octavia whisper-yelled, “I’m literally a step behind the three of you.”

“Sorry,” Anya mumbled.

They had just crossed the woods line, Anya turned her head to make sure Clarke was still following. Finding her a couple of steps away from them with Lincoln and Gaia to entertain her, Anya continued, “But Raven seems too cool about it. She’s so happy but nonchalant at the same time.”

“She’s always been the one to call Clarke nicknames pertaining to _our_ Clarke. Maybe that’s why it’s hitting her differently,” Luna answered.

“As long as she’s happy, I don’t mind at all.”

“But I can’t believe she wouldn’t want to be here for this though.” Octavia leaped towards the gap between Luna and Lexa. “Clarke’s first time to shift! Why would she choose to stay in her lab?”

Luna elbowed the shorter Omega. “Some of us have more important things to do than to breathe down the Prime Alpha’s neck.”

The low growl that vibrated in Octavia’s chest made them chuckle.

They contained their smiles when they were a couple of feet away from Titus and the intermediary volunteers. Lexa had to keep herself from reacting when she noticed that amongst the omegas were Princess Yael and Kiya.

But apparently, the little waves of pheromones that initially escaped her were still caught by her friends. Luna turned around, walking backward as she said, “Don’t worry, Lexi, O and I are intermediaries for a different reason.” Luna winked before walking forward to join the group in front of them.

The bemused look on Lexa’s face disappeared when Anya spoke. “Enlisted these two to keep the other Omegas in line. Hence the older and mated Omegas in the group also.” Anya smirked at Lexa teasingly.

Before Lexa could respond, Octavia imitated Luna from before, winking and walking backward herself. “You can be focused on your duties, Heda. We got you.”

Lexa shook her head, a small smile gracing her face. She stopped and stood tall as soon as she reached the other group. “Good morning, everyone.”

“Good morning, Heda,” the group greeted back.

Lexa had to suppress another amused smile when Clarke reached her side and the Omegas before them either looked at her reverently or hungrily.

Despite the little worries and her wolf’s territorial tendencies, she knew she shouldn’t be troubled. She remembered what Clarke told her the other night, regarding her not worrying about the Alpha wanting another. That it was impossible to _be_ with another.

“Everyone, Clarke. Clarke, this is Prime Seda Titus. He was an apprentice to one of your Prime Sedas in your past life. And now, he’ll co-supervise your lessons and training.”

Titus bowed before Clarke but just as he was seemingly about to speak, Lexa continued on the introductions.

“Seda Aeia has been promoted to Prime Seda as well. And Chancellor Jacob will be their adviser, so he will be here shortly.”

Clarke smiled and bowed her head to them.

“You already know some of your intermediaries, but I’ll leave it to Octavia to introduce everyone to you.”

“Wai—wait. You’re not staying, Heda?” Clarke anxiously awaited Lexa’s response, almost grabbing the Omega’s hand, afraid that she would leave then.

Lexa smiled graciously. “I am having breakfast here when the others arrive. I will just check that everything’s going smoothly.”

Octavia was next to them not a second later. “Go on.” Lexa pushed Clarke gently, an amused smile plastered on her face now.

“Let’s go, Clarkey. I’ll help you deal with your separation anxiety. I’m sure you fared well when your parents saw you off to your first village classes.”

Lexa had to bite her lips to contain a chuckle when Clarke scoffed, looking offended by the insinuation. When the Alpha allowed herself to be dragged away but not without a yearning look thrown her way, Lexa swooned a little. She had to reprimand herself as she walked back to where Anya and Lincoln stood intimidatingly as if looking out and awaiting trouble.

Anya was on the radio and when she got off, she spoke immediately, “They’ll be here in a few minutes, but there’s something else, Lex. Marcus just radioed, they spotted on the radar a group of people traveling north from Southwest of Trikru.”

Lexa clenched her jaw. “Have they notified the closest village?”

“They have, but there seems to be a problem with communications so I ordered them to take the rover with guards and an engineer.”

Lexa shook her head. “I know that’s protocol but have the scouts out instead. Don’t have them approach the group until they reach the scouts themselves. Miller and his men can go. If we’re certain they’re traveling for Polis, Marcus can send off 2 squads after Miller and ready a company outside Polis. Have the team in the rover look at the CB Radio in the village. And tell Raven to have her team contact every other village to make sure their devices are working.”

“Heda.” Anya bowed her head and grabbed another radio for Lincoln to contact Raven.

While they were carrying out orders, the second group arrived. Lexa watched as Costia, Jake, Major Byrne, and a few guards with baskets drew nearer.

When they arrived, the guards laid out the food in the tent as Anya started briefing the newcomers of the news she had and their orders.

“Do you need me to go make sure they’re good?” Costia offered.

Lexa shook her head. “No, Marcus can handle it. Let’s just eat first before we return.”

Jake strode forward with a single aim then. Lexa’s lips curled up minutely. She knew how blissful Abby felt waking up this morning. She was sure Jake was going to do the same today, spend the majority of it close to Clarke.

Her musings were interrupted when Costia spoke as they walked back to the group gathering in the tent. “Everything with the perimeter guards is great. They’ll check in with each other now and then, while Bellamy’s men will have the eyes and ears outside the perimeter wall. We’ll know immediately if things go wrong.”

“Good.”

“And only Byrne will stand guard here. She has a gun with her.”

“That’s fine. She’s not a hot-tempered Alpha. I trust her with it.”

The scent of food was mouth-watering. Although the trek wasn’t too far, all of them still left without food in their system. Titus had insisted that an empty stomach on an early walk was a great way to start the day, especially for the young Prime Alpha. It was one of his “uncontaminated-energy” notions that her Clarke in the past life used to mock, labeling him as the ‘insane man who was out to get her’.

She smiled to herself at remembering this. It was why she thought it best to have Aeia made a Prime Seda too, and Jake to serve as a tiebreaker should Titus and Aeia decide on different things.

“I am starving.” Costia licked her lips as she took a plate offered to her by Kiya, taking a second one for Lexa.

Lexa observed the younger Omega, and sure enough, just as soon as her plate was filled, she was by Clarke’s side at the table.

“Do you need me to remove her from this duty?” Costia whispered conspiratorially.

Lexa huffed, shaking her head as she began filling her plate. “I think everyone’s overreacting. I can handle my wolf. Clarke can take care of herself. As long as everything’s as should be, I’m good.”

“Well, you’re doing awesome, Lex.” Costia nudged her side.

Lexa nudged back. “Thank you.”

* * *

“I think I’m ready, Seda.” Clarke stood up, bouncing on her heels, pumping herself up.

“Clarke, you are not ready.” Titus stood as well. “You have to go through these exercises so you can unlock the focus required to shift.”

“Seda, if I may, I think we should trust Clarke on this,” Gaia interjected, earning her a beam from Clarke but a glare from the bald man.

“Nonsense. It took you days to shift in your past life, and months to be adept. Now you have five days to master your balance.” He walked proudly towards her, his know-it-all behavior combined with his audacity was a recipe for disaster. “We do not know what powers you will hold on your presentation. There’s a natural course to things, Clarke. You cannot just jump ahead.”

“But Seda, I’ve already gone through these exercises with Seda Aeia for years. The tests yesterday say I already know what it takes to bring out my wolf. I—”

“Clarke, do as your Seda says,” Seda Aeia ordered, walking towards her.

“But we’re wasting ti—”

Aeia was standing before Clarke then, displacing Titus. She looked at him, signaling to give them space before whispering to Clarke’s ear, “I have kept your secret ever since you were a pup. And just as you did growing up, be patient for now and do not be an overachiever, lest Lexa finds out. And besides, there’s not much you need to learn anyway.” Aeia pulled back, saying out loud this time, “Except patience perhaps.”

Clarke’s eyes remained wide as an incredulous huff escaped her lips. When her old seda smiled knowingly at her, a teasing glint in her eyes, Clarke realized then just _how much_ she knew. Clarke had the patience. Her Seda _knew_ that—to relive life from infancy and have the mentality of someone older should gain her more than enough patience. Her seda knew all along, and Clarke was right in reading the inklings she had the entire time she was under her Seda’s wing.

And just like all those times, her seda was right again. Lexa couldn't know, and just because she was officially the Prime Alpha again, doesn't mean she could start displaying what she was capable of.

She sighed heavily.

Aeia walked back to her spot beside Jake and Lexa. They watched as Clarke resumed her upside-down pose.

“What did you say to her, Seda?” Jake asked.

“How did you deal with _your_ stubborn pup whose title and gifts can overrule anyone, Chancellor?”

Jake smiled at the question. “We mention Lexa and that was it.”

Lexa turned her head to them. “Seriously?”

She scoffed when they answered in unison, “Yes.”

“One day, she’ll grow immune to your ploys and you’ll have nothing left against her.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Heda, Abby and I employed that on her since she was six. And apparently, it’s just as effective in this life as in the last. I think it’s far from losing its potency, don’t you think, Seda?”

The seda chuckled in that graceful and soothing way that comes with age. “Sounds like it to me, Chancellor.”

They laughed at the groan of the heda but stopped when Lexa suddenly lurched forward, holding on to Aeia’s surprisingly strong shoulder. But before Lexa could even stand steadily again, she turned away, retching.

“Lex?” Jake was beside her in an instant, Costia followed not a second later.

The commotion silenced the people, anxious to know what was going on.

Jake, Costia, and Anya knelt around Lexa, supporting her as she eventually threw up.

“It’s probably food poisoning,” Costia said.

Jake turned to the group. “Is anyone else feeling ill?” The response was a simultaneous shake of the head.

As soon as the surprise ebbed away, Clarke was running and kneeling next to the waste Lexa’s stomach had expelled. Holding either side of Lexa’s face, Clarke asked, “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Despite the queasiness, Lexa managed to summon a smile. “I’ll be fine. Anya can take me back, carry on with your training.”

If Lexa’s head wasn’t leaning too heavily on her hands, Clarke would’ve believed her.

“I’ve already called for a horse, they’ll be here in five minutes or so,” Lincoln said.

“How about a rover?” Octavia asked.

He shook his head. “We patrolled these lands many times before we settled for this area, there’s not a path that could get a rover here.”

“Seriously. I’ll be fine. Resume your orders. Everyone,” Lexa reassured weakly.

Anya groaned before standing. “Alright, people, back to your jobs,” Anya announced, blocking Lexa from view. “Clarke, go back to your sedas. It’s just a little stomach upset.”

“No.” Clarke’s protest came in time with Lexa’s heave. 

An idea had already crossed her mind as soon as Lincoln mentioned horses. Five minutes felt so long for her anxious wolf. She got up after leaning Lexa’s head against Costia’s shoulder.

“Have her lean up on my neck and support her body so she won’t fall, Heda,” Clarke directed at Costia as she backed a few steps away.

She was met with confused looks. But their eyes widened when Clarke took a deep breath, and at her exhale, a large white wolf emerged. It had been a lifetime—a certain teenager’s lifetime—since a white wolf was last seen.

Clarke ignored the collective gasp in favor of feeling the freedom she had long desired. A form of freedom that only a shift into a wolf could sate. She was one with her wolf.

She savored it for a moment, paws extending and retracting against the green grass.

She shared a look with her Omega. Lexa had a tear fall from her eye as her lips trembled. Clarke lowered her wolf head, nuzzling on the side of Lexa’s head. When she pulled back, she spoke to Lexa’s wolf, _“Let’s get you to the hospital, Heda.”_

Lexa gasped. She was nauseated, and the stun brought on by memories and emotions didn’t help. When she finally gave the slightest nod, Clarke sat on all four limbs.

_“Heda Costia, on my neck, and please support her.”_

That shook Costia out of her surprise. She drew her Alpha out as she pulled Lexa up, thanking Jake and Anya for assisting them onto the wolf. Lexa was getting sicker by the minute. Who knows how she could be had they waited the five minutes plus the travel back to Polis.

Clarke’s snow-colored pelt was so soft, it felt unforgiving to use any part of it as reins. But as soon as the wolf stood, she grabbed whatever she could to keep steady and hold Lexa up.

 _“Hold on tight,”_ Clarke instructed.

Pushing her body against Lexa’s back as they leaned forward onto the wolf’s head, Costia squeezed her fists, making sure they were secured.

“We’re good to go, Clarke,” Costia said.

“Not so fast… my love,” they both heard a groggy Lexa say.

Clarke purred to lull Lexa and distract her before sprinting. Lexa didn’t need sudden movements or a rocky journey so she moved fast but light on her legs, weaving around trees, fallen logs, and rocks gracefully.

The twenty-five-minute trip on foot was only three minutes on the wolf.

The gasps and excited pheromones they passed through Polis were ignored too. And when they reached the hospital, Abby was already waiting by the door with a gurney and a few of her team. Clarke silently thanked the quick wits of everyone here and whoever radioed from the training field. Her erratic heart might finally find solace that the love of her life was now in the safe hands of her mother.

As soon as Clarke sat, the two hedas were off her back, and Abby draped a white lab coat over her body. She had to take a few deep breaths before she was focused enough to shift back, thanking her new body for the smooth transitions. _Perhaps Titus’s exercises helped after all._

When she returned to her human form, she quickly buttoned the gown, glad that no one stuck around. It only meant they were all inside, trying to fix whatever was afflicting Lexa.

She entered the double doors, letting scent guide her as she moved towards the curtained corner.

Lexa was puking again while a doctor took a blood sample before setting up the IV fluid.

“Just try, Lex. In the meantime, we’ll do what we can too,” Abby encouraged.

“Try what?” Clarke asked anxiously.

“Draw her wolf out. But she's too weak to focus,” Costia replied, rooted to her spot as well, anxiously eyeing up every doctors’ movement.

“Ma—Maybe tea can help? She loves tea, she won’t throw that up,” Clarke suggested, racking her brain for alternative solutions.

Suddenly, Abby stilled. “Clarke, I need you to leave the room,” the doctor said without a glance her way.

“No. I have to help, please. Or I can go make tea.”

Abby’s firm look was directed at the two Alphas by the foot of the bed. “Yes, go, we need to focus on work. Costia, go with her.”

Clarke pulled her arm back when Costia finally moved, holding her by the elbow. “Why’s your scent alarmed? What is it? Is someone trying to hurt her? Tell me,” Clarke demanded.

“My love, listen to your mother,” Lexa scolded in her daze still.

But an idea presented itself to Clarke before Abby had the chance to seclude Lexa.

“Is she… pregnant?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tiny Thing Called ‘Wolf’, huh?  
> \---  
> I love Varrick. I may have honored him a little through Raven in this chap.  
> \---  
> So, obv in real life there’s no adpineal gland. And my knowledge of human physiology is super rusty, so do not believe the words I put in Raven’s mouth! 😅
> 
> But anyway, how was the chapter? And any questions, feel free to ask.


	37. And then there was black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Anya bond. They have an unexpected surprise...  
> ...Make that two surprises.  
> No, you know what? Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your Clarke+Anya friendship request, @OneHeda. 😅
> 
> Not betaed, do forgive mistakes. And I hope you guys enjoy this.

-xxxvii-

* * *

**Present**

* * *

Clarke looked on from her spot as the other Alpha paced by the entrance. They had both been kicked out nearly twenty minutes ago when Lexa continued to throw up, and they were in the way of the doctors and nurses moving about.

Clarke hugged her legs under the shade of the oak tree a couple of yards from the ER entrance. She’d decided on that spot as soon as they were outside and Costia had begun her pacing.

Her wolf thrashed at the sight of the other Alpha. The wolf within her egged her on, feeding her reasons why they should challenge the Alpha Heda.

But the worst part about being banished was how the last thing she saw was the sad gaze of her mother in response to her question.

_Is she pregnant?_

Clarke recoiled, exhaling with a tremble.

When people started showing up, she didn’t bother anymore and opted to rest her head on her knees.

“Ai strikon, _[My little one,]"_ she heard her nomon say in their approach.

One shuddering breath again, and she felt her nomon and nontu holding her from either side. But she never looked up.

“She will be okay, strikon. Heda is a brave and strong Omega,” Shenan whispered.

Aryan agreed with a nod as she kissed her temple. “And Doctor Abby is with her. You _know_ she is a skilled fisa _[doctor]_.”

Clarke smelled another familiar scent walking her way too.

“Hey, Clarkey.” Raven knelt in front of her, hands resting on Clarke’s crossed arms around her knees.

“I hope you are decent underneath that because my mate will snarl the moment she sees us,” Raven quipped at the lab coat Clarke was wearing.

That had Clarke laugh; it was weak, but it was something. She pulled her head up—her smile weak too—before answering, “Then prepare to be roared at.”

Raven smiled sympathetically. “I heard from Costia. You okay?”

The low snarl was a knee-jerk reaction. But Clarke pulled through, stopping just as soon as the first vibrations were produced.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke lowered her gaze.

“Hey.” Raven raised her head with a curled finger below her chin. “Don’t be.”

Clarke's lips trembled and she shied away from their grasp, shaking her head as she stood. “I’m going to meditate.”

“Alright.” Raven nodded as she followed Clarke up.

“I’ll go get you some clothes, strikon,” Shenan offered, standing at the same time as Aryan did. But before leaving, he placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Your nomon and I heard how magnificent you were. We only wish that we saw.”

Clarke smiled at her parents. “You will. You can come with us tomorrow.”

“We would be honored," Aryan replied.

“Just make sure to bring Kalel. After today, I am certain I will be followed around with his pout.”

“Oh, most likely. He will probably be knocking at your door tonight to make you shift.”

Clarke shook her head in amusement. “Please bring him tomorrow then, nomon.”

“Alright, my little one.” Aryan kissed her head again. “Go meditate, I’ll be right over there with the others.”

“Raven!” They turned to find Emori jogging towards them. “Satellite C. We’re losing control over it.”

Raven waved her off. “It needs its quarterly updates. Wick can handle the upload.”

“Raven, we just _did_ the update last week. And Wick’s over at the tower to check it, but nothing’s wrong. Sat C’s why our comms have been acting up. But we’re not sure what the problem is, we think some—”

“Fuck! Someone’s trying to get into the ring. Why didn’t you say so?” Raven strode off with Emori trying to keep up the pace.

“I just tried! How’s Lex, by the way?”

“Well, should’ve tried harder, Em. And she’s still inside but I wouldn’t worry…” Their bickering faded as they passed through the growing crowd.

Most of the people from the training field had arrived a few minutes ago, and they seemed to know better than to approach Clarke in her state. Even her Sedas had kept their distance.

“I will wait for news by the door, strikon,” her nomon said. And then her parents were off.

She stayed on her spot, deciding to meditate somewhere she was still close enough. That way, she could immediately hear whatever news there was about Lexa. She turned around, her back to everyone, and took her preferred position. She could stand or lay down and still reach her lucid state. But she needed this front so people would know she wasn’t to be bothered.

As soon as her breathing steadied—and her senses less stimulated by the soft breeze, the chirping songs atop tree branches, and the rustling of leaves—she was beyond the physical world. She opened her eyes to a different realm, and the first thing in her line of sight was her white wolf staring her down, lips pulled up, displaying sharp teeth she was very much familiar with.

 _Be calm._ Clarke’s thought broadcasted in her subconscious realm.

 _Our Omega_ — _pregnant. With another Alpha’s pup._ Her wolf snarled, and there was a slight tremor in their world and a weight pulling her down.

_Calm down._

Another growl.

 _We love Lexa._ Clarke reminded.

 _Another Alpha!_ A much louder growl.

_We were born again to save everyone. We had our chance at life. A mate and pups are just not for us._

A whimper. _But… Elders… We would be happy again._

_We ARE happy. Aren’t we? Just not in the way we’d always hoped._

_But…_

_We are happy._ Clarke affirmed. _And we will be happy if we could save everyone and fulfill our destiny._

A long whimper.

Clarke remained calm, but she was feeling things too. It was odd… being taken by emotions and stress in this realm would’ve pulled her out and back to the physical world already. But no… she was hurting, and she was still there. There was a weight on her, but she remained. Perhaps another perk of her unhindered bond to her wolf.

 _We will be happy._ She tried again.

Just then, she heard disembodied laughter echoing happily around her. It was from outside. It was Jasper.

_“Oh wow! Welcome to the club, Heda! Congratulations! Is it just a pup? Or a litter?”_

A growl—steady but threatening. A growl, that at its crescendo, the sensible side of Clarke was too late to overcome.

As she was brought out from her lucid state, she was no longer in a lab gown _or in a human body_.

Clarke turned around to find widened eyes, rapid heartbeats, and long-held breaths. She read their minds, and they were all awed by her beauty. But she was just as upset as her wolf was, especially now that they were one again.

And she heard the moment fear kicked in at the sight of her offensive pucker. It was her warning.

The large, white wolf took measured steps, taking the time and pace to send more nonverbal messages. She was angry. She was powerful. They have to be careful.

She walked towards Costia and Jasper's direction, the crowd stepping back a little to make room. And just as the wolf had a clearer path to her target, Costia’s Alpha was drawn out, a pair of light red eyes glaring back at her.

“Step away, Clarke!” Costia warned.

Clarke snarled steadily, her hind legs digging into the ground as her front took an aggressive stance.

“Step away from _my_ Omega and pups,” Costia snarled back.

Following the wolf’s roar, it sprinted. Clarke was five strides away from reaching her goal when her father ran in between, making her stop immediately.

“Sweetheart…” Jake whispered.

She looked into her father’s eyes and saw nothing short of love and empathy. As she ventured into his mind, she learned his eyes spoke true. So of all the emotions that rushed back to her, shame was in the lead.

Her wolf head bowed as a whimper escaped her. Jake stepped closer, arms that were wide open to stop an aggressive advance curled for a new purpose. Jake wrapped his arms around the wolf's neck, and Clarke melted in her father’s embrace.

The white wolf shuddered with unshed tears. But Clarke’s urge to howl left her system when she looked up and found that the fear in people’s eyes shifted to pity. She didn’t think she’d ever been this vulnerable before, _and she’d faced a thousand-man army._

She was disgusted with herself, not because of her vulnerability but because of her folly. So many years dedicated to controlling her wild and her own tendencies to impulsive decisions _crumbled_ the moment she threatened the people she was always born to protect.

She pulled back from her father’s embrace, sniffling as she pulled upright.

 _“I’m sorry,”_ she spoke to everyone’s wolf.

The gasps and pheromones were yet again ignored as she turned and sprinted away.

“Here. I got this,” Clarke heard someone say before seconds later, a weight rested on her back. She continued running as she turned her head reflexively to see who it was.

“Eyes on the way, warrior,” Anya ordered.

Clarke turned her head to the front again, running away as fast as she could. She’d just made it through the woodline, her white pelt dancing in a blur amidst moss and trees. Terrains weren’t a challenge to her, but she chose less extreme paths for her companion.

Along the way, she felt Anya leaning on her head. “You can let it all out, Clarke.”

And she was grateful. Her wolf cried out to the morning sun; howling out her pain, frustrations, and anger; throwing out everything her lungs had into the universe as she kept her pheromones in to avoid incapacitating Anya.

Timings were kinder now. Just when she thought she couldn’t howl any more, Anya pulled closer again. “We’re outside Polis, Clarke, I’m afraid you can’t cry out anymore.”

The wolf sniffled. _“Yes, General.”_

There weren’t anymore protests from her companion, and so she kept running until she could feel she’d had enough. However far or long that might be.

They were on a clearing when she felt Anya’s weight shift again. “Clarke, be careful here.” Clarke slowed her running, pulling her head a little to the side to follow the direction of Anya’s hand. “That’s Mt. Weather.” She pointed to the mountain in between two other mountains.

It was still miles away, but it was better to be reminded of it. It had been nearly sixteen years since she last laid eyes on Mt. Weather. Seeing it again brought out a different nagging feeling within her. Where in the past, it was the perfect setting for her nightmares, now it felt like the setting for her second last hurrah.

 _“We knew it was in your second life that you will fulfill your destiny.”_ The Elder man’s words rang in her head.

She whimpered as she veered right, sprinting in that direction with her back to the ominous mountain.

Anya remained quiet behind her as they passed through more moss-covered forests, rocky hills, a river delta, and vast grassland. And at a stunning sight at the end of another forest, Clarke stopped. And she knew Anya’s gasp meant the older Alpha agreed.

Surrounded by tall larch trees of varying shades of yellow and green was a crystal clear lake. And at the far end of the lake was a mountain layered with snow.

Clarke had seen so many beautiful sceneries in both lives but nothing topped what she was seeing now. Her only wish was that she could share this with Lexa.

“Okay, I think I know what you’re thinking so let me just get off your back before anything else,” Anya said calmly as she moved a leg over, hopping off the large wolf. And just as she did, Clarke bolted and jumped into the water.

Anya shook her head in amusement as she took a seat under a tree by the white, gravelly shore, dropping the bag she grabbed from Shenan earlier.

She looked on and smirked at the sudden change in Clarke’s mood. It seemed the pup’s wails and distant run had helped calm down the storm within her.

_Pup._

She shook her head again. Clarke’s wolf was as tall as Gustus, its length the size of a rover, and its pheromones deadly to anyone with the wolf genes. But now, she was a pup, treading water with its long tongue out, dangling by the corner of its mouth.

Anya smiled when Clarke dove underwater and surfaced with a fish between her jaws. She felt as proud as a parent would be especially when Clarke’s eyes shimmered with excitement, showing off her catch to the older Alpha. It was a reflex that Anya clapped her hands when Clarke swam back to her, dropping the fish by her feet.

When Clarke looked at her eagerly, tongue licking muzzle, Anya caught on what the _pup_ was waiting for. She took the fish’s tail and raised it with her other hand under the belly. It was big and heavy, and she approved.

“Now, we have lunch, Clarke. Good job.”

The wolf’s tail wagged vigorously before running into the water again.

“Clarke, be careful of much larger fish that might be in there!” She sighed when her warning fell on deaf ears as Clarke’s wolf had fully submerged again.

Anya picked up her radio to update everyone of their whereabouts, but there was only static at her end. Sighing again, she got up in search of dry sticks and wood, drawing her Alpha out to be warier of her surroundings and keep her ears trained on Clarke.

She’d gathered enough in her arms when she heard a piercing cry coming from the lake. Anya dropped everything that she had and ran as fast as her drawn-out Alpha could, pulling her knife out as soon as she emerged from the trees.

“Jok! _[Fuck!]_ ” Anya gasped out, walking towards Clarke and her nearly subdued enemy.

It was a giant eel, three times the white wolf’s length. Clarke’s jaws were locked on the back of the eel’s head as the wolf thrashed sideways, attempting to jar its enemy before killing it.

“I told you to be careful of larger fish, branwoda!”

When Clarke dropped the head, believing it to be dying, it had one final attack as it lunged towards Anya. And just as Clarke was about to bite and pull it back, Anya pulled her knife overhead and stabbed the eel’s head downwards.

The wolf blinked in surprise, but a second later, with its tongue out again and tail wagging victoriously, Anya understood the wolf was happy with their teamwork. When the wolf licked its muzzle despite the blood there, Anya strode with a different purpose.

“Clarke!” Anya scolded. “Don’t lick that! Eel blood is toxic.” The older Alpha pointed to the lake. “Go wash up!”

The wolf dropped its head, ears pointed downwards, as its blue eyes peeked through short lashes to Anya.

“I don’t care how cute you are but clean up before you have an allergic reaction. You may be the Prime Alpha but I don’t want to risk anything just to find out if you’re at the top of the food chain or not. Now, go!” Anya jerked her pointing hand for emphasis.

The wolf huffed heavily in a show of exasperation as it walked back to the shore, dropping its face underneath the water.

“Here’s a change of clothes if you’re shifting back, Clarke.” Anya dropped the bag behind the wolf before returning to pick up her forgotten firewood.

By the time Anya had returned, Clarke was pulling her drab sweater down.

“Hungry?” Anya asked, dropping the firewood on gravel and sand.

“Sha, General. Thank you for the clothes.”

“Your nontu and I arrived in time to see you with Jake. I just took it from him.” Anya grunted when she carried the fish again, taking it to the shore to clean up. “This is large enough, but do you want a piece of the eel as well?”

“Sha, I need all the food I can for our return home.”

Anya nodded. “Get a fire ready, I’ll do the cutting.”

They both moaned at the taste of the fish and eel. Anya had brought with her a few herbs she found when she was picking up dry wood, and now the food smelt and tasted heavenly to the hungry Alphas.

“This tastes wonderful, General,” Clarke complimented, looking over the fire in between them at the older Alpha.

“Despite the constant low temperature and sparse game, Azgeda is home to some of the best, edible flora. Monty tried to domesticate them but it’s too costly with the power. We can only store so much in cryo.”

“Azgeda?” Clarke asked with knitted brows. Another home to what was once an enemy. _The_ enemy that had killed her before.

Anya looked her in the eye before a weak, reassuring smile appeared. “You’ve nothing to worry about, Clarke. I’m sure you know it is now under Polis rule. Trikru heads the lands now. There are no more violent rebels, just a couple of pilferers.”

“But rebels still?”

Anya cleared her throat. “Before you arrived, Heda and her scouts left for Azgeda to investigate the villages that were being pilfered. It had been going on for four years or so. But it was just very recently that the cases rose in number. Costia—” Anya stopped at the escaping aggressive scent of the younger Alpha. “Anyway, the scouts couldn’t find them. So we are not certain if those people are rebels or just greedy packs.”

Anya continued eating but the silence of the pup across from her was disconcerting. So she switched topics, to something she knew made Clarke happy.

“You once told us how you loved being your wolf. You, meaning, the first you. Is it as freeing and elating as you used to say?”

The blonde smiled, and it finally reached her eyes. “Yes. And so much more.”

“Hm… How so?”

“Well, how do I put it, General. Uhm... Our wolves are driven by instinct more than we are, just as we are more logical than our wolves. But when I shift, my wolf and I both take each other’s thoughts into quick consideration. We harmonize together almost, if not, perfectly.”

Clarke paused, turning her head slightly to look at the calm water. “When I saw this lake. My wolf felt ecstatic that I let the excitement take over us.” Clarke shrugged before continuing, “In wolf form… there is a kind of freedom foreign to the human body.”

“In human form, you have to draw your wolf out. There is already that obvious distinction in between. Where the first is operated by the restrained, sensible being, the second is amplified by and inclined to the wolf’s nature. But as a shifted wolf, there are no lines to cross. There are disagreements, but they are few and far between. You are one with your wolf. You always find your equilibrium effortlessly.”

 _So mature..._ Anya thought. Observing Clarke yesterday and the past few weeks, she realized just how different this Clarke was to her past self despite the similarity in age.

“You are as balanced as a mated pair…” Anya commented, likening Clarke’s explanation to what she was certain of. But the air suddenly became thick. Clarke’s glum expression returned. And before the young Alpha could wallow in whatever it was that bothered her, Anya changed the topic.

“How do you know so much already? It’s only been hours?”

Clarke shrugged. “You’ll just know. As soon as you shift, you’ll know.” _At eight years old in my past life, I knew. I just couldn’t comprehend it completely._ Clarke neglected to say out loud.

“Unfortunately, I am not as enlightened as the Elders. But also, fortunately, more hopeful than the reapers. So as much as I’d love to know how that feels like, I’m still content I am me.”

“I wish I could share it with everyone.” Clarke took a small bite off her eel again. _It can get lonely too._

“Well, you can...” A corner of Anya’s lips curled up slightly. “By answering a few curious questions.”

Clarke nodded. “Of course, General.”

“How were you able to communicate with your wolf’s mind, Clarke? In your past life, you could only hear soft voices or jumbled thoughts. But now… Well, you haven’t presented yet.”

Clarke looked Anya in the eye, deciding then and there that it was time. She now had an excuse anyway. She drew her Alpha out; crimson red poured out like viscous liquid from around pupils, filling every bit of the blue iris.

Anya waited for something, anything that explained Clarke’s drawn Alpha.

Without lifting her tongue or opening her mouth, she spoke. _“Raven explained it to us yesterday, about having no obstruction between my wolf and the rest of my brain. Nothing that stressed or wore my connection to my wolf. And so we are more bonded than we ever were.”_

Anya’s surprise was short-lived. Perhaps a necessary skill, being someone of her station. “That makes sense. Did Raven know you could do that?”

Clarke looked down at her food, picking out the charred bits. “ _Like you, very recently._ ”

“And how long have you known?”

She returned her red eyes on hazel orbs. “ _Two days ago, after I’d met with the Elders.”_

Anya nodded, taking a bite off her food, chewing for a while before asking the next question nonchalantly, “And how long have you known you could shift?”

Clarke shrugged. “ _I’ve always known… I could feel it. That power within. But today was my first time to do so.”_

“In this life…” Anya drawled.

Clarke calmed herself before she looked into Anya’s scrutinizing eyes again, pulling all the indifference she could muster. She opened her mouth and lifted her tongue this time. “Yes, General.”

Anya sighed before she resumed eating in peace, as did Clarke. A couple of minutes later, the older Alpha spoke again, curiosity subsided and replaced by an authoritative air. “Don’t ever try to run away again without me or any other senior guard.”

Clarke gulped when hazel eyes stared into the depths of her soul, as if Anya could see her _,_ as if Anya knew she was just hiding within a fifteen-year-old body. “You _promised_ , Clarke. In this life and the last. And I repeat, if you die, all of us will lose too.”

Clarke dropped her gaze. “I know…”

“Good.”

“Anya…” Clarke gulped before raising her head again. She was relieved to find concern written all over the general’s face, not a single hint of being affronted. “I know in my previous life, I was meant to die. Do you think it’s all I’m meant to do in this life as well?”

Anya wasn’t someone who’d let emotions run all over her. Only a very few people could permeate that wall as most of the time she had formidable guards up, allowing her to do her job impeccably. But Clarke’s question tugged at her heartstrings, tugged at other emotions that she hadn’t felt in so long.

The feelings were alarming and overwhelming, and her mechanisms kicked in. “You may be the first proof of reincarnation, Clarke. But I am sure every one of us will die eventually.”

Anya cursed herself when Clarke slumped back even lower, hugging her shins as she stared at the fire. She quickly retracted her statement, going for a different answer that may cheer Clarke’s spirit. “You are meant for greater things, Clarke. I am positive you know that already. But I believe you are more than your strength. Your life alone gives hope to people.

“When you walk the streets of Polis, people are invigorated. You could smell their pheromones from the other side of the city. I know, because I was riding with Octavia one time, and we smelt a cluster of excited pheromones coming from one area. It turns out you were at Tarma’s, helping her prepare and serve food to a growing line of customers.

“There’s so many things you _can_ do that none of us will ever comprehend, let alone try. To see you spurs hope. To serve you is an honor. I can’t promise you what’ll happen. But I will have to die before anything got to you, Clarke, that I promise you.”

“I’m not asking anyone to die for me—” Clarke blurted out before heaving a sigh. “General.”

Clarke drew back her Alpha to help herself calm faster. “I don’t want anyone to die,” she whispered. “Not on my watch.”

“If you don’t let anyone help you, Clarke, I’m afraid you’ll get an answer to your question. And it’s not pretty.” Anya scooted until she was next to Clarke. “What’s really bothering you?”

Anya waited faithfully in the long silence. The howling wind in between larch trees and the crackling of the firewood soothed both of them immensely.

“The day you were born in the skies, the Universe decided that you will never be mated. But it also decided that the sun will rise again,” Clarke recounted. “Do you think I’ll be as unlucky in this life as I was in the past?”

When it finally clicked in, Anya didn’t show. Clarke’s cries and obvious troubles all boiled down to a life without the promise of love and _pups._ And what had triggered it was Lexa having a symptom of pregnancy, and all the scuffle that followed it.

Anya nudged Clarke on the side, making the younger Alpha look up at her. “Will you repeat the first sentence to that infamous warning?”

Clarke’s brows knitted before she complied. “The day you were born in the skies, the Universe decided that you will never be mated?”

Anya smirked. “Precisely. I don’t think Clarke kom Louwoda Klironkru was born in the skies now, do you?”

The wrinkled brows relaxed. The pup perked up, straightening her body as she continued to stare into hazel eyes, obviously still processing what she was told as if the misconstrued message had taken root in her for all of her life.

“Unless the Elders had said otherwise, I don’t think you won’t be unmated in this life, Clarke”—Clarke shook her head in agreement—“If not with a certain Omega who’s as drawn to you as you are with her”—Clarke blushed—“there are several omegas and betas waiting for you to look their way.”

Clarke’s low, steady growl filled the air.

“Alright. Alright. But the point is, you’ll be mated in this life. And you’ll make an uncle out of Kalel and grandparents out of Shenan, Aryan, Jake, and Abby. I have a great feeling about it.”

Clarke smiled at the casual mention of her first parents. The way everyone had treated her as if she really was just the same person was comforting. She loved how they would still refer to her even when they were talking about her past life. There was something lulling about it. And if it was meant to help them cope, she didn’t mind one bit.

“So… this certain Omega… do you think she’s—”

“Okay, now, you’re taking advantage of my openness.”

Clarke chuckled. “I can always…” Crimson eyes returned.

“Now, that is just abuse of power.”

They both chuckled at that.

Clarke’s wolf was still drawn when she heard it. Standing up and focusing on the direction of the heartbeat, Clarke bellowed, “Who’s there?”

As soon as Clarke stood, Anya was quickly on her feet as well, drawing out her wolf and her knife. Anya moved to block Clarke with an arm out in front of the younger Alpha.

But weapons were thrown near the shore before bodies emerged between trees and bushes. “Our weapons are dropped. We don’t want any trouble. We’re just hungry.”

Rugged faces in mismatched garments slowly approached them. There were twenty-three of them, and from scent—five alphas, eight omegas, and ten betas. Most of them were in their twenties and thirties but some were in their fifties or seventies.

One of the Alphas, the black man that spoke earlier, continued, “We have traveled miles but our hunts have never been enough. We have children… please.”

Clarke and Anya’s eyes shifted to the four pups standing behind the omegas, eyes sunken, cheeks a little hollow, and lips cracking—just as most of their adults were.

“You are free to have however much from this creature”—Anya pointed to the eel—“as long as you stay away from my student-warrior and me.”

Clarke didn’t show any reaction to Anya’s lie. She knew better than to expose who they were to these strangers.

“You’re warriors?” a blonde beta asked.

“Is that a problem?” Anya barked, making the Omegas and pups jump.

“Fos… _[First]_ ” Clarke whispered.

Anya calmed but the tone of her voice remained firm. “Take everything that is in here. We will go.”

“Wait. Please.” A dark-haired female Alpha quickly stepped forward, causing Anya to growl in warning.

“One more step and I will—” Anya’s threat was cut short by the same, now kneeling, Alpha, who was soon followed by the rest of the group except for the proud dark-skinned man.

“My name is Kara, and we need your help. Not just with the food, but… we have been looking for our way home. We are what your people call ‘Sky People’.”

* * *

“Just whatever you do, do not tell them anything,” Anya whispered to Clarke, who was poking the water with a stick, very much like a pup entertaining herself.

They were sitting on a log by the shore, a couple of feet from the newcomers who were making a stew out of the eel. Anya was facing them, her back to Clarke’s side in an attempt to shield her at every opportunity.

_“You don’t have to talk, General, I can read thoughts too.”_

“Ohh,” Anya whispered again, turning to face Clark before changing modes. _“Can you read their thoughts as well?”_

_“Yes. They speak true, General.”_

Anya faced them again, eyes glaring and posture imposing. _“And?”_

_“They are scared and threatened by us. I think they’ve had experience with other grounders that made them hostile and wary.”_

_“They must’ve been isolated if they truly know nothing about our relationship with Skaikru now. Twenty-four years long, damn it.”_

_“If you provoke with questions, I’ll know more, General.”_

_“Good thinking.”_

“You,” Anya called out. “Pike, you say?”

Clarke remained in her bored façade. There were so many gears whirring in her head: one, trying to figure out why she couldn’t place any of them if they were Skaikru; two, reeling at the fact that these people are her people before the grounders became her family too; and three, _where have they been all this time? Why didn’t her dad realize they were missing people before?_

“Yes,” the Alpha grunted, clearly unamused.

“Who are you, _really_? And what are you after?”

Pike took a brief moment before responding. “I’ll answer if you answer our questions too.”

Anya raised him an eyebrow. “That’s not how this works. May I remind you that it is _you_ that need something from us. If we leave you here behind, it would take you weeks of chasing our scents. But our defense network is so profound, we would know where you are anytime.” Anya smirked. “Now that your existence is known.”

The man visibly tightened his jaw, but the power of his glare died under Anya’s more intense, effortless scowl.

“We told you. We’re people from outer space, and we’re just trying to get home to our people here.” The man sighed before he continued, posture less aggressive, “For years we have stayed away from your people after that horrid welcoming twenty-four years ago. The few of us that escaped found haven in the mountains where no other barbarians lived, and we stayed there for almost two decades until a virus wiped out all our children. All except these four. And wildfire took our homes, our farms, animals, and more than half of my people. It is just us now.”

“And how did you know we called your people Sky people if you had stayed in remote lands all this time?”

“When we traveled in search of a new home, we came across some traveling villagers.” There was a pause, a hesitation. “We killed them.”

Anya growled lowly but stopped when the man raised his hands in surrender.

“You have to understand, your people killed our people the moment we landed on earth. That was the last encounter we had with you.”

Anya reluctantly nodded for him to continue.

“They spoke in your native tongue. When one of my people said we couldn’t understand them, the villagers murmured, ‘Sky people’.”

“And you killed them before you could learn of their whereabouts,” Anya surmised, controlling a snarl at the same time.

“They were already dying when they said that,” Kara corrected. “But we are remorseful all the same.”

“We were still cautious of your people, so we went from village to village to take food without them knowing,” Pike continued.

Anya blinked nonchalantly. “So you were the pilferers,” Anya concluded. “You’ve been wary of us just as we have been of you. But unlike you, we never intended to kill.”

Before they could protest, Anya motioned for them to continue with their story. “Go on.”

The male Alpha gritted his teeth but conceded again.

“For years, we have moved from one place to another. And for a while, we thought we found a good place. But there was a jaguar den closeby. And we were once again chased away from our home.

“But a few weeks ago, the pups were out gathering roots when riders crossed their paths. The riders were kind, giving the children a bag of food. And it surprised them how fluent the kids were in English; they still didn’t know we weren’t one of them. But the leader of the riders said the children reminded her of the ‘sky people’. And when the riders left, and the children returned with food enough to feed all of us for days, we knew we just had to find the Ark again, in the hopes that our people lived.”

“And why did you not return sooner?”

The man sighed, briefly massaging his temples. “In our escape that first day, we were completely lost. And mutated creatures scared us farther and farther away. We would never know where the Ark was unless we took the risk of being discovered by the barbar—”

“The Sky people call us ‘Grounders’,” Clarke interjected, but her eyes remained on the rippling surface of the water.

 _“Clarke,”_ Anya warned inaudibly.

_“If you read his mind, General, you would be angry too. He despises us.”_

Anya continued to stare them down as she admitted, “Yes, we are friends with the Sky People. And if you want our help, everything that I say must go.”

Anya stood, walking menacingly towards them. The emaciated pups and omegas winced as betas and alphas unconvincingly stood their ground—the fear in their pheromones and the trembling of their bodies proved so. “Do you understand, Pike?”

Pike stood reflexively. And just as he did, Clarke was standing in between them, red eyes staring determinedly into the darker shade of Pike’s red. “My teacher killed the very eel you will be consuming today. It shows skill and strength your number does not have. And your lack of grace for our hospitality is insulting especially when we do not even need to.”

Kara stood then, speaking mainly to Clarke in a way that a reasonable adult would. “Well said. We have been weary and anxious for years. Please forgive our discourtesy.” Kara looked at Anya then. “We have more people to lose, you can understand how myself and my co-leader are tensed, yes?”

Anya pulled Clarke back, keeping the blonde to her side before speaking to Pike. “If you can be as prudent as my student from now on, I will help you. If anything is out of order from anyone in your group, rest assured your chancellor will not be lenient even if you _are_ his people.

“I am not interested in answering your questions about the Sky people. I do not know nor trust you. There is peace now between our peoples and for over two decades, ruin that, and you will suffer a thousand-fold.

“And I _mean_ a thousand-fold.”

“Yes,” Pike finally said, letting go of his dominance. It was clear from the get-go how minuscule their strength was in comparison to the two grounder Alphas.

The quiet that followed was disturbed by the clapping of hands. “Alright, now that we’ve established some ground rules, would anyone care for some stew?” The oldest of their Omega, with kind brown eyes, asked.

* * *

Clarke watched animatedly as they dug in, declining the two bowls offered for herself and Anya.

The newcomers had been complaisant, respecting Anya and Clarke’s incognito, an obvious attempt to avoid risking their budding friendship.

Anya had returned to her seat on the separate log but continued to keep an eye out on Clarke as the blonde befriended the pups first. Seeing Clarke carefree with them made Anya realize the strangers meant well. Despite the urge to pull Clarke back, she remained indifferent. It was better than to put any attention on the blonde.

By the time the pups left empty dishes and started playing by the water, Clarke had already befriended each person in the group. She especially loved hearing their stories as they sat on logs around the fire.

“May I ask you something?” Pike spoke, directing it to Clarke, who was just laughing at Monroe’s joke. The older Alpha turned to Anya then, seemingly asking for permission.

Anya’s eyes met Clarke’s, lingering on blues for a moment before facing the male Alpha again, giving him a brief nod.

Pike cleared his throat before speaking, “I know it’s far-fetched, but are you related to Jacob and Abigail Griffin?”

It _really_ took every cell in Anya not to react, allowing Clarke to handle the situation herself.

And like Anya, Clarke was a good deceiver. “I am named after their daughter, but no, my family is earthborn and from a different clan.”

“Oh.” Pike blinked. “You’re named after Clarke?”

“Clarke died honorably a couple of years ago,” Anya explained curtly. “It is common grounder practice to name your pups after a thing or person that symbolizes grace or greatness.”

“Clarke… Clarke died?” Pike stammered as a weak wave of his distress scent pushed out.

Clarke wondered why. But pulling her Alpha out wouldn’t make sense to them and may only be seen as intimidation, and so she remained blue-eyed and curious.

“There was a war,” Clarke answered. “Clarke Griffin jumped in between the enemy and her people.”

“Weapons were involved,” Anya supplied. “Why are you asking about her?”

“Well, it’s just… Clarke here looks like the Clarke I knew,” Pike answered, the sadness in his tone spoke volumes. “And I was a personal tutor to Clarke.”

Clarke had very few memories of her childhood before landing on earth. But she knew she had a doting “babysitter”—as she’d always thought of him as. She couldn’t remember his face anymore, nor his name, but his affections for her had always been cataloged in her memories.

“I had been her teacher ever since she was two. I think I understand why she ended up as someone so great, that her name lives on in the next generations.” Pike smiled weakly.

“Doctor Griffin’s daughter… Was that the pup that called you Pie?” Monroe asked.

Clarke’s eyes bulged, but she was glad none of the sky people seemed to notice.

 _Pie Pie._ She remembered him a little vividly now.

“Pie-Pie, actually.” He smiled to himself. “She could throw incapacitating tantrums sometimes so I didn’t have it in me to correct her.”

“She was one of a kind,” Kara added.

Anya had joined them then, taking the space next to Clarke. It was better to be in on this _now_ —she had to. At least she would have control over the narrative and the direction of the conversation. “She had strong pheromones, as you may already know. She was just fifteen when she subdued the leader of the enemy, enabling us to win a war. It broke us. And I wish I could say we’ve moved forward.”

While Clarke’s brows knitted a fraction, the others smiled at Anya’s sentiment.

“You seem really close to them,” Vera commented. “Pray tell us, _how are they_? After what happened to their daughter… they must’ve been devastated.”

There were a few seconds of silence—silence that polluted the cold air with distress scents—before Anya nodded slowly. “You can ask them yourselves.”

The growing, relieved smiles were hard to miss. Pike cleared his throat as he straightened on his seat. “If it means we get to have that, I will do my utmost to make sure my people and I will follow your lead…”

Anya stood with her usual, imposing posture, a forearm offered to the group’s leaders. “General Anya.”

“ _General_ …” Pike blinked incredulous eyes, as did Kara and the rest of them, before scrambling to his feet to receive the introductory gesture.

Clarke smirked proudly at her friend. _So much for incognito…_ But she trusted Anya’s judgment.

“Time to pack up, Clarke. We have hours ‘til we get back.”

“Sha, General,” Clarke stood too, picking her bag and putting as much roasted eel as she can for their trip.

The newcomers were strengthened by the food and water provided by the lake. As they, too, packed up their belongings, Clarke’s eyes turned red again, and the grounders spoke without lifting their tongues.

_“General.”_

_“What did you get from earlier?”_ Anya asked, standing nobly a few yards away, eyes scanning the group as a pack leader should.

_“They meant every word they said. Their omitted words remain true to the ones that leave their mouths. Pike was hostile for the most part but since I withdrew my wolf, I couldn’t tell if everything else he’d said was honest. But I have a feeling they were.”_

_“The same for me, Clarke.”_

_“But, General, I think there is something else you should know.”_

_“Other than you are Clarke, Clarke?”_

Clarke stilled, her back was to Anya so her surprise wasn’t visible. _“What are you—”_

_“I can tell what a look of recognition looks like. The suspicions have been nagging at me all day since you shifted._

_“But a few times, as they told their stories, your eyes widened as if you recalled them like they were first-hand experiences. I believe Raven had an explanation for that, albeit inadequate, but I know you’re in there, Clarke.”_

Clarke was speechless, her mind telling her to act quickly. She excused herself from the group, crimson red eyes bare as she spoke, “My fos and I will just make the final plans before we leave.”

She knew they trusted her more than they did Anya; their minds thought it so.

When Clarke walked towards her, Anya gave the faintest smirk before striding towards the edge of the woods, where it was private but they would still be visible to cautious eyes.

Clarke was about to start explaining in the same manner she did with Gaia. But Anya beat her to it.

 _“If you’re not ready to tell me, I can wait. If there is a reason why you haven’t said a word, I will give you space,”_ Anya thought out, her back to Clarke still, as they walked.

 _“Anya…”_ Clarke gulped in reflex. _“Raven and Gaia know. I have been warned by the Elders never to say a word until after my birthday. You can ask Raven everything just don’t ask me_.” Clarke kept pace with Anya’s long strides. “ _Death will be the price of my indiscretion.”_

When Anya stopped before trees and bushes, there was only silence until Clarke made it there too. As soon as Clarke reached her, Anya turned around, hands fisting at her sides. _“I want nothing more but to squeeze you, Clarke. Spirits, I’ve missed you.”_ Anya’s stoic expression twitched, but her eyes looked so vulnerable. _“I can pretend to be like this for five more days. It’s a little easier for me.”_

_“Thank you, Anya.”_

_“I love you, Clarke,”_ Anya’s mind blurted out. _“I always wished I’d said that to you before.”_

Clarke’s smile was warm, tears pricking her red eyes. _“I love you too, Ahn.”_

Anya sniffled once. _“Now, are their wolves drawn?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then we are free to speak with our mouths. It’s odd finding us just staring into each other’s eyes.”_ Clarke laughed at that, and a smirk grew on Anya’s face.

“So,” Clarke began, blinking her tears away. “What I wanted to say was that, though their thoughts and words were true, there was something I kept hearing in their heads. I don’t know what it is, but it’s the same for all of them. It was like white noise playing in their subconscious. It was very subtle too. If I hadn’t been listening to yours, I wouldn’t have noticed.”

“You never heard that quality from anyone else in Polis?” Anya clarified.

“None in you. None in Raven and my parents too. None in Lexa. The others, earlier today, outside the hospital… I wasn’t in the greatest mindset to be discerning then.” Clarke shook her head, shaking off the shame that resurfaced.

“It could be nothing,” Clarke quickly added. “Maybe something they’d developed in their isolation. But it’s better to be careful, especially since we’re taking them to Polis.”

Anya nodded subtly. “We’re going to keep them in one of Raven’s neutralizing chambers and have them observed in the same way you were yesterday. When we are within a better range for the radio, I will contact them.”

“About that, Emori came by earlier to tell Raven there was a problem with one of the satellites; comms may be down.”

“That explains it.” Anya sighed. “As soon as we have warriors close by, we can inform these people about the process of their entry.”

The older Alpha sighed again. “For now we walk. You take the lead of the trek, I’ll take the back and keep an eye on you.”

A crooked smile formed on Clarke’s lips. “You’re still used to the idea I’m from Shallow Valley, Ahn. I’m not just that.”

Anya whimpered quietly as if she’d just remembered. And before Clarke knew it, Anya’s arms were around her, holding her tightly.

“Just this time,” Anya whispered.

Clarke nodded against her chest as she held her friend too. “I can’t wait to tell everyone this happened,” she quipped and laughed at the responding grunt.

“Alright, alright.” Anya pulled away, turning towards curious eyes still on gravelly shore.

 _“They’re curious but they’re still unaware,”_ Clarke spoke to her mind.

It’s all Anya needed before signalling to the group, “Alright, let’s go.”

Their people were deprived of basic needs for the longest time, and it made sense that Clarke and Anya must take both ends of the trek to protect the group. Most of them nodded eagerly, the Alphas; however, took time to agree.

Anya continued her instructions as they trekked through the woods. “As soon as we are out in the open, we can help carry the children and draw our wolves out so we can sprint.”

“Do you not have your horses waiting outside this woods?” Kara asked.

“No. We sprinted here. Part of our exercise.”

“This must be why you grounders are so much more resilient,” a Beta commented.

“Partly. We always fight for the greater cause, and so we need to be in excellent shape.”

“Greater cause?” one of the Omegas asked.

“You will know more when you speak to your chancellor. For now, we must go while we still have the sun over our heads.”

“How long is this trip going to be?” One of the pups, Aden, asked.

“Six hours at most,” Clarke answered from the front, turning her head to answer the younger, blonde Alpha.

The pups groaned simultaneously. And it made the adults chuckle. They were on the grassland with the sun past its peak; soon they would reach the river delta, they would surely take some respite there. They did run the first hour until some of the betas couldn’t carry their oldest individuals any longer.

“Can’t we just sprint again?” another one of the pups, Madi, asked this time.

“Well, easy for you to say, Mads, somebody else had to carry you as _we_ sprinted,” Monroe teased.

“If we get to the closest village, we can radio for help,” Anya answered from the back of the trek. The promise of it made the heat less intolerable, and a chorus of relieved sighs filled the warm air.

“May I ask after our chancellor?” Vera asked.

Clarked smirked slightly, blue eyes remaining forward. Pride suddenly filled her chest at the mention of her father.

“You may ask. I may choose not to answer,” Anya replied.

The old lady sighed. “Alright. How is he? Did he and his son make it?”

“Son?” Anya stopped walking as she asked.

The old lady confirmed with a nod as they continued their journey, “Yes, you know, Wells?”

That made Clarke halt too. And just as she’d turned around in her bewilderment, Anya had sprinted in front of the group, shielding her. Clarke swallowed her confusion, pulling her Alpha out at Anya’s alarming reaction.

“What do you mean ‘Wells’?” Anya seethed.

Four alphas of the other group shielded the rest of their company, forming a line in front. And the betas held the pups close, who whimpered at the aggressive and anxious pheromones that filled the open air.

“Cha— Chancellor Jaha’s son, Wells,” Vera stuttered, brown eyes wide open.

“Jaha isn’t your chancellor anymore. He was a vile man. Two months as soon as you landed, he was removed from office and exiled to the dead zone.”

“We didn’t know that! Why are you being so defensive?” Kara asked.

“Who are you _really_?” Anya’s ominous tone brought chills down their spine.

But Clarke knew _why_ they should be defensive. So she actively listened to their thoughts.

“We already told you, who we are. What is this, some kind of a lure? Are you going to kill us now? Out in the open?” Pike growled.

“Where’s Wells?!” Anya asked, hoping Clarke could search their minds for the truth.

“We don’t know! That’s why we asked!” Pike shouted back.

 _“Clarke?!”_ Anya thought out.

_“They’re telling the truth, Ahn.”_

_“How the fuck is that possible?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“We’ll come back for them with backup.”_

The pups continued to whimper. “What’s going on?” Madi asked hesitantly, eyes red from tears.

_“What? No! The children… The elders. Ahn, you know I’m more than capable of stopping them—”_

_“Lexa is currently indisposed! We have no way to contact our people to give them a heads up!”_

Clarke’s jaw tightened, but she was convinced. _“Okay.”_

“You’re all on your own,” Anya said coldly to the trembling group.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered before dropping her bag of food for them. And she took off first, running across the river delta up ahead and stopping at the rocky hills, waiting for Anya there.

“Are you okay?” Anya asked as soon as she made it to Clarke.

Clarke nodded. “You?”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here before one of them catches up to us.”

She didn’t need to say more; Clarke jumped on a large boulder and shifted there. When Anya picked up the shredded clothes to cover their tracks and climbed on top of Clarke, the wolf started sprinting back home.

It was an absolute truth that she could handle them, kill them. But to incapacitate them—just enough to make them lose consciousness—was something she’d never done except for Lexa before.

And even then, it was different; she was so much more powerful now. Her confidence latched on submission and melting brains—nothing in between.

She just couldn’t do it especially when the people she’d just met were desolated enough; people she had began to care for. To have lived in the shadows for so many years was something she could completely relate to.

 _“I’m sorry, Clarke. But we had to,”_ Anya’s mind broadcasted, putting a stop to Clarke’s introspection.

The wolf huffed briefly. _“As long as we’re coming back for them, Anya.”_

_“Maybe not you. But I promise, Clarke. I will ask Marcus to go with the team. Monty should be finished with a couple of batches by now; we can put their wolves into hibernation before we take them into Polis. You have my word.”_

_“Okay…”_

“And Clarke?” Anya lowered herself even more on the wolf’s head.

Clarke was about to ask when Anya leaned heavily now, long arms wrapping around her neck. “I really missed you.” Anya did a little squeeze. “I wanted to say that out loud.”

Clarke howled her joy, just not loud enough to draw attention. She didn’t need to convey what that howl meant, and she was right.

“I’m so happy too,” Anya admitted before loosening her grip and resuming her riding position.

* * *

A quarter to an hour later, they were within Polis borders again. Clarke ran past lookouts atop trees as Marcus, Bellamy, and Lincoln met them halfway.

“We’re okay!” Anya assured when Clarke slowed down.

The anxious looks on their faces spoke volumes. And at Clarke’s unintentional mental hearing, she whimpered.

“General, Prime Alpha, Hed...” Marcus’s words were faint in the background when Clarke ran past them too; Anya held on when the sudden motion lurched her backward.

“Jok!” Anya complained but fell silent when the wolf continued to whimper. “Clarke, what’s wrong?”

The wolf ran uncoordinatedly, bumping against carts, bins, and market stalls.

“Clarke?”

The wolf let out a loud howl. A _devastating_ howl.

And like earlier, Anya felt it too. The words weren’t there, but the feeling was. And it made the seasoned General shed a few tears.

Clarke weaved around two more buildings, stopping as soon as she was faced with a crowd of sobbing subjects.

“Get down!” Anya barked when she felt the tensing of muscles underneath her, sensing what Clarke was about to do.

And when they heeded the general, Clarke leaped the 13-yards of Poliskru towards the very entrance of the ER. The wolf didn’t think twice about pushing through double doors, nor keeping to the sanitation of the room.

_It wanted to be with its Omega._

Jackson immediately took off his lab coat, greeting Clarke with it when the wolf shifted back as soon as Anya was on her feet. “She’s in the ICU,” Jackson provided.

Clarke buttoned the coat as she raced with Anya, two pairs of red orbs speeding through the hallways.

When they turned the corner to the ICU door, they found Costia near it, sobbing on her knees as a hand clawed at her chest while the other hand refused to leave the spot where a mating bite resided. Around the Alpha Heda were Octavia and Luna, holding her as they pumped out their soothing scent. To the left side of the door was Gustus holding a sobbing Becca as he, too, sniffled with his face so red.

The others that were there, her father, Raven, and all their other friends looked up at the newcomers. It was Raven that moved first, running into Anya’s arms. And she was followed by Becca, who ran in Clarke’s direction.

“Clarke…” Becca reached Clarke with wobbly legs, holding onto her like a lifeline. “Clarke, you can fix this. Lexa’s inside. You can fix this,” Becca uttered with sheer confidence though her voice trembled still.

“Clarke.” Becca pulled back from the embrace, brows knitted in confusion.

But Clarke stood just as still as she entered, eyes zoning in on nothing in particular. She was stuck, her mind processing still. It was simply impossible.

 _She_ was supposed to take another fall.

 _She_ was supposed to die.

_Not Lexa._

As eyes looked at her intently, as if waiting for her to save the day, she began to shut down even more. When they arrived at the Polis border minutes ago, she heard Marcus’s mind first, and it was confirmed by Lincoln’s and Bellamy’s.

 _Lexa died_.

She was never pregnant. She was poisoned. And then _she died_.

Revived enough for the hibernation solution to hopefully make a difference.

Then the five hours wait.

Lexa was essentially in a coma now because of the serum. It was the best, last resort. But it was an unprecedented case.

Clarke’s gaze focused briefly on the grey door that led to her beloved. If Marcus’s thoughts were to be believed, Lexa’s inside that innocuous door _—brain dead_.

A long-forgotten feeling blossomed in her chest. It was the same lingering feeling she had before killing a thousand men in a single sweep. She felt the urge to march to Mount Weather and tear apart every breathing soul hiding in that facility. Every man, woman, and child. And if she made it out there alive, she would hunt the Skaikru they’d come across earlier and submit them to death.

A plan to eliminate every possible threat solidified in her head and she was now ready to leave.

Taking a step back from Becca’s grasp, she turned around and bolted for the corner towards the hall that led to one of the exits. Once outside, she sped for the woods, grateful for the lack of people there.

She was pumped up. She was driven. She was going to end this once and for all. Her nomon and nontu would understand— _had long understood_. Kalel won’t have to necessarily become a warrior and fight a war that was never anyone’s birthright but her own.

She would bear it so they wouldn’t have to.

Everyone would be safe. And soon, she would be with Lexa when this was all over. They could finally be together in that _‘someday’_ they never had.

Just when she was nearing the woodline, a taller figure appeared in front of her and shoved her shoulders.

_She should’ve shifted as soon as she stepped outside._

“Are you insane?!” Anya yelled, grabbing Clarke’s collar.

“Get out of my way, Anya,” Clarke spoke calmly, _too calmly_ for someone who had her Alpha out. She pulled the hands that were fisting the lab coat. “Let go.”

Anya brought their faces together, lifting the shorter Alpha off the ground. “If you think you can get out of Polis with me still breathing, you are very much mistaken.”

“Don’t challenge me, Anya.”

A cracking of bones invaded their senses amidst Clarke’s struggle to pull away. Anya grunted, dropping Clarke on the ground, but she powered through, keeping her broken hands fisted still. “ _I dare you_ to kill me first before you leave, _Prime Alpha_.”

“Anya,” Clarke warned. She’d been careful in their exchange, and still… _people get hurt because of her._

_She simply was meant for the bigger, cataclysmic things._

Anya ignored her and the throbbing pain. “Wolf out and do it.”

“This is for all of you. _Let go, Ahn,_ ” Clarke whispered.

“You know what to do to leave,” Anya challenged, but the vulnerability in her tone was meant for the unspoken pleas. _Don’t. Please don’t. We need you. Lexa needs you. Please._

Regardless. Clarke heard it all.

The whimper was unexpected—to Anya at least. Without further delay, Anya engulfed her in a big hug, humming as she let out a soothing scent.

When they heard footfalls and the soft crunch of leaves, neither of them turned. Clarke, having scented who it was, remained in Anya’s embrace as the older Alpha stroke her hair.

When the second person hugged Clarke from behind, she began to sob.

“Shh… This isn’t your fault, Clarke,” Raven whispered against her head.

“They warned me,” the muffled voice against Anya’s chest said. “None of you were supposed to know. And now, Lexa’s…” Clarke whimpered before sobbing quietly again.

Raven’s head pulled up, looking at Anya with an intensity that could only come from the sharing of forbidden knowledge. An understanding flowed through their gazes and tears pricked their eyes. 

Clarke heard what was happening through their thoughts and allowed herself to be vulnerable in their arms. She turned her face to the side, her next words weak, “They warned me”—Clarke continued amidst the shake of their heads—“this is my punishment.”

“Clarke, Lexa’s still alive. I’ve spoken to Abby. She’s just in a coma, but she’s there.”

“It was wolf’s bane?” Clarke clarified, pulling away from their embrace. Their hands remained on Clarke’s back as if attempting to trap her still.

“Yes, did Marcus tell you every—” Raven took one look at her red eyes and shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“Then you know. If Lexa…” Clarke shuddered but pulled herself together. “If Lexa is in a coma right now, the concentration meant her wolf is dead.”

“Clarke, she's in a coma because she needed to be.”

“What does her brain activity say?”

Raven heaved a sigh. “She was revived, Clarke. And before that, she was given the serum. Abby gave it again when they managed to revive her. So now, she's just sleeping.”

“What does her brain activity say?” Clarke repeated, sternly this time.

“There’s some activity.”

“You know what I mean, Raven.”

Another heavy sigh. “We tried stimulating her adpineal. It remained flat.”

Clarke’s lips trembled. Her mind was going places again, particularly to a mountain and somewhere near Azgeda.

“Is there something Clarke could do?” Anya asked her mate.

“I thought about it,” Raven admitted, voice dripping with sadness and a hint of disappointment. “But if you remember when we did tests years ago, Clarke’s near-fatal pheromones made Lexa lethargic. It’s the opposite that we want.”

“What if she spoke to Lexa’s wolf?”

“As I said, she’s flat. I suspect there will only be silence from her end. All we can do is wait, hopefully, the serum can keep her long enough for us to come up with a solution.”

“But I can still try…” Clarke stood taller, wiping tears away with her sleeves. “I can go into her dreams. Wake her up from there.”

“You could do that?” Raven asked incredulously before huffing. “Honestly, why am I still getting surprised at this point?”

Clarke nodded and sniffled before her brows knitted. “How did this happen, Raven?”

“As you know, she was poisoned. With the concentration in her system and the time it took for her body to react, we know it happened before or after breakfast. It’s only a matter of who did it.”

“Oh, that’s not a problem at all,” Anya snarled lowly, sharing a nod with Clarke.

“Right,” Raven caught on. Turning to Anya, she asked, “How’d you figure it out, babe?”

“It’s a long story. We have another pressing news.”

“Oh?”

“Please tell them about it, Ahn.” Clarke sniffled again. "And I'm sorry about your hands."

Anya waved her off to prove her answer, "They're healing. The important thing is you stayed."

A small smile crept across Clarke's face. “I need to go see her.”

When they returned, it was right on time that a scrubbed doctor stepped out the door, removing their mask as the door closed behind them. Abby’s face emerged from the mask and cap before quickly assuring anxious eyes, “Still asleep but stable at least...” Abby paused at the sight of Clarke. “Oh, thank goodness, you’re back.” Abby marched to Clarke, embracing her tight. “We were so worried, sweetheart.”

Abby’s gaze shifted to Anya then. “Thank you, Anya.”

“Of course.” Anya nodded. “We have some things we need to discuss but Clarke needs to see Lexa.”

That perked up the room, excited pheromones suddenly filling the air.

“Clarke says she can try and focus on Lexa’s wolf. See if she’s there,” Anya offered without any certain promises.

“How can you do that sweetie?” Abby turned from Anya to Clarke.

“She spoke to our wolves mentally, not a word left her mouth,” Jake provided, stepping closer to his mate and soul-daughter, Gustus and Becca trailing behind him.

“That’s true.” Clarke nodded. “Raven can explain how it’s possible, but I can speak to anyone’s wolf if I drew my Alpha out.”

“Remarkable,” Abby whispered. She nodded a second later. “Of course, but we’ll need you to change into scrubs,” Abby commented, eyes traveling the barely buttoned lab gown.

Clarke was about to respond when Becca embraced her once again, squeezing her intermittently for good measure.

“Bring her back to us Clarke,” Gustus pleaded.

When Becca finally let go, Clarke's eyes traveled the room. Her gaze lingered at a rival Alpha before they shared a knowing nod—they would deal with their problems later.

“I’ll do what I can, Chief Gustus.” She gave everyone one last nod before marching into the ICU, her mom closely behind her.

* * *

Lexa was so beautiful. Clarke couldn’t believe those wires and tubes were the only things keeping her alive now.

She stepped in a little more closely, her face hovering just a few inches from the Omega. “ _Lexa,_ ” she whispered.

There was _something_ that added to Lexa’s beauty. Clarke wasn’t sure; it was slightly hinted at, but she couldn’t wrap her head around it.

Something changed in Lexa’s scent. And she felt even more familiar than ever before in this life. Clarke's wolf understood what it meant. Clarke, on the other hand, had yet to fully realize it.

“Clarke?” Abby interrupted her reveries.

“I’m ready.” She straightened as her hand blindly reached for Lexa’s.

“Okay, the electrodes are active as well,” Abby informed Raven and Monty, who were on standby near the monitors.

Anya remained outside, discussing what she and Clarke came across and planning a course of action. Gaia stayed there with her to explain Clarke’s newfound ability under the guise that she not only studied the Elders’ chronicles but Raven’s data as well.

Clarke took a deep breath, balancing what little war there was left inside her. A war that was now sustained by Lexa’s enticing omega scent.

When she opened her crimson red eyes, gasps followed a second or two later. She looked up at the people by the monitors. But they were busy with the keyboards, and mouse, and pens on papers, discussing numbers and terminologies Clarke wasn’t familiar with.

Her curiosity piqued. “What’s going on?”

“Both pineals sparked very briefly, but it’s gone now. We’re retrieving data while Monty rewinds the video,” Raven answered, eyes still glued to the screen and fingers typing away.

“Do what you do, Clarke,” Raven added.

Clarke returned her attention to her Omega and began poking her mind. A whimper left her lips when she realized that Raven was right. There was nothing. It was the sort of silence that challenges a person’s sanity. And it was dark, no dreams or memories, no intangible representation of Lexa.

 _“Heda,”_ Clarke whispered.

No reaction.

Clarke mentally listened to the three scientists as well. Nothing improved on whatever it was they were doing.

_“Lexa…”_

She let go of any bind to the physical. Traveling to her own lucid state, she crossed the bridge to Lexa’s mind. Lexa’s realm was the lightest she’d ever been in, much lighter than her own.

 _“Wake up, my love.”_ If she never felt a true void before, she had now. _“Lexa!”_

Clarke patiently waited. Nothing still. She pulled herself out of their adjoined subconscious, to find if something had changed. She looked up at the trio only to find them with frowning faces.

“I’m gonna finalize that counter-serum formula,” Monty suggested. 

“It's never been tested, Monty. We should wait out the effectivity of the serum, give her mind and body a chance to heal at the same time.” Raven massaged her temples on the table. "It's best she wakes up naturally."

“With the amount you gave her, how long until the serum loses its effectivity?” Clarke asked.

“Six weeks,” all three answered.

“ _Six?_ We can’t wait that long!”

“We know that!” Raven barked back.

“Raven!” Abby scolded.

“Okay, calm down, you guys. None of this is helping Lexa,” Monty interjected. “We _have_ a formula at least. We just need to finalize and produce it. And then factor in the small amount of wolf's bane still in her system.”

Clarke took a deep breath, extinguishing the pheromones that were making everyone more agitated. “Okay… What counters the hibernation serum?”

“Its main component is Canlup,” Monty answered. “A very concentrated version of the nectar drink. It’s like adrenaline for the pineals. But like I said, we have yet to do some more calculations and re-engineering. This is all theoretical. If we're wrong, Lexa's heart could fail. That's why we couldn't give it to her earlier."

"But it'll work now?"

“We can try.” Abby smiled at Clarke encouragingly. “Lexa is brave and strong. And she needs us to be those too. She’s—”

Abby paused. Whatever it was she wanted to say was eclipsed by a thought that suddenly turned her expression so serious.

“What is it?” Clarke asked.

But Abby turned to Monty instead. “Monty, I need you to bring me a vial of concentrated Canlup.”

Monty's eyebrows raised. "Not a concoction?"

"No. Just pure. Meet us at the test lab."

Monty didn’t question anymore, he just walked out of the ICU.

“We’re moving Lexa,” Abby simply said, prompting Clarke and Raven to prepare to wheel the bed and equipment as Abby switched Lexa to a self-inflating bag.

Everyone outside started working together to get Lexa safely to the lab, ignoring their curiosity in favor of trusting the Chief of Medicine.

Once inside one of the test chambers, Anya and Octavia helped with the electrodes on Lexa as Raven readied the systems in the control room.

“Clarke, here is what you need to do,” Abby started as she connected the last of the electrodes and wires on Clarke’s head. “We’re administering an IV drip of Canlup to Lexa; and we will monitor from the other side. You will need to do what you tried doing in the ICU, if we get nothing, we’ll increase the dosage. _But_ if we do get something, we will give you a signal. And you will need to blast Lexa the same intensity you did on Jero.”

Clarke’s brows shot up to her hairline. Constricted pupils showed so much blue, so much fear. “But… _Why?_ Raven said it wouldn’t work.”

“Theoretically, _this_ should.”

“How? Everyone knows my pheromones have exactly the opposite effec—” Clake paused and gasped. “ _Jumpstart?”_ she whispered.

Abby smiled softly, a hand stroking the young Alpha’s cheek. “You remembered,” Abby commented before adding, “Lexa’s wolf is still in there. There _was_ that spark in her adpineal earlier.” At Clarke’s vehement nod, Abby concluded, “She’s in there but she just needs a jumpstart. That same effect you had on Jero when he was initially trying to overcome your scent. Lexa has a strong spirit, she can handle it.”

Clarke nodded, affirming herself, “Yes.”

“Yes,” Abby repeated back.

“Can— Is it okay if... I don’t want to be unconscious in the end. I want to know how it goes. Please?”

The doctor shook her head, eyes looking so sad. “Unfortunately, you have yet to master your control. And Raven was just—”

“Abby,” Raven interrupted through the intercom, causing Clarke and Abby to turn in Raven’s direction. “It’s okay. I finished upgrading the room, the systems, _everything_. Its pressure system is now similar to Clarke’s rut chamber. The only reason you’re putting those electrodes on her is so we can record new data at the same time.”

“And everything works?” Abby asked.

There was an electronic scoff. “It better... I missed Clarke’s first shift because of this.”

“ _Raven,_ ” Abby’s stern voice warned.

“It works. Okay?” Raven acquiesced. “I ran hundreds of simulations with all the variations, it works 98% of the time.”

“And the 2%?” Becca and Gustus asked simultaneously.

“Failed because Clarke fell asleep, was in a coma, was rutting, and a few other circumstances that aren’t happening now. So we’re good.”

“Okay,” Abby approved. “Alright then, you can be awake the whole time.” Her smile grew at Clarke’s beam.

When Clarke took a deep breath to ready herself, Abby left a kiss on her forehead. And just then, another person was in the room, reaching them in six long strides.

“Clarke,” Costia began. Eyes still red-rimmed and a hand massaging an area on her neck. “I’m sorry about this morning. My Alpha thought— It thought it has pups now. I can’t help but be territorial. I’m sor—” Costia was interrupted by a hand that held her other hand.

At Clarke’s squeeze, she spoke, “I’m sorry too. I know how you felt. And I’m sorry that I wanted to rip your throat out.”

Costia burst out a chuckle as did Clarke.

“You deserve all of those, Heda. And I’m sorry I’ve been getting in the way from the beginning,” Clarke admitted without any protest from her wolf.

“Funny you should say that…” Costia lowered the hand from her neck, exposing a faded mark. The mark of death. “Lexa and I are free from our bond. I can have those things with another…” Costia smiled warmly, her eyes glinting. “As can she.”

Clarke let out a trembling exhale, shifting to Abby’s eyes, asking for an answer.

“Lexa’s wolf died, sweetheart,” Abby reminded. “We were able to resuscitate her adpineal by full stimulation of her pineal. But she did die. And with her, their bond.”

Clarke’s only response was to look at the sleeping brunette on the other side of the glass shield. Inside Clarke, all emotions broke loose. And she wanted nothing more than to shout to the world how happy she was. She wanted to damn ominous premonitions and warnings. She wanted to wake Lexa up and tell her. Tell her everything.

But before she could go further down the rabbit hole, a voice was guiding her back, returning her to the present. Raven spoke through the intercom again. “Clarke junior, we need you to focus okay? We have important matters in our hands. Five more days and you can do whatever the hell you want without us hovering over you.”

Clarke's head turned towards the glass to the control room, finding Raven smirking subtly there.

_Right. Not yet._

She couldn’t tell Lexa yet. But this countdown to her presentation was beginning to weigh her down. A perpetual tease.

Clarke had to stop flirting with death. She had already spent her whole second life in the shadows and to just throw it all away...

 _You almost did._ She reminded herself.

Clarke took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. When the crimson reds were ready, she opened them and looked at Costia and Abby. They nodded at her before exiting. And now it was just her and her beloved. 

She was determined to wake Lexa up. She was determined to take control. She closed her eyes again and jumped into her own lucid state before traversing to the mind across from her.

Lexa’s mind was still dark. _“Wake up, my love,”_ Clarke thought out and it echoed.

A moment later, her white wolf made itself known in Lexa's realm, nuzzling Clarke’s hand.

 _Patience._ The wolf said.

 _“Clarke? Do you hear me?”_ A voice echoed in Lexa’s head and her own. It was from outside. 

_Raven._

_“We really need you to start blasting out your pheromones now,”_ Raven added.

Clarke turned to her wolf and with a shared nod, Clarke returned to the present. And without any preamble, she pushed out her deadly scent.

A second after Lexa started convulsing, Clarke’s instinct became her drive; she dove back to her lucid state and visited Lexa’s realm again. She had a feeling it was where she was needed most. If it all worked, Lexa would be here anytime soon. And Clarke would welcome her back with open arms.

What felt like hours in that dark world of Lexa’s were just nanoseconds. When Clarke felt a sort of energy surged, she turned around, looking for Lexa. But what greeted her was something familiar but foreign at the same time.

A black wolf sat up straight on its hind legs, staring back at her.

Clarke’s mouth hung open. Nobody—save her—ever had their wolf with them in their realm. She truly had no idea of the full extent of a Prime Alpha's power.

When the wolf huffed, Clarke understood she was needed elsewhere. She pulled back to the physical world. When she opened her eyes, she already had a feeling of what was waiting for her. And still, her breath was caught in her throat when she focused on the room across.

In one quick run of her hands through her hair, all the electrodes fell. Her breathing remained shallow, eyes never leaving Lexa as she walked closer. When Clarke was standing next to the glass shield, her left hand quickly took its place against it, as if _to feel, to be closer_ to Lexa.

Lexa, the large black wolf.

“ _Beautiful_ ,” Clarke whispered, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

The large black wolf gazed down at Clarke with soulful green eyes.

It howled. And Clarke cried her own joy.

“Lexa...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter. But it seriously took me two weeks just to review it. It's how little time I have for writing now that it's almost December and projects at work are coming to an end. 
> 
> And thank you guys for all your comments. I really wanted to reply to all of them, but I was afraid I'd spoil. I tend to say more than I'm supposed to. But it was super fun reading your thoughts; your take on the previous chapter; your theories and whatnot; your beautiful mother tongues that I excitedly translate, hoping they're nice comments 😅. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope this chapter was a nice read. See you again in the next chapter!


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